Threesome with Former Boyfriend

[Openmindedfun]

My fiancee and I are getting married in a few months and I would like to share her with another man in a threesome. She is a very sexual person and I have gotten her to experiment with toys, but she is hesitant to try a MMF threesome. I would like to approach a former boyfriend of hers who opened up her sexuality after her divorce 20 years ago. He is 12 years younger than her and was a great lover with a huge cock. He helped make her the sexy lover she is today and I am grateful for what he did to expand her attitude toward sex.

Their relationship did not work out for reasons other than sex, but he has kept in touch with her over the years even though he is now married and lives in a different state. I know he emails her offering to meet her when he is in the area on business and tells her about how he still fantasizes about the sex they had years ago. She also has fond memories of their sexual activities and still misses his big cock. I know this is true because I went though her old emails a while ago. I also know that she met him a little over a year ago while I was having some health problems and was unable to meet her sexual needs for about nine months. They met at a local hotel when he was here on business and she stayed the night. I was out of town on business. I actually understand why she did it as I was not there for her and it was my fault. I am now back to normal and want to do everything I can to satisfy her sexually. I would love to have a threesome with her well hung ex boyfriend. I realize she loves me, but he is still able to sexually do things for her that I will never be able to do, as I am not as well endowed. I know that there is still a sexual spark between them and I want to rekindle that spark into a fire.

I have tried to get her to tell him that I am up for threesome, but she has not been willing to do so. I have told her I am not jealous of having another person join us in bed because it is just sex not love. I thought that the ex boyfriend would be the perfect person to join us, in that she knows he can satisfy her sexually and he would definately be willing to participate. I have gone so far as to send her a story about a threesome that I got of the internet where I changed the names to ours and the ex's. I think she enjoyed the story, but said it was not going to happen. I think the problem she has is that it is not something she has ever considered before I entered her life. She is scared that someone would find out about it and she would be embarrassed if her conservative friends ever found out. I have told her that only we would know about it.

We just started communicating from our residences, three hours apart, via Web Cam on MSN. When we set it up her ex saw she was on IM and started sending her messages whenever she is online talking to me. I told her to talk to him, but she is hesitant to do so.

I guess the bottom line is that this is one of my biggest fantasys and I think she would enjoy it if we ever did it, but she is just hung up on that this is something that married couples do not normally do. I don't know what else to do to get this to happen. I am at the point where I will just let the fantasy simmer in her mind and hope that she will eventually come around. I will do some occasional reminders, but not push the issue strongly.

Do more experienced swingers on this site think I am handling this right or should I do something different?

[lardub]

First i would ask his present wife how she feels about him jumping into the sack with you guys....
Personally we would never do someting like that as we call it cheating.
Sorry but thats the way we feel..

[fun4Ds]

Are you reading her e mails with permission ?

[DigginIt]

Aside from the questions and comments above which are EXCELLENT; I think there are other things for you to consider.

Some things are personal, especially memories. She may not have feelings for the guy but like any great memory, some things are just better left alone.

Let's drop the ex scenario completely and just talk about you.

You really need to sit down and ask if this is so much of an obsession for you that you are steering your relationship down a path it shouldn't be going down? You said that she was hesitant and this is a big fantasy for you that you think she would enjoy. Swinging isn't something that you can 'convince' another person to do. They have to come to terms with it on their own. It could be now, next week, next month or never.

Swinging is something that the two of you do together that is mutually enjoyable. Instead of trying to talk her into something you want to do, discuss with her 'why' and I'm not just talking about 'because it's cool' but what will you get out of it, what do you see her getting out of it. Have honest, non judgmental, non pushy conversations and plant the seed and let it grow. If and when she is ready, then start coming up with some ideas but you are way ahead of yourself at this point.

That's my opinion and I'm sticking too it.

I do wish you luck !!

[snapps]

Ummm, I think you should really reconsider this before you end up destroying your engagement/marriage. Obviously this guy you are so willing to share your fiancee with is obviously not someone she would want to do something like that with for more reasons than one... obviously she was in love with him at one point in her life, and vice versa, so something like this can NEVER BE JUST SEX!!! You are wishful thinking my friend!... How do you think she would feel if her Ex found out about what you are thinking and want to do with her and him??? That would be embarrasing for her man! You are supposed to be her upgrade from him, yet here you are fantaszing of sharing her with him???... Stop thinking about yourself and put yourself in her shoes! She already stepped out of yall's relationship once with that exact guy, and you are gonna end up pushing her to do it again!

Your willingness to do this with him in particular, and your fixation on how much bigger his genitals are to yours, leads me to beleieve there's more to this story than you are letting on... Maybe you have some gay tendencies that you are not speaking about, not that there is anything wrong with that, but because this seems to be turning you on more so than you just having a threesome with your chick. A threesome should never be FORCED and SOLD to the other party, especially one such as this.

I think you need to drop this whole idea if you really seriously plan on making this woman your wife and if you really and truly love her; Especially if you intend for her to have any respect and diginity for you and yall's relationship, although i fear you may have already destroyed it by carrying on with this , quite honestly, ridiculous obssession with her Ex.... You are pushing your wife into the arms of another man whom she can obviously and easily fall in love with, I mean this is her ex dude, C'mon!!... Good luck...

[VegasLee]

Originally Posted by Openmindedfun

Do more experienced swingers on this site think I am handling this right or should I do something different?

First question. What part of her saying "she does not want to do this are you not understanding"?

You are not handling it right. You are wanting to do this because YOU want to do it. She does not. Case pretty much closed. Stop being selfish if you really love her and let it go.

Accept her for who and what she is or move on to find someone that you can live with.

You both need to rethink the getting married part if you can not listen to her and respect her wishes.

Your post is all about you and your lack of respect for your lady friend.

[lovinher]

She cheated on you and you are going through her E-mails.

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and impending divorce.

[couplers]

Forget the threesome for now. What you need to do now is let her know that you not only give her permission to see her old boyfriend, but you encourage it. You want her to have something she enjoys with no strings attached. Now that is love and needs to be unconditional, in that she isn't required to report back or have a threesome. If all goes well she will after a while start to talk about the sex, then maybe they will be comfortable letting you watch, then participate.


Maybe we are wierd, but hubby and I get as much thrill from the other playing alone then returning home for the follow-up as we do our threesomes.

[DigginIt]

Originally Posted by couplers

Forget the threesome for now. What you need to do now is let her know that you not only give her permission to see her old boyfriend, but you encourage it. You want her to have something she enjoys with no strings attached. Now that is love and needs to be unconditional, in that she isn't required to report back or have a threesome. If all goes well she will after a while start to talk about the sex, then maybe they will be comfortable letting you watch, then participate.


Maybe we are wierd, but hubby and I get as much thrill from the other playing alone then returning home for the follow-up as we do our threesomes.

The problem with that scenario, in this case only, is that this other guy is married. He has already had an affair with his fiancee within the past year so the guy is cheating on his wife and now Openmindedfun is asking him to consider cheating on his wife again by having more encounters.

[The Fuse]

The breathless tone your post takes on when you talk about his large cock and her satisfaction with it, along with easily forgiving her cheating, make me wonder if you are a cuckhold. Do you get excited about the possibility of feeling a bit humiliated by this other man?

And I'll echo what the others have said about snooping through her emails. Do you really think that's okay? How do you think she'd feel if she knew you did that?

[snapps]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

The breathless tone your post takes on when you talk about his large cock and her satisfaction with it, along with easily forgiving her cheating, make me wonder if you are a cuckhold. Do you get excited about the possibility of feeling a bit humiliated by this other man?

And I'll echo what the others have said about snooping through her emails. Do you really think that's okay? How do you think she'd feel if she knew you did that?

This is absolutely correct.... This guy very well could be a Cuckhold, and I dont think he realizes it. He doesnt really want a threesome, all he wants is to see her getting fu*ked by this guy and his big cock, not even paying attention to what the consequences of this could be.

The fact that she is now his fiance after cheating on him just over a year ago, and he has already forgiven her and moved on, and is now so deeply intoxicated and fixated on how much bigger this guy's thing is to his, and how much more sattisfaction the guy can give to his fiance than he can leads me to beleieve that he loves the humiliation that this has given him, and is basically getting off on it...

The fact that he is going through her emails is very alarming... this is a pending and ugly divorce just waiting to happen and he is deffinitly gonna get the short end of the stick...

[JustAskJulie]

Trust and Communication are the two things you need to have a strong relationship (of any kind) and are even more important when you are considering swinging. At this point you don't have those things. You are snooping through her email, she's cheated on you and from the sounds of it you haven't really talked about any of this with her. And you are encouraging someone else to cheat on their wife.

I have to agree with the person above who mentioned you might be cuckold, and there's nothing wrong with that... but there are a lot of things wrong with this scenario and the two main relationships in it.