I want to swing (as a couple) with a married woman...

[JustAskJulie]

Dude. You've been a member on here since 2001 and really you thought you'd hear people being accepting of you and your cheating girlfriend? Based on your first post in this thread you KNEW what kind of responses you would get here, so why are you now so surprised at them?

Let me ask you this, as someone else kinda did - ARE YOU BEING HONEST WITH HER HUSBAND!? DOES HE KNOW? If he knows... it's not cheating. You just have a really complicated situation and are going to complicate it more.

You didn't say if you are looking for single females or more single males for a threesome. If it's single males chances are (hate to say it as most of those we get actively posting here aren't this way - but you are proof that many are) most won't care. If you are looking for single females - good luck! If you've been here since 2001, you also know how hard finding/getting those are under normal circumstances.

[Rob]

Is the high and mightiness of the swinging community that turned me off years ago when I was in it while in a previous relationship, and I see that same attitude prevails today.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by Rob

Is the high and mightiness of the swinging community that turned me off years ago when I was in it while in a previous relationship, and I see that same attitude prevails today.

What is so high and mighty about not wanting to encourage people to cheat and lie to their partner? What is so high and mighty about wanting to encourage good strong relationships between couples that are based on honesty and communication?

Not that I expect you to answer those questions when you still haven't answered the questions I asked you in the previous post.

[Speed & Trixie]

At risk of stating someting you may have considered already, have you thought about how your affair may HURT her children? She's staying with a man who doesn't care about her so her kids have a stable home -- but if the husband finds out about you two, he could divorce her and get full custody of the kids! (Whether he wants full custody or not -- if he doesn't care about her, he likely doesn't care about hurting her this way.)

I'm not being high or mighty, just realistic.

And, regarding your oringinal question, "How do we present our situation to potential swinging partners?" Just be honest. Like LikeMinds said -- I love the suggestion of that kind of introduction to a new couple or single. Or something like "We play together - she's married and I'm not." Those who care will then be able to ask about her husband, and those who don't care will simply be aware.

Trixie

PS. For your own safety, please keep in mind that if a woman is willing to deceive her husband like this, she is also capable of lying to YOU. Please keep your eyes wide open regarding this woman. I wish you the best of luck.

[rpu3]

I'll throw my two cents in, even though OP has declared his thread closed. Too bad; there's plenty of good information still available.

I am married. I also have a very good friend with benefits. We have just recently discussed the possibility of going to a club together in the future. However, it should be noted that my situation differs from yours in that my husband is fully aware of everything going on - including any potential visit, no matter what the purpose, so suffice to say, even just broaching the topic of going to a club I took back to The Spousal Unit for discussion. Thus, if said friend is still interested and I do chose to go, no one is being lied to or cheated on.

One of issues discussed recently is that I needed to know up front what my friend expected, for a few reasons, but especially since I am married to someone else. My marital status may be an issue unless there is no intent by either of us to do anything but watch and be watched, etc. Sure, anyone and their brother could speak to my spouse to verify our arrangement, but it's just not worth it for most.

I'd fully expect to have fewer opportunities if I did go with my friend specifically to swing because I'm the type to disclose the facts to allow the other parties free choice as to any activities. It's the least I can do to not deceive others and allow others complete information to make their own decisions. Those interested may very well pass me/us by because of the "odd" arrangement; others may have no objection to it.

I can only hope that you are honest when you and your "friend" attend a swing club. It's not high and mighty to want you to be upfront as to your situation. It's not high or mighty to not want to deal with the drama of cheating in any fashion. However, I do think it would be rather high and mighty on your part to withhold such information on multiple levels just so you and your friend can get some.

Good luck in whatever choice you make; I can only hope that you allow others to make their own choice by being honest if and when you visit a club. LM's line is what I'd want to hear from you and your friend.

[N8ture Girl]

Originally Posted by Rob

Is the high and mightiness of the swinging community that turned me off years ago when I was in it while in a previous relationship, and I see that same attitude prevails today.

Typical childish statement. With that kind of attitude its no wonder you didnt get anywhere when you were in the LS before. Your just upset because no one will condone what your doing. If I saw you and your lady friend at a club, and you lied to me about your relationship and I found out after the fact I would be pissed! Not only would the lady's husband be after your ass, so would I!

Besides, cheating is cheating no matter how you slice it, and if I had a dime for every time I have said this but I dont want to make the news "Man kills wife and sex companions" Film and 11! Or get my ass dragged into court for the divorce proceedings.

High and mightiness...maybe so, but I can say that cheating is a low blow thing to do to someone. I bet if a girl was cheating on you you would think differently. But in any event I dont care what the excuse is, if the marriage is no good then get out! Like another poster said, "Its better for the kids to have happy divorced parents than unhappy married ones!! "

[GerdOEvert]

Both Eileen and I travelled a lot when we were in the lifestyle.

She went to some parties with a lover, Ben.

And I went to some parties with pasrtners, Heather, Sally, Brooksie and Valerie.

We knew about it in advance, and was not an issue.

None of the partners we played with ever asked.

[two4youinswva]

You said:

Originally Posted by Rob

And I know, most of you will think this is a disaster waiting to happen and you're probably right.

Then we said:

Originally Posted by Most of the Replies

This is a disaster waiting to happen!

So, your reply was:

Originally Posted by Rob

Is the high and mightiness of the swinging community that turned me off years ago when I was in it while in a previous relationship, and I see that same attitude prevails today.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

You've been a registered member of this board for 8 1/2 years, so I am going to assume (yeah, I know) you knew what the prevailing attitude on this board is in regards to screwing around behind someone's back, and yet you're shocked, shocked! at the responses you've received. Did you honestly think we'd say "Well, we don't condone cheating, but, since it's you Rob, it will be OK this time, so here's what you do......"?

Most of us aren't "high and mighty" around here. We do tend to speak honestly and to the point.
Speaking for myself, I'm not passing judgment on the morality of cheating. I just want to know that when I'm ass deep between a lady's knees, her husband doesn't walk in and bust a cap in my ass. That makes for a real mood killer.

So, here's my advice. If she is in a loveless/sexless marriage, she should get out of the marriage. No BS about staying for the children. All that does is teach them to find a miserable marriage of their own when they grow up.
If she doesn't want to do this, then walk away, and find a single female free of that baggage to start a relationship with. Then move forward as appropriate.

Good luck.

[Dave_kat]

Slightly off topic here, but a question popped into our heads after reading this thread.

We had an incident at our last big event here in town, where two gentleman from the bar next door convinced a single woman to try to get them into our private party. We sussed that out quickly enough, but wondered if that was what was going through Rob's mind.. With the prevalence of prejudice against single males in the group, does he think bringing someone, even a married woman with whom he is having an affair, would allow him a better entry into the lifestyle?

[Rob]

Just thought I'd let you all know that I ended this relationship -- and did so before we had any swinging experiences. So I'm back to being a regular single male again.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Rob

Just thought I'd let you all know that I ended this relationship -- and did so before we had any swinging experiences. So I'm back to being a regular single male again.

Thanks for coming back with follow-up.

Would you mind sharing why you ended the relationship?

LM

[Rob]

I ended it because I realized she was emotionally unstable, which is probably why she was cheating on her husband to begin with.

[Mr.Essex]

Originally Posted by Rob

I ended it because I realized she was emotionally unstable, which is probably why she was cheating on her husband to begin with.

I'm shocked (shocked, I say!) at the idea that a woman who would cheat on her husband and try to convince her lover to escort her to a swingers club would be emotionally stable.

I've "combed" a man's "beard" a time or two, and the main thing that both women desired was discretion. Public displays of affection (even in the rarefied environment that a club would provide) were the last things that either of them wanted. And if they'd offered or asked to do something in that vein, I would have backed off far quicker than expected. In the lifestyle, an indiscreet single male is a lonely single male, and you never know who could be lurking in a shadowy corner of your local establishment.

[Rob]

I know it's shocking, isnt it? HAHA. I should have known, but I couldn't resist a hot woman. My mistake. So I'm back to being solo.

[realcplub2]

Ok.. Rob.. Not to point out that you are wrong in some many way.. But you are.

This lifestyle functions for everyone involved for two reasons, the first everyone involved WANTS to be involved, the second, Deception is never acceptable.

The situation you outlined, through all the posts, evolved. The Married woman that you were discussing, has clear and difficult descions to make. The whole thing you said about a non sexual relationship, and staying together for kids.. Millions are in the same boat, how they deal with it, again is just as varied. But the post wasnt about what SHE should do, rather how those within the lifestyle would regard the situation with you and her.

I can only speak to our experience, we have been contacted by "couples" like you and her. In all honesty, we refused the invitation. We have a strict No Drama policy. I can only shudder at the drama involved if in a quiet location everyone naked partaking of each other as the sensual mood is shattered by a angry husband pounding down the door. That only could be made worse by a private detective and a camera. As far as a threesome with another guy, Ask yourself that question, would you be into it, knowing the bottom line and the possible ramifications.

We all are for the most part discreet in our participation of the lifestyle, being drug into court, is far from that.

You sniped back and forth with Julie, stating that you walked away from this before because of " a high and mighty attitude" Not true in many respects. You are a single male, and yes you draw many negatives from the first, because of those that have ruined it for so many. You ask a simple question and did not require negative comments, just simple answers. However, sniping back adds strikes you dont need to your at bat.

Hope this helps you understand where so many people would be coming from.