Are they team players? Or were they leading us on?

[ShagUsThx]

Hey guys and gals....

Well we met our first couple and things went well. I was attracted to the wife half and my wife was not initially attracted (he's cute but not ideal, she is 6' he's about 5'6") to him but his personality and intelligence won her over. So we met again and the first time it was FF play and same partner play. Then the next time it was hot tub kissing and touching among all, but when we brought it inside his wife said she was tired and wanted to go to bed. Which was understandable as they were going on a trip in the morning. The three of us decided we were fired up and his wife was fine with that, so we had an mfm. It was great fun for all three of us.

In between "hookups" we have gone to brunch and things trying to get to know them better.

So that brings us roughly up to present. We had talked about hooking up this weekend so I got a text today saying they were going to a b-day party and maybe after he would see if his wife was up for a booty call. (sounded good) I said great let us know, my wife is going to a family members bachelorette party but probably wont be late. I also mentioned that "mfm's are always fun though". I meant that he and his wife and I could mfm if my wife was not back yet, but he assumed I meant for him to come alone to be with me and my wife. He said he already got permission and would see us later!?!

This is my text back...

"Well I was actually speaking of the elusive (his wife) in case (my wife) was not home yet. Were getting worried you guys are not team players , that's what we are really looking for. :-)"

No response. I told the wife about the situation and she, like I, is inclined to just chalk the whole thing up to a nice first experience. Plus the more I read this board the less we want to focus on the "friends first" thing.

Im sure I already know what you will have to say, but I have been surprised by responses to other situations, what do ya think?

These dynamics are so interesting to me!

[iapr]

My guess is you already feel in your heart where things are at and what you should do.

If you two are wanting a situation where all four parties have an attraction and play together, this probably isn't it.

It was probably ok to try and clear up a misunderstanding but they may have interpreted the, "we're getting worried you are not team players," as a slap in face and that may be a deal breaker for them.

My gut is telling me the girls aren't into the guys on this one so just let them go without any further drama or risking any further miscommunications and hard feelings and just move on.

For future reference it almost always comes back to bite you in the ass whenever you tell someone why you don't want to meet/play with them or say anything negative about them.

A simple clarification of the miscommunication would have sufficed without the 'team player' dig.

[ShagUsThx]

Originally Posted by iapr

A simple clarification of the miscommunication would have sufficed without the 'team player' dig.

Crap! I did not mean it as a dig, I just meant that the wife and I did not want 3 somes as our main thing. We like teams meaning couples. We can find single guys any time!

We have been communicating with them very well and they opened the relationship about how his wife had all of these mfm experiences with him and his friends and now they are ready to find some couples. So naturally it seemed wierd to us that she was not "ready". I asked him straight up if she was not into me and he said that was not the case. It just started feeling like we were being baited. Especially after today's exchange.

[screaminggood]

You probably were being baited, and maybe not intentionally. My guess is that you're running into their issues without knowing it. Something is bothering the other wife and either he's not admitting it or she's not admitting to him. Whether it's that she only likes FF, is not into you, or whatever--she's just not ready for it. Be glad...assume she wouldn't have been that good if her heart's not in it. FYI--I think that because we don't play in a hottub and then suddenly get tired. If we're that tired, we would have never stepped into the tub.

You might want to send an email to explain that you hope your novice language didn't offend and then leave it there. Move on to to new fish in the sea and explore more alternatives. That's the fun of the lifestyle!

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by ShagUsThx

Crap! I did not mean it as a dig, I just meant that the wife and I did not want 3 somes as our main thing. We like teams meaning couples. We can find single guys any time!

We have been communicating with them very well and they opened the relationship about how his wife had all of these mfm experiences with him and his friends and now they are ready to find some couples. So naturally it seemed wierd to us that she was not "ready". I asked him straight up if she was not into me and he said that was not the case. It just started feeling like we were being baited. Especially after today's exchange.

I got what you meant, and I'm sure no dig was intended. Heck, I've put my foot in my mouth so often, it has teeth marks. Sometimes things just don't come across the way we want 'em to, especially if you have the tendency to be a smartass. A simple apology would help smooth the way, but I don't know that it would make a difference in the overall outcome.

Seems to me the elusive other wife either just isn't into you or is into swinging for the girl/girl action. It happens. And since your wife isn't that hot on the other Mister, I'd day it's time to move on. (But you already knew that, didn't you?)

Best of luck to ya'll,

=)

[good times]

Well, I don't really know what their intentions are, or were, but my guess is we will probably never know. The reason I say that is, putting myself in his position, had I received those messages from you, it would have pissed me off. So, while no one knows what someone else may do, my guess is you won't have a decision to make here, as they may very well decide to move on themselves.

The part of your first text message, "I also mentioned that "mfm's are always fun though" taken with your second text message, can lead a guy to think a lot of things, I can't think of one that is good though. Personally, I can't see how they could be anything but insulted by it. Whether they will be willing to let you clarify the situation is yet to be seen, but as what you said very well may touch on some insecurities they may be having, consciously or not, my guess is they won't.

[ShagUsThx]

Originally Posted by good times

"I also mentioned that "mfm's are always fun though"

I only mentioned that because we already had one.

[ShagUsThx]

I guess we just read too many stories on this board. We just felt a little nervous about the whole developing situation and I don't want my wife to get used. We are in this for fun and the Mrs let me know she felt something was not right, so I did what I did.

Good news is the other Mr and I have spoken and chalked it up to newbie jitters.

Thanks for the support, I knew I could get some insight here.

Best wishes to all.

[jjtrindc]

Lot's of interesting things in your post from our perspective. First off, you have a great attitude to say that you are ready to chalk this up as a good first experience. Not every situation results in a long-term thing so it's good to have a positive attitude about the fun that you do have.

As to whether they are "baiting" you is a tough one to answer. Perhaps she is playing the "couple" part so that her husband can hook up with more women. Perhaps there is some sort of drama happening between them. Perhaps she isn't into you. Or, perhaps, you've simply had bad timing. Only way to truly find out is to only hook up with them as a couple the next couple of meetings. Then, perhaps, MFM's are a good alternative. Course, the same goes for you in terms of proposing MFM's with them in the meantime.

We noted that you felt that this experience and reading this boards has made the "friends first" aspect less appealing. We would argue a bit the opposite. We totally respect couples out their to have fun and make booty calls, even though that's not our approach. But if you are worried about being baited or used, then it seems that getting to know couples a bit before you get naked is the best way to try to prevent that from happening.

As for the text message, we could see how that could be misinterpreted. The hubby of us has a bit of a quick wit and sometimes funny sarcastic, which can easily be misconstrued over text messages or IM's...so he really has to check himself.

Anyway...you overall sound like a positive couple which is great. Keep having fun!

[mixtupcpl]

I agree with the above. I think there is possibly more risk of what you're describing if you choose not to take the friends route and you'll have to be more able to just write it off (since you're not friends, they're gone and it's done)

I tend to like to talk. I'm a pain in the ass that way. I would just call the guy. Do you have their number? Rather than text or email (which are actually really bad methods of communication when it comes to intimate issues)

I would just say "hey man, just want to make sure that what I was saying didnt come off wrong. We had fun with you guys (assuming you did) and want to hang with you again (assuming you do) but its just important for the wife and I that everyone is on the same page"

Thats all assuming that this is something you even want to bother with, yeah? Only you know that.

[JustAskJulie]

Simple case of miscommunication... and another example of why texting is not the best way to communicate. You knew what you meant and where you were coming from but it's very easy to see why the other guy (and most of us) would have read it differently.

You'd already had one mfm threesome (WITH YOUR WIFE) so it's fairly easy to see where he would have read that into your message. To me what you wrote back would have implied (with your wife) simply on that basis.

That said, the situation with his wife going to bed early and leaving the three of you to continue was a bit of a red flag to me and makes me wonder if there is not some truth to your thought that perhaps they don't really play as a team. However, I don't know of much anyone who would have taken your second text message positively regardless of the situation or the way you meant it. Had you left off the second sentance you would have been fine and might have even found yourself in the threesome with his wife that you were forseeing, but now you will never know.

[realcplub2]

Ok.. simple solution..

Texting is the NEW way to communicate.. Go old fashion, and make a phone call and talk to THEM.. directly.. put the question straight to them.. Whats the deal!

[ShagUsThx]

Originally Posted by realcplub2

Ok.. simple solution..

Texting is the NEW way to communicate.. Go old fashion, and make a phone call and talk to THEM.. directly.. put the question straight to them.. Whats the deal!

Thanks for the input, however, message boards seem to have the same problem as texting especially if you don't read. I said above that I spoke to the other Mr and resolved the issue. We actually have a very open line of communication and he did not even have any issue with any of our texting correspondence. It was me that was freaked a little. I mean I've only known them for a month and reading some of the "baiting" stories here on the board just got me paranoid. I would not have even had the "baiting" concept in my head otherwise. They are a very nice couple and his wife and I get along really well. She is just taking it slower than the three of us, which is WAY fine with all of us.

So the "deal" is

[mixtupcpl]

Well as long as everyone's happy. If at some point it seems like "slower" = "never" you can always just cut it off.

I'm sure everyone here was just reacting to the fact that in your initial post you seemed pretty uncomfortable with the situation.

Bait and switch happens a lot, so if it bothers you, it does pay to realize that. It isnt just something that gets discussed here on the forums for the heck of it If you dont mind, then its a non-issue.

[ShagUsThx]

Originally Posted by mixtupcpl

Well as long as everyone's happy. If at some point it seems like "slower" = "never" you can always just cut it off.

I'm sure everyone here was just reacting to the fact that in your initial post you seemed pretty uncomfortable with the situation.

Bait and switch happens a lot, so if it bothers you, it does pay to realize that. It isnt just something that gets discussed here on the forums for the heck of it If you dont mind, then its a non-issue.

We really appreciate everyones input, and we were uneasy with the situation. I think it's just a case of different mind sets. We have committed to being swingers and I don't think they (she) are full steam ahead yet. So we decided that when we hang out with this couple the speed of play will be set by the slowest in the group and won't go any further. We like them a lot and if our play with them is limited to frolicking in the hot tub... groovy. They were our first couple and we were just damn ready to play. I don't think there is any thing wrong with having playmates with different levels of play... it's all good.

We have been making new friends and having a good time. Wow! I think we are making some progress in the lifestyle here!