Do we tell other swingers that this woman gets cold sores?

[DBLPAR]

Ok, I admit, I did not read all of the links, but I get what I can only describe as a cols sore. I only get it when I clean shave though. And always on the same spot.

I usually carry a beard and have for a long time. If not, I will pack a van dyke. Most people call it a goatee. As long as I do, I never get cold sores. If I clean shave, within a day or two I will start getting lil bumps that itch. If I scratch and mess with them, they become sores. If I leave them alone, they are uncomfortable but go away with only a temporary red splotch.

Herpes or not?

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by DBLPAR

Ok, I admit, I did not read all of the links, but I get what I can only describe as a cols sore. I only get it when I clean shave though. And always on the same spot.

I usually carry a beard and have for a long time. If not, I will pack a van dyke. Most people call it a goatee. As long as I do, I never get cold sores. If I clean shave, within a day or two I will start getting lil bumps that itch. If I scratch and mess with them, they become sores. If I leave them alone, they are uncomfortable but go away with only a temporary red splotch.

Herpes or not?

Only way to know for sure it to go to the dr WHILE you have one of those sores and have them test it. It could just be that you get ingrown hairs because you don't typically shave that area, or it could be an infected follicle for the same reason. Hubby just recently discovered the power of aftershave and it's ability to keep him from getting what the dr has deemed bacterial infections around his mouth and chin (where he shaves).

[realcplub2]

Originally Posted by SlfRighteous1

We met a great couple and hit it off. We were planning to get together for playtime, and the female half mentioned that she hoped her cold sore went away before then, because it was ugly. WHOA! We told them we weren't comfortable playing with anyone who gets cold sores/fever blisters. Just not willing to take the risk. They both kept trying to convince us that it was okay to play as long as they didn't have active sores. I pointed them to all the info I had, so they would understand why we weren't comfortable with it.

They posted on a local lifestyle message board under another name, asking whether they should tell people. The results? A resounding HELL YES, they should tell people! Now, they are back to posted under their usual user name, and are making dates.

We have other friends who have met these two and really like them, and the possibility is there for play. Do we mention this? If we find out someone has been involved with them sexually, do we just put off playtime to see if it's been transmitted to them? Do we explain why, and risk being called gossips? Or do we just put it off, and potentially hurt feelings by saying "No" to people we've played with and enjoyed many times already. It would just be awkward, but is that better than the alternative?

Any and all advice is appreciated

Ok, lets get back to the Original post...

Lets suppose the question wasnt cold sores and herpes simplex.. But something else..

Would you tell them then? If not why? if so, the same thing applies..

I assume its a smaller swinging community, and the interactions between the original couple, and the rest of the community could be like six degrees of seperation... just playing with a "clean couple" doesnt mean you are limiting your exposure, right?

Personally, I would put pressure on the Patient Zeroes, to come clean with those they have played with.. possibly threaten to out them to the community, if they dont tell those they have played with of possible infection..

In the end, the risk of infection, regardless of herpes simplex or a much more severe STD, the responsiblity falls back on the ones that led to the spread..

[qreskupl7476]

As far as whether or not to tell, that's a pretty tough question. The answer to which really depends on the type of person that one is. If I were in your situation, I wouldn't tell anyone, but I would perhaps drop a hint to the couple in question to the effect that they should perhaps disclose that information themselves prior to playing, then let them make up their own minds whether or not it's the right thing to do. Obviously they're not trying to hide it since they told you that one of them had a cold sore, but they're obviously a lot more nonchalant about it than you are, as it appears they didn't see it as any sort of a big deal and you do. If it were something life threatening, like HIV, then I would sound the alarm post haste, but not for cold sores. Uncomfortable yes, unsightly yes, but far from life threatening.

I also see cold sores as one of those things that some people get, and others don't. I know that they're caused by a herpes virus, but my wife gets them, I don't, and we've been together for almost 20 years. That's not to say that I won't end up getting them eventually, but so far it hasn't happened. We haven't necessarily told every couple that we have or might play with that she gets them, but we're also not the type of people that play with others before we've had a chance to get to know them, and we would NEVER play with anyone while she had an active sore. Chances are that if we're playing with someone, they've been around us long enough to have heard in conversation, or seen for themselves that the Mrs. occasionally gets a cold sore. After reading the responses here however, we may adjust our disclosure policy and make absolutely certain that any prospective playmates know about it. Personally, I've never run into anyone that gets worked up over cold sores, but obviously there are a lot of people out there that do. Perhaps we've been more naive on the subject than we though.

Add yet another subject to the long list about which we've been educated by reading this board.