Who to choose? How to choose?

[good times]

Well, I can say we have had a quite a few great swinging experiences. Unfortunately, those were mixed in with a lot of mediocre experiences. The only thing I can tell you for certain is, not one of those experiences did we know was going to be great, or not so great, before we actually had them. In other words, they were all a surprise, after the fact.

So, I doubt you will ever find "*it*" by looking for it. The only way you will find "*it*" is by taking the plunge. If you get the right couple/single, you will be sitting there in the after glow saying, "wow, that was it".

[Pepper & Drew]

Originally Posted by Nitati

While we realize we can't always control it, we'd just really prefer to not have a "bad" first experience with this. I didn't think that was such a bad thing to want?

I know for a fact that the reality almost never lives up to the fantasy, but does that mean it shouldn't even come close? That's the main reason I started this thread...

It's not a bad thing to want at all. But, I think you also need to realize that while this couple may be the perfect ones to play with the first time ON PAPER, the reality may be nowhere near that. Same with the single male.

For example, there was a couple that we flirted with for over a year. Drew was really into her, I was really into him. They were good looking, it seemed like we had a lot in common...a perfect match. Finally, they had a free evening and we planned a play date. Well, when we finally played, it bit. It blew. It sucked. It wasn't our worst swingng experience, but it was certainly memorable, and not in a good way.

I wasn't implying that you guys should start indescriminately grabbing people off the dance floor at the club or that you need to swing. I was telling you that while it's a good idea to move at your own pace, and to make sure you're comfortable, you can neither plan nor predict how an experience is going to turn out. I've learned to have no or low expectations for any play experience. Typically, when we've created these high expectations, it falls way short. When we're not really expecting it, though, we've had some fabulous times.

Of course, you can (and will) do whatever you wish. Good luck in whatever you decide!

Pepper

[twohots4u2]

We recommend that you makes it easy. Have dinner at a convenient restaurant with each prospect, get to know them, and if the chemistry is right, set a play date later. In the invitation to them, let them know the ground rules, that this is just a dinner and meeting. Most experienced swingers understand the need for chemistry, and that chemistry cannot be judged over the Internet, it has to be face to face.

Then, don't agonize over it. You will sense the chemistry if it is there. If it is not, thank them for the nice evening, good conversation, and move on.

We have met swinging couples with whom we became good friends, but never swung because the chemistry was not there for swinging. And, we have met folks with whom we had so much chemistry, that after dinner we decided to throw out the rule and headed for their hotel room for a three hour romp! No body complained in either situation!

[gnb4u]

Originally Posted by Nitati

We *are* looking for new meaningful, passionate experiences to share with each other.

Those are found where they are and they happen when they happen. That is more about what is happening with the two of you than about others. This is a worthy and legitimate goal but it is about you and not about others. If you have your shit together there is no reason it can't happen in even the simplest of circumstances. If you don't have your own shit together it will not happen no matter how perfect the other people are or how perfect the situation is.

Originally Posted by Nitati

While we realize we can't always control it, we'd just really prefer to not have a "bad" first experience with this.

As long as you keep the above goal in mind and as long as you use your head and are reasonably responsible and follow your gut instincts and communicate with each other, you should not have a "bad" experience.

"bad" experiences happen when people get drunk or stupid, get careless or irresponsible or get selfish and do things without regard to the feelings or wishes of others.

You two have probably been somewhat torturing yourselves looking for the perfect match and situation. At some point you are going to have to accept that you have done all it is that you can do and then you are just going to have to take a leap of faith knowing that you have done your best. If you are inteligent, responsible, respectfull and compassionate people and you have given it your all in good faith things will work out for the best.

[gnb4u]

Oh I just wanted to add one more thing. It was a about a year from the time we first signed up on a swing site untill we had our first experience and it was about another six months after that before we actually became active in the lifestyle. so I don't think 2 years is necessarily unrealistic or abnormal at all. However like I said in my previous post at some point you are going to have to realise you have done everything in your power and you are just going to have to have some faith in yourselves.

Doing research and asking questions is responsible and wise however there will come a point where more opinions will just confuse the issues and cloud the waters.