Our vanilla friends not so vanilla or are we just imagining it?

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by SecretAsianMan

Yeah ... if truly in doubt and you're dying to know for sure - just flat out ask them what they mean by "adult night"

Well put. Why not just ask them? You might get a direct answer or at least some honest discussion. Maybe it would save you some of the wondering.

[N8ture Girl]

Lots of different ideas and thoughts from everyone. Like many including myself, just asking would save alot of wondering.

Looking forward to finding out what there true intentions are. Please be sure let us know. Its like watching a tv show's season finale, don't leave us hanging!

[lv2prty]

to me, if he said get a room for 4. this implies that more will happen than just drinks. i would call the other female, and ask her if you should bring PJ's to sleep in or sexy lingerie. if she says sexy lingerie then you have your answer.

[JustAskJulie]

Since from the sounds of it you guys aren't REAL close these days like you were in the past, you really have nothing to lose. If you are worried about things going bad, you might want to just outright ask (as others have suggested) beforehand. Otherwise you can try just playing it by ear. Your thoughts on having the girls discuss it is a good one as well... but I wouldn't wait till you are in the hotel room to have that discussion. If they really didn't intend it that way, you could leave the rest of the evening (after that conversation) feeling very awkward.

[Newpants]

Thanks everyone for your ideas and suggestions. We really aren't trying to overthink it and we are trying to not let our imaginations get too carried away.

I need to address a few of the points that were brought up.

Neither they nor we really drink so the purpose of the room is not so people can tie one on and have a place to crash.

We have done a haphazard search of the sites in there area with nothing that would indicate they were on a swinger site and our profile does not have any identifying features of us that they could recognize either.

We do have full intentions of just "go with the flow", we just want to know which way that "flow" is before we are neck deep in it

We have always considered our vanilla friends, neighbors, coworkers etc completely off limits however we really no longer consider these people our close friends anymore as they now live several hours away and we really haven't kept in touch at all for several years.

Bottom line is we are fine with just having a completely vanilla evening with them and getting away from the kids and getting caught up. There were just a few things he said that set off our "SWINGDAR". My purpose in writing was to see if our swingdar was going off for a valid reason or we are seeing things that really aren't there.

Our plan at this point is for our fem and their fem to get in contact with each other and ask her exactly what they are wanting to do for the evening and see if she says some things that set off the swingdar as well.

We'll let you know either way how that goes.

Thanks again!

[xxxboxy]

Keep us posted! Even if it's nothing more than friends getting together and getting caught back up with each other. We all seem to like living vicariously through others in addition to our own adventures...I know that Mrsxxxboxy and I do...

[ncmd_couple]

Newpants,

As we don't know a whole lot about you, or how experienced you are, there are a lot of guesses being made. Your "Swingdar," or "Playdar" as it is called here, will blip pretty often after you get to be an experienced swinger. Mine blips all the time. The trick is to be patient.

S

[toofartoosee]

Hi there pants; As I read, I think that once into the lifestyle you are now on a totally different state of being for the Nillas. If your confident, and thinking about it, then you will make connections you never did. You now have Playdar, and it going to ping wether you want it to or not, so keep that in mind. You see what you want to see. Like childern we see things in shadow shapes that just are not there. For instance We are freindly with a couple, and we were out, and she started joking about me being the other boy freind, and being flerty. I looked over at her and said. " have you, and your guy started experimenting". Well she did a double take, and didn't flert the rest of the night...At all...Which I thought was the funnest thing. Looking at from a swingers point of view at the Nilla's. I have also notice that when people feel safe they will be more flertatious, because inside they now nothing will come of it, it's an inoccent game, with friends.
Keep in mind, that when radar was first made birds were cooked in mid-air mistakenly because the power was turned up so high.
good luck 2C

[fun4Ds]

I was going to suggest taking condoms but realized you probably were already headed out the door by then.

Were you talking about this weekend to see your friends again ?

If so, how did it go with them ?

[norcalcouple]

Any updates

[Ed & Bunny]

Originally Posted by norcalcouple

Any updates

Good, I am not the only one wondering.

[oncewere]

I like the idea of asking about pajamas. Another idea is asking whether you should bring bathing suits for the hot tub.

The best idea, though, is to get the women talking. They will get to the bottom of things.

[Newpants]

I just wanted to give you an update to our evening out with our vanilla friends.

Here's the Reader's Digest version and I'll cut to the chase, we did not have any kind of sex with them but it ended up leaving us with more questions than answers.

About a week before we got together the male half called me to make arraingements and it was a completely different conversation than the time before. He did not say a single word that set off any kind of playdar and it was like any other conversation between vanilla friends. He said that they had canceled their hotel reservation and would be staying with family and that they wanted to have dinner and that was all he really said.

We figured we had let a few mispoken words let our imaginations get the best of us and we were seeing signs that weren't there and made plans for a regular vanilla outing.

The evening rolled around and we went out for dinner and were getting caught up. The conversations often were quite sexual and flirty at times and then at the end of dinner our female freind said she had never been to a strip club before and wanted to go. both she and my wife were all over it but the other male and I were hesitant and not really interested (shouldn't that have been the other way around?) our female friend stated she had never had a lapdance or touched another woman before and wanted to try it out.

We ended up going to a strip club and while there I ran into one of the dancers that I had met at a swinger club before and I tipped her to give our female friend a lapdance.

After a while the dancer (who was only wearing a g-string and heels) came over and climbed into our fem friends lap and proceeded to give her a lapdance and then lifted up our friends shirt and popped her boobs out of her bra and titty-rubbed on her and they each felt up each other's boobs and bodies for a minute or so.

After that she was blown away and talked about that all night and kept asking her husband if that turned him on and kept asked him if he'd like a 3-some some day. He was actually pretty much a stick-in-the-mud and just sat there and grumbled all evening and was pretty much just a buzz-kill about the whole thing.

the evening ended and we all said our good byes and "lets get together again soon"s and that was that.

Where things got interesting was over the next couple days I got a few emails from the other fem half and she stated how much fun they had and how much they needed to get out for some fun and how much they wanted to get together and have more "adult fun" again. She then went on thanking me for flirting with her and complimenting her and that it was the first time she had felt sexy and attractive in 10 years. Then she went on to say that the the next time we get together she wants to get a hotel room for the 4 of us and order some XXX movies and have an adult night at the hotel.

After all that my wife and I both have the feeling the fem half is comfortable with the idea of at least having some kind of encounter even if it is just same partner sex in the same room but the male half was such a party-pooper we aren't really comfortable about proceeding with anything further.

Any thoughts or comments???

[WonderWhat]

Originally Posted by Newpants

She then went on thanking me for flirting with her and complimenting her and that it was the first time she had felt sexy and attractive in 10 years. Then she went on to say that the the next time we get together she wants to get a hotel room for the 4 of us and order some XXX movies and have an adult night at the hotel.

My guess?

They've been having thoughts and talks about dipping their toes into the lifestyle, you and your wife came up as someone they are attracted to and are comfortable with and far away enough --geographically and intimacy-wise--, that they picked you as likely candidates for experimenting.

Then they had some sort of disagreement, he went ahead with part of the plan grudgingly, she had a blast, and there's probably trouble because now that she's feeling sexy, her man is not helping her feel sexy and she's not holding back to go at the pace of the slowest half of the couple.

Possible drama in the future unless they get their act together. Might not be anything serious, they might work it out, but maybe you don't want to be in the middle.

Maybe have your wife and her talk?

[Edison Carter]

She's starting to have plans and they do not necessarily require her husband. Mixing metaphors here: A switch got turned on at the strip club and you cannot unring a bell.