Outed

[swingerberg]

I was recently over a friends and asked him if I could use his computer to pay a few bills. I did so and then checked my email. When I left, I failed to sign out of yahoo and his computer was set up to stay online.

2 days later he calls me giving me a ton of shit about swinging and watching my wife fuck another man, etc... I couldn't figure out how he found out until the next time I checked my email. He and his wife blew through my email for the last 6 years.

Problem is, we go to church with them; they have always been close friends but didnt know about our secret. Now we're afraid they'll talk and it'll get back to our kids.

Any advice?

[3sumff]

Man, that sucks! Don't ever use another persons computer ever again. If you do, make sure you log off and clean out whatever it is you did on the computer. As far as the backlash of this. Truly nothing you can do about it. Deal with it the best way you can when the, "shit hits the fan." Sorry and Good luck to you.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by swingerberg

I was recently over a friends and asked him if I could use his computer to pay a few bills. I did so and then checked my email. When I left, I failed to sign out of yahoo and his computer was set up to stay online.

2 days later he calls me giving me a ton of shit about swinging and watching my wife fuck another man, etc... I couldn't figure out how he found out until the next time I checked my email. He and his wife blew through my email for the last 6 years.

Problem is, we go to church with them; they have always been close friends but didnt know about our secret. Now we're afraid they'll talk and it'll get back to our kids.

Any advice?

In what way was he "giving you shit", was it in a joking manner or was it a serious "you shouldn't be doing that" sort of tone? Understanding how he was coming across will allow you to better guess what may come down the road with him. Also, how did you respond to him when he brought all of this up?

[applevenus]

Something doesn't add up.

My radar says don't bite.

[tittietwister]

The fact is people have lost jobs because of this. Cincinnati is a big enough area that I would think there would be other options for attending church so I would look for a change. Obviously, that friendship will never be the same so it's probably best to move on and just be polite if you run into them. In terms of your concerns if they start spreading it around, you'll just have to prepare to defend yourself - perhaps get some legal advice.

And never use a friends computer for bill paying or anything personal. It's hard enough to keep your information secure on your own computer.

[sweet_tna]

Yeah, using a friend's computer (who you hadn't already outed yourself to) was a bad move. But what's done is done, and all you can do is either work things out with your friend or move on. You might consider a different church, though.

Good luck with that.

=)

[realcplub2]

Ok, bad situation aside, We don't know your friends you do..

I mean, you said he and his wife went thru six years of your email.. Is this something he brought up ( the wife looking too) or you assume?

As a rule of thumb, Never keep private email lurking on a server for that long ANYWAY... If its something you wanna keep for the memories, move it to a disc on your own machine or better yet, print it out and file it away the same place you keep your private album of SPECIAL pictures..

Repairing this is hard to call, again We dont know your friend you do.. So that having been said, what really was the tone of his discussion with you, being a wise ass, or like he was looking down on you?

If its the wise ass , deal with it accordingly, and see if its something he will keep to himself..

If its the superior or looking down on you, again, deal with it accordingly, While he may be looking down on you, Its his loss, he hasnt EXPERIENCED the things you have, he only WISHES he did.. The church is the factor you have to decide how to deal with, lets face it, its 2008, they don't SHUN you and then ride you out of town on a rail anymore.. the SCARLET LETTER is a thing of the past..

And, I am sure if we asked everyone on here to add thier 2 cents, there are plenty out there, that play the High than thou card, while delving deep into "sin" .. Love seein the church buses out side the casinos in AC and Vegas.. Or better yet... BINGO anyone?

[tribbles]

How old are your kids?

[notaswingeryet]

Originally Posted by applevenus

Something doesn't add up.

My radar says don't bite.

I agree, something smells fishy abought this thread.

Sorry swingerberg, if this is a true problem my sympathies go out to you.
But I'm having difficulties believing you had to "pay bills" on a friends computer when yours was working.
On a side note, what kind of friend snoops through six years of your private e-mail history. I don't need friends like that from church or anywhere else.

Safety class for everyone.

Don't use strange computers to access your information.

Don't pay bills or access financial information from strange or unsecured areas. This includes stange ATM's

Don't leave access to your personal information open. Log off /shut down.

Clean up your hard drive, delete cookies/history, and backup files to hard disk on a regular basis. We clean our physical dwellings regurely, we should do the same with our virtual dwellings.

[VegasLee]

I tend to believe we have a troll here.

If he did what he states he did he was looking to get caught.

Who borrows a friends computer to pay their bills then go through email they could have checked at home?

If all else fails and this is true. The Truth will set you free. If you are worried about your kids finding out then you should not have been doing what you are doing in the first place.

Why would you do something you are so ashamed of if your kids find out?

[ktimephoenix]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

I tend to believe we have a troll here.

If he did what he states he did he was looking to get caught.

Who borrows a friends computer to pay their bills then go through email they could have checked at home?

I do quite often. i have one couple that we're at their place more often than my own for weeks at a time.

the bill paying doesn't worry me, we trust them explicitly, we frequently pay each others bills if one of us has a tight week (and they are more internet security concious than us).

Personal emails? again, we trust them, plus they know everything anyway...

i guess i wouldn't do it with someone i didn't trust enough to be honest to.

[JustMrJ]

My only question... which hasn't been asked...

"What kind of 'friend' goes through your PERSONAL email with his WIFE?!?!?!?!?!"

I mean, c'mon... if you are that close, that he feels he can read your email, he could have gotten financial information too... what a nosy SHIT!

Last I checked, that's NOT the kind of friend I want to have anyway. I would never speak to them again... they aren't even worth giving a piece of your mind too. Besides if you're like me, you need to keep all of it you have left.

[midnightplayer]

tell him that if he wants to out you, you will tell everyone that he is your lover, that will shut him up

[rudrjunk]

I agree with a lot of the comments posted above. However, one more piece of advice....

1. Keep personal (banking, professional, friends, etc) and absolute personal (swinging, etc) email addresses separate. That way, the only stuff which accidently falls in your friends hands could be your personal emails, and no one can give you grief about it.
2. Use IMAP / POP to download emails to a mail client (MS-Outlook, etc) so only your inbox is accessible by someone else.
3. Change security settings on your mail server to log off on inactivity (if possible)
4.Remember to always log-off from what ever sites you have logged into. The reason, being you can't trust the security features of someone else's computer (however close you may be with them/him/her). Your personal information can be gathered from cookies and temporary files left behind on other computers and this would lead to a lot more issues than being embarrassed about your friend learning about your personal life.

Keep faith and confidence. Confront your friend and either plead innocence (say spam, hack, etc - dunno who would buy it) or tell your friend, that it is your life, and you have absolute right over it. No one should be doing moral policing.

But again, since I don't know you nor your friend, my latter portion of the advice is not truly useful. But separate your email addresses and you should be ok in the future.

Best Regards

[2insandiego4u]

We don't know if this is a troll or not, does not really matter...

Bottom line is when you have anything that is important and valuable, you need to treat it as such. If you own expensive watches and jewelry, you should lock them up when they are not on your body. If you have important financial information and passwords, they should be kept private and safe at all times. Do not use computers for sensitive information unless you have secured them personally. If you have secrets, such as swinging, don't take chances. We know some couples that avoid meet-n-greets that are too close to home. Use a separate email and phone number for swinging. If you have to give an address for your club, get a P.O. Box. You have to put in some effort to keep the secret a secret. If you are careless, it's just a matter of time before your secret is revealed.