How to find a counselor

nervous2tryagai · 07-22-2008, 09:06 AM

Hi everyone,

I have listened to the wonderful advice given here, and am in the process of looking for a marriage counselor to help sort through all of this. My question is, given the nature of all of this, how do I go about finding a counselor who would understand? A lot of people have their opinions on this subject and I want to make sure that I am not being "judged" by this. Any suggestions?

des1re06 · 07-22-2008, 09:13 AM

I prefer Sex Therapist versus Psychiatrists. Ask your GYN office for a referral.

My sex therapist was a PhD who previously owned a bordello. My jaw dropped when she told me that. She had amazing advice.

Good luck

Mrs. D

notaswingeryet · 07-22-2008, 09:50 AM

Perhaps you should look at your options in regard to therapy/phychaitry. Most wellbieng insurance plans allow you a couple of free visits to see if you really need their services. This could allow you to get a feel for the therapist as well. I'm sure that the therapist has probably dealt with this problem before and can help you without judgeing.

As far as unlicensed counselors, church, loacal help groups etc...

I wouldn't if I were you. They aren't held to the same level as legally bound therapist.

notaswingeryet · 07-22-2008, 09:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by des1re06

My sex therapist was a PhD who previously owned a bordello. My jaw dropped when she told me that. She had amazing advice.

Good luck

Mrs. D

DAMN put that on your resume.

The old saying of those that can do, those that can't teach... sounds like she did, and taught.

two42lovers · 07-22-2008, 10:22 AM

Keep in mind therapists and counsulors may have a philosophical bias against swinging. It might be difficult to find a marriage counsulor who will not immediately think all your problems are because of swinging, and you should stop swinging and never do it again. (They would think that of ANY swinging couple, regardless of the situation.)

Another issue to consider: is the practicioner "directive" or "non-directive". A directive therapist will tell you/guide you into what to think and what should be important to you. A non-directive (Rogerian) therapist never gives opinions or tells you what is right for you. Keep in mind many therapists are directive in their approach.

tribbles · 07-22-2008, 12:45 PM

We found a counselor who helped people with gender issues and to prepare them for trans-gender surgery.

She was awesome at communication and being non-judgmental and she was okay with the swinging and helped us understand each other better.

2insandiego4u · 07-22-2008, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nervous2tryagai

Hi everyone,

I have listened to the wonderful advice given here, and am in the process of looking for a marriage counselor to help sort through all of this. My question is, given the nature of all of this, how do I go about finding a counselor who would understand? A lot of people have their opinions on this subject and I want to make sure that I am not being "judged" by this. Any suggestions?

This is a very good question. Many traditional counselors would be opposed to swinging under any circumstances. Try to find a more open minded therapist instead. Contact a sex therapist in your area, explain the situation briefly, and try to get a referral from him/her.

nervous2tryagai · 07-23-2008, 09:47 AM

I found a sex therapist online that has dealt with this situation before. I have called to set up the appt. Wish me luck!

sexcupid · 07-23-2008, 02:23 PM

Good luck...for future reference, also try the ASSECT website...it should give a listing of certified sex therapists. They do frequently deal with alternative lifestyles and tend to be a little more open minded about things like that.

Let us know how it goes!

notaswingeryet · 07-23-2008, 11:48 PM

Good Luck. I hope things work out for you.

**fun4Ds** · 07-24-2008, 01:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nervous2tryagai

I found a sex therapist online that has dealt with this situation before. I have called to set up the appt. Wish me luck!

We not only wish you good luck, we hope you find peace and understanding

jjtrindc · 07-24-2008, 06:27 AM

Don't forget that you need to think of counselors - or any medical professional - as a service provider. Don't just go to the first one on the list. Visit a couple. Conduct interviews. Ask questions that allow you to determine if the counselor is prepared to deal with your situation or is/isn't biased. Ask for references. This may take time, but this is your mental health so worth it! Good luck.

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07-22-2008, 09:06 AM	#1 (permalink)
nervous2tryagai Registered Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 8 Location: US Status: M.female	How to find a counselor Hi everyone, I have listened to the wonderful advice given here, and am in the process of looking for a marriage counselor to help sort through all of this. My question is, given the nature of all of this, how do I go about finding a counselor who would understand? A lot of people have their opinions on this subject and I want to make sure that I am not being "judged" by this. Any suggestions?

07-22-2008, 09:13 AM	#2 (permalink)
des1re06 Great Times 1 Year Exp. Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 1,078 Location: East TN Status: Couple SLS Name:Des1re06	Re: How to find a counselor I prefer Sex Therapist versus Psychiatrists. Ask your GYN office for a referral. My sex therapist was a PhD who previously owned a bordello. My jaw dropped when she told me that. She had amazing advice. Good luck Mrs. D Last edited by des1re06 : 07-22-2008 at 09:16 AM.

07-22-2008, 09:50 AM	#3 (permalink)
notaswingeryet Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 125 Location: florida Status: couple	Re: How to find a counselor Perhaps you should look at your options in regard to therapy/phychaitry. Most wellbieng insurance plans allow you a couple of free visits to see if you really need their services. This could allow you to get a feel for the therapist as well. I'm sure that the therapist has probably dealt with this problem before and can help you without judgeing. As far as unlicensed counselors, church, loacal help groups etc... I wouldn't if I were you. They aren't held to the same level as legally bound therapist.

07-22-2008, 10:22 AM	#5 (permalink)
two42lovers Luv seeing friends quiver Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 297 Location: California central coast Status: couple SLS Name:two42lovers Blog Entries: 2	Re: How to find a counselor Keep in mind therapists and counsulors may have a philosophical bias against swinging. It might be difficult to find a marriage counsulor who will not immediately think all your problems are because of swinging, and you should stop swinging and never do it again. (They would think that of ANY swinging couple, regardless of the situation.) Another issue to consider: is the practicioner "directive" or "non-directive". A directive therapist will tell you/guide you into what to think and what should be important to you. A non-directive (Rogerian) therapist never gives opinions or tells you what is right for you. Keep in mind many therapists are directive in their approach. __________________ Tell the people you love how you feel, and do what your heart tells you.

07-22-2008, 12:45 PM	#6 (permalink)
tribbles Fun and Pleasure Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 830 Location: SouthWest Status: Couple	Re: How to find a counselor We found a counselor who helped people with gender issues and to prepare them for trans-gender surgery. She was awesome at communication and being non-judgmental and she was okay with the swinging and helped us understand each other better. __________________ Evel Knievel died of natural causes.

07-23-2008, 09:47 AM	#8 (permalink)
nervous2tryagai Registered Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 8 Location: US Status: M.female	Re: How to find a counselor I found a sex therapist online that has dealt with this situation before. I have called to set up the appt. Wish me luck!

07-23-2008, 02:23 PM	#9 (permalink)
sexcupid Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 856 Location: San Antonio Status: couple/f SLS Name:sexcupid Blog Entries: 3	Re: How to find a counselor Good luck...for future reference, also try the ASSECT website...it should give a listing of certified sex therapists. They do frequently deal with alternative lifestyles and tend to be a little more open minded about things like that. Let us know how it goes! __________________ Maria

07-23-2008, 11:48 PM	#10 (permalink)
notaswingeryet Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 125 Location: florida Status: couple	Re: How to find a counselor Good Luck. I hope things work out for you.

07-24-2008, 06:27 AM	#12 (permalink)
jjtrindc Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 155 Location: Washington DC/NoVA Status: Couple SLS Name:jjtrindc	Re: How to find a counselor Don't forget that you need to think of counselors - or any medical professional - as a service provider. Don't just go to the first one on the list. Visit a couple. Conduct interviews. Ask questions that allow you to determine if the counselor is prepared to deal with your situation or is/isn't biased. Ask for references. This may take time, but this is your mental health so worth it! Good luck.

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