Initiating Wife's Sis-in-law into Swinging

[ratimadan]

We have been mulling this over for quite some time without reaching a firm conslusion as to which way to proceed. Jan (wife's sister-in-law) has been widowed for almost a decade and half. Her husband died suiddenly when her children (boy and girl) were less than five years old. We, husband and wife, have had an excellent relationship with Jan all along helping her with raising her kids to adulthood. Jan did not remarry and had no interest in any LTR with another man. Jan is a very attractive but strong-willed female. With hard work and smarts Jan is now in the executive ranks of her company. Jan and I (the hubby, M) have had a great relationship, social on the surface, but with desire for sexual intercourse between us two that was latent. Now this desire for sex between Jan and me, at mostly her initiative, has surfaced strongly and openly. We have thought about doing a threesome with Jan and wife (R) where Jan and I would play with and fuck Jan. This is fine with wife, since both women are heterosexual and do not care for f/f play.

We have been cautioned against a 3some because it could lead to Jan developing an emotional attachment to me after sexual intercourse and the strong orgasms she is likely to experience when the two of us fuck. So the thought is to do a threesome as a lead-in to initiating Jan into swinging and experiencing sexual intercourse with other men. The idea is to introduce Jan to a foursome with us two and another single man (who gets to fuck two women) and also other couples looking for a single woman to play with. A couples' (sex) party could be Jan's next next experience where she gets to experience sex play and intercourse with several men in a party atmosphere. A couples' club (for sex) is out because of the risk of running into someone from her business associates, which could ruin Jan's career.

We are looking for comments if this approach would work and suggestions on alternative ways to get Jan into swinging where she will enjoy sex with a variety of sex partners and gets her sexual desires sated.

Thanks in advance for any suggestions on how to handle this issue and help Jan attain her sexual potential with minimal risk.

[ncmd_couple]

Ratimadan,

Is this just a conversation between you and your wife, or is this an ongoing conversation between all three of you?

S

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by ncmd_couple

Ratimadan,

Is this just a conversation between you and your wife, or is this an ongoing conversation between all three of you?

S

I was wondering the same thing.

[realcplub2]

Please do not mis understand what I am about to say...

You are looking for the finish line before crossing the first hurdle

As close as you have been, you have been HER family. despite how we might read into things, you are looking to transition it into more than being just family.. And you from what you wrote would seem to have ASSUMED she wants to have sex with you.. Has it been flat out asked for on her part?

We all can play grab ass, or pinch and tickle... flirt openly, and never take it to the next level..

Honestly, since you both are so close to her.. IF this is the route you want to take, then have her sister, sit her down and flat out ask her, TACTFULLY You stay out of it, out of the conversation, hell out of the house

Then you will know where she is at mentally and how to proceed.

[CXXC]

Originally Posted by realcplub2

Please do not mis understand what I am about to say...

You are looking for the finish line before crossing the first hurdle

As close as you have been, you have been HER family. despite how we might read into things, you are looking to transition it into more than being just family.. And you from what you wrote would seem to have ASSUMED she wants to have sex with you.. Has it been flat out asked for on her part?

We all can play grab ass, or pinch and tickle... flirt openly, and never take it to the next level..

Honestly, since you both are so close to her.. IF this is the route you want to take, then have her sister, sit her down and flat out ask her, TACTFULLY You stay out of it, out of the conversation, hell out of the house

Then you will know where she is at mentally and how to proceed.

PERFECTLY PUT!!!!!

[PB&J]

I find it odd that 5 years ago you posted in this thread Generally accepted limits in regards to swinging with in-laws or others that "Jan (not her real name) has been widowed for 15 long years", and yet now, 5 and a half years later, it's "almost a decade and half".

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by ncmd_couple

Ratimadan,

Is this just a conversation between you and your wife, or is this an ongoing conversation between all three of you?

S

First and above all, I'm sorry for the loss of a family member. Helping as you have over the years, is admirable.

At this point, I'm thinking it's an ongoing conversation between Mr and Mrs Ratimadan, and a single male playmate. (not intending to jump to conclusions if I am )

It also seems, you are close enough that Jan knows your swingers, right ? So why not just ask her to visit a club/party with both, or all three of you, and she can chose who ever she might want to play with ?

Not that there is a right or wrong to this (I do understand your attraction)

But, it just has a (we want first dibs feeling) the way I'm reading this. FWIW I don't blame you either... Especially, with the attractions going on.

How do you really know she hasn't been with someone ? If she has been with anyone and she doesn't want you to know..... You wont. I can imagine a certain feeling of betrayal to your wifes brother if she had....

If she knows your swingers and is an executive of a large company, I would think she has not only been exposed to the vanilla "Date Sites" but the swingers sites as well.

You might be surprised, who is behind some of those single females profiles. Many worries they have are in fact, family finding out. We had a playmate once who didn't want her sister to know. Her sister and brother go to the Club we are members of. It happens.....

What if you find out about someone she doesn't want you to know about ? Would it effect you in any way.... Be honest with yourself and think about this. Do you really want whats best for her ?

You could always mention the Swingers Board to Jan Why not let her have the exposure to an informed decision, as you have found ?

[interested-05]

just a thought, but the impression i have is that you and your wife like to include her in a poly relationship, as long as she is feeling totaly free to search out a variety of swinging avenues and not focus her interest in you.

[JustAskJulie]

I'm wondering if Jan has expressed any interest beyond fucking you? Have you talked to her about swinging at all?

[ratimadan]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

I'm wondering if Jan has expressed any interest beyond fucking you? Have you talked to her about swinging at all?

Very good question regarding Jan's sexual desires beyond the two of us fucking. We have been discretely talking to Jan about exploring swinging beyond sex between us two, and enjoying other (and multiple) sex partners, where she as a single female can be in the "driver's seat" and call the shots. She gets to decide who she fucks or who gets to fuck her and under what circumstances.

We are trying to educate Jan about the pleasures of swinging and experiencing sex, as single female, with a variety of sex partners of her choosing in a safe and discrete manner. The sex between Jan and M is planned as a lead-in to greater sexual pleasures with other sex partners for her. What we do want to avoid is a situation where Jan perceives a threesome with us and sexual intercourse with hubby as a signal for a poly relationship with us.

[Edison Carter]

Ed here--Why, oh why, do you feel that you are the ones that should not only introduce Jan to her sexual options but to actually BE her sexual option. Also, the arrogance in thinking that you can introduce her to swinging and then send her out upon the 'field of play' is quite surprising. Fixing her up with someone sure seems a better idea. There are just too many 'wires' on this 'bomb' for it not to go off.

You should remain well intentioned 'bystanders'. The best thing to do is direct Jan to this site and have her initiate her explorations. You can answer any questions, yet keep it to that.

[DigginIt]

I firmly get the impression that this is something you strongly desire. You want to have sex with her so badly that it may be clouding your judgement about what is emotionally best for Jan.

When you really desire something you can't always think rationally but you often can come up with justifications for your rationale, lol.

I almost think I would be more concerned about you falling in love with Jan than vice versa. Granted I have not heard much about her side of the story but it sure sounds like you have more than a sexual attraction there and it's possible that you may have emotions that have been deeply buried are fueling this ambition.

I don't pretend to be a psychologist but this has 'recipe for disaster' written all over it. What if it doesn't go well, what will happen to your relationship with Jan then? Honestly, I see Geraldo written all over this episode.

[ratimadan]

We apppreciate all the well thought out responses regarding our desire for Jan's introduction to swinging via a three some for sexual play and intercourse with hubby, followed by sex with other couples/sex partners.

Our desire is to be facilitators or mentors for Jan's sexual awakening/enjoyment and not as grantors of sexual favors to.

In light of all the comments so far, we plan to be very careful in initiating a sexual relationship between Jan and hubby. We might even direct Jan to this Board for infromation on swinging.

[fun4Ds]

Keep us informend, this is a very unusual situation to say the least....

At this point I would think there are bonds that cant be broken, or at least... shouldn't.

We truly hope this goes well, for all involved

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by ratimadan

We apppreciate all the well thought out responses regarding our desire for Jan's introduction to swinging via a three some for sexual play and intercourse with hubby, followed by sex with other couples/sex partners.

Our desire is to be facilitators or mentors for Jan's sexual awakening/enjoyment and not as grantors of sexual favors to.

In light of all the comments so far, we plan to be very careful in initiating a sexual relationship between Jan and hubby. We might even direct Jan to this Board for infromation on swinging.

We've heard a LOT about YOUR desires, what we've not heard enough about is Jan's desires... perhaps you haven't either? Have you really allowed her to express her own desires without putting your influence on them? Whatever you choose to do make sure it's what she really wants and not just you exerting your influence.