Family has suspicions!

[bitNtim]

Explain nothing. Smile and say "What happens in Vegas..............."

[ktimephoenix]

ask her if she wants to join you two. if she says no, ask the mother in law. if this was me, i'd be going for as much shock value as i could... sometimes truth is stranger than fiction

[Dave_kat]

Perhaps a slightly different viewpoint?

From the update, she's now confessing to an affair.

We hear nothing of what the Mother-in-law says about it, when she got told (which was prolly something like mind your own marriage, they are happy, leave them alone), which is why the affair came to light in the first place.

Jealousy of a happy marriage, especially when yours is unhappy is a terrible thing. Sister-in-law probably wanted to bring everyone down with her (misery loves company and all).

Why not confront the horns dead on? Sit Sister-in-law and her hubby down and explain the LS to them. While it sounds like they may have problems with the concept of monogamy themselves, it might do some good to let the light in and help them to overcome some of their own inhibitions in talking about things. We've found in talking with vanilla friends that they tend to view swinging as something like everyone jumping onto a bed naked and just having fun (oh wait, it is at times). But then giving them some food for thought and discussion might get them back to talking about how they want to view their own lifestyle. We're not suggesting taking them to a LS party, obviously a bad idea, but giving them a pause to perhaps even find grounds to get past what is turning into a bad situation for them. They already have an idea you participate, and showing how you are happy together might help them reopen their own lines of communication.

We actually did that with Kat's Sister when he had an affair a few years ago, and while they thought we were crazy, it did open their eyes to the fact that sex and love are quite seperate. As of now, they are back to going strong in their own relationship.

We came out to Kat's parents a long time ago (it doesn't help when MIL comes to visit and Kat has a live-in girlfriend while Dave was deployed to Iraq). MIL simply looked at her and told her as long as we were both happy, she couldn't bear to judge us.

[CXXC]

I have to agree with Dave kat here.

Education is probalby a far better tool than letting them live in ignorance.

[cocpl2007]

We are with LizandTom...

BUT, our personal experience is much, much more complex. And our current position is based upon our being confronted, also by a family member...

Perhaps we can draft a succinct response explaining our experience...

[CXXC]

I do wonder, at times, if it would be better to steal the fire form the individuals that hint about knowing by telling them straight forward. The old statemtne, "What we do in our personal lives is none of your buisiness!" jsut does not cut it with some.
People tend to pass this informaiton along if unchecked. What do you think? Confront and educate or let gossip wear itself out?

[cocpl2007]

I don't think you ever satisfy a gossip. Giving them factual information is only going to throw fuel onto the issue.

Curiously, I wonder how many vanilla couples (or either individual within any given couple) ever discuss their sexual relations with family members... or with friends? The male here, has never discussed any sexual relations or relationships with any of my siblings nor have I ever discussed this topic with my parents... nor will I. Having said that, this particular topic has been great fun with playmates.

[Speed & Trixie]

My very wise mother said something to me many years ago, and it stuck with me. She said, "Trixie, there are some things mothers just don't want to know."

I'm thinking swinging, and my sex life in general, would fall into the "don't wanna know" category!

Trixie

[Dave_kat]

Dave has never come out to anyone at work about swinging, but he does get a laugh at challenging other's preconceived notions about things.

You ever heard someone stammer when they get asked to "define what monogamy is on an emotional level?"

It's just so easy to point out that "window shopping" is emotional adultery, and yet noone gets raked over the coals for looking at someone else (well, for the most part anyway).

Point is, if you challenge the preconceived notions, those gossips generally shut up once they realize they have no moral ground to even stand on even talking about what someone else does when they do it themselves.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by cocpl2007

We are with LizandTom...

BUT, our personal experience is much, much more complex. And our current position is based upon our being confronted, also by a family member...

Perhaps we can draft a succinct response explaining our experience...

Whether as a response to this thread, or a new thread of it's own, I think sharing with others how you handled being confronted would be very helpful to many.

[Swingercast]

(*tounge firmly in cheek*)

What you should do is get yourselves about a dozen Pineapple Flags.

Pineapple Thread

[Chitowndk4u]

I think you handled it the right way. We have done some things in the lifestyle, but I wouldn't say we are swingers full on. (Though I'd like to be)

I really wouldn't care if my family found out.

Hers on the other hand is a different story, she would be humiliated.

Her mom wouldn't approve and her sister would freak out. (even though she isn't faithful to anyone she is with)

It seems that some people who are freaked out by the idea of swinging have no problem cheating on someone.

Do you man and forget what someone has to say as it is none of their business anyway.

[cocpl2007]

Ok, here goes (and I apologize up front for the length, I DID try to be concise):

My situation, then how it evolved into “our” situation

DW and I have been married 7 years. We both have been around the block, so to speak, in the marriage and relationship game before we met. I had experience in the lifestyle, DW had been married to a cheater, and had that marriage end as a result. “He” fell in love with his high school “sweetheart” after being married to DW for 17 years. My Ex (J) fell in love with one of her (initially “our) playmates; divorced me; married him; divorced him; came back to me; we parted ways after a year-long reconciliation effort. She (J) and I had been involved in the lifestyle almost 5 years when our split occurred.

J told our adult children (DD & DS) of our prior involvement in the lifestyle. Neglecting much of the detail (thankfully) but presenting it as if “I” was a daemon for involving “us” in extra-marital play.

Funny, the only “extra-marital” play was J’s with the man (B) she was to fall for. That play did not start off as extra-marital. Our play with B… a bit of explanation. B and K were married. B was a service-man, stationed overseas. (K) was bi-sexual, she was unable to join him at his overseas post. (all this occurred well before the current mid-east conflict) K and B were allowing each other to play separately. J and I played with K several times, as a FMF. Several months into this B returned home, and joined us. K “announced” to B that she no longer was heterosexual, rather she had “discovered” that she was truly a lesbian, and no longer wanted to be married, nor in a relationship with a man. They split. J and I continued on, having MFM with B. Which evolved into J and B playing alone, of course with my full knowledge and consent… until!

Ok, sorry for the long background. Now down to the subject at hand, being outed by family. Very early in my relationship with DW I shared my past with her. Rather than being put off by this disclosure she was intrigued. Infidelity had been a very painful part of her past life too. Together we saw the lifestyle as a way to dealing with our humanity, not denying it. Being open and honest about our sexuality with each other. So, we ran an ad, found some playmates and engaged in some play.

Fast forward 2 years. J’s Grandmother passes away. DD goes to the family celebration of her life. DD and her family are now living next-door to us, and our lives are quite intertwined. J shows DD our ad! Upon DD’s return home, she promptly gets a little over-served and comes to our house and confronts us, in a very ugly fashion, about the ad… that saga continues.

[sexylady1970]

THIS OUGHT TO BE AN INTERESTING WEEKEND

Our son is having a birthday party this weekend (9) and along with his little friends we are having family over as well. It would be bad taste not to invite our lifestyle friends as well for a BBQ and swimming. Sister-in-law (stick up her ass) will of course be there. All of our lifestyle friends which amounts to about 75% of the adults who will be there know to be very vanilla that day. Hmmmmmm wonder is she will see through it? Update to follow I am sure!

[bicuriocpl]

make sure all your LS friends wear their pineapple t-shirts. When asked just say its a very exclusive club.