It could have gone better

[newlythree]

Well me and hubby had our first foursome minus the guy from the other women who got pissed and left. So then there we three!!!

This experience sucked to say the least. The female side of the other couple was a nice a friendly lady. She was fun to chat with and very out going. Now the man side of the other couple was STRANGE (really). He proceeds to discuss his combat tours through out his career. I am saving you from details I was given. How his upbringing was and it wasn't pleasant either. What his IQ was and that he is ADD, PSTD and OCD. Too many D's for one soul. Well then he gets irritated with the fact that I am not all about him. So the guys go to the room to talk and the ladies go dancing. Having a good time again. Oh forgot to mention these two are in a committed relationship not married. So the boys return to the dance club after a while. At this point I can see all the players in the party across the dance floor. Hubby, fem and man, well I expected my husband to come across the floor to greet me as I am waving like a crazy person to get his attention that I am standing across the dance floor. No, he doesn't come instead he was getting a drink and sends strange man over. Well strange man grabs my arm and tells me "your mine", I respond "no the hell I'm not" and walk off. I join hubby and fem, strange guy leaves and we hang out a bit. It was all cool until hubby had no clue what to do with two women. I felt like the outsider, they danced and grouped. I had a couple a chats with various people there to entertain myself. So we all go back to the room and her and I fool around, well my husband asked to join and its cool until I am left high and dry. I did not get any attention from him at all. We discussed everything after all the events transpired, we are fine and have put some rules and measures in place to not have an event like that again. But it could have been better. Being new at something like this is scary just because a small fuck up can lead to big consequences. We are going to try again; I do feel everything should be tried twice, because the first time is always awkward.
Thanks for listening, I needed to vent, can't call your mom on this topic.
J

[N&G]

Your experience certainly was unusual and not what you would expect. I don't know what kind of "rule" you came up with to prevent it from happening again but keep in mind that you can't have a rule for every possible scenario. Go with your instinct. If it sounds like it might be a problem it probably will be. You say that you played with the other female but were left "high and dry". If both of you are Bi then I would expect that she would have taken care of you. Every guy has a fantasy about being with two women but pleasing two women is a different story. I would expect that your husband would spend his time first with the other woman, after all he can have sex with you anytime. He can't just jump back and forth and if he saw that you weren't satisfied then he should have taken care of you afterwards. Unless both you and the other woman are Bi you will probably end up being there mostly for his pleasure. Not knowing how people play at your club I can't say whether it would have been a good idea to find an extra guy for yourself or whether it would have made things more complicated and possibly increase the drama level.

[VegasLee]

Sorry, but the first time that the word "strange" popped into your head you two should have ended it right there and moved on.

There are times that you are not going to click and you are going to meet some "strange" people in this lifestyle, you meet them in everyday life but you don't stay and play with half of the couple when this happens.

Common sense does not seem to have entered into the picture here by anyone involved.

[realcplub2]

Ok, So the Guy was an ASSHOLE.. (Note, No D's involved in that word)

But what was the Womans explaination?

And How exactly did all of this transpire, according to your post you and she hung out together while the GUYS went up to the room to discussed things further?? ALARMS BELLS RINGING!!

What was the conversation between YOUR husband and him?

There are some many things I see as potential problems with the way this all happend, and the least of which being Your Husband note talking to you about what happend upstairs before the GUY came over to you..

Again, The woman SHOULD have a few words to SHARE on this guy, since she was his TICKET.. Or at least appears to be.

[Pepper & Drew]

I agree with VegasLee. A friend and I were talking about meeting people and getting the feeling that they know where the bodies are buried. We've met couples where we were really attracted to her, but he was just plain weird, odd, creepy, whatever. If somebody gives you the heebs, don't try to make it work. Move on.

The other newbie mistake I see here is not speaking up when you're not having a good time. You should have told hubby that you were feeling left out and that he needed to pay more attention to you. He's not a mindreader and sometimes when playing is new, you can get a little carried away. Hell, sometimes when you're not new you can get carried away.

Always go with your gut. If something doesn't feel quite right, there's a reason, and it's not going to improve later on in the night. Then, once you go with your gut, you need to let your husband know...and right away. Next time, don't be afraid to put the brakes on if something's not going well. Tell them you're going to go smoke a cigarette, get another drink, getting some fresh air, or just plain 'ole come out and say I need to talk to my spouse for a minute. It will avoid this type of problem, as well as a myriad of other ones. Trust me!

Pepper

[lustylearning]

Originally Posted by newlythree

Thanks for listening, I needed to vent, can't call your mom on this topic.

Ain't that the truth?

For what it's worth, this situation makes for a great learning experience. Sounds like hubby got carried away and lost track of you, which left you no alternative but to cry foul and then try to make the best of a less than ideal situation. I'm beginning to think this happens to everyone who plays together as a couple at some point - that it's a lifestyle hurdle of sorts. How do we stay on the same page? Chances are you can both look at the evening, figure out where things began to go haywire, and determine how to avoid the situation in the future.

For whatever else it's worth, it sounds like you handled yourself well. You maintained your boundaries, without drama, and played the best hand with the cards you were dealt. You also seem to be open to figuring out how to get a better draw next time around, rather than throwing in the towel.

Thanks for posting.

[newlythree]

Thanks for all comments. We will try this again and I feel very confident the second time around will be better. My husband and I have talked about the whole evening and we both played our parts in things going down hill. Lessons learned!!!!

[theflamekasters]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

Sorry, but the first time that the word "strange" popped into your head you two should have ended it right there and moved on.

There are times that you are not going to click and you are going to meet some "strange" people in this lifestyle, you meet them in everyday life but you don't stay and play with half of the couple when this happens.

Common sense does not seem to have entered into the picture here by anyone involved.

+1 on this i think lee is right on the money with all of this. If you wherent into the guy, dont blame you for not being, then you both should of walked away. Find someone else and have a good time.

What i want to know is where the strange guy went while u all played?

[newlythree]

Originally Posted by realcplub2

Ok, So the Guy was an ASSHOLE.. (Note, No D's involved in that word)

But what was the Womans explaination?

And How exactly did all of this transpire, according to your post you and she hung out together while the GUYS went up to the room to discussed things further?? ALARMS BELLS RINGING!!

What was the conversation between YOUR husband and him?

There are some many things I see as potential problems with the way this all happend, and the least of which being Your Husband note talking to you about what happend upstairs before the GUY came over to you..

Again, The woman SHOULD have a few words to SHARE on this guy, since she was his TICKET.. Or at least appears to be.

Mr. here:
Well, the way this transpired was, we were all going to a club across the street from the hotel. We were taking the ladies purses back to the room so they didn't have to keep up with them. Then once we were up there, we made a drink and started to chat. He was apologizing for if he seemed alitte shakey. He said he was nervous and had never experienced this before. That he wanted to put a good foot forward and he just wanted me to know that he thought we were great people and at the least just wanted everyone to have a good time that evening. I agreed and told him to just pull it together, dont put any expectations on the evening and lets just go and have a good time. I asked him to not spill anymore weird/crazy war stories...that no one wanted to hear them tonight and also that it's not often that me and the mrs. get out of the house. And as for talking to her about it, there simply wasn't the chance. He only stayed at the club for literally like 5 minutes before he left again. It was a clear indication that he would not be around for the rest of the evening. He went back up to the room and went to sleep. Later, I went up to the room, got our stuff and we went and got another room.



I have certainly learned a great deal throughout this ordeal. Wifey and I must stay in cahoots throughout the entire evening. There could have been a few different things we could have done to keep up with where everyone was mentally. In the future we plan on taking several time outs with each other to check on, talk to each other. As for the play....well....that prolly shouldn't have happened. And we know that. At the same time, I was kind of left with the impression that she could do whatever she wanted to. But apparently that was not the case. It was our first time with another women and I definatley got wrapped up in the moment and allowed myself to get carried away. It was a learning experiene for sure.
The best thing is that the mrs. and I have talked about this extensivley and are very cool and there are no underlying problems between us. And in all seriousness, that is the only thing I am concerned with throughout that ordeal.

[newlythree]

Originally Posted by lustylearning

Ain't that the truth?

For what it's worth, this situation makes for a great learning experience. Sounds like hubby got carried away and lost track of you, which left you no alternative but to cry foul and then try to make the best of a less than ideal situation. I'm beginning to think this happens to everyone who plays together as a couple at some point - that it's a lifestyle hurdle of sorts. How do we stay on the same page? Chances are you can both look at the evening, figure out where things began to go haywire, and determine how to avoid the situation in the future.

For whatever else it's worth, it sounds like you handled yourself well. You maintained your boundaries, without drama, and played the best hand with the cards you were dealt. You also seem to be open to figuring out how to get a better draw next time around, rather than throwing in the towel.

Thanks for posting.

Thanks for responding! That is a very encouraging post. We ceratinly have learned alot from this one encounter and like you said, we have seen where everything started to get shakey. We have also talked about how to make plenty of opportunities for us to stay in communication and make sure that we are both cool with what is going on. If one is not down with the situation, then the other isn't either.
The mrs. always stays cool as a cucumber. Her head is pretty much always on straight and never makes a scene. One of the many, MANY things that i love and adore about her. We have also discussed our screening process and have decided to expand on a couple things to help weed out potential nut cases.
The best thing is that we handled this together and have listened to each others points of view and are taking the precautions so it doesn't happen again.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by newlythree

I have certainly learned a great deal throughout this ordeal. Wifey and I must stay in cahoots throughout the entire evening. There could have been a few different things we could have done to keep up with where everyone was mentally. In the future we plan on taking several time outs with each other to check on, talk to each other. As for the play....well....that prolly shouldn't have happened. And we know that. At the same time, I was kind of left with the impression that she could do whatever she wanted to. But apparently that was not the case. It was our first time with another women and I definatley got wrapped up in the moment and allowed myself to get carried away. It was a learning experiene for sure.
The best thing is that the mrs. and I have talked about this extensivley and are very cool and there are no underlying problems between us. And in all seriousness, that is the only thing I am concerned with throughout that ordeal.

It sounds like you both learned a lot from this first encounter. Unfortunately, anytime you go into anything new there are issues that can arise and if you don't know what to look for you may not see the red flags waving right in front of your eyes. Sometimes we just put the blinders on and keep hoping things will turn a corner. I think your comment that you guys don't get to get out much together probably added a lot to that. You get out rarely so you were doing everything you could in hopes that the night might end well, rather than bad. And sometimes in trying to avoid what we don't want, we get exactly that.

As you said, make sure that in the future you take time outs to talk to each other and make sure you are on the same page. If at any time someone's not comfortable it's best to call it a night and go enjoy each other. Remember, in the end that's what it's all about. It's not about hooking up with someone EVERY time you get out, it's about enjoying each other no matter what happens with those you meet.

[2insandiego4u]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

Common sense does not seem to have entered into the picture here by anyone involved.

We're always amazed by the lack of common sense in people these days! If the situation is uncomfortable (or strange), why force it?! Just walk away - simple as that!

It sounds like you (the poster) were much more uncomfortable than your hubby, so you should have been the one to slam on the breaks in this situation.

[2insandiego4u]

Originally Posted by lustylearning

For whatever else it's worth, it sounds like you handled yourself well. You maintained your boundaries, without drama, and played the best hand with the cards you were dealt. You also seem to be open to figuring out how to get a better draw next time around, rather than throwing in the towel.

We don't think she handled this well at all. It should have stopped when the guy started talking about all his "disorders". We can't begin to imagine why she continued on after he said "you're mine" - WTF?! Even if he left, what if this guy came back in a rage - what then?

[newlythree]

Originally Posted by 2insandiego4u

We don't think she handled this well at all. It should have stopped when the guy started talking about all his "disorders". We can't begin to imagine why she continued on after he said "you're mine" - WTF?! Even if he left, what if this guy came back in a rage - what then?

Mr. here,

WOW! Well, I guess you have never made a mistake in your life, huh???? Must be real hard being right all of the time....not a position I would like to be in. And for the record, she DIDN'T continue on after he said that. That was it. BAM. Game over. We got our shit out of the room and left. The other lady decided to stay and hang out...not our call to make. We weren't going anywhere anyways...so...whatever. And if he did come back? No worries, I can always hold my own, I wasn't worried at all about him.
And obviously, you didn't even bother to read any of the other posts in this thread either.

And please don't take this personally, but I can't stand the "Hollier than thou" attitude that you so easily portray in your post. I gathered from your introduction a few weeks ago that you guys are new as well, so, I am just wondering where you get such an authoritative tone?

We respect what everyone has to say, but you don't come across like you are here to help at all.

[2insandiego4u]

Originally Posted by newlythree

Mr. here,

WOW! Well, I guess you have never made a mistake in your life, huh???? Must be real hard being right all of the time....not a position I would like to be in. And for the record, she DIDN'T continue on after he said that. That was it. BAM. Game over. We got our shit out of the room and left. The other lady decided to stay and hang out...not our call to make. We weren't going anywhere anyways...so...whatever. And if he did come back? No worries, I can always hold my own, I wasn't worried at all about him.
And obviously, you didn't even bother to read any of the other posts in this thread either.

And please don't take this personally, but I can't stand the "Hollier than thou" attitude that you so easily portray in your post. I gathered from your introduction a few weeks ago that you guys are new as well, so, I am just wondering where you get such an authoritative tone?

We respect what everyone has to say, but you don't come across like you are here to help at all.

We read every post in the thread, thank you. When somebody is waving red flags, most people stop and think before proceeding. Our response may have been a little bit harsh, but was not intended to be "hollier than thou" at all. Like VegasLee said, how about some common sense?

While what we (and others) have said here may not help you at this point, it may help others when they read this thread. If there are signs of trouble, you should recognize them, then act accordingly.