The Big Pile

[des1re06]

A topic was brought up in my earlier post reporting our good time at a house party, and thought it deserved it's own thread.

When you're at a house party or club in the group bed and there are singles:

My response:

It's not the nudity, stroking themselves and watching that bothered me, but where was the cum going to go? Were they planning to spurt all over the couples having sex? On the floor? That was my thought. Maybe I'm the only one thinking that.

Hubby's worry is the touching without asking. Once you get into the pile, do the singles think it's then okay to touch? We've had instances in the group room where they did, and it ruined the mood.

We enjoy being watched and being in a big pile. Don't get me wrong, we love playing with singles (male and female). So, how do we do that at a club (or house party) while letting people know that we don't want to be touched unless asked?

Do the hosts not warn the singles that they must get consent before touching, especially in the group room?

Confused,

Mrs. D

[socolais]

We've never observed that kind of behavior at any of the house parties we've been to. Everyone is well behaved and respectful. We've heard stories of folks that have gotten out of line and their invitation expired - they were asked to leave and not come back. Maybe we happen to miss out on some fun because everyone is so very careful to be considerate of other people's feelings.

I've never seen anyone jerking off while watching other folks play. I think that would be a bad vibe. Respectful watching is acceptable, almost expected unless the door is closed. But a crowd of drooling gawkers would be a major buzzkill.

Unwelcome touching is a sure-fire way to be escorted to the door. Even in the hot tub, permission can be communicated with a simple smile.

I think this is one of the reasons we feel comfortable with house parties vs. the club scene. People are there because they were invited, they were invited because they are fun. That filter means I don't have to keep an eagle-eye out for my wife's safety. I can relax and have fun with the confidence that if something negative should arrise, it will be dealt with quickly and efficiently. We take care of each other the way friends would.

I say, keep an eye out for a different party.

[theflamekasters]

if they are just in there watching they have no right imo to touch you, until you ask them too. If they do you have the right to tell them to get the fuck out, or leave you the fuck alone. This is your body, and no one has the right to touch it with out you and your spouses permission!!

[two42lovers]

There are two kinds of house parties. 1) Big "fee-for-entry" parties like the kind you can sign up for on SLS without knowing the hosts whatsoever, and 2) private, unadvertised, and generally much smaller parties where you must be invited to attend. The two are very, very different.

The former are akin to clubs and are pretty much home-based business ventures, the latter are much more like having friends over for a bar-BQ. The feel is very different. While there may be some predators at "pay to get in" parties, you won't often find them at private parties, because the only way to get invited is to know the hosts (or know their friends.) If someone behaves badly, they don't get invited again. If you know and like the hosts, you are likely going to feel comfortable with the people they have invited.

At the private house parties we attend and host, no one EVER stands around whacking off. No one touches without asking first. No means don't ask again. Every single person coming is someone we personally know, or is known personally by someone we know.

[des1re06]

At the private house parties we attend and host, no one EVER stands around whacking off.

I've never seen this either, so it was new to me. It happened at a club and at the private party with the majority of single males.

So, I was thinking maybe this is normal. I dunno.

I wanted your opinions so I'll know if I'm overreacting. Sometimes hubby will say, just chill, but not this time. It bothered him too.

If you saw that happening at a club or party, would it turn you off?

Mrs. D

[tribbles]

Yes, we have seen it (the jerking off), done in the right place, it's okay. Done in the wrong place, it's weird. Ask someone at that party what is the norm for that party.

As for touching....hmmm...again, depends on which party and who is there.

Yes, we have been at some where a gentle touch (not sexual-or barely sexual) was the 'asking' in a non-verbal way and not rejecting the touch, was permission. And when we were newbies to those groups, it was very confusing cuz the asking wasn't verbal every time.

And now that we are used to it, we have to remember to use words with other people! For some the words are a mood killer, others need to hear it and respond to be comfy.

If the group is small enough, you might be able to let everyone know you want words spoken before touching. As well as check with the hosts to see what they are used to seeing and what they expect of everyone.

(I know some of you are gonna freak out cuz some of what we have experienced is so close to a free for all without words...and I want you to know, once we got comfy with it....it's FUN )

[Pepper & Drew]

In my experience, it's been the married guys that want to touch without asking...the single guys are the ones that stand around and look creepy.

I've not had that experience in a house party setting, but then again, we've only been to houseparties where we at least knew the hosts, if not most of the people there.

And, if some guy was whacking off near me, I'd wonder the same thing...when's that thing going to blow, and will I be in the line of fire. Yep, that'd be enough to take me right outta the mood.

Thanks, Mrs. D....you've officially given me the heebs.

Pepper

[socolais]

Originally Posted by tribbles

As for touching....hmmm...again, depends on which party and who is there.

Yes, we have been at some where a gentle touch (not sexual-or barely sexual) was the 'asking' in a non-verbal way and not rejecting the touch, was permission. And when we were newbies to those groups, it was very confusing cuz the asking wasn't verbal every time.

And now that we are used to it, we have to remember to use words with other people! For some the words are a mood killer, others need to hear it and respond to be comfy.

If the group is small enough, you might be able to let everyone know you want words spoken before touching. As well as check with the hosts to see what they are used to seeing and what they expect of everyone.

(I know some of you are gonna freak out cuz some of what we have experienced is so close to a free for all without words...and I want you to know, once we got comfy with it....it's FUN )

We've seen about the same thing at some parties and it works nicely when everyone is expecting friendly actions and no one gets unexpectedly pervy.