What to do after the first full swap?

ktimephoenix · 06-30-2008, 08:35 AM

We finally did it. not that we were in a rush, but we found a couple that we clicked with (the rest of the story will be in our first time thread).

anyway, after the swap, everyone seemed pretty happy, even though i had to go straight from their house to work...

It was their first time for a full swap, and it was ours too. we have their contact details, and were wondering if we should contact them again. not to try for sex again, more to see if they're alright... no that doesn't sound right... i can't think of the words.

i guess we don't want to be the couple equivelent of the guy who never calls after a one night stand. we want to open the avenue of communication in case they want or need to talk, considering it was their first time too. and it was the Females first time with another woman (Mrs P gave her a GOOD taste of that too

)

we don't want to appear like we're clingy, or just after another swap with them. we know some couples want the whole anonymous stranger thing.

i guess because it's our first time, we don't know what sort of contact afterwards is innapropriate, or whether we should contact at all.

funcpl4life · 06-30-2008, 08:54 AM

"Thank You for a Lovely Time."
All Our Best.

Mr FC4L

(Then the ball is in their court.)

N&G · 06-30-2008, 09:02 AM

It sounds like you are trying to turn something simple into something complicated. Just ask them if they would like to get together again. Unless there is some reason that you DON'T want to have sex with them again the assumption is that you want to. Isn't that why you met them in the first place? Don't be too upset if they tell you they aren't interested or ignore your emails. Even if everybody seemed to have a great time you can't get inside their heads and it doesn't mean that there was anything wrong with you.

ktimephoenix · 06-30-2008, 09:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by N&G

It sounds like you are trying to turn something simple into something complicated. Just ask them if they would like to get together again. Unless there is some reason that you DON'T want to have sex with them again the assumption is that you want to. Isn't that why you met them in the first place? Don't be too upset if they tell you they aren't interested or ignore your emails. Even if everybody seemed to have a great time you can't get inside their heads and it doesn't mean that there was anything wrong with you.

well Mrs P and He didn't really have the chemistry (in the bedroom)that I had with Her, so playing with them again probably isn't on the cards again.
we just felt (maybe wrongfully) that just because we may not want to have sex with them was no reason not to talk to them.

N&G · 06-30-2008, 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ktimephoenix

well Mrs P and He didn't really have the chemistry (in the bedroom)that I had with Her, so playing with them again probably isn't on the cards again.
we just felt (maybe wrongfully) that just because we may not want to have sex with them was no reason not to talk to them.

I think it is common courtesy to send an email regardless of whether you want to meet again or not. There is no need to go into detail, a simple "Thank you for the evening but I don't think we are compatible" will suffice. Was the lack of "chemistry" a real deal breaker for your wife or could it have been just an off night for the guy. As you may have read in other threads here it is very rare to find 4 people that are very compatible with one another. It's not uncommon to find that one partner has a better time than the other and unless it's totally one sided maybe you would be willing to give it another try and see what happens. Don't forget that men were not born knowing how to please every woman and your wife needs to speak up if there is something that he is not doing right.

**LikeMinds321** · 06-30-2008, 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by N&G

I think it is common courtesy to send an email regardless of whether you want to meet again or not.

I agree. I look at it this way, if I had a social event with vanilla people I'd send a thank you note after the occasion, so that's how I handle swinging with people.

Unless things went really bad during your time together and closure was made at that time, always send an e-mail the next day.

Since you are not interested in playing with them again, I'd simply send a note that said "thanks for meeting last night" (word it how you wish) but I would not say anything about being incompatible. There isn't a need unless they write back wanting to play again. Then you can drop the "rejection bomb."

Who knows, they may have no interest in playing with you again either. So it may be a wash and you'll both go on your way, never bringing up meeting again. At least if neither of you has to reject the other you can at least be friendly if you run into each other somewhere without knowing someone has rejected the other.

A "fade away" rejection is easier to handle all around.

LM

***JustAskJulie*** · 06-30-2008, 11:22 AM

I think an email following meeting a couple (or playing with them) is ALWAYS appropriate. I wouldn't go so far as to right away say "thanks for the fuck but we don't want to do it again" but I would just send an email letting them know that you enjoyed it and thank them for popping your cherry (so to speak) and leave it at that. Then it is in their court and if they write back wanting to get together again then you can let them know that you really didn't feel like everyone clicked on a sexual level but you would definately be open to friendship. I will say from experience that rarely is the other couple open to friendship when you've just turned them down for sex.

**cplnuswing** · 06-30-2008, 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

I think an email following meeting a couple (or playing with them) is ALWAYS appropriate. I wouldn't go so far as to right away say "thanks for the fuck but we don't want to do it again" but I would just send an email letting them know that you enjoyed it and thank them for popping your cherry (so to speak) and leave it at that. Then it is in their court and if they write back wanting to get together again then you can let them know that you really didn't feel like everyone clicked on a sexual level but you would definately be open to friendship. I will say from experience that rarely is the other couple open to friendship when you've just turned them down for sex.

As always, Julie gives great advice. Our first couple were newbies too, so it was the blind leading the blind. Not surprisingly, it didn't work out exactly as planned. We were interested in maintaining casual contact with them just as friends, but when we tried to do that the conversation usually turned into trying to get us interested in a do-over, which we just weren't up for. Once we made that obvious, contact was lost.

bendmeovernow · 06-30-2008, 06:01 PM

i norm send a hey, it was great getting together with you two and we had fun. ty for the nice evening. it's soooo wrong to not send at least one we had a nice time after a meeting. the only exception in that case is if it totally went wrong and you or your S/O would have to call the cops if you saw them again. just send one email and then as someone else said on here.. it's in there court then. and hey.. don't count them out as soon. if it was new to both you two and them as well it might have just been a new to it type thing. who knows.

two4youinswva · 06-30-2008, 06:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by funcpl4life

"Thank You for a Lovely Time."
All Our Best.

Mr FC4L

(Then the ball is in their court.)

Simple, and to the point.
Not to mention just darn good manners.

Very good!

ktimephoenix · 06-30-2008, 07:23 PM

Yep, we have sent the "thank you email", and recieved one back. we'll leave it at that at the moment. because the scene is so small here, we're sure to bump into them again, so will see how things go from there. They are great people, so if friendship happens, it would be nice, if not, it's understandable.

I personally think it was more of the fact that both Mrs P. and He were slightly intoxicated, and tired (it was 5am before we got to theirs) that they didn't "click". With their clothes on, they definately enjoyed each others company, so it wasn't a "dealbreaker". the ball is in Mrs P's court to see if she wants to give him a retry. we're in no rush either way, because there are plenty more couples out there to play with.

realcplub2 · 07-02-2008, 04:56 AM

Ok, given the state of affairs you have just detailed..

I would tend to lean towards giving a second evening a try.

For a few simple reasons, first, as you say it was extremely late and everyone had had a bit of drink.. Second, there were parts that you both know you enjoyed, and probably wouldnt mind doing a repeat of.. Third and finally, you have already been naked with these people, 90% of the tension is already relieved, Now you can relax and enjoy yourselves.

Besides, I am sure in the first session there were things that due to the hour and the time allowed that you or she might have liked to try, but couldnt.. To repeat my third point, you have already been naked with them, Go have a nice dinner, a FEW drinks.. then retire to someplace more comfortable.. If after the second evening you are still left with the same feeling part as friends.. If on the other hand it turn out a wild evening..

No Worries mate, LOL

DarkenFreaky · 07-04-2008, 01:50 AM

We always send a thank you email or a phone call. Just seems like the polite thing to do.

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06-30-2008, 08:35 AM	#1 (permalink)
ktimephoenix Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 209 Location: Adelaide Australia Status: Couple	What to do after the first full swap? We finally did it. not that we were in a rush, but we found a couple that we clicked with (the rest of the story will be in our first time thread). anyway, after the swap, everyone seemed pretty happy, even though i had to go straight from their house to work... It was their first time for a full swap, and it was ours too. we have their contact details, and were wondering if we should contact them again. not to try for sex again, more to see if they're alright... no that doesn't sound right... i can't think of the words. i guess we don't want to be the couple equivelent of the guy who never calls after a one night stand. we want to open the avenue of communication in case they want or need to talk, considering it was their first time too. and it was the Females first time with another woman (Mrs P gave her a GOOD taste of that too ) we don't want to appear like we're clingy, or just after another swap with them. we know some couples want the whole anonymous stranger thing. i guess because it's our first time, we don't know what sort of contact afterwards is innapropriate, or whether we should contact at all.

06-30-2008, 08:54 AM	#2 (permalink)
funcpl4life Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 130 Location: NW Arkansas Status: Couple	Re: What to do after the first full swap? "Thank You for a Lovely Time." All Our Best. Mr FC4L (Then the ball is in their court.)

06-30-2008, 09:02 AM	#3 (permalink)
N&G Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 112 Location: Northern New Jersey Status: Couple	Re: What to do after the first full swap? It sounds like you are trying to turn something simple into something complicated. Just ask them if they would like to get together again. Unless there is some reason that you DON'T want to have sex with them again the assumption is that you want to. Isn't that why you met them in the first place? Don't be too upset if they tell you they aren't interested or ignore your emails. Even if everybody seemed to have a great time you can't get inside their heads and it doesn't mean that there was anything wrong with you.

06-30-2008, 11:22 AM	#7 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 21,178 Location: Alabama Status: Female SLS Name:swingersboard Blog Entries: 53	Re: What to do after the first full swap? I think an email following meeting a couple (or playing with them) is ALWAYS appropriate. I wouldn't go so far as to right away say "thanks for the fuck but we don't want to do it again" but I would just send an email letting them know that you enjoyed it and thank them for popping your cherry (so to speak) and leave it at that. Then it is in their court and if they write back wanting to get together again then you can let them know that you really didn't feel like everyone clicked on a sexual level but you would definately be open to friendship. I will say from experience that rarely is the other couple open to friendship when you've just turned them down for sex.

06-30-2008, 06:01 PM	#9 (permalink)
bendmeovernow Active Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 30 Location: texas Status: cpl SLS Name:winterlovin and amorell	Re: What to do after the first full swap? i norm send a hey, it was great getting together with you two and we had fun. ty for the nice evening. it's soooo wrong to not send at least one we had a nice time after a meeting. the only exception in that case is if it totally went wrong and you or your S/O would have to call the cops if you saw them again. just send one email and then as someone else said on here.. it's in there court then. and hey.. don't count them out as soon. if it was new to both you two and them as well it might have just been a new to it type thing. who knows.

06-30-2008, 07:23 PM	#11 (permalink)
ktimephoenix Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 209 Location: Adelaide Australia Status: Couple	Re: What to do after the first full swap? Yep, we have sent the "thank you email", and recieved one back. we'll leave it at that at the moment. because the scene is so small here, we're sure to bump into them again, so will see how things go from there. They are great people, so if friendship happens, it would be nice, if not, it's understandable. I personally think it was more of the fact that both Mrs P. and He were slightly intoxicated, and tired (it was 5am before we got to theirs) that they didn't "click". With their clothes on, they definately enjoyed each others company, so it wasn't a "dealbreaker". the ball is in Mrs P's court to see if she wants to give him a retry. we're in no rush either way, because there are plenty more couples out there to play with.

07-02-2008, 04:56 AM	#12 (permalink)
realcplub2 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 182 Location: North Central Florida Status: Couple SLS Name:putnamcocpl Blog Entries: 10	Re: What to do after the first full swap? Ok, given the state of affairs you have just detailed.. I would tend to lean towards giving a second evening a try. For a few simple reasons, first, as you say it was extremely late and everyone had had a bit of drink.. Second, there were parts that you both know you enjoyed, and probably wouldnt mind doing a repeat of.. Third and finally, you have already been naked with these people, 90% of the tension is already relieved, Now you can relax and enjoy yourselves. Besides, I am sure in the first session there were things that due to the hour and the time allowed that you or she might have liked to try, but couldnt.. To repeat my third point, you have already been naked with them, Go have a nice dinner, a FEW drinks.. then retire to someplace more comfortable.. If after the second evening you are still left with the same feeling part as friends.. If on the other hand it turn out a wild evening.. No Worries mate, LOL

07-04-2008, 01:50 AM	#13 (permalink)
DarkenFreaky Active Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 12 Location: Washington, DC Status: Couple SLS Name:DarkenFreaky	Re: What to do after the first full swap? We always send a thank you email or a phone call. Just seems like the polite thing to do.

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