Mrs needs her confidence back

[jets69]

Hi everyone. Sorry if this post gets overly long. My wife, Mrs Jets69, does not know I'm posting this.

Last year, Mrs was diagnosed with a wheat gluten allergy, called Celiac disease. Celiac disease damages the small intestine so that nutrients cannot be properly absorbed. Since starting a special diet she feels much better than she has for years. The down side is that she has now gained quite a bit of weight. She has had a lot of trouble keeping the weight off because her body was so used to not being properly nourished. I find the extra weight has made her voluptuous and even sexier - her boobs are spectacular!

I still find her sexy and irresistible. She is a beautiful, vivacious, outgoing woman who consistently makes people do a double-take. When other men look at her, whether they are lifestylers or not, I can tell what they're thinking and it's dirty!

Our sex life is great because she has more energy but she has really backed off the lifestyle because of her new body. We are not very experienced swingers so Mrs' fear is that others will find her unattractive and, well, downright fat. She is 5'6" and 150 lb, which I do not consider fat at all.

I see pictures all the time of thinner, fitter individuals playing with people of more average and heavier builds. It seems to me that if personalities click, the sex will be dynamic. Could some of you just confirm to me (and eventually to her) that physical perfection is not necessary? Thanks.

[Overthetop]

There's no getting around it: People are wierd when it comes to the bodies. She is supposed to know that it is about the sex and the glow from within that really counts. If she is really worried she would join a gym and get serious about her looks.

[ownerspet]

Take her to an offsite club, but you might have to initiate conversation with other couples or individuals that you two might be interested in talking to. Then that will give her an opportunity to talk to people and realize that she is still attractive. Don't get me wrong everyone is not attracted to everyone, but 5'6 150Lbs doesn't sound fat to me.

[cplnuswing]

Originally Posted by jets69

I still find her sexy and irresistible. She is a beautiful, vivacious, outgoing woman who consistently makes people do a double-take. When other men look at her, whether they are lifestylers or not, I can tell what they're thinking and it's dirty!

Then no reason to think that still isn't true. Self-confidence is a vicious cycle, the more it declines, the more those worries come to the front, causing it to decline even more. The only way to break the cycle is just get out there and you'll see that swingers come in all shapes and sizes, and that no one's ideas of physical attractiveness are the same, and there will likely be no shortage of those to whom she is exactly their type.

Originally Posted by jets69

It seems to me that if personalities click, the sex will be dynamic. Could some of you just confirm to me (and eventually to her) that physical perfection is not necessary? Thanks.

Yes, most would probably agree the personalities have to click. Sure, there is some level of initial physical attraction needed, but for us and probably most others, the personality and overall chemistry is going to be what they are most picky about when it comes to choosing a playmate.

Physical perfection, what's that? Ask 10 people, you'll get 10 answers, all of them right There's someone for everyone, just go out and have fun and you'll run into them.

[tribbles]

jets,

we are chubby and old and even more insane....we neither one shave.

Anywhere.

We have many fun playtimes and know many fun people.

Just go meet people and see what happens.

[jets69]

Thanks everyone.

For the record, Mrs works out regularly, watches what she eats and tries to stay in shape despite a busy schedule and two young kids. We're talking about her body's adjustment to a medical condition. I suspect that as she gets healthier, she'll be able to get back in shape but right now she is at the point where she feels she has to accept her body as it is. She's just worried that others won't.

Tribbles, I like the way you think. You just have to be comfortable in your own skin and that's what I keep telling her. I guess it's just hard to go from being thin to somewhat overweight in a short period of time.

[ktimephoenix]

mrs P. and i are overweight. badly overweight. much moreso than your wife. our first party was almost cancelled because we were so self concious...

we have not been to a party where we haven't been "cornered" by a couple it is quite flattering. many of the parties Mrs P has caught the attention of the most attractive guy at the party, and kept him captivated. the reasons are simple... tits, arse, curves, personality, open and excited about sex. even some of the "stick figure" girls at these parties are openly jealous of some of her curves...

we even had one couple recognise our online profile from her cleavage

on the other note. yes her metabolism should rise as her body comes out of starvation mode, but the biggest adjustment she will need to make is portion size. she has gotten used to eating more, and gaining no weight due to her medical condition. she needs to "re-learn" her eating habits now that she is going to be absorbing EVERY calorie in her food.

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by jets69

Could some of you just confirm to me (and eventually to her) that physical perfection is not necessary?

We can confirm that its not necessary, because we know too many swingers now

I think something that should be important to each of you, is believing each other first. Acceptance of our own partners opinions about our self image, is sometimes all we have to go on when dating or playing with others.

We ask each others opinions about our selves and we accept that each others opinions are true. We believe each other about looking as good as we can. We had similar problems when we started venturing into sexual relationships with other people. Our self image could have always been the stoppers but we are honest with each other before we go out. We accept each others opinions. Hell, we have even asked each other to correct anything that looks out of proportion. Were not perfect, but we believe each other about how we look.

Then, we don't worry so much about how we look to other people. It works out better meeting people. It gives us more freedom to find a connection focusing on what we like about others. Instead of worrying about our self image.

After all, who els could we ask before going out "Do I look fuckable"

[des1re06]

The most important thing is that she's healthy again.

Keep assuring her that she is sexy.

I'm going through similar self esteem issues right now due to weight gain after my accident, but I still feel sexy thanks to the encouragement of my hubby. We've had great results with Provida, and it doesn't require going to a gym, as the workouts are at home. Ask her to talk to her doctor before beginning any change of diet.

There are many swingers out there, like us, who look for personality over "physical perfection".

Mrs. D

[sweet_tna]

Show her this thread. Understand that from her viewpoint, "he's my husband, of course he's going to say that." Take her out to a vanilla club and point out the other men turning their heads at her. Those things will help, but in the end, it will be up to her to find a way to be confident with who she is/how she looks.

Btw, I am 5'3 and weigh 155, my hubby is 5'9" and weighs 250. That hasn't stopped us from having some great times. It's all in the attitude!

=)

[slevin]

There is a lot of great information here about how being a stick figure is totally not required to have an enormous amount of fun swinging. There are some comments about dealing with the self esteem hit from gaining some weight, but there is another side to this kind of an issue.

You can help her to get back to a place where she feels good about herself; start working out together, take her to see a nutritionist to get information on what to eat, how much to eat, how to achieve her goals etc. Start doing physical activities together that get you out and staying fit. This will help her to get back to the weight she was happy with herself at, but to be honest here, it's not going to really solve her self esteem issues. It's important to know whether she is otherwise happy and is only concerned about her looks and gets the self esteem hit when you start talking about swinging. Or does she feel down on herself all the time? If it's just when talking about swinging then seeing the comments here may be all she needs, but getting fit and back to the weight she was happy at may also do the trick. If she is generally unhappy and has low self esteem then she is linking her self worth to her looks and body. That isn't healthy and she needs to talk to someone about how to learn to love herself for who she is and not what she looks like.

Boy, that sounds contrite when I type it, but I totally believe it. If she is generally unhappy then she needs to learn that she has enormous value as a person outside of her looks. That she is more than just a sexy girl; she is an amazing person with an incredible personality, she has a big impact on others lives, she has talents and skills that make her special and unique etc. etc. All of that is easy for you to tell her, but she needs to realize and accept it internally herself to really believe it. I can talk all kinds here about how I got over my own self esteem issues, how I helped my wife get over hers and my thoughts on the subject, but the bottom line is that if she generally has low self esteem (and not just when thinking about being naked in front of a bunch of strangers) then it's probably best for her to talk to someone about it who can help her deal with it.

[Chicup]

Its normal for people who are able to eat better to gain a bit too much weight once the chronic problem is removed from their lives. Your wife didn't do to badly, one woman I know gained 125lbs, so it could be a lot worse.

But really how YOU feel about her doesn't matter, its how she feels about herself. Even being sick she must have liked how she looked prior to gaining the weight. You might think shes perfect but 150 at 5'6” can be considered a bit on the chunky side and all the love you give her wont' convince her otherwise. The good news is she doesn't really have far to go and she sounds motivated.

I think swinging can be an double edged sword in this though.

Yes swinging can help with a womans self esteem, being desired by men lets them know they 'still got it'. The problem is that rejection comes with it too, you find that couple you really like and they say 'no thanks'. It might be something completely unrelated to looks, but your wife may well blame her own looks for it.

Ideally its best to really be happy with yourself and then think about swinging. This is'nt an ideal world so I'm not saying it can't help but just make sure it doesn't swing it the other way.

[MrsVan]

I can relate to how your Mrs is feeling. When we started in the LS, I had a very low self esteem and had no confidence in myself at all. I am 5'3" and the same weight as your wife and do not consider 150 to be fat in any way. But she is right that she has to learn how to accept her body the way it is and be comfortable with that.

MrVan and I when we meet other couples, have not found anyone that was against my body size. I was more worried that people in the LS only accepted the "barbie" material woman but have come to realize that more people are turned off by the skin and bones woman than they are those with a little meat around their waste.

I think once she is able to get out to the clubs or meet up with couples then she will start to get her confidence back as it took me a while in the LS to get use to the fact that people did find me attractive. It just takes some time.

Good luck and hope all works out for her.

MrsVan