Should I tell my wife that I told my friend to hit on her?

[cuminmd]

We have played in the past about a year ago my wife called it quits. Said she didn't want to play anymore and if i loved her i would stop to. I love to see her with other guys nothing turns me on more. i really haven't said anything about playing in the last 6 months to her. on new years eve i was messing with a friend and told him to text her and hit on her so he did she didn't have his # so she ignored it (didn't know who it was). well he started again yesturday. she was texting him back last night and said when and where. and what about your wife findinng out he said what she doesn't know won't hurt her. she told him that she has my blessing to play. Long story short his wife knows because i am trying to get with her and she doesn't care should i tell my wife now or wait and see what happens. We are going to a party with them tonight

[Additude]

Well, you know honesty is the best policy.

She will find out sooner or later and if she finds out later, then she will feel tricked and used. It wont be happy and fun when she finds out later. I can assure you.

So why don't you try something tactful like inviting your "Friends" over for dinner and then during dinner find a tactful fun way to break the news to her.

Or think of something else. The problem is that you don't want to dig this hole too deep before you let her know of your ruse or she might just shovel all that dirt from the hole back in on top of you.

Get a plan, have a plan. Tell the truth.

[Edison Carter]

Susan here-- The fact that you're starting out with,"What she doesn't know won't hurt her," regarding your friend's wife is disconcerting. The additional fact you are trying to time the truth to her is even more so. If everyone tells the truth before anything happens, then everyone is engaged in the same goal, fun sex. If not, you're going to get drama, yet no cheap, brief, tawdry thrills that come with lying and sneaking around.

[VanHlebar]

I am confused here. You say your wife didn't have his phone number so she initially ignored the texts from him the first go around. Then he started sending her new messages again a few days ago? Was this at your asking again or just on his own? The fact that he is willing to cheat on his wife with yours is a huge red flag to me and well I wouldn't go there period. Another question, how did you find out about the new series of text messages? From your friend or from your wife? I am assuming (terrible thing to do here, so I hope I am wrong), from your friend, since your wife doesn't seem to know you have any connection with this guy and the text messages. So does your wife know who the guy is yet?

I think with this little "setup" you have done nothing but set yourself and everyone else up for HUGE issues. If it where me, I would first resolve the issues of your friends willingness to cheat on his wife, the possibility that your wife may have done this without telling you AND the fact that you set it all up behind your wife's back to begin with. Then and only then IF everyone calms down and wants to proceed, then maybe I would consider it, but that is a lot to happen.

Hope the best for you.

-Van

[cuminmd]

ok long story short. me and his wife have been talking. she doesn't know that he has been texting my wife. my wife knows that it turns me on her and another guy. i was there when he was texting her. so the only one out of the loop is him because he doesn't know about his wife possibly going with me. my wife likes the idea of them getting together. she doesn't know that i want his wife. i think she knows thought i am just going to drop it and not do anymore to push the issue till we all talk later maybe one day it will happen though. when the time is right

[lovinher]

Originally Posted by cuminmd

ok long story short. me and his wife have been talking. she doesn't know that he has been texting my wife. my wife knows that it turns me on her and another guy. i was there when he was texting her. so the only one out of the loop is him because he doesn't know about his wife possibly going with me. my wife likes the idea of them getting together. she doesn't know that i want his wife. i think she knows thought i am just going to drop it and not do anymore to push the issue till we all talk later maybe one day it will happen though. when the time is right

His wife is "out of the loop" because she doesn't know her husband is trying to cheat on her. He is "out of the loop" because he doesn't know his wife is trying to cheat on him. Your wife is "out of the loop" because she doesn't know about you and his wife. Your "out of the loop" because you don't seem to realize how fucked up this is.

[starryeyes]

Originally Posted by lovinher

His wife is "out of the loop" because she doesn't know her husband is trying to cheat on her. He is "out of the loop" because he doesn't know his wife is trying to cheat on him. Your wife is "out of the loop" because she doesn't know about you and his wife. Your "out of the loop" because you don't seem to realize how fucked up this is.

Well said!!

[PB&J]

Originally Posted by lovinher

His wife is "out of the loop" because she doesn't know her husband is trying to cheat on her. He is "out of the loop" because he doesn't know his wife is trying to cheat on him. Your wife is "out of the loop" because she doesn't know about you and his wife. Your "out of the loop" because you don't seem to realize how fucked up this is.

[xxxboxy]

Originally Posted by lovinher

His wife is "out of the loop" because she doesn't know her husband is trying to cheat on her. He is "out of the loop" because he doesn't know his wife is trying to cheat on him. Your wife is "out of the loop" because she doesn't know about you and his wife. Your "out of the loop" because you don't seem to realize how fucked up this is.

Perfect post.

[N8ture Girl]

Originally Posted by lovinher

His wife is "out of the loop" because she doesn't know her husband is trying to cheat on her. He is "out of the loop" because he doesn't know his wife is trying to cheat on him. Your wife is "out of the loop" because she doesn't know about you and his wife. Your "out of the loop" because you don't seem to realize how fucked up this is.

That sums it up right there. Excellent post!

A waiting to happen! I hope you can fix this before it happens.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by lovinher

His wife is "out of the loop" because she doesn't know her husband is trying to cheat on her. He is "out of the loop" because he doesn't know his wife is trying to cheat on him. Your wife is "out of the loop" because she doesn't know about you and his wife. Your "out of the loop" because you don't seem to realize how fucked up this is.

It would be hard to say this any better. Bravo.

To the OP: Don't you see a problem with all this? It's so messed up it's hard to even say how messed up it is. Deception will not lead anywhere fun. It seems like you are titillated by this soap-opera-like, almost farce-like situation. I am starting to wonder who is on what kind of pill.

Why are you even asking for advice from swingers? Sounds like you're more interested in everyone sneaking around.

[JustAskJulie]

Ditto - to what THEY ALL SAID!

[fun4Ds]

The only thing I want to know at this point is ?

The guy you had text your wife on New Years eve. Are you and he, bisexual playmates ?

Missed loop ?

I'm just asking because it doesn't seem like you want him out of the loop ? But, you could care less if his wife is, in or out, of the loop.

[larrynd]

Must say I agree with nearly all the room. Just one person out of the loop is too many. I can relate to the wife loosing interest tho.......as mine did so for a period of time. But going on my own or trying to manipulate her back into it was just something that would never work.

[fun4Ds]

So what happened last night ?