Divorced mature male - any chance for me to find a female interested in swinging?

[howie1222]

Well, I hope this is the right place to post this request for ideas and suggestions. My wife of more than ten years divorced me (it was final this week). Here's why. Before she and I married I told her that I was very interested in an open marriage or a swinger lifestyle. She said she would try it, but after only two attempts she said she was no longer willing to try any more. Things were fine sexually between us for a few years. Then she began to refuse sexual activity for weeks at a time, sometimes as long as months at a time. I refused to force myself upon her for concern regarding accusations of "marital rape." I discovered the online world of swinging sites and posted ads for couples who could meet and talk with my wife about the pros and cons of swinging. I never was able to find a couple who was convinced they could "fill the bill." Since I am older (now in my 60s) I decided that, with life being as short as it was (and with a little ED creeping up on me), I would seek a little pleasure outside the marriage while I was capable. (OK, I'll admit it--I cheated on her.) Well, after several months she discovered what I was doing and immediately filed for divorce. Now that I am divorced I am wondering about the possibility of meeting a nice woman who would be interested in a loving relationship with me, perhaps even marriage, who is familiar with and accepting of the lifestyle and who would want to participate in the lifestyle with me. Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions to share with me? Where should, or could, or would I search, and how? Or should I just give up the idea?

[avid]

I'm glad that you were honest about your history.

You may find, however, that disclosing that information predisposes many people, especially here, to not be as supportive as they would in other situations.

I don't have any specific advice for finding a woman who is open to swinging, except online dating sites. I will say, though, that he met a couple of freaky women, so be careful.

[tribbles]

Find clubs, meet and greets and even online groups near you to meet real people. We have groups that are only for older folks and it is possible to find what you seek......dunno about where you are tho....

[Vjklander]

Just post on SLS and other swinger's boards and say exactly what you are looking for. Probably no real need to advertise your past. Just say right out: you're a 60 yo divorced guy looking for a LTR that includes swinging. Maybe you find someone, maybe not. But I suspect your chances of finding someone interested in swinging is infinitely higher on SLS than on a dating service. It makes the best sense to throw your line in the lake where the fish are.

[fun4Ds]

You should hang out with the ones you had a little extra pleasure with... outside the marriage..... What happened to her now ?

Just courious. What happens when the next woman fails you in that area ?

[jjtrindc]

We would also add that as a Single Male in the lifestlye there is an extra burden on you to show and be respectful to the ladies, and couples, you meet. We actually avoid clubs, resorts and theme nights where single men are invited. Our experience has been that they are too push, or walk around the play areas just to stare at the action and masturbate. Are there some good SM out there, absolutely. Please be one of them.

[midnightplayer]

I really feel for you. I am in the same situation, except that I have not actually gotten naked with anyone. I feel that I will face the music when I tell her that because she is not meeting my sexual needs, I feel free to explore other sexual activites. She can come along participate, come and watch, come and sit in the car, or stay home. But she will be well aware of my naked play. You are far beyond that, and people are right you are single and searching, but stop looking for females as a search. Lead your life as you would like to without the need to consult a wife or consider anyother female person. Get on SLS and do a great job of developing your profile and post some tasteful pictures, Degnified, attractive and available. Get into one of the Chat rooms of SLS and be cheerful, conversive, and willing to chat with the men of the couples if they contact you or you contact them. You never know when someone will find you so interesting and attractive that they will include you in a mfm or house party or a meet and greet. But remember you are not as attractive in the swining world as a Unicorn ( a single bi female). The key is Remain Cool, and not agressive or appear to be too desparate. When you meet a female in the vanilla world, and you date, approach the subject of swinging and open couple sexual activity. If she objects you dont want her anyway for a LTR. Be honest and straightforward. Forget the gameplaying. Be you and make yourself attractive to everyone. Good Luck

[realcplub2]

Excellent advice thus far..

As suggested, create yourself a profile on one of the sites, rather than a dating service.. If you are looking for a hamburger, you dont go to Long John Silvers.. Know what I mean? As was suggested, be sure to include the possiblity of DEVELOPING a LTR, but thats its not required.. without that addition it might close a few doors rather than open them.

Next, as was so elliquently spelled out, as a single male within the lifestyle, you have some larger hurdles to jump than others.. just a suggestion but take a look at the Single men and swinging threads and use the information you can gleen from them.. Knowledge is Power..

Wish you the best of luck

[howie1222]

I want to thank everyone for his/her input. I'd like to answer some questions that were raised and also offer a little advice of my own.

fun4Ds, I am still in contact with the friend who was outside the marriage. When the next woman fails me in that area, I hope to be old and failing right along with her! (I really don't consider myself Old just yet. )

jjtrindc, I hope to be one of the good SMs out there. Wish me luck. Thanks.

midnightplayer, thank you for your contribution. Even though you didn't ask for them, please permit me to offer you a few words of advice in return. Before you declare the ultimatum to your wife of “I’m going to get naked with someone else either with you along or without you,” try to find a good counselor who can help her to understand what men need (especially her man)—as well as maybe helping you to understand why she isn’t meeting your needs. It may be that she is depressed or has a failing self-image. But try to understand one another before you go blazing off on your own. Communicate, communicate, communicate! It very well may save your marriage. If the counseling fails, then blaze away. Good luck to you and your wife!

If anyone has any more good advice or suggestions for me, please add to what's already been said.

[midnightplayer]

Thanks Howie, I appreciate all inputs as they relate to my failing marriage. I truly appreciate you taking the time to assist. I agree with you communicate is the key to marriage. I have suggested hormone therapists, marriage counselors, sex therapists and just talking. I agree the more we communicate that better. Our problem, hers more than mine, is she doesnt want to talk about my needs only her needs as they relate to finance, how the house looks, where will we get money to live on in retirement, and her plans for the house (landscaping, kitchen remodeling). She has never started any conversation about how we fuck in bed, she seems to not be interested at all. For a three week period I did not mention anything about sex, nothing to see if she would initiat any sexual activity, any conversation, any interest in our sexual mental health. Nothing, absolutly no interest on her part for anything sexual. This gives me a pretty good picture that she "has" checked out of anything sexual and fucks me to keep me in line. Thanks again to you and for everyone else feel free to chat and tell me what you think

[quivers4me]

Howie - As a single female I can only stress what others have said about developing a good profile. In addition to that when contacting females you are interested in take the time to have a real discussion with them, through chat or email. I know for me the ones that I do not respond to are the ones who send me a message saying *let's get together & fuck* and the ones who tell me what I am missing and how good they are in the sack. I at least would like them to say hi and ask my name. No one is getting anywhere with me by *telling* me they are the answer to my sexual prayers.

Also if posting pictures, put more than a penis picture on your profile. It doesn't have to be a face picture if you are uncomfortable with that but at least on idea of who you are.

[Chicup]

I think perhaps the worst place to meet lifestyle friendly women for a relationship is the lifestyle.

I would look on regular dating sites, and as you meet the woman try to see if they are open to that sort of thing. Its the same way most of us found our swinger friendly wives.

Now in all honesty I wasn't looking for a 'swinger' when I met my wife, I did get lucky there, but were I to do it over again, I'd look for someone who was big into sex, and open about her fantasies.

I think its only a short step from being willing to talk to your partner about a 3some or moresome to actually getting her to have one.

[JustAskJulie]

As much as I want to, I'm not going to touch your past history with my thoughts....

The truth is there is no magic answer to finding women predisposed to the idea of swinging. What you can do is find women who are open-minded and therefore might be willing to try something new. That said, at your age... well you've heard the saying about teaching old dogs new tricks. In the end, I hope you've learned one thing and that's that the fact that a woman is willing to TRY something to make you happy does not mean that there is any chance in hell that her doing what you want is going to make her happy. It has to be something she wants to do FOR HER, not FOR YOU.