Should we swing with unmarried couple?

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by NYFunCpl

Any further advice is greatly appreciated.... ! Including - should we really really like them, should we break, or, bend the rule of not playing on the first "date"???

Of course! Your rules are your own and can be changed at will, if both of you are on the same page. A rule that says "no play on first date" (while practical to help both of you if there is a reason to step back and evaluate the connection) may not always make sense given those "lightening strikes" realities that we have all run into.

We are mostly a club couple ourselves so that rule doesn't really make sense for our situation. But when we have met couples outside of the club, so far we haven't had "first date" play. But the reason for that is we have never really felt an "outside the club" connection. On-line hasn't been our best way of meeting folks (except for the great friends we've made here).

Whatever works for you guys - the lifestyle is yours to define

Spoomonkey

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by NYFunCpl

Will post an update on how it went.. thanks a mill for all your advice. Hubby and I finally have a forum we both like to visit, LOL

Please do! pant pant pant

Originally Posted by NYFunCpl

Any further advice is greatly appreciated.... ! Including - should we really really like them, should we break, or, bend the rule of not playing on the first "date"???

I'd have a discussion with your spouse beforehand and agree it's ok to play on the first date if it seems everything is going great. I think it's a bad idea to bend/break rules mid-stream, so to speak. One or the other spouse may feel pressured to say yes in the circumstance, and regret it later. Better to understand your limits in full, play within those, and re-adjust afterwards.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by NYFunCpl

Any further advice is greatly appreciated.... ! Including - should we really really like them, should we break, or, bend the rule of not playing on the first "date"???

That is totally your call, just make sure both you and Mrs are in full agreement before allowing that to be the case. As Spoo said, we are typically club people so what happens happens. We look to make friends, but rarely do the friends we make end up being the people we have sex with at the end of the night. More often than not we friend ourselves right out of sex. What has worked better is meeting - having sex - then becoming friends - that way we get the best of everything. That said, we aren't hooking up every time we go to the club, hell we only played like 1/2 a time in 2009.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

More often than not we friend ourselves right out of sex.

Did I mention that I no longer want to be your friend?

Spoomonkey

[NYFunCpl]

Hi all... so last night went pretty well. We met for "drinks" and hubby and I had negotiated the bounds etc. However, we got really drunk, and they "enticed" us when we went back to his apt to "sober up" which actually involved more drinks...lol... and things got really hot and heavy.. it was really fun but a little rushed IMO.. since the goal was to find "repeat" friends and avoid another one night stand experience...

However, hubby got a little upset a) for me breaking bounds and being too drunk to control my urges (i got naked before he came into the room and was fooling around w/ them making it awkward for him to decline)

and b) b/c he had a hard time getting an erection and it ended up being all about the other guy/girl/me again for the 2nd time... (side note: hubby wants to see a Dr b/c this has been going on for 2 weeks now and he thinks he actually hurt his penis during sex possibly... so odd b/c he has never had this issue before and he actually feels pain)...he is naturally embarrassed and i am for him as well ... since i want this to be an awesome experience for us both...

Anyhow, we did enjoy our time w/ them...So... any advice on how we should follow up w/ the couple? We would like repeat play time w/ them, and would like to host them over our place sometime in the next few weeks... maybe more sober and when hubby is more in the mood and everything is working down there. I was thinking of shooting them an email but dont want to turn them off or make too many excuses... or do i let them contact us?

Im kind of mixed about the experience. It was great and hubby certainly pleased her, and we all had awesome chemistry, but I could tell the girl was concerned that hubby couldnt get fully hard, but she did a good job at moving on to other fun things.. plus Hubby used the excuse that him having roommates freaked him out and he couldn't get used to the idea of them being right down the hallway..which is why they think he couldn't fully get into things..

We kind of wish we held off on "playing" as we had agreed, but again, too much drinking and the bounds went out the window. Lesson learned for next time... i think our first rule should be to discuss how much alcohol should be involved.

Thx for any advice!

[NYFunCpl]

Originally Posted by bbarnsworth

Please do! pant pant pant



I'd have a discussion with your spouse beforehand and agree it's ok to play on the first date if it seems everything is going great. I think it's a bad idea to bend/break rules mid-stream, so to speak. One or the other spouse may feel pressured to say yes in the circumstance, and regret it later. Better to understand your limits in full, play within those, and re-adjust afterwards.

BTW- your totally right here... this is exactly what happened... lesson learned for next time....

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by NYFunCpl

lesson learned for next time....

I think we all have those kind of lessons under our belt.

Live and learn - and sometimes the live part does come first

Spoomonkey

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

I think we all have those kind of lessons under our belt.

Live and learn - and sometimes the live part does come first

Spoomonkey

Very true.

You two sound like a very nice couple who are finding their way along. I hope to see more of you around the forums. Thank you for sharing.

Also... if your husband is actually feeling pain in his privates, please make sure he sees a doctor. Sounds like it could be something you don't want to let go for long.

[Edison Carter]

"I will bend like a reed in the wind."

[TwoAreLooking]

Originally Posted by NYFunCpl

BTW- your totally right here... this is exactly what happened... lesson learned for next time....

So, I totally get it, as I get WAY more comfortable WAY faster than D does. We learned this lesson, too, and may well learn it again (horniness apparently makes me a slow learner). The path WE found (which may or may not work for you) was a long discussion, during which we reaffirmed our relationship and the primacy of that. We both have a what-if clause for first times -- ideally, no intimacy, but that's a rule observed more in the breach than the observation . I always check in with him, but he knows I'm going to ask, if you know what I mean?

M.

[NYFunCpl]

Thanks for all the insights...

So, its been a few days and we haven't had an answer back from our text (just a casual text basically saying we had fun, and we should all get in touch/together in the future). Im guessing they are not interested in us or playing hard to get... but can't be sure.

Should we send them a follow up email as well basically just to double check they got the text and let them know how we feel and where we stand?

It turns out, Hubby likely has Prostatitis, from trauma from heavy weight lifting at the gym (combined w/ a few other things)...