MMF threesome went well but.....

[xsexycouplex28x]

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for over two years and have been talking about swinging for awhile now. We agreed that we would try to bring another guys in the bed room aswell....now fast foward to about a week ago my girl friend put up and ad gets a few response's and narrows it down to a kid we both agreed seemed cool...now we figuerd we would meet this kid hang out a couple times and let it evolve....now the first day we met him he came back to the apartment and we all started playing...and everything went very well I loved seeing my girlfriend with him and he loved fooling around with her....

Now the next mourning it kinda sank in and I feel very overwelmed with it ...for one the kid was bigger than me which im not small by any means but he was deffinaly well hung....also the next day he was talking to my girlfriend on line and he seemed kinda cocky no pun intened like wow I was suprised you took all of me and what not ...

Soo I am I just thinking too much into this or did I not do the right thing?

[singleagain]

It's only sex...right? It seems to me that your desire to watch your girlfriend copulating with a stranger was more important than allowing your girlfriend to extend her sexuality. Now you wonder if you can measure up? There is only one way to know. Ask her what she thinks and trust what she says. After all the two of you did this because__________? You fill in the blank.

[JustAskJulie]

Sounds like the two of you need to talk. I'd be a bit concerned about the continuing online chatting and where the guy might be hoping that will go. The fact that you refer to him as a "kid" leads me to believe that all 3 of you are probably pretty young and have some maturing to do before this type of activity is really something you can handle. The most important thing should be the relationship the two of you share, so talk to each other.

[xsexycouplex28x]

yes we are young 23 and 25 ....but we have talked and I trust that it is just sex its not her its the other guy....Just like you guys said we need to talk more and make sure the feelings are mutal...I just kinda felt awkard when he's talkin to her on the computer but when I talk to him he dosent wanna say more than a few words....also I felt that it just kinda went from like 0 -100 in no time ...

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by xsexycouplex28x

...I just kinda felt awkard when he's talkin to her on the computer but when I talk to him he dosent wanna say more than a few words....also I felt that it just kinda went from like 0 -100 in no time ...

Hi xsexycouplex28x, welcome to the Board.

You did go from 0-100 so I'm not surprised you're feeling like you went through a time warp ahead to a future you didn't expect so soon.

Take time to let it all soak in and talk with your girlfriend about what you've shared with us.

Here are some things I'd suggest when communicating with this guy:

Don't do any IMing. Only communicate through e-mail and be sure that when your girlfriend next replies to him, tell the guy that you read every e-mail coming in and going out...and then be sure you both stick to that policy.

This guy may think he's privately communicating to your girl and that she's not sharing everything with you. Cocky guys can fantasize about this...set him straight. You should be looking for him to address both of you in his e-mails - not just your girl, if he directs all his dialogue to her that's a red flag and I'd drop him.

When couples swing they need to understand that they will likely play with people that offer enjoyment in ways that their partner doesn't. Some playmates will be better at certain things, and if a couple finds this is something they can't handle it will make swinging tough. There will always be bigger guys and prettier gals but the bottom line is that you two are in love and no one bigger or prettier will come between you.

LM

[realcplub2]

First off, Welcome..

Second, lets clarify your Swinging Termz a bit.. a MMF threesome involves contact between the males as well as the female.. Bisex

a MFM threesome is when both guys are having sex with the female.. only

Ok, now, lets address the other issue at hand, given the age you both state you are.. 23/25 .. and you call this other person a kid, I can only guess he was younger than you both right?

Ego, being what it is, as well as having been having that ego fed, as it was, He was more leaning toward being cocky, and You can bet, will BRAG to anyone he can tell...

3somes are great, but, as you are learning, some guys are real assholes afterwards.. and assume incorrectly that because they "rocked her world" they are YOUR replacement.. Does it happen Sure sometimes.. But more often its the same shitty attitude that writes them out of the whole thing..

So, let me ask the question, that I hope, despite having such a great time the first time, That you, And or she is seriously rethinking a repeat of the evening, with the same guy or are you planning on something/someone new?

I would tend to lean toward finding a new friend that can understand he is invited to join, enjoy the evening, and remember, how he acts, what happens will determine if there is a repeat..

[ktimephoenix]

Did you and your GF discuss the idea that you would meet him for no play to start with? Was it you or your GF that decided to speed things up? were you or your girlfriend (the one who didn't speed things up) involved in this decision making. did you have any input on which guy to include in the threesome?

Had you decided on a rule on whether or not you'd keep in contact after the event? (was it supposed to be a one off, or a possible ongoing thing?). if you didn't discuss that, then you should learn for next time.

what i am asking (because i kind of gathered it from the story you've given) is that you were basically sidelined on the process. As a swinging couple, it is important to both be involved in the process... otherwise you feel what your feeling now. out of control. the "size" thing is an insecurity. if you felt secure in your relationship/self, you'd know that size wasn't an issue. but it's hard to feel secure when you feel out of control.

I've read a few of the more experienced couples on here talk about selecting a guy for a threesome, and one of the things they all agree on is that the guy has to be equally as comfortable talking to the male of the couple, and make an effort to converse with him, otherwise they get a "not compatable, see you later". after all swinging isn't about one or the other person... it's about you as a couple. i imagine your girlfriend would feel pretty bad if you went out and picked up a girl, and ran the night at your pace, with no input from you. if she understands that, and is fine with hitting the reset switch, letting you be involved more in the process, then she sounds like she's in this for the both of you... if she complains, or wants to keep talking to this guy, i think she might be in this for the "wrong" reasons. it really means you guys have to talk.

I personally say drop this guy, find another, and make sure your GF understands that it's important to you that the guy is respectful to you as well as her. the guy sounds like the type of guy i wouldn't lend my garden tools to, let alone invite him back for "seconds".

[funcpl4life]

Originally Posted by realcplub2

First off, Welcome..
*snip*
3somes are great, but, as you are learning, some guys are real assholes afterwards.. and assume incorrectly that because they "rocked her world" they are YOUR replacement.. Does it happen Sure sometimes.. But more often its the same shitty attitude that writes them out of the whole thing..
*snip*

Every guy that I have exercised veto power on has been for attitude. They all (ok, both) were some variant of "Sure, I'll sleep with your wife, but you're stupid and I'd never ever let someone sleep with my wife/girlfriend because I'm not that stupid."

Thanks for playing. You obviously don't get it. Here's a jar of vaseline and a playboy. Don't call us.

Mr FC4L

PS One said that to me and not her. One said that to her, but she needed help to focus past "he's so hot".

[slevin]

Originally Posted by funcpl4life

Every guy that I have exercised veto power on has been for attitude. They all (ok, both) were some variant of "Sure, I'll sleep with your wife, but you're stupid and I'd never ever let someone sleep with my wife/girlfriend because I'm not that stupid."

Haha, it's amazing how stupid some people can be eh? We haven't been with any single guys yet, but we were thinking about meeting a guy if we could find someone we both thought was good. Unfortunately everyone we talked to had some kind of hangup and I was shocked at the number of times this particular statement came up in some form or another. Never had anyone say it to me though, always Katrina. Generally they seemed to be trying to convince her that she'd be better off with someone like them who wouldn't "make them fuck other guys". I had to laugh when Katrina told them that was the reason she'd never date someone like them

If they weren't saying that they were all trying to get her to meet them one on one (before we'd even met them at all!).

Fortunately neither of us are willing to put up with that kind of crap, either they respect our relationship and 'get' the idea of swinging and threesomes or we won't waste our time with them. Unfortunately we didn't find any guys she found attractive that had that attitude so we've given up on the single guys for now lol.

[xsexycouplex28x]

well I had a longg talk with the guy and was very suprised that he was not what I thought ...He was very nice about the whole situation and he actually felt bad about it because he couldnt last as long as me....seems like we both had small hang ups......I guess its just hard because it was the first time .And it just seems a Little crazy to think about....But I gotta say after talking to him and my girl friend I think this was a great idea..Its done nothing to my and my girl except bring us together...

Thanks to everyone for you reply's and support

[Pepper & Drew]

Let that be a lesson unto you: usually what you're thinking is worse than finding out by talking. In the lifestyle, you've got to talk about what bothers you. If you don't, it can lead to a myriad of misunderstandings and hard feelings.

Glad your first experience was a good one and welcome to the board!

Pepper

[Opportunists]

I think the thing to remember is it is about you two... not really about him.

Mrs. Opp makes it perfectly clear he is her stud and all positions and play should be done to maximize my arousal [i.e. no 'hovering' etc.].

One thing, though... I can't imagine being happy at swinging if you're jealous of what the other guy is packing.

Guys are going to be taller or shorter than you, they're going to be thicker or thinner than you, and they are going to have bigger or smaller cocks than you.

I don't think you can get hung up or jealous about what her play partners are packing.

For us, I don't think Mrs. Opp cares what he's packing as long as it is working! For me, it's actually visually sexier for him to be larger rather than smaller... but as long as she's having fun, I'm having fun.

[Chitowndk4u]

Yeah it is all about you.

The two fo you I mean. If a guy is trying to "steal" your gf, then they don't get it and you don't need that type of drama.

Dump him anyway since you are having reservations about him.

[ownerspet]

Are you thinking to much into this or did you not do the right thing?

First off: I'm assuming you and your significant other talked about this. Furthermore this is something you both wanted, she wanted to be with the other guy and you wanted to see her with the other guy. So I'm assuming communications are wide open between the two of you.

Next: If he is bigger than you, so what, after all at the end of the night she's still going home with you. So that wouldn't worry me. But with the cocky attitude, some are going to be cocky like that.

Finnaly: Assuming the communications are open between you and your significant other, you really need to let your significant other know that you are uncomfortable with his attitude. After all, you don't want this to become the norm, because it could really cause you and your significant other.

To summarize: Your communications between the two of you are open, you're uncomfortable, and I'm telling you to go talk about it before it gets to stressful for you.

[SecretAsianMan]

Okay - sounds like y'all are communicating (not just her & this new guy - but you and the new guy as well) ...so that's good. Keep up the communication... if this is going to become a recurring partner - y'all need to let each other about your feelings & insecurities. If was just a one-time thing... don't worry too much about him - concentrate on the feelings that you and your partner are going through.

Enjoy... be safe & talk about it (even when you think you've talked about it all - talk about it some more... communication breakdowns are the #1 killers of all relationships)