This guy wont give up!!

[N8ture Girl]

We are hoping some out here can give us some sound advice that will work for us in the situation that we are in.

Last May the Mr. started chatting with the husband of another couple and I started chatting with him about a month later. The wife is not a person who likes to IM but would e-mail me occasionally. After about a month of IMing we all met for dinner and dancing and did this a few times. Being that we are all new to swinging, we all tried to take our time. We kissed and that is as far as we ever got. They were looking for friends as well as playmates, so even though all four of us wanted to play, we chose wait and try to develop a friendship first. During this time, we thought there were things going on that didn’t seem well but we didn’t run, as we should have.

We recognized that the wife was jealous of me, but still she wanted to keep talking. Her husband seemed to be falling head over heels for me (I really think he is obsessed with me). Anyway he would tell me things and it could be anything but he would always say don’t tell the wife, this is between you and me. This made me very uncomfortable since The Mr. and I keep no secrets and share everything. The Mr. talked to him about this on several occasions telling him it was unacceptable behavior, but he would continue to do this.

During this time, the couple was going through an unrelated family crisis and we were happily trying to support them as we felt friends would. By now, we were to the point that we had had about enough and were ready to say adios. The final straw was when his wife went out of town for a week. He made me a video of himself masturbating ( along with a naritive on howmuch he wanted me) and sent it to me telling me that it was for me only and not to be shared. Well of course, the first thing I did was to show it to the Mr. I was creeped out by it and I think his wife would be too if she saw it. That was it, we had enough. We sent them both a nice e-mail stating that the deceit, manipulation, jealousy and so on will not be tolerated and that they should have a nice life, but please leave us alone.

Since then, he has repeatedly attempted to call, IM, and email me. We have blocked him from having access to our SLS account. We don’t know what to do next. We’re starting to feel like this is a “fatal attraction” thing and the Mr. is having a hard time controlling himself. He wouldn’t do anything stupid but he’s upset enough that he’d like to present the idiot’s wife with a copy of the video in hopes of infuriating her enough to take care of this problem, (like I said, just his thoughts, not action).

So, can anybody help us out and offer some good sound advice on how to handle this person?

[lustylearning]

You can probably block him from your IM and your email as well. It sounds like like he is a temporary pain in the ass and will probably go away once they find a new couple to share their drama with. Completely ignore him. If you don't feed him, he'll look for someone else who will.

[slevin]

If it gets really bad, as the Mr I would talk with him in person. Not to get physical, but to let him know that it's unacceptable, that I know each and every time that he tries to contact us/her and I will not put up with it any longer. No threats, no promises of revenge, just simply that I won't put up with it any longer.

After that, depending on how he acts and whether he leaves us alone or not I'd either contact the cops, or his wife. The cops if I felt he was an actual threat to us, his wife if he's just a nuisance.

Often times being confronted by another man like that is all a guy needs to get the hint. Not an email or IM, but an in person non-violent conversation between men.

[rpu3]

One question I have is what is the time frame between your "Thanks, but not interested" message and now? I mean, if it's been a week, that's not a huge amount of time. If it's been a month, I'd be a bit more concerned.

Most (admittedly, not all) will just fade away on their own given some time, as long as there is no encouragement to the contact. Every attempt he makes to contact you needs to be ignored. Don't answer the phone, don't respond to e-mails, block the IMs or don't respond, don't meet in person. If you respond, all it does is tells him that 21 or 10 or 3 e-mails is the magic number to get you to respond.

If I absolutely felt that I had to respond, I'd be more inclined to send them both another e-mail stating that no further contact from either of them will be tolerated and if any further attempts are made, you will seek assistance from the authorities <or insert outcome of your choice here>. Heck, reply to one of his e-mails so that his wife sees he's the one contacting you.

But in the past with the freaky set in both vanilla and in one swinging situation, "absolutely no contact on my/our end" works very well. They do go away reasonably quickly.

YMMV, obviously. Best of luck to you both.

[midnightplayer]

Have your husband talk to him and say you two have moved on and then go to the wife and tell her the same thing. She should be aware of his actions which are troublesome. Get her involved and the stalking will stop. Good Luck

[N8ture Girl]

Originally Posted by rpu3

One question I have is what is the time frame between your "Thanks, but not interested" message and now? I mean, if it's been a week, that's not a huge amount of time. If it's been a month, I'd be a bit more concerned.

rpu3, it has been a little over a month now since we sent the first "not interested" message.

Thanks to everyone for your input!

[realcplub2]

If after a month, this has continued, answer a phone call one time, do not give him much time to talk, as you firmly explain that, the next time he hears from you it will be as he talks to his wife.. AFTER you have given over the video and detailed in full all of his "Don't tell" conversations.. Esp if you use Yahoo for IM, there is a log of EVERYTHING, if the setting was checked..

Beyond that, if he still persists, make a call yourself Directly to her when he is home and again Detail everything that has been going on.. from the beginning til that day..

Nothing worse than having a stalker.. but it does bring minor comfort when you can do a virtual slamming of his cock in his own front door.

[two42lovers]

The "threaten to tell his wife" could work, but don't count on it. It also could turn the whole thing in a very nasty direction. Right now you are the focus of this guy's lust. What it would be like to be the focus of his anger? Our advice: don't put yourself into the middle of their drama.

You should be able to block the phone calls, emails, and IM contacts - do it. (There are various ways.) Completely ignore the guy and he'll likely fade away.

Do you have their address? If the harassment continues, maybe you can send them two certified letters - one addressed to her the other to him - stating in no uncertain terms for them to stop trying to contact you. Tell them this is the first step in getting a restraining order - which of course you might actually have to do if the harassment continues.

[LikeMinds321]

Any more communication with this guy will just prod him to further contact you. Even negative communication from you will only encourage him.

You have blocked him from your SLS account. That's good. You can also block him from IMing you (you can make yourself invisible when online so he doesn't know when you're on) and you can certainly block his e-mail through your SPAM settings - enter his e-mail address as a one you don't want any mail from.

Restraining orders or certified mail to him and his wife is going too far in my opinion because it likely will anger them. Also, any type of legal actions (such as a restraining order) will leave a public record and you will also be asked how this all began. Do you really want officials knowing your private swinging business?

As far as the calls, it would be more cost effective and PRIVATE if you requested new phone numbers, made them private, and make sure you have caller ID, just in case he some how finds your private numbers.

Keep the video to yourself, don't make a copy to send to his wife. It could possibly cause his wife to blame you (strange things happen like that) and she could then be targeting you too.

Leave him be. He will fade away.

LM

[bbarnsworth]

I agree with the suggestions to ignore this guy as much as possible. Actively doing something towards him and/or his wife will just add fuel to the fire.

Also, don't take this experience as a reason to condemn the swinging lifestyle. In any sufficiently large group, there is always going to be someone you do not get along with, someone whom you think is a jerk. Put this guy behind you, ignore him, and move on to pleasurable couples.

If this guy persists, and shows up on your property, then it becomes time to take additional action. Not now.

[N8ture Girl]

Originally Posted by bbarnsworth

I agree with the suggestions to ignore this guy as much as possible. Actively doing something towards him and/or his wife will just add fuel to the fire.

Also, don't take this experience as a reason to condemn the swinging lifestyle. In any sufficiently large group, there is always going to be someone you do not get along with, someone whom you think is a jerk. Put this guy behind you, ignore him, and move on to pleasurable couples.

If this guy persists, and shows up on your property, then it becomes time to take additional action. Not now.

Yes I agree with the suggestions, I am pretty sure he will give up once there is no avenue for him to contact me...unless he should show upon my door step then that WILL require action.

This couple was not the cause of our recent "break" from swinging. It was another couple. The wife of this couple was also jealous of me at times besides there was a lack of communication on their part with each other and we all know what that can lead to. So we ended it with them sexually ( still chat once in a while though) and decided to stop and regroup. We are good now and ready to see what happens.

Thanks again for everyones advice!

[it'sso]

I'm sure to get shot down on this, but why rule out a physical altercation with the guy if he persists in this behavior? Some people will only respond to pain when all else fails in delivering a message.

[J&D]

Not sure what the staker laws are where you live but that is certainly a possiblity. A number of years ago my daughter had a guy she had worked with and dated. Well she tried to break it off and he kept following her and calling just after she got home (she lived with us at the time). Finally a friend suggested that I call his mother and threaten to put him in jail. I told her I had contacted the prosecuter's office and one more call and he was going to jail. This worked and it was the last we heard from him.

Just as a side note the police said that even though he was calling from his cell phone it could not be proven he was the one making the call. As for a protection order it would of cost me $500 and it would only work if they caught him within so many feet. So I am glad I tried the other plan first.

Don't know if any of this helps but it maybe food for thought.

[BiloxiCouple]

Physical altercations can escalate to the point of no return.

You might want to give him an ass-whipping and end up getting your ass whipped or worst.

To keep things truthful for myself, I keep a "friend" with me all the time and so does the other half.

If a fight is fair, you are doing it wrong.

[radiojohnny]

hi
iam hope ful that it can be down

johnny