Rule disregarded, needing advice/guidance.

[Newpants]

The other posters have hit the nail on the head on a number of issues so I will try to not rehash what they have already said.

The one thing I noticed that noone else has mentioned is that NOT ONCE have you mentioned a word about how you feel about the other male half of this couple.

Are you attracted to him at all??? Do you have any interest in him or are you so focused on watching your husband and this other gal that you haven't noticed him at all? Does he even matter at this point???

Since you said that you and your husband are contemplating full swap scenarios the fact that you haven't mentioned this other guy at all is also very concerning.

If you are able to get them all to follow your rules to the letter do you think you will be able to relax and have a fun time with this (OR ANY) couple or will you be watching your husband and this other gal like a hawk to make sure she doesn't kiss his neck?

I'm not trying to patronize you or belittle your rules but that is a serious question. Do you think you will be able to have fun and enjoy a swinging experience with another couple or will you be too focused on whether people are following rules or not? Are the other 3 people going to be able to have a good time and enjoy themselves or are they going to be walking on eggshells trying to make sure they don't upset you by committing some infraction?

In order for swinging to be something fun and enjoyable it has to be something that people innately WANT to do. I'm afraid you are so uncomfortable with the idea of another woman being with your husband that you have created so many rigid rules to try to keep you in your comfort zone that all that is going to end up happening is that you are going to spend the evening being a rule enforcement officer and not a hot sexy woman enjoying a unique and exciting erotic experience.

Rules are important and rules should be followed but if you are creating a multitude of rigid and uncompromising rules in an attempt to create a comfort-island for you in a vast sea of discomfort it ain't gonna work.

My advice is to go back to the drawing board and really search your feelings and be honest with yourself and your husband whether this is really a road you want to go down or not.

[The Fuse]

Yeah... what if she kisses his chest? His tummy? His upper back? The curve of his lower back? Will those things be okay, but his neck not okay?

[exploringRM]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

Yeah... what if she kisses his chest? His tummy? His upper back? The curve of his lower back? Will those things be okay, but his neck not okay?

The other day, I had a reply written that included the above type of questions, but it came across as a little put-off by the no neck kissing rule.

Where do you draw the line and what if is just happens by accident. Your husband can guide his partner away, but does all play stop if the line is crossed?

I can remeber not to initiate intercourse with a soft-swap couple..but rules like that it might get forgotten in the moment. We also would not meet a couple with rules that restrive any sort of touching, kissing, or specific acts that we enjoy as part of a soft or full swap interaction.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by exploringRM

The other day, I had a reply written that included the above type of questions, but it came across as a little put-off by the no neck kissing rule.

Where do you draw the line and what if is just happens by accident. Your husband can guide his partner away, but does all play stop if the line is crossed?

I can remeber not to initiate intercourse with a soft-swap couple..but rules like that it might get forgotten in the moment. We also would not meet a couple with rules that restrive any sort of touching, kissing, or specific acts that we enjoy as part of a soft or full swap interaction.

I agree my post was a bit less than it should have been, and didn't address the real question put forth by the OP. I think the neck-kissing rule is difficult and a possible red flag indicating other problems. However, I can't argue that there's a reasonable concern at a vanilla venue with others seeing someone getting a bit too familiar with her husband.

If she is sensitive about what is really a reasonable concern and others are brushing it off, including her own husband, then there is a problem. She and her husband need to resolve their joint approach so that both of them are comfortable. And her husband is at least as responsible as she is for making sure he draws the line if their rules are violated. Otherwise, how can she trust him?

[JustAskJulie]

Two thoughts. One did you make your rule clear to the other couple ahead of time? If not, then it's not a violation on their end because they didn't know about it. Sorry but in this world, ignorance is innocence. That said, you and your hubby need to agree on your boundaries and then it is up to BOTH of you to enforce them. If you see him exceeding your comfort level, even if it's not a stated rule or boundary, you need to speak up. Whether it's pulling him aside and reminding him of the rule (if there is one) or just saying "hey I'm not comfortable with you doing that in public" to the other wife.

Now, as for it being up to you how far things going on your next date. I would suggest making a plan to only step up to soft swap on this date. If you leave the ball as an "I'll decide based on how I feel at the time" you may do something you wish you hadn't later. Set your boundaries ahead of time and stick to them. If you are comfortable with how far you go and want to go further, then get together again later and do so. Leaving the door so wide open leaves the high possibility of you getting pressured into going further than you are comfortable (whether by the others involved or by your own mind).