Do we tell other swingers that this woman gets cold sores?

[lovinher]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

Before everyone gets ready to jump off a cliff here over cold sores on the face they really should take the time to read the Cold Sore Link that Julie posted.

Some good information there.

It is not just about people not telling the world or just about sex.






Now I am not aware of to many Seven year olds having sex and not telling their friends about getting the sores.

Exactly. And read it carefully. The facts are there.

And it is just this kind of attitude that would make many keep their mouth shut. Julie, nobody here said cold sores weren't herpes. The original question was "do we tell?" How about we stamp everybody's forehead who has been exposed with a big H on it while were are at it? Who's left?

Selfrighteous1 and CXXC-So with those statistics, do you know for sure you have never been exposed? Have you ever been tested? Could it just be that you have it and don't get visible symptoms?

I'm not trying to be a dick but there were some pretty broad assumptions made here.

Somehow this got turned around as if it was suggested that it was OK to play during an outbreak and that was never condoned by anyone here. Big difference.

[tribbles]

We realized if we were going to worry about cold sores, swinging would not be fun. More people have them or carry the virus than don't. Simple math means most of the people we kiss and play with WILL be positive for HSV-1

I would, however, refuse to play with someone who had an active sore.

Once it was healed, no reason to cross them off a play list I can see.

[slevin]

The 1 in 4 (or 1 in 5) statistic is actually a questionable stat. The primary research out there makes no such claims on the prevalence of Herpes (genital herpes), the 1:4 stats are prevalent on sex eduction sites. Those sites tend towards a fear based approach to sex health rather than a primarily information based approach. I don't, personally, believe the 1:4 stats after reading through a whack of primary research about a year ago.

Good times has posted a bunch of good stuff on here as well that is worth reading through.

[lovinher]

Just to be clear. The subject of the question was regarding HSV-1 (cold sores).
Should they tell other couples that a specific couple has HSV-1.

[slevin]

Originally Posted by lovinher

Just to be clear. The subject of the question was regarding HSV-1 (cold sores).
Should they tell other couples that a specific couple has HSV-1.

Yeah, I was just addressing the stat posted previously.

I would want to know if someone had an active cold sore, or recently active cold sore. Otherwise I don't think it matters. I am sure I've been exposed to it in the past and it's so common that it is inevitable.

[The Fuse]

Well, I am freaked out and relieved at the same time.

I obviously didn't know the facts about Herpes. Now I know better. I was freaked out because I have a few times in my life gotten a sore inside my mouth or on my tongue. Now after reading the site that Julie posted, I realize that is a canker sore, not a cold sore, which is not HSV-1. I looked at some of the pictures of cold sores and can safely say I've never seen anything like that close up on myself or anyone else. Relief.

However, that site and at least one other say that 80-90% (depending on the site) of Americans develop HSV-1 by the time they are 20 years old. So it seems almost a given that any given person has it! Time to freak out?

So it seems that since chances are any of us IS infected, that the rational thing to do is be on the lookout when it comes to ourselves and our play partners. Don't play if you have a cold sore! But if you know someone who has one or has had one, it seems they are just among the unlucky few for whom the virus results in a visible outbreak. That seems a good reason to avoid them, but it also means that just because our partners don't have visible cold sores, doesn't mean they don't have HSV-1 -- in fact, they probably DO have it.

And from what that site said, you can catch it from lots of things other than playing. In fact, most people apparently do.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

Well, I am freaked out and relieved at the same time.

I obviously didn't know the facts about Herpes. Now I know better. I was freaked out because I have a few times in my life gotten a sore inside my mouth or on my tongue. Now after reading the site that Julie posted, I realize that is a canker sore, not a cold sore, which is not HSV-1. I looked at some of the pictures of cold sores and can safely say I've never seen anything like that close up on myself or anyone else. Relief.

However, that site and at least one other say that 80-90% (depending on the site) of Americans develop HSV-1 by the time they are 20 years old. So it seems almost a given that any given person has it! Time to freak out?

So it seems that since chances are any of us IS infected, that the rational thing to do is be on the lookout when it comes to ourselves and our play partners. Don't play if you have a cold sore! But if you know someone who has one or has had one, it seems they are just among the unlucky few for whom the virus results in a visible outbreak. That seems a good reason to avoid them, but it also means that just because our partners don't have visible cold sores, doesn't mean they don't have HSV-1 -- in fact, they probably DO have it.

And from what that site said, you can catch it from lots of things other than playing. In fact, most people apparently do.

Inside the mouth is normally an amphis ulcer, which is auto immune in nature, and more common in clean mouths (damn you tooth brush!). The ones on the border of the lip are HSV-1.

I know I have been exposed to HSV-1, I tested positive for antibodies and I've NEVER had a outbreak. Does this make me a carrier? I suppose I could be just like the rest of the free world.

A woman who works for me, who is perhaps the most sexually naive and inexperienced woman I've met between 25 and 30 regularly has outbreaks of HSV-1 on her lip.

Yes it can be either genital or oral (oddly not both normally) and most people will only have one outbreak of either. Some people for whatever reason get them more frequently.

Personally if I had a choice I'd take genital, those are normally not visible

Now I wouldn't play with someone with an active sore because its just gross looking but you can be shedding the virus before the sore is even visible.

Honestly swingers are too cavalier about STD's in my opinion but HSV-1 isn't one of the ones I'm concerned about. Odds are if you have it you got it from your mothers kisses.

[CXXC]

Originally Posted by CXXC
This statistic has been enabled through ignorance or malice. This alone should enrage the community. I have no doubt in my mind that someone, somewhere knew fully well they were infected and did not care for the health or well being of another, keeping the facts of their infection to themselves. The ignorant infected others and the ball went rolling on collecting as it went!

Sorry for the diatribe folks. Its a pet peeve of mine!

NWAtlSwing

Allow me to address each point separately and see if I can shed a little light on the matter at hand.

Originally Posted by NWAtlSwing

My point was, that if you are going to get hung up on HSV-2, don't play. Condoms help, but are not foolproof, and I have *never* seen someone using a dental dam for Oral sex.

Your original quote, provided for ease and reference for this discussion.

“If one in five people have HSV-2, it stands to reasons that once you have had sex with more than say 15 people, you have been exposed.”

I don’t see the words “Don’t Play” here. I see no mention of dental dam or Condom here. I see a statistic that saddens me to no end, but no mention of how to avoid such issues. None of your “points” are inferred in the slightest by this statement. To further my argument, you make the statement, clearly, in the next paragraph, “In fact, other than using a statistic, you have no idea what I think”. I think your lash has struck an innocent man here.

Originally Posted by NWAtlSwing

Not quite sure what I said that called for this level of "diatribe". I did not even make the argument you imply I am making. In fact, other than using a statistic, you have no idea what I think. Saying "Sorry" at the end of a post does not make rudeness OK any more than the phrase "just joking" does.

What prompted the “Diatribe” is quite simple. To be honest your ignorance of this fact catches me by surprise. You mention a statistic that upsets me as well as others. One should expect a response to it. My response was, perhaps, more enflamed than most , but none-the-less, it was accepted by others. In fact, I dare say it was far more on topic than posting a statistic that has nothing to do with the Subject of the initial post. Also, at no time did I say you agreed with me in my feelings or thoughts. It was never assumed that I knew what you or anyone else believed beyond that which they have posted in the past.

Originally Posted by NWAtlSwing

Saying "Sorry" at the end of a post does not make rudeness OK any more than the phrase "just joking" does.

Goodness! Under no circumstance would I intentionally post a rude statement. I put a good amount of thought into every post or blog I make. I do not want to sound ignorant, foolish or rude at all. Therefore, I make it a point to address the issues or topics with care and make every effort to not offend. (Well, there are the Wal-Mart mouth breather along with the TSA buffoons) An apology from me is not an attempt to gloss over a social foible or faux pas! I am earnest in my statement in that, though I am strong willed and often very open in my thoughts and feelings, I never intend to upset my fellows in the lifestyle.

Originally Posted by NWAtlSwing

I come out from Lurking for this?

This board is here, as a tool, for us all to learn and to discover. Julie and her assistants work very hard at providing a wonderful environment to the members of the swingersboard community. I thank them and applaud their efforts. If you find a post not to your liking or flavor, I would suggest you stick to lurking. You seemed much happier then. If not, I would suggest you not attack someone who is clearly not attacking you.

For the length of my response, I apologize. I make no such offer for its content!

But again, we are backt o the issue at hand. Do we tell? Do we spread th word of those we know of who are infected? Do we take up the roll of police or do we let it become someone elses issue??? Tough call!

[NWAtlSwing]

Posting something with an apology in it usually means you know it was the wrong thing to do as you did it.

Going off on a self-described diatribe in response to a posted statistic is rude. You could have easily made your point without being rude. Just below your post someone pointed out they did not believe that stat without being snarky or rude.

As far as the topic, I think it is totally crazy to "out" people for Oral Cold Sores since so many people carry HSV-1.

[N8ture Girl]

Originally Posted by NWAtlSwing

As far as the topic, I think it is totally crazy to "out" people for Oral Cold Sores since so many people carry HSV-1.

I agree. I am not going to play HSV-1 police. Now if it was something far more dangerous then yeah I would warn someone provided that I was 100% sure of their affliction.

If someone is that concerned about cold sores then they should ask their potential playmates if they have ever had one. Even if they havent there is no gaurantee they are not a carrier of it. Only 80% of the people that have it will test positive for it. Thats a direct statement from my gyno. I should have took notes on all the stats she was throwing at me that day...

[CXXC]

Originally Posted by NWAtlSwing

Posting something with an apology in it usually means you know it was the wrong thing to do as you did it.

Going off on a self-described diatribe in response to a posted statistic is rude. You could have easily made your point without being rude. Just below your post someone pointed out they did not believe that stat without being snarky or rude.

As far as the topic, I think it is totally crazy to "out" people for Oral Cold Sores since so many people carry HSV-1.

The apology was directed to those who have read my other posts in regards to similar topics. In my mind, I feared my redundant posts would bother some. However, I still felt the need to reply as I did. I was not excusing myself for my post in any way. I was simply asking for the readers to bear with another similar posting.

It has never been my intention to be rude or socially inept in any way, shape or form. My concern over the cavalier attitude toward the spread of any and all transmitted diseases was stated in a clear and concise manner. At no time did I shun anyone in particular. At no time did I call out one particular group. Not once in my entire membership have I pointed the finger of blame at any single individual or group. (Wal-Mart and the TSA not included) In fact, my post did not challenge your statistic in the slightest. If anything, I agree with them entirely! I simply utilized your posted statistic to make my point. I am at a loss to understand how pointing out the facts while not naming anyone, in particular, as a culprit or guilty party can be construed as rude.

Perhaps your heightened sensibilities have you crying wolf where there is none. While I pride myself in my ability to communicate efficiently, there is the rare case where the discussion breaks down to syntax. Perhaps your perception of my written word is where we have a disconnect. I would not presume to think I understand your way of thinking nor would I care to invest that much effort. There are far too many enjoyable pursuits in life for me to sit in wait to insult another poster. I only want to be like the thousands of other members within the SB. I wish to air my concerns without fear of reprisal.

The matter at hand is the question of whether to "out" others for possessing cold sores. Not ONCE have I given my thoughts in this regard as I have not made my decision. You speak as if I have and therefore I find you guilty of the very same transgression of which you have accused me. I, however am beyond challenge as I have not committed such an act. You are entitled to your opinion. This, above all else, is what makes both this board and this country so great! I applaud your use of the board to pose your views. I would never, no matter how great my opposition to your beliefs, attempt to curtail them or your speech in the slightest!

Please, let us put this argument aside as it harbors nothing but ill will between others. Let us, instead, focus on the initial question. Your point has been made and I thank you for sharing with us. However, there are others in this community of whom we have not heard and, as has been the point of this board, let a meeting of the minds ensue. As a group, perhaps we can come to some conclusion!

[swinger5]

Sometimes you play you pay. It's all in the game of life. Be risky, bummer for you, be as safe as you can, well all the better.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

Now I am not aware of to many Seven year olds having sex and not telling their friends about getting the sores.

Oddly enough, this discussion came up one day where I used to work. It was a lady I work with describing how her mother had cold sores and she was always careful to make sure she didn't kiss her children when she had one. It's pretty easy to figure out how it gets passed to kids, then they grow up with it and don't realize that they are carrying the very same virus that has all that stigma attached to it when it hits someone's genitals - Herpes - so one day as a teenager (or even as an adult) they go down on a partner while they have an outbreak and maybe their partner has an outbreak a week later, maybe not. Maybe they just have sex the next day and the original cold sore person suddenly wakes up with a genital outbreak. Heck, maybe they were just touching their lips one day when they had an outbreak and then decided to masturbate.

It can be transmitted a number of ways.

I think the point that some of us are trying to make is that it's out there, deal with it. You've probably been exposed long before you ever started swinging. Good judgement is going to go a lot further than asking for STD tests, or spreading rumors about other people you know.

Originally Posted by lovinher

Julie, nobody here said cold sores weren't herpes.

My point is stating that cold sores ARE herpes was in response to this question

Originally Posted by The Fuse

I think it might help if someone who knows more than I do would clarify the difference between a simple cold sore and a disease that causes occasional breakouts of cold sores.

Which implied that they were not clear if there was a difference between someone who just gets an occasional cold sore and someone who has the HSV virus.

[The Fuse]

That's true; I didn't know that even a single cold sore meant herpes-1. I was more confused because I have had the occasional canker sore, though I haven't had one for quite a number of years, and didn't know the difference between that and a cold sore.

[good times]

Originally Posted by NWAtlSwing

If one in five people have HSV-2, it stands to reasons that once you have had sex with more than say 15 people, you have been exposed.

This is a common misconception about HSV, the thought being that if 1 in 4 people have it and you have touched more than 4 people you have been exposed.

The fact is, that is not true. While we could argue the validity of these statistics and never have a real number as no study has yet been extensive enough to really know, it doesn't really matter. Even if we accept that 1 in 4 people carry the HSV virus, they can only expose you when they are actively shedding. Most that carry the anti-bodies may never shed the virus or only have one period of shedding in their lifetime (usually for a period of one to two weeks). People who have a period of shedding more than once a year are considered to have a severe case, but even they are only actively shedding the virus for a week or two a year. So the bottom line is, the odds are you can meet and have physical contact with hundreds of people without ever coming in contact with the HSV virus. And if you are observant, you can avoid it most of the time, because, while it is possible for someone to shed the virus asymptomatically, without showing any signs, for the majority of the time of shedding their will be visible sores.

To answer the original question, I personally would not make it my business to tell anyone. What if it turns out that it was not herpes? I have actually seen unfounded gossip ruin it for folks for no reason. I personally want no part of that.