Boyfriend wants mfm...need advice

[surga22]

Me and my boyfriend have only been dating for about a month. He recently asked me to have a three sum with him and another guy. I have had three sums with other women and I'm completely up for that. But i am very nervous about doing this. . So i am not sure what to expect. I just need some advice on how to calm my nerves? And maybe what to expect?

Also my boyfriends reason for wanting this is he says it would turn him on to see another guy having sex with me.This is something that is just really different and really new for me .Is this a normal fantasy? I mean i know nothing is normal but i would think the last thing a guy wants is to see his girlfriend having sex with his best friend?..

[sexylady1970]

Boy this is a tough one.....Many couples feel that watching the other have sex with a member of the opposite sex is a real turn on (guilty as charged) The problem that we see is since your relationship is so new, you might have to ask him if he has been in the lifestyle previously either as a couple or single male. If that is the case, then perhaps he is asking you to do something for him only.

What is important is that BOTH members of the couple have to enjoy themselves equally. We fear that this might not be the case with you. Is the guy in question his best friend? You mentioned that in your email.

Most important is to talk it over with him.

Sorry to have to say this but there are red flags flying all over the place on this one.

[sweet_tna]

Lemme' get this straight. You've been dating all of a month and your boyfriend is already asking for a threesome

AND he wants you to do this with his best friend?

It's no wonder you're nervous. I think it's time for you to sit down with your boyfriend and talk about this. Tell him how you feel. Forget about making him happy, what do YOU want?

Yes, there are plenty of men out there who are happy to see their wives/girlfriends enjoying sex with another man. My hubby happens to be one of them.

As far as what you can expect, that's going to depend on what you and your boyfriend will decide you want to have happen. Again, this is something you need to talk to him about.

Just remember you do not have to do anything you do not want to do.

Best of luck to you,

=)

[LikeMinds321]

Hi surga22 ~

Welcome to the Swingers Board!

From the way your post is written, you don't sound excited about - or even interested in - having a MFM with your boyfriend and his best buddy. That right there is reason enough not to consider it.

Yes, husbands and boyfriends can enjoy seeing their woman having sex with other men, but that is usually something that they are comfortable with only after the relationship is long-standing, where love, respect, and trust have grown over time.

If you are considering the MFM only to please your boyfriend, or because you fear you'll lose him if you don't agree to his request, then I suggest you do not proceed.

My gut tells me this guy is only thinking of himself. He may get off on sharing his girlfriends with his buddies...kind of an ego trip for him. He may have a reputation for this behavior among his circle of close buddies.

If I were in your shoes, IF/WHEN I was ready to consider a MFM I'd tell my boyfriend this:

I'll think about a MFM, however, I'm not interested in your buddy. If I decide to have a MFM I would want to choose the other male, maybe someone I know well and have had sex with before. Of course, you'd get to meet him first to make sure you were comfortable with being in a MFM with him. We both need to be comfortable if we do this.

I'd say that to him for two reasons: 1) to test this guy out and 2) to let him know where I stand. If he balked at me having some say in what I DO WITH MY BODY then this guy isn't worth my time of day. I'd drop him.

I hope you come back to post and let us know more about you and your relationship with your boyfriend. Ask any further questions you'd like.

When the time comes that you feel good and ready to explore MFM sex, the Swingers Board is packed with good information and advice. Please take advantage of what it can offer you.

LM

[truckerbuddy]

Originally Posted by sweet_tna

AND he wants you to do this with his best friend?

It's no wonder you're nervous. I think it's time for you to sit down with your boyfriend and talk about this. Tell him how you feel. Forget about making him happy, what do YOU want? =)

Miss sweet_tna.. thank you for asking that ( what do you want ) thats the real 64 dallor qusetion here

[Mr.Essex]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

*snip*

My gut tells me this guy is only thinking of himself. He may get off on sharing his girlfriends with his buddies...kind of an ego trip for him. He may have a reputation for this behavior among his circle of close buddies.

If I were in your shoes, IF/WHEN I was ready to consider a MFM I'd tell my boyfriend this:

I'll think about a MFM, however, I'm not interested in your buddy. If I decide to have a MFM I would want to choose the other male, maybe someone I know well and have had sex with before. Of course, you'd get to meet him first to make sure you were comfortable with being in a MFM with him. We both need to be comfortable if we do this.

I'd say that to him for two reasons: 1) to test this guy out and 2) to let him know where I stand. If he balked at me having some say in what I DO WITH MY BODY then this guy isn't worth my time of day. I'd drop him.
*snip*

LM

I edited a bit, but the center paragraphs looked like they were ripped from my brain as I was thinking of a response.

To me, it sounds more like he's testing you, not "testing the waters". For every kinky man, there are a dozen who have been burned before. By not immediately jumping to a "Yes" or "No" response (as well as stating your personal parameters for considering such actions), you could be simultaneously reinforcing your level of attraction to him *and* informing him about your level of comfort with "alternate sexualities". One question: does he know about your pre-relationship encounters with other women?

[surga22]

Yes my boyfriend knows about me being with other women..And told me this is something he has never done before and something he has been wanting to try but i guess never had the courage to ask any girl he has been with before...
(dont honestly know if that is true or not)


I did talk with him more and he insisted the only reason he wanted to do this with his friend was because he didnt know any one else that would be interested..We still havent had the three sum because i dont feel it be right to sleep with his friend plus I see no attraction to his friend at all..How could we go about finding another guy possibly one that neither of us is close to?

[slevin]

Originally Posted by surga22

Yes my boyfriend knows about me being with other women..And told me this is something he has never done before and something he has been wanting to try but i guess never had the courage to ask any girl he has been with before...
(dont honestly know if that is true or not)


I did talk with him more and he insisted the only reason he wanted to do this with his friend was because he didnt know any one else that would be interested..We still havent had the three sum because i dont feel it be right to sleep with his friend plus I see no attraction to his friend at all..How could we go about finding another guy possibly one that neither of us is close to?

I am willing to bet that he has either brought it up to girlfriends in the past and been told no, or he just surmised that they wouldn't be interested in it. Could be he didnt have the courage too though lol

As for finding guys you could try online at sites like Swinglifestyle, Adultfriendfinder etc. or you could try going to a swingers club that allows single men.

[LFM2]

Hi surga22!!

Welcome to the Swingers Board!

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

If I were in your shoes, IF/WHEN I was ready to consider a MFM I'd tell my boyfriend this:

I'll think about a MFM, however, I'm not interested in your buddy. If I decide to have a MFM I would want to choose the other male, maybe someone I know well and have had sex with before. Of course, you'd get to meet him first to make sure you were comfortable with being in a MFM with him. We both need to be comfortable if we do this.

LM

I have to agree with LM, here. She always gives excellent advice and doesn't lead people astray. Being in the threesome thing with a male, I have to say that I love choosing who we're going to enjoy together.

I have to also agree that threesomes aren't really even discussed until a relationship has been established between two people and that level of respect, trust and communication has ensued.

Originally Posted by surga22

I did talk with him more and he insisted the only reason he wanted to do this with his friend was because he didnt know any one else that would be interested..We still havent had the three sum because i dont feel it be right to sleep with his friend plus I see no attraction to his friend at all..How could we go about finding another guy possibly one that neither of us is close to?

Your BF might be on the up and up and he really just might be curious what a threesome is like. But since you find nothing about his friend attractive, that kinda solves that problem. Like slevin said, you can always find a third male at SwingLifeStyle or AdultFriendFinder. We've had more success at AFF, but your mileage may vary.

Once again, welcome to the Swingers Board! I'm glad you found us!!

[JandY]

Originally Posted by surga22

............................We still havent had the three sum because i dont feel it be right to sleep with his friend plus I see no attraction to his friend at all...............

[truckerbuddy]

Hi surga22

I didn't see where you said if you wanted to do this.. DO you want to have a 3some?? or even go down this road?? I did see where you said you have been in a 3some with a lady, and i think your ok with that... but..

Please DON'T do this for him, DO it for your self.. what you want.

The friend thing .. BAD IDEA in my apinyan..

Now the MFM ,, WOW can be fun and hot...

good luck

[realcplub2]

Originally Posted by surga22

Me and my boyfriend have only been dating for about a month. He recently asked me to have a three sum with him and another guy. I have had three sums with other women and I'm completely up for that. But i am very nervous about doing this. . So i am not sure what to expect. I just need some advice on how to calm my nerves? And maybe what to expect?

Also my boyfriends reason for wanting this is he says it would turn him on to see another guy having sex with me.This is something that is just really different and really new for me .Is this a normal fantasy? I mean i know nothing is normal but i would think the last thing a guy wants is to see his girlfriend having sex with his best friend?..

Welcome... You are in the right place to ask these questions..

While I have no indication as to you feeling about this, as was pointed out by every else, THIS IS COMPLETELY UP TO YOU. Your prior encounters, are just that YOURS.

Titllating your new boyfreind with the details may serve to inspire nice stiff reactions, but the details are way different than what he is proposing.

There are dozens of threads here asking similar questions to what you are asking, and most of us , always say the same thing.. when adding a new playmate to this equation, add someone new.. Someone who doesnt share all the same friends, isnt likely to slip/brag, or flat out gossip, about what you and your new boyfriend did with them... as is usually the case..

The person added CAN get a case of inflated ego.. And can also, lead to a bit of unwelcome familiarity, in other words, looking for repeat play, with or without his friends permission or attendance.

Finally, you asked what usually happens during a MFM.. there is no set game plan except what YOU set as acceptable. Your boyfreind I am sure has his own script he would like to follow, But in all cases YOU have final say. Where the added person has permission to touch, and go, is up to you

Now, please do not misunderstand, threesomes are fun, and can be the fodder for fulfilling many fantasies.. His and Yours.. But its something you both need to be on the same page about. Surprises, are best kept out of the bedroom, in these situations.

The final thing I wanted to comment on and this is just to really get you to think.. previous posts all waved the red flag over how long you two have been together/going out..

You two have by your own admission been going out a month.. meaning at best if you hopped into bed the first night.. you and he have been together sexually, what 10, maybe 20 times? there is still plenty to sexplore with each other.. you might wanna run up that road first before taking this highway.