Our vanilla friends not so vanilla or are we just imagining it?

[Newpants]

Hello, we hope you can offer us some wisdom. we have been in the lifestyle a little while and have had a few experiences with couples. We have some vanilla friends that we were very close to over ten years ago when we were still vanillas. We had a very sexually open relationship with them in that we often talked openly about sex and our sex lives and we have vacationed with them and had sex with our own partners separated only by a thin wall so we could all hear what was going on etc but we never actually had any sexual contact with them. I also need to add that their fem half was very sexually open and horny all the time, ie she was not shy or prudish.

Anyway, we all drifted apart and got busy raising our families, building our careers and they moved away and live several hours away and we have not seen them for several years and only exchange an occasional Christmas card or chain letter email.

Out of the blue a few weeks ago the male half called us and said they were coming to town to see family over the holidays and they wanted to get together with us. That is not strange or remarkable. What is remarkable is how much he was stressing that they wanted to get rid of kids and have an "adult night". He said adult night, adult entertainment and adult fun over and over. He also said they wanted to get a single hotel room and the 4 of us spend the night together.

My alarm bells started going off and I tried to push things a little bit to get a feel for what he was getting at so I suggested getting a whirlpool suite and a few bottles of champange and having a hell of time and he didn't even flinch or try to make any disclaimers or boundries etc.

Now we are wondering if during our separation that perhaps they may have gone down a similar path as us and are now swingers also or at least open to the idea of some kind of sexual exploration with us. Are we seeing legitimate signs or do we have a distorted view of reality since we are in the lifestyle and are just seeing signs we want to see?

Any advice on how we should proceed from here? Is there a way we can feel them out a little bit more and find out what they are thinking without outing ourselves in case we are misreading things?

[xxxboxy]

On this one, I'd just go with the flow. If they're swingers they'll think that they're seducing their vanilla friends.

[Edison Carter]

Susan here: First, if they're Swingers who think seducing 'vanilla' friends is a good idea, I'd run. That being said, it seems like you need to have some 'mantalk' with your old buddy and make certain that he explains himself. And, should you get to the fact that they Swing, you can say you do too and it seems like a fun night.

Blurring everything with 'what ifs' and innuendo never works. In fact it creates expectations that are sure to be traps for disaster.

[Newpants]

Thanks XXX and Edison. Actually our plan at this point is for the fem halves to have some 'girltalk' instead because however the ladies decide to go is how it will be whether we are all vanilla or all swingers anyway.

I do need to point out that we are not going to try and seduce them or make any first moves. I am mainly wanting to know if we are really seeing signs here or if we are offbase in thinking there may be something brewing here.

If they do have something in mind we want to be prepared to deal with that appropriately and if they do not have anything in mind we want to behave ourselves and not do anything out of line.

Frankly if they are swingers and proposition us, depending on the mood at the time we may take them up on it and if they are vanillas that are just using the wrong words with the wrong people we want to keep things on the up and up.

I don't have any proof or evidence but my gut is telling me they are fledgling newbies and are wanting to take some of their first steps with some old friends that they trust and are comfortable with. In the past we were pretty sexual around each other but just never had anything physical between us.

At this point we don't care whether we have a vanilla night with some old friends or have a roll in the hay, we just want to know if we are seeing legitimate signs or if we are just imagining it.

[N8ture Girl]

What is remarkable is how much he was stressing that they wanted to get rid of kids and have an "adult night". He said adult night, adult entertainment and adult fun over and over.

Honestly they could be wanting a night out away from the kids. And they just happen to be very excited about it. Maybe they have not had a night out away from the kids in a long time. Who knows really?

Since you are really eager to get in the LS, you may be seeing more than there is. Maybe not. The only way to know is ask them! You dont have to out yourself by asking them if they are swingers. I would want to know their intentions before they got there.

My $ .02

[ratimadan]

Go with the flow without any expectations and see what happens. Perhaps you will end up playing, swapping mates and fucking each other's spouse for good measure. If you do not play and full swap mates, hopefully you will have had a great time with the couple short of sexual intercourse.

[ncmd_couple]

Another suggestion to possibly find out is to search the swinger's search sites for their area and look to see if they have a profile on a site such as Swing Lifestyle. Who knows, they might have seen your profile if you have one.

Probably they are talking about an adult night with no kids!

S

[lizandtom]

Originally Posted by Newpants

At this point we don't care whether we have a vanilla night with some old friends or have a roll in the hay, we just want to know if we are seeing legitimate signs or if we are just imagining it.

Newpants, this has all the makings of a great time. Like your plan says, just go out with an open mind with no expectations of more than a fun time with old friends.

Here's the pitfall for you two to be mindful of; since you are old friends, you and the other couple may feel the need to not expose your lifestyle because of undue pressure if in fact the other couple is vanilla, i.e. a prim and proper niceness where you wouldn't want to come off as pressuring by divulging your secret lifestyle, and vice versa. Mind you if the girls talk then enough may be uncovered beforehand. If not, then your one leg up on this whole situation is that you'all have talked sex openly before, so no doubt sex talk will come up when you meet.

All you need to do to break the ice is simply say that you have experimented a little with the swinging lifestyle and then look very carefully at their immediate reaction for intrigue or condemnation. You don't have to divulge anything more until you see how receptive they are to that. I think that it will either blossom into something more right then and there, but if they are completely vanilla and it's to go no further then you can simply explain that your experimentation was something simple like a visit to a swing club you have heard about, although you decided 'it wasn't for you and nothing happened.'

Good luck and report back; would love to hear how it went.

[SecretAsianMan]

I'd follow the suggestions of the ones who've already answered before me... "go with the flow"

If this is a couple that y'all are interested in sharing an experience with ... then be prepared for it (bring condoms & stuff just in case). But just enjoy yourselves and have a good time - even if NOTHING happens. They're your old friends. Treat them as such and give them the respect & communication that they deserve.

[DigginIt]

hmmm. I would tend to agree with the earlier post that they want to get out for some 'no kids involved' kind of fun. Getting the hotel room might simply be that they want to split the cost with you so they can get really drunk and crazy and not have to drive home and they are hoping you will split it with them.

There are a few posts across this board where I have read to 'beware' when you get in the lifestyle you start to over analyze simple flirtation from your vanilla friends. People have actually lost friendships because they misread those simple flirtatious gestures as more than what they were which was just the other couple having fun.

I do agree with the theme of 'go with the flow' but I would let them make any obvious gestures or advances before you just started hitting on your buddies wife. Just my thoughts. All of my buddies are all military or ex-military and they would probably kick my ass if I tried to pick up their woman, lol.

If on the other hand, they are hoping to have a great night of shagging with you two then make sure you stop by and let us know

[realcplub2]

Originally Posted by ncmd_couple

Another suggestion to possibly find out is to search the swinger's search sites for their area and look to see if they have a profile on a site such as Swing Lifestyle. Who knows, they might have seen your profile if you have one.

Probably they are talking about an adult night with no kids!

S

We have no idea what sites you belong to, NEWPANTS, so, do a simple search on any you belong to and see... Include in the paramaiters, non paying members within the time frame of at least 6 months before you got the first call, informing you they were headed to town to see "family" as well as you..

Narrow your results by the age range, Hair color.. hieght.. get as detailed as you can, and see what happens..

If nothing comes back, then, as well as the women having girl talk.. get a free moment and put the simple question to your buddy..

"what did you have in mind for this ADULT night?"

you arent outting yourselves, and if they are either guessing, or hoping then he should spill it

[DigginIt]

Here is a thought...

Maybe they did a radius search and found you?

[SecretAsianMan]

Yeah ... if truly in doubt and you're dying to know for sure - just flat out ask them what they mean by "adult night"

[WonderWhat]

If they already are seasoned swingers, then by all means play with them if the mood and situation permits.

If they're newbies, let them marinade before cooking.

If they're raging vanillas trying to seduce the friends they've always had the hots for, offer to mentor them without sex involved, and tell them that once they're experienced and have their boundaries well explored, that the offer is open for reconsideration in the future.

In other words, don't rush out and get a reservation. First have a nice dinner and drinks where you can talk, all four of you, during the first days of their stay.

If things work out as in option #1, then get a room for the next to last of their nights in town. Don't do it on their last night, considering your friendship, things might need to be discussed the next day without the pressure of having to leave.

Option #2 would mean that you can keep in touch, talk and email about it, but that you don't want to endanger the friendship by having sex with them until they're really clear about their swingerness.

Option #3 is option #2 on steroids.

[Additude]

It sounds like fun. For sure, a night away from the trials and tribulations of rountine family tasks....Do it, have fun and see where it goes.

To be honest, it is exactly what you think it is, or at least no less than it was before.

Isn't that obvious?