First encounter and misrepresentation regarding penis size

[funnewthings]

I am a 29f in a interesting relationship with a male. We have been together only a few months, but know each other quite well.

He has experience in this as he used to swing with his ex. I am new to this, with my only prior experience being a horrific one that included a woman hysterically screaming and crying... So I was turned off to this for quite a while.

So anyhow, me and my man talked about it, and since I trust him 100%+ I agreed to try it.

So we meet this couple in our age range, very cool people. We had one vanilla meeting first, to try and get to know each other and hit it off well.

So we decided to give it a go the following weekend.

So here is the issue:

In the profile it says his size is "average" and the photos on their page, well lets say used some creative techniques to make him seem MUCH larger than he was.

So everything was going well... I had my first bi exp with his wife and had fun, and we all agreed to take it farther.

Well my man is very well hung... her man is not. When it came to the act of penetration, he could not keep it in me at all. Not even close. In fact when he did get it in, I could barely feel anything.

As nice as he is, that made me lose any and all interest.

However my man, and them want to do this again, with my man promising me he will get me off.

I don't think this is fair, as it will give her all the attention, and me very little.

I didn't get into this to just watch.

I talked to my man about this, and he thinks it was a fluke, and I should give him another chance...

But honestly in my own experience, if this would have happened one on one, I know I wouldn't give it a go again.

Am I being too selfish or shallow in this? I agreed to this for my pleasure as well and don't feel this guy meets my requirements.

Any advice?

[jjtrindc]

I think you have to be true to yourself. At the end of the day, I think most of us are here because we want to have exciting - and satisfying - sexual experiences. Only you can define what that means for you. Some may be happy if that meant he got you off with oral sex. Clearly you want more. Perhaps you need to delay another meeting until you meet with another couple and see how that goes. Then you can compare. In our world, we both have to want it, otherwise it's a non-starter.

[funnewthings]

I dont usually get off from oral alone... so that's why I agreed to the full swap thing.

unfortunatly he wasn't good at oral either... in fact his wife destroyed him at it. I was insanely turned on when we started, and even though he was much smaller than my pref, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. That backfired on me...

In the heat of the moment, I was blaming myself and feeling pretty low. I almost cried, but held myself back.

From now on I think studying pics a little better is going to be a priority, and maybe even some cam to cam, as I do not want to be put in this position again.

As far as meeting others, it seems to be difficult in my area, as most of the couples don't meet our body type or age requirements, and tend to lie about theirs anyway.

I don't list myself as athletic, but average. Even though I am being 5'2" 120 34c, 25, 29. Others who are 5'0" and 38 40 45 seem to think they are athletic or average. Or those who say "a little extra padding" and have not a little extra, but actually weigh a whole person more than I do.

Not knocking anyone, so don't get me wrong, but why lie about who you are, or take photos or alter photos so they insinuate you are something you are not? Another couple we met made the female out to be small like me, (her photos were cute, she "seemed to be slightly larger than me in the photos, which may have been old or altered) when in reality she is much much larger than I am, which I could see when she got on cam next to her man. She said she weighs 130, when in reality you need to add at least 40 to that.

(yet people look at me and think there is no way I weigh 120 and must really be around 100 or so)

I guess misrepresentation bothers me in general.

Venting about this feels good, as my man does listen, and tries to understand, but I felt I needed some outside opinions as I started to question my own feelings on the matter.

Thanks to everyone who has and will reply in advance.

[ncmd_couple]

You have to be true to yourself. We have had a couple of encounters where they didn't represent themselves as they really were. This happened early in out delving into swinging. You learn, you move on, and you learn. Then you and your partner talk some more, and you share some more, and you learn.

S

[2insandiego4u]

We've learned that pics of the male anatomy can be very deceiving. If it is important that your male partners be a certain size or larger, you might want to add that to your profile, or just outright ask them before you meet. We've seen people say something like, "my man is a size 6, so you need to be at least that large", or something like that. As far as this situation, if you're not comfortable repeating it, then by all means do not!

[two42lovers]

When we are in a play situation and the other guy can't get it up, the guy who can get it up fucks both women. Tell your man to pay attention to both of you in those situations, and you can see to it her man isn't ignored. (Some lube and your hand can work wonders.)

If we get into a play situation and we just aren't having fun, for whatever reason, we'll switch to sex with each other. (Give the guy back to his wife -lol!)

Everyone carries weight differently, best bet is to meet in person and not play if you don't feel it. If you do choose to play, switch back to your own partner if it doesn't go as you'd wish.

[JandCMI]

You can't change the past, but, if I were you, I would indicate in my profile your preference for larger dicks. As the modestly sized male half of a couple, I can assure you that we always pass by profiles with that requirement out of respect for everyone's time and preferences.

[Chicup]

OK I have to ask, how small is small here?

My wife is no size queen (lucky me) but we did have one encounter where the guy was so small she laughed about it after (to me). It didn't do much for her. I could understand if that was the issue how you would feel its not what you want.

I never thought of it but I wonder if this applies....

For women here is how you figure out their true weight on a profile, assuming say a 5'7" woman, it shifts down for shorter girls.

If its listed at 120 or less odds are thats her true weight, no one will claim to be that.

Once you hit the 135 things start to get fuzzy. At 135+ add 5-10 lbs.

If no weight is listed assume over 170.

This is one of those things I don't really 'get' as you can't hide it, but like old pictures etc, people don't like to tell the truth in profiles at times.

Now I wonder if penis size has some rules like that.

No man is going to put 'I have a very small penis' in a profile. So...

Average = small.
Nicely hung = average.
Well hung = slightly above average.
and I think once you get into the direct measurements you can trust it more, I doubt many average guys will claim a 10" penis (though perhaps you have stories)

[slevin]

When chatting online the other day I had a woman ask me how big my penis is for the first time, she didn't believe me when I told her I had never actually measured it lol. I mean, I have a general idea how big it is, but have never actually pulled out a ruler to measure. Perhaps I should lol.

On the subject of what weights/sizes mean for women and men: I always keep an eye out for the "Myspace angle" on womens pictures. If there is nothing but Myspace angles and their weight isn't listed, or is listed in a 'grey area', then I assume shes heavier than shes letting on. I am also always mystified by that, it's going to come out eventually! For me, I'd rather list more on the conservative side and have things be a nice surprise than say to list myself as "athletic" for them to find out that I'm really just thin. I'd be more likely to put myself as average and them have a happy surprise when we meet in person.

[Nitati]

I think your position is what's traditionally called, "taking one for the team".

Advice? Do you & your partner have the right to "veto" or just say "No!"??? If not, maybe you should consider adding that to your rules.

As for body-size misrepresentation... how people see themselves never really matches up with how others see them. This is why we prefer to take our chances at a local on-premise club to see what we can see there But we actually prefer women who are at least 150lbs or more (from around a size 10/12 to a size 18/20 +/-) because they tend to have *more* of what we're attracted to. A certain look/attitude/body type we go for (even though I'm still technically "straight" lol and we've seen people bigger or smaller than that range that one or the other of us has been attracted to). Attraction is different for different people... and we've found that MUTUAL attraction isn't exactly *easy* to find since we also base things on people's personalities.

As for penis-size misrepresentation... well... we're still in the voyeur/exhibitionist stage, talking to & watching other people at the on-premise club, yet we always end up having sex only with each other. Perhaps that's something you can consider as well? Or just go for soft swap instead of full?

[Cpl2share]

One great thing about the internet is that we no longer have to look at ads in magazines and wonder if that is a pix cut out of a sears catalog. We too have been "decieved". We went rounds for about 2 hours one night trying to figure out who a woman was. Her profile listed a different hair color (natural) as opposed to her dyed color which was the only color we had seen in the 8 years that we knew her. The pictures that she had posted showed a very small ass as opposed to the average -nicely padded ass that she has (which I prefer to a skinny one). And her breast size was inflated, not the perfect handful that she actually does have. If her profile had been honest, we could have, would have had many good times a long time before then. As far as mens penis size goes: We (men) do not see it like you do. We are looking down at it and have seen it since it was only about an inch long. If you really want to know what size it is tell him to cam or send a pix with a ruler next to it. I have met very few men who will refuse to show thier tackle off. If he refuses: keep looking.
Our policy (and we have stated it in our profile) is: We can screw each other any time we want, we are not going to have sex just to have sex! Never take one for the team!!!!

[it'sso]

In spite of your "athletic build", is it possible that the guy who disappointed you may not have been able to get it up? Perhaps you weren't the "lady of his dreams", either?
In any event, I think it's presumptuous for your guy to expect you to have to give in to less than you wish to experience simply because he finally found what he was hoping to get.
The beauty of these boards is that there is very little sugar coating when it comes to what player's expectations really are.
I suggest that you insist on his letting you make the future choices in any swaping with other couples.

[iapr]

This really doesn't have anything to do with misrepresentation. Profiles are peoples marketing billboards and they will do anything they can to make themselves appear as marketable as possible. Get over that and get to a club where you can meet real people face to face.


As far as your issue with the man in question, he didn't work for you. Move on.

He didn't cut the mustard and you were not satisfied with the encounter. There is no need to go back for seconds and your BF needs to understand and accept that. Someday there will be guy that makes your head spin and he may have women that does nothing for your BF. This is real life in the swinger world. It's rare to find a perfect 4-way match.

This may not even be about dicks either. The next time you are with a small-dicked guy he may totally rock your world. It's all about chemistry and attraction and connection. You may also encounter someone hung like a horse who is a complete dud. Niether great sex nor lousy sex are made by dicks, they are made by people.

Again, get out away from the computer and meet real flesh and blood people. Some you will hit it off with and many you won't. Appreciate and enjoy the ones that trip your trigger and move on past the ones who don't.

[realcplub2]

Originally Posted by iapr

This really doesn't have anything to do with misrepresentation. Profiles are peoples marketing billboards and they will do anything they can to make themselves appear as marketable as possible. Get over that and get to a club where you can meet real people face to face.


As far as your issue with the man in question, he didn't work for you. Move on.

He didn't cut the mustard and you were not satisfied with the encounter. There is no need to go back for seconds and your BF needs to understand and accept that. Someday there will be guy that makes your head spin and he may have women that does nothing for your BF. This is real life in the swinger world. It's rare to find a perfect 4-way match.

This may not even be about dicks either. The next time you are with a small-dicked guy he may totally rock your world. It's all about chemistry and attraction and connection. You may also encounter someone hung like a horse who is a complete dud. Niether great sex nor lousy sex are made by dicks, they are made by people.

Again, get out away from the computer and meet real flesh and blood people. Some you will hit it off with and many you won't. Appreciate and enjoy the ones that trip your trigger and move on past the ones who don't.

Thank You..I have watched this thread for the past few days, read what was said but neglected to reply, UNTIL NOW..

Now Then..Speaking from the world of the NORMALLY HUNG.. My Grandaddy didnt lie about where this boy came from.. Long time ago I learned HOW to USE it, since it wasnt going to be size that got me thru..

Hell even had one ex girlfriend say flat out since she couldnt have QUALITY she went for QUANINTY

I am truly sorry the encounter you had, did nothing for you except bring you to near tears.. In My Honest and personal opinion it has little to do with the size but his abilities in bed.. There are any number of different positions that could have been gone to where, He certainly wouldnt have fallen out.. And you would have felt him.. And of course there is another alternate route you could have gone since he is of the "proper proportions".. Hell sound like the prefect time to explore new territory.. DP anyone?

About people who lie, use fake photos, and in general mis represent themselves.. Given the "sport" we are discussing, it makes NO SENSE.. at some point the clothes come off and the truth is revealed, isnt it?

As far as how to approach the situation, If another go around is pressed, make your positition on it clear.. Flat out say to all involved..

"Oh yes Somebody is getting fucked tonight and she looks like me".. Point to the guy, and say," if not by you"..then point to your boyfriend "then by you".. then turn to the other woman and say, "sorry sweety, but thats just how it is.."