Jealousy Issues and Many Other Problems

[guteman]

I started out swinging with my wife about four years ago. She is not bi, and even though it's hot, I would never want her to do something she doesn't feel comfortable with. Our first experience was with a guy that she really liked. I really enjoyed it, loved to see her turned on, and enjoyed making her fantasies come true. We have met a lot of single guys, some of which clicked and some did not.
Finally, the day came when we were going to meet a single woman. We met her at a restaurant and hit it off pretty good. We made it clear that my wife wasn't interested in women and this was pretty much for me. She informed us that she was going to a swinger's party and invited us to come along. The party was cool, and i really liked the people that were there. They were so open and friendly. I kept flirtatiously glancing over at the person who invited us. She was very attractive, and seemed to be into me. A lot of wine was consumed, and I just threw cation to the wind and decided to make a move. I talked to her and before long, we were kissing (along with a hot friend of hers) and hands were exploring. I looked out the corner of my eye to see that my wife was very upset. She ended up getting mad and leaving so I followed her to the car. It ended up in a huge fight and of coarse, I broke ties with the single lady. My wife was upset because nothing was discussed about me getting with anyone. I'm confused because why else would we be meeting a single lady?
She really wanted to let go of her jealousy, and we did meet another single lady, but we ended up moving before anything happened. When we got where we are now (Texas), we ended up meeting a couple. They were from India, nice people, and (I can't speak for the male) very attractive. We ended up going to their house where it ended up with clothes off and sex. I was so excited, but looked over at my wife who seemed to be struggling to have a good time. When we got in the car, she said that it was too much for her to see me with another woman, and she wasn't into him at all. I told her that neither one of us should eve take one for the team. Of coarse, another awkward situation ended up with us breaking ties with them.
Late, we ended up making friends with a couple that we met at a nudist beach. They were very social people, sexually open, attractive and quite a bit younger than us. We hit it off pretty good, although sexually weren't a good match as she was bi and wanted my wife. They invited us to parties, we had lots of fun with them. All of this time, my wife's sexuality seemed to go down hill....her attraction towards me seemed to taper off. I wasn't getting much sex. I tried not to think of just me, but was confused. One night at a party, she met a guy that she seemed really attracted too. I was getting a little drunk and started thinking like "why is she showing this guy all of this sexuality that I have been craving, but not getting for a long time now?" It kind of pissed me off that he was getting her best, and I was getting the leftovers! Of coarse, I had to leave the party so I didn't make a drunken scene. When I confronted her about it, she pretty much told me that I had "let myself go" physically, kind of like it was "my fault". It really pissed me off. I had stayed with her through thick (literally) and thin. She later apologized for that comment, said she didn't mean it.
Anyway, after moving to Texas, my opportunities starting slacking off. I have tried to make contact with women through the web, no avail. Meanwhile, we're meeting single guys left and right, she's having one -on- one encounters with them, me not included on some of them. We see that New Orleans is going to the Superbowl, and think maybe it would be a great party! We go to New Orleans! I'm walking around Bourbon Street with the sexiest woman on my arm. Life couldn't get better. We go into this club, we dance, have fun, all around good time. I go to get drinks, suddenly, I see her dancing with this guy. I don't want to be jealous, but damn! What am I suppose to do? Here I am in NOLA, BY MYSELF, no one to enjoy it with. Am I supposed to snag me a woman all of a sudden? I got pissed, walked back to the hotel, and passed out from too much Jim Beam. Later, there's a knock on the door about 4:00am. It's her, with her new boy-toy. I'm excited that she included me in her latest escapade, but had me a headache and a little whiskey dick. Oh well, may as well enjoy it!
We had fun playing, but honestly, I was tired. I rolled over to go to sleep, but they kept going at it all night. By morning, they are talking still, I with no sleep, no woman, so on and so fourth. I also noticed a couple of things: she gave him a BJ and swallowed his load, TWICE! She hasn't done that with me in YEARS! She says it's because I am a tobacco chewer and it makes my cum taste "bitter". Nevertheless, I get pissed off, tell him to leave, they lose contact with each other, and our trip to NOLA is spent with her pissed off at me!
We get home, things settle down and get back to normal. We talk about it, she says I shouldn't drink because I act jealous when I do. I ask her about swallowing his, and not mine, she tells me the tobacco is a factor, I'm out of shape.....blah blah blah. OK< If that's the way you feel, I quit chewing, watch what I eat, exercise, do all of the right things.
!2 days after NOLA, I have gone tobacco free, lost 7 pounds. I'm not doing it for her, I'm doing it for me! I figure that if we're going to start hooking up on our own when we go out, I should probably present the best me that I can. She says that I need to start finding my own action. I don't do well on the swing sites (let's face it, most of you women want to be with her, not me!) I guess I have to be dishonest with people, take my ring off and present myself as a single guy in the bars! I did find a woman that was interested, but as soon as I was honest with her and told her that I was a swinger, I never heard from her again. When I was single, I never had any problem meeting women! I've been told many times that I am attractive! When I was in a kick ass rock band, women didn't even seem to mind that I had a ring on! The problem was, I was so caught up with the music that I wasn't meeting them. Don't know what to think of all of this! Any advice people?

[it'sso]

Been there and that is why swinging is in our past. People can say whatever they want, but if there is no chemistry, there will be none forthcoming.

[lardub]

Sorry but your marriage is for all intents in trouble, you nor her seem to have any respect for each other and your sex life between each other is confusing. It seems as though you are in the lifestyle for all the wrong reasons. I for one can't fathom staying together in a relationship where you both seem to be putting yourselfs first and the other second if any conderation is given to the other at all.
I nor my wife would ever allow the other one to behave in the way your wife has behaved, or for that matter in the way in which you have behaved. You never leave your spouse behind unless of course your leaving for good. A marriage is about give and take equally even in a vanilla one, and drinking to excess never makes a situation better.

[YZF]

Mrs. YZF here. In my opinion, a marriage already has to be deeply committed to each other and with complete satisfaction for swinging to be worked in and have it work. That marriage has to be completely happy without the swinging.

I am all about passion. I throw myself completely into sex with my play partners. I want to give all of my play partners the fuck of their lives and I try to. When I look across the room or the pile I want to see YZF doing his very best at giving whoever he is with the fuck of their lives. I want him to have the best time possible.

When the party or the swap is over or just about every other night of the week YZF and me have absolutely mindblowing sex. The difference with sex between us and sex with out playmates is that we have to try with our playmates. We are conscious about what we are doing. With YZF it just happens, every time.

When you have to try with your SO and it just happens with your playmate, your marriage is in deep trouble.

[Newpants]

If you were to tell your story to a normal average Joe or Jane on the street and ask them what they think, what do you think they would say? Most likely they would say that since you are each looking for other sex partners and not having a satisfactory sexlife between the two of you that it would indicate your marriage is is serious trouble and that you are in immediate need of competent maritial counseling to determine if your marriage can be saved.

I think sometimes it's real easy for people in the lifestyle to get a warped sense of reality when it comes to sex with other people and can't see what is often obvious to normal people.

I think if you were to go to a mainstream maritial therapist and say your wife is enjoying picking up strangers for sex, is telling you that you need to seek sexual gratification outside your marriage and that your wife no longer finds you attractive and no longer wishes to have a healthy and happy sex life with you, I think that therapist would think that you have some serious maritial issues that need immediate and comprehensive intervention if you wish to stay together.

I'm afraid swinging is a big red herring in this case and has lead you to not see the forest because of all the trees in the way. I don't believe that this is a swinging issue and I question whether swingers can help you. I think this is a maritial and relationship issue and that you two can only address it yourselves and that you may need some serious, competent therapy to salvage your marriage.

I wish you the best of luck

[VegasLee]

"If either of you is already having an affair or is unreasonably jealous or distrusts your mate or keeps the other up all night long accusing him or her of wrong doings, then this lifestyle will only make your problems(s) EVEN WORSE!

If you as a couple have any of these or similar problems, you should avoid the Swinging Lifestyle completely!"

I have posted on our Club's web site for a very good reason. It is the TRUTH!

Right now you two have no business in this lifestyle. You are going to bring unwanted drama to the Lifestyle and your own relationship.

Time to step out and fix your problems if you can.

Good luck to you.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by lardub

Sorry but your marriage is for all intents in trouble, you nor her seem to have any respect for each other and your sex life between each other is confusing. It seems as though you are in the lifestyle for all the wrong reasons. I for one can't fathom staying together in a relationship where you both seem to be putting yourselfs first and the other second if any conderation is given to the other at all.

I couldn't have said it better than they already did. Reading this is sounds like neither of you really give a rats ass for each other.

[Alura]

Congratulations on getting rid of the tobacco habit! Nasty habit; especially chewing. My late wife once told me that men who smoke have bitter-tasting semen. I guess she was right.

I agree with Lee and Julie. Y'all need to be out of the lifestyle until you get your problems handled. First and foremost, in my opinion, y'all need to work on your communication.

Alura