hiding swing activities from kids!

[gavandd]

Hi
We would appreciate any input here
We have been swinging for about 2 months now, full swap.The problem we are running into is hiding it from our teenage daughters.One is 16 yrs old lives at home the other 19 lives close to us but with her BF.
Our social life has increased dramatically,invites to parties or get togethers virtually every weekend.
The kids are finding this "strange" lol, as well as the new friends we have made.
Any advice?
G and D

[BiloxiCouple]

Just tell them you are having a party with friends and after that it is none of their business. Don't invite them or tell them with who or where.

You are not lying to them. That's the best way to go.

Tell them they are getting old enough for you to have a social life again.

We are different. Our two boys know about us. My mother in law has been out with us. Not to party. We are more open about our activities. They don't get details or information about what we do from us. None of their business. We never tried to seriously "hide" it from them.

[CXXC]

There are those who stick to the thought that a lie through ommission is still a lie. My daughter lives near us but spends the occasional weekend with us. We do not let her in on the details, but let her know that we have frineds from out of town or in town spending the night with us. On the evenings we spend the night with our "friends" we tell her that we are traveling and will not be home til the WEEEEE hours of the morning.

We do not go into detail about our activities. She does not ask questions. We do not offer more than the cursery example of our being out and about! All are happy in their ignorance.

i would suggest a simple bend of the reality of your situation!

"We are spending the night over some new friends house we have become close to!"

No lie there. Any questions asked can easily be disarmed by a near truth.... "They are part of a social network we joined on line."
"We me them throu friends of ours!" (see social network!)
"Hey! Mom's and Dad's need to let their hair down too, ya know!!!"

Fill in the blank. I am sure you will be able to tell them what you are doing without "TELLING THEM WHAT YOU ARE DOING!"

[gavandd]

Great advice,thanks.
We have just been very open with them throughout their upbringing...so its kinda tough to hide this.But your advice is handy!

[DigginIt]

My wife and I are huge advocates of telling the truth and being honest but kids, even teenagers, don't always have the ability to grasp ideas entirely nor have they the ability to handle adult situations maturely.

Let's see, Mrs. Diggs and I are both 42 and we didn't have the ability to grasp the concept of swinging until last year.

Getting back to the topic, we have four children with the two oldest being 12 and 14. They are exceptionally keen to our 'new' behavior. We go to a social every two weeks and between those two weeks, we go out with our 'special' swing couple the other two weeks. This may be them bringing their daughter over to our house and us going back to theres or them just coming over for dinner for a vanilla evening.

We went from 1 night a month to 4 nights a month overnight. We tell them that they are finally old enough to understand that we need our date nights. We tell them all the time that our social life was the biggest sacrifice we have had to make raising children (We tell them this in a very positive way !! We don't use the word sacrifice, lol.) Now they are old enough to understand that our relationship needs emotional development as well.

Anything beyond that isn't any of their business. If we were to ever get outright caught. Then we will handle it as best as we can in a manner that caters to their ability to understand. Hopefully it will not be until their 20's.

[T-Rex]

Our daughter (who is married) is either a lot smarter than us, or we have that perpetually guilty look. When we started "getting busy": parties, going out of town to meet friends that she never heard of before, etc, our daughter picked up on it right away. It must be the nosy relative version of that "swingdar" stuff! We have never told or admitted to her what we do. At first she was very suspicious, very disapproving and parental (hah!). She got very pushy when we didn't tell her the name of a resort we were going to in Cabo. Finally, when badgered while on the way out the door, Mrs. Rex said, "Desire...look it up", which I'm sure she did as soon as she got to a computer.

Lately, our daughter is more resigned that we are just bad kids that she has lost control of. She seems to know that she can't stop our naughty behavior, which we have never directly admitted to. This role reversal stuff is kind of funny and fun. Our daugther has to raise her kids and she feels the need to know what were doing...and we, well, we just do whatever we feel like doing with whoever feels like doing it with us! Yup!

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by gavandd

Great advice,thanks.
We have just been very open with them throughout their upbringing...so its kinda tough to hide this.But your advice is handy!

I agree with the others...just because there isn't full disclosure, doesn't make it a lie.

I'm quite a big fan of boundaries. People (kids included) need to understand what those are, respect, privacy, etc. I have a 10 and 8 year old. Let's just say they are naturally curious...ok, maybe nosy is really a more accurate description...I mean, interrogators could learn a thing or two about persistence from these kids.

Yet, they understand that not every thing that the adults do or talk about is any of their business. Do I totally shut them down with a "I'm the mommy that's why" kind of answer...no. When they are here (my ex-hubby and I have joint custody), most swinging comes to a stop...but if something does happen to fall into place a simple "We're going out with friends" is not lying.

Your 16 year old (as well as the 19 y/o living near by with her BF) probably respect/desire privacy and probably do not tell you every little thing they do...why on earth would you feel compelled to tell them every little thing you do? I like DigginIt's response...you basically gave up 19 years of catering to your kids whims (aka as raising them)...they are now old enough to be left on their own and if you just tell them its a date night or you will be having dinner and drinks with friends.

Good luck and keep having fun!

[gavandd]

Brilliant opinions and advice ,glad we became members here!
sexcupid we will keep having fun lol nothings gonna stop us!