How to tell which one they want??

srlkokie75 · 07-07-2008, 06:34 PM

Ok, I hope someone has some input on this. So here it is, I started talking to the female side of the couple, and she is awesome. Funny, and cool. Well, we went to their house and everything went well, we just talked and just got to know eachother. Well, the next day i was on the Im and talkig to her. She said what did your husband think of us, well, of course he thought they were alright(first meeting, hello!!) Well, she said now i can start flirtng with him and not scare him off, right. I said well probably not, atleast i dont think so. Newbies, is why she asked that. Well, i got the impression the only reason she started talking to me was to get to him, we are still a soft swap couple, girl/girl only right now. So, my question is am i looking at this wrong, you know I am not jealous at all. My prob with this is dont sweeten me up to get to him, LS or not, that doesnt fly with me AT ALL. Am i over reacting or am i seeing it how it is???
PLEASE HELP ME

***JustAskJulie*** · 07-07-2008, 06:54 PM

I think you might be reading too much into it (but I'm not there so I can't say for sure). It's possible that since she was originally talking to you (the female) that she assumed you were the more ok one in regards to swinging... and that your husband was the one who needed to "take things slower".

Some guys like an aggressive woman, some don't so she may be trying to guage that as well as just making sure that he's ok now.

My question is, what's wrong with flirting? As long as it's all out in the open. That's why you are there after all, right?

realcplub2 · 07-07-2008, 06:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by srlkokie75

Ok, I hope someone has some input on this. So here it is, I started talking to the female side of the couple, and she is awesome. Funny, and cool. Well, we went to their house and everything went well, we just talked and just got to know eachother. Well, the next day i was on the Im and talkig to her. She said what did your husband think of us, well, of course he thought they were alright(first meeting, hello!!) Well, she said now i can start flirtng with him and not scare him off, right. I said well probably not, atleast i dont think so. Newbies, is why she asked that. Well, i got the impression the only reason she started talking to me was to get to him, we are still a soft swap couple, girl/girl only right now. So, my question is am i looking at this wrong, you know I am not jealous at all. My prob with this is dont sweeten me up to get to him, LS or not, that doesnt fly with me AT ALL. Am i over reacting or am i seeing it how it is???
PLEASE HELP ME

Ok, first... Take a deep cleansing breathe and RELAX...

We all do just what you are doing right now, in this very post.. OVER ANALYZING.. reading into each and every statement..

In this case its MHO, that while yes they understand that you are a soft swap couple, part of the fun can be to TEASE, her husband and YOURS.. Flirting thru IMs can be fun, teasing in REAL LIFE can be great fun..

Let me ask a question, you state plainly that you are a soft swap couple, does that mean that the only contact your husband will receive will come from you, or just that the actual sex (intercourse) is just with you?

srlkokie75 · 07-07-2008, 07:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

I think you might be reading too much into it (but I'm not there so I can't say for sure). It's possible that since she was originally talking to you (the female) that she assumed you were the more ok one in regards to swinging... and that your husband was the one who needed to "take things slower".

Some guys like an aggressive woman, some don't so she may be trying to guage that as well as just making sure that he's ok now.

My question is, what's wrong with flirting? As long as it's all out in the open. That's why you are there after all, right?

Oh yeah, that is why we are in this. Thanks so much for the eye opener, lol. I will be glad when we arent newbies, lol.

srlkokie75 · 07-07-2008, 07:19 PM

Right now, just sex from me only, but contact from the other female is ok.

lustylearning · 07-07-2008, 09:57 PM

I don't know how you met this couple or what they know about what you're looking for, but if you're only in this to focus on female female play, make sure you're clear about it to every couple you meet. I would assume, if I'm meeting a soft swap couple, that the male partner engages in some kind of sex play outside of intercourse. In fact, I'd be shocked if he didn't. "Swapping" does imply partner swapping. You may want to reclassify yourselves if that's not what you're looking for.

arvcpl · 07-08-2008, 12:19 PM

If you are only comfortable with F/F-only play and interaction, then you need to be upfront about that. If you are going to get paranoid any time some gal shows some interest in your hubby then you are going to be in for a long and bumpy road.

Some of this may have to do with your use of the term "soft swap." Anytime you use the word "swap" it implys interaction between the male of one couple and the female of another. If you are telling couples or have written on your profile that you are a "soft swap" couple then people are going to assume that at some point you are looking for some form of M/F interaction and the other woman was within her rights (in fact she was doing the right thing) in asking if it was ok for her to show your hubby some attention.

If you are only into F/F then that needs to be clear to everyone from the start.

2insandiego4u · 07-08-2008, 01:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by arvcpl

.Some of this may have to do with your use of the term "soft swap." Anytime you use the word "swap" it implys interaction between the male of one couple and the female of another. If you are telling couples or have written on your profile that you are a "soft swap" couple then people are going to assume that at some point you are looking for some form of M/F interaction and the other woman was within her rights (in fact she was doing the right thing) in asking if it was ok for her to show your hubby some attention.

If you are only into F/F then that needs to be clear to everyone from the start.

To us, "soft swap" always signals that M/F contact of any kind might be out of the question, but not always. You really have to ask what is acceptable in that regard with any "soft swap" couple before you play.

**good times** · 07-08-2008, 05:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2insandiego4u

To us, "soft swap" always signals that M/F contact of any kind might be out of the question, but not always. You really have to ask what is acceptable in that regard with any "soft swap" couple before you play.

I just have to say, I have never heard of this one before. Did you write that correctly?

The reason I ask is because any kind of swap, full or soft swap, always implies M/F contact to us. If no M/F contact is desired or permitted, then my opinion is the couple is obligated to clearly state up front that girl/girl play is all that is acceptable.

2insandiego4u · 07-08-2008, 05:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by good times

I just have to say, I have never heard of this one before. Did you write that correctly?

The reason I ask is because any kind of swap, full or soft swap, always implies M/F contact to us. If no M/F contact is desired or permitted, then my opinion is the couple is obligated to clearly state up front that girl/girl play is all that is acceptable.

Yup, it was written correctly. We used the word "MIGHT" in our post above, meaning we need to clarify what is or is not permitted. We don't want to have any preconceived notions when it comes to a soft swap couple. We have heard of some couples where the ladies play, and there is no M/F contact, although we have not experienced this ourselves. We just meant to say that when a couple says they are soft swap, we make sure we know what all the boundaries are beforehand when it comes to the M/F interaction.

**gatorvol64** · 07-08-2008, 07:53 PM

Using the term soft swap would be confusing to us if you didn't intend M/F interaction. And frankly, I don't think it would occur to us to even ask. You really should be very up front about this.

Vol

sweet_tna · 07-08-2008, 10:45 PM

I have to admit, I'd have been confused by this too, if I were the other wife. If all you're looking for is F/F play, that needs to be much more clearly communicated. There's nothing wrong with going that route, don't get me wrong.

There are a few couples we've played with that are in it (the lifestyle) primarily for the girl/girl action and the guys are just there to watch and have sex with their own wives. Any m/f swapping is completely dependent on the situation and how comfortable they are with the other couple. And they're every clear in their profiles and how they present their preferences to others. I highly recommend ya'll do this, too.

As for the flirting, I find it completely harmless--but then, I'm an incurable flirt myself. That said, if I knew it was unwelcome, I'd certainly back off (or more likely, move on).

=)

Additude · 07-11-2008, 04:22 AM

I think she was very polite, respectful and considerate of your feelings by asking if you felt it was OK for her to "Flirt" with your husband.

I think she is a good person.

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07-07-2008, 06:34 PM	#1 (permalink)
srlkokie75 Registered Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 7 Location: Oklahoma Status: Couple Blog Entries: 2	How to tell which one they want?? Ok, I hope someone has some input on this. So here it is, I started talking to the female side of the couple, and she is awesome. Funny, and cool. Well, we went to their house and everything went well, we just talked and just got to know eachother. Well, the next day i was on the Im and talkig to her. She said what did your husband think of us, well, of course he thought they were alright(first meeting, hello!!) Well, she said now i can start flirtng with him and not scare him off, right. I said well probably not, atleast i dont think so. Newbies, is why she asked that. Well, i got the impression the only reason she started talking to me was to get to him, we are still a soft swap couple, girl/girl only right now. So, my question is am i looking at this wrong, you know I am not jealous at all. My prob with this is dont sweeten me up to get to him, LS or not, that doesnt fly with me AT ALL. Am i over reacting or am i seeing it how it is??? PLEASE HELP ME

07-07-2008, 06:54 PM	#2 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 21,323 Location: Alabama Status: Female SLS Name:swingersboard Blog Entries: 53	Re: How to tell which one they want?? I think you might be reading too much into it (but I'm not there so I can't say for sure). It's possible that since she was originally talking to you (the female) that she assumed you were the more ok one in regards to swinging... and that your husband was the one who needed to "take things slower". Some guys like an aggressive woman, some don't so she may be trying to guage that as well as just making sure that he's ok now. My question is, what's wrong with flirting? As long as it's all out in the open. That's why you are there after all, right?

07-07-2008, 07:19 PM	#5 (permalink)
srlkokie75 Registered Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 7 Location: Oklahoma Status: Couple Blog Entries: 2	Re: How to tell which one they want?? Right now, just sex from me only, but contact from the other female is ok.

07-07-2008, 09:57 PM	#6 (permalink)
lustylearning Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 221 Location: Virginia Status: female half	Re: How to tell which one they want?? I don't know how you met this couple or what they know about what you're looking for, but if you're only in this to focus on female female play, make sure you're clear about it to every couple you meet. I would assume, if I'm meeting a soft swap couple, that the male partner engages in some kind of sex play outside of intercourse. In fact, I'd be shocked if he didn't. "Swapping" does imply partner swapping. You may want to reclassify yourselves if that's not what you're looking for.

07-08-2008, 12:19 PM	#7 (permalink)
arvcpl Here to Stay Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 90 Location: Arvada, co Status: couple	Re: How to tell which one they want?? If you are only comfortable with F/F-only play and interaction, then you need to be upfront about that. If you are going to get paranoid any time some gal shows some interest in your hubby then you are going to be in for a long and bumpy road. Some of this may have to do with your use of the term "soft swap." Anytime you use the word "swap" it implys interaction between the male of one couple and the female of another. If you are telling couples or have written on your profile that you are a "soft swap" couple then people are going to assume that at some point you are looking for some form of M/F interaction and the other woman was within her rights (in fact she was doing the right thing) in asking if it was ok for her to show your hubby some attention. If you are only into F/F then that needs to be clear to everyone from the start.

07-08-2008, 07:53 PM	#11 (permalink)
gatorvol64 Julie's Helper Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 1,291 Location: Florida Status: Married Couple & half of a quad Blog Entries: 10	Re: How to tell which one they want?? Using the term soft swap would be confusing to us if you didn't intend M/F interaction. And frankly, I don't think it would occur to us to even ask. You really should be very up front about this. Vol __________________ He is the Gator and she is the Vol.

07-08-2008, 10:45 PM	#12 (permalink)
sweet_tna Being good is overrated Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 2,576 Location: Poconos, PA Status: The boss of Mr. Sweet SLS Name:Sweet_tna	Re: How to tell which one they want?? I have to admit, I'd have been confused by this too, if I were the other wife. If all you're looking for is F/F play, that needs to be much more clearly communicated. There's nothing wrong with going that route, don't get me wrong. There are a few couples we've played with that are in it (the lifestyle) primarily for the girl/girl action and the guys are just there to watch and have sex with their own wives. Any m/f swapping is completely dependent on the situation and how comfortable they are with the other couple. And they're every clear in their profiles and how they present their preferences to others. I highly recommend ya'll do this, too. As for the flirting, I find it completely harmless--but then, I'm an incurable flirt myself. That said, if I knew it was unwelcome, I'd certainly back off (or more likely, move on). =) __________________ PA Meet Up Nov. 7th & 8th . . . you know you want to . . .

07-11-2008, 04:22 AM	#13 (permalink)
Additude Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 303 Location: OBX-NC	Re: How to tell which one they want?? I think she was very polite, respectful and considerate of your feelings by asking if you felt it was OK for her to "Flirt" with your husband. I think she is a good person. __________________ If you want something you have never had before, you must do something you have never done before.

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