SERIOUS HELP NEEDED!!! Boss propositioned me to sleep with his wife

[walk with me]

I need some SERIOUS HELP!!

I'm not 100% sure if i am in the correct place, but I am hoping someone in this forum can offer some advice and explanation for the current situation that I am in. It is something that has bothered me for the past couple days and I have no idea how to handle the situation.

To help paint the picture a bit clearer I am a 23 year old 6'5 black athletic man and I've just graduated college this summer.

I work for a mid 40 year old white American man and his mid 40 year old white American wife.

On occasion we all go out for drinks and discuss work, sports, their daughter, and other things that are fine and well. But recently they have put in a totally uncomfortable position. The person I work for made a proposition for me to sleep with his wife. I was completely and totally uncomfortable and didn't know what to do, I didn't even know how to react truthfully. On one hand my bosses wife is beautiful and insanely attractive, but on the other hand this is my boss and his wife and I have respect for them on a higher level. After not knowing how to react I told them I would think about it and less than 30 minutes later I left.

My predicament now is... WHAT DO I DO!?

I feel I should totally dis connect myself from this couple although what I do for them is good money and I enjoy it, but that situation made me totally uncomfortable.

Is this a common occurrence amongst older couples and young men and possibly black young men?

And I Would also like to know why this happened. In most cultures I would feel like sleeping with another mans wife is disrespectful, so why did this happen to me? I Never EVER!!! made any passes at his wife, I always spoke to her respectfully and treated her like my employers wife.

What do I do?

[two4youinswva]

That's a tough situation you've been put in.

I think my response would be something along this line:

"I'm flattered that you've asked me to join you two on such a personal level, but, I must respectfully decline.

I believe strongly in keeping my personal and professional lives separate from each other. I enjoy working for you, and I want to continue to prove myself as a professional that you can count on every day."

I'm sure you'll get some more good feedback and advice. Stay tuned!

[amid]

Actually I don't see this as serious at all. Many people are hit on by other people every day. Men hit on Women, Women hit on Men, Men hit on Men, Women hit on Women.. and swinging couples hit on whoever.. I would be flattered that they think highly enough of you to invite you to share their bed. If you are not interested, take it as a compliment and politely explain to them that you are not interested and that in fact you are flattered but you prefer to keep your relationship on a professional level. THEN LET IT GO.. business as usual. It will not be a big deal if you drop it unless they persist. My guess would be that once you decline they will drop it. The other choice you have is to take them up on the offer. If you do make sure you do what everyone on this forum will tell you to do and that is talk. Talk to them and make sure they are good with this and that you are too. Talk about the parameters of your play. IF all agree, go for it and have fun.. If you hit on a girl at work and she turned you down how would you deal with it.. you keep working together as adults are supposed to do.. Have fun and good luck.

[Taylor74]

Ass or cash? Look at the economy and make a decision. LOL!

[lustylearning]

scratch that original response. your boss is just a dumbass. there's no two ways about it.

if you're uncomfortable you need to say it and document it. this is step number one in a sexual harassment case.

[ourrockstarlife]

Do not dip your pen in the company ink.

If you are interested in being in the lifestyle, I have to say that you need to keep it out of your 9-5.

Unless you are professional stud.

Take care!

[ownerspet]

My additional comment on top of the previously mentioned 2 items of keeping swinging out of the work place and politely declining:

I know sometimes people hang out with coworkers or a boss on personal time, however you may want to backaway from just hanging out personally with them outside of work. It may just encourage them, if you continue hanging out on your personal time.

[LFM2]

Have to agree with all of the above.

One of son's friends "dipped his pen in the company ink" -- he's now looking for a new job.

[amid]

Originally Posted by lustylearning

if you're uncomfortable you need to say it and document it. this is step number one in a sexual harassment case.

Now I don't agree with that at all.. Where is the harassment in making a proposition. One of the problems with our society today is everyone's jumping right to a lawsuit.
My original comment was saying to go for it as an option. I got the distinct impression that rather than a normal job in a workplace that this was casual employment. No doubt the statements about dinners out and such led me to believe this. Under "normal" circumstances I would agree not to fraternize with co-workers or especially my employer and I would add that the employer should know better.

[applevenus]

If the OP as a woman I think the responses would be a little different.

What was discussed was completely inappropriate, no more than if the employer/boss propositioned a female employee.

[two42lovers]

And I Would also like to know why this happened. In most cultures I would feel like sleeping with another mans wife is disrespectful, so why did this happen to me? I Never EVER!!!

My troll radar is way up. Ain't no way a guy in this situation finds a place like SB and posts - smells very fishy fishy...

[ncmd_couple]

Whether it is a troll post or not, the situation does happen. And the responses here are good with the exception of the law suit. Do not mix work and play, it will cause nothing but problems!

[lustylearning]

Originally Posted by two42lovers

My troll radar is way up. Ain't no way a guy in this situation finds a place like SB and posts - smells very fishy fishy...

agreed i had poster's remorse the more i thought about it...

[lustylearning]

Originally Posted by amid

Now I don't agree with that at all.. Where is the harassment in making a proposition. One of the problems with our society today is everyone's jumping right to a lawsuit.
My original comment was saying to go for it as an option. I got the distinct impression that rather than a normal job in a workplace that this was casual employment. No doubt the statements about dinners out and such led me to believe this. Under "normal" circumstances I would agree not to fraternize with co-workers or especially my employer and I would add that the employer should know better.

you're correct - the proposition itself is not harassment. the recipient of the proposal needs to make clear that the proposition is unwelcome. harassment only occurs after the employer continues the behavior. if my post was confusing, my apologies.

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by ncmd_couple

Whether it is a troll post or not, the situation does happen. And the responses here are good with the exception of the law suit. Do not mix work and play, it will cause nothing but problems!

Agreed.

It's a legitimate question and this is an ideal place to solicit an answer.

Regardless of the motives, others on here could find themselves in a similar situation and benefit from the responses.