GF getting attached to female friend

[STi623]

okay well heres the problem...about 3 1/2 months ago my gf of 5 years and I messed around w/a friend of hers after coming back from a bar...i had already sinced it coming even tho i didnt believe it would happen...by the way this was our first time having a threesome eventho we didnt have intercourse.

we thought it was just a one time deal after that nite...but things continued to escalate w/her friend and my gf has slept over at her house and they fulled around (which i dont mind at all) also we recently had intercourse about a month ago and continued several times after that until about a week ago. I have to mention that this friend was a virgin and has never had a BF. None of our other friends know about what has happend either so its hard for the girls to act like themselves around their female friends.

After coming back from a club about a week ago my GF was drunk and passed out to sleep...and during the middle of the nite her friend and I ended up havin sex while my gf slept (yes i already know i F'd myself by doing that and i shouldnt have done it) during that time my gf woke up and ended up joining us or more like we went down on her and brought her in to play...

well that morning i could tell my gf was bothered and she asked me if we had sex (friend and I) and i admitted yes...she was bothered by what had happend and said she didnt want this to continue with her friend...so we all agreed that there wouldnt be anymore sleepovers at my house.

but my GF has grown feelings over her friend and her friend over her as well...but they do not want to continue...i find them growing frustrated w/each other...even tho they have both admitted that they like each other.

I just dont want this to get messier than what it already is...i want them to remain friends (especially cause they work together w/their friends)

my gf is really emotional and always wants an answer for her questions...her friend is really quite and keeps to herself doesnt really talk about her emotions or how she feels except for the times i recently asked her...what should we do???

should we still hang out? or should my gf just stop talking to her? the problem with this is that my gf wants to keep in touch with her and gets all hurt when her friend doesnt call...i dont want to be mediating all the time

any help would be appreciated...

[JustMrJ]

I'd like to ask a couple of things before I answer...

1. Did you and the other lady try and hide the fact that you had intercourse while she slept?

2. When you say you 'went down on her and brought her into play' do you mean she already knew you two were naked or fooling around a bit? This goes back to question one slightly.

3. Overall, what was the level of communication of this play triangle at the time of the incident?

Okay... until those are answered, I'll hold my opinions...

[slevin]

Also: you say your GF and her friend were having sex together when you were not present? Did you talk with your GF about your joint boundaries with respect to this other girl? Did you have clear, open and honest conversations about what you're both comfortable with? Were you OK with the result of those discussions?

Answering those questions might not help solve the current issue you're dealing with, but it might help avoid the problem in the future

[N&G]

This seems to be an issue between the two women. Why are you mediating? By getting in the middle you become part of the problem. Let them sort it out themselves.

It appears that your gf and you need to discuss what is sexually acceptable and what is not. Unless there was a previous agreement not to play unless you were all together you technically didn't break any rules but you know not to do it again. Just because she is upset doesn't always make it your fault, especially since you had intercourse with your friend multiple times previously and there was plenty of time to set the ground rules.

[STi623]

Originally Posted by N&G

This seems to be an issue between the two women. Why are you mediating? By getting in the middle you become part of the problem. Let them sort it out themselves.

It appears that your gf and you need to discuss what is sexually acceptable and what is not. Unless there was a previous agreement not to play unless you were all together you technically didn't break any rules but you know not to do it again. Just because she is upset doesn't always make it your fault, especially since you had intercourse with your friend multiple times previously and there was plenty of time to set the ground rules.

well i did mess up even tho there werent any boundaries set i guess for me...i guess when you question something of being wrong i guess you should make sure its not wrong...my gf is kind of over what happend between her friend and i...i told my gf that i wouldnt mess around w/her anymore.

heres the current issue....my GF has really strong feelings for her friend...not the type that shell break up w/me and leave me for her...but more like this strong infatuation that she cant get over...i know her friend likes her too...but she doesnt want any of our friends to find out whats happend. We had a chat last nite the 3 of us...but i feel like nothing got resolved or not a clear solution was made...they both admitted having feelings for each other, but the only thing that was said was for them not to talk as often.


I think what happened is that things might have moved to quickly as well as feelings...the only thing i could think of now is for her friend not to come around as much or fool around either...they both said yesterday they wouldnt fool around anymore with eachother...but have both openly admitted that they still want to...so im just frustrated at the fact that they put themselves through this and i have to hear it.

[realcplub2]

Originally Posted by STi623

well i did mess up even tho there werent any boundaries set i guess for me...i guess when you question something of being wrong i guess you should make sure its not wrong...my gf is kind of over what happend between her friend and i...i told my gf that i wouldnt mess around w/her anymore.

Ok, lets take this all the way back to the top... In your original post you explained that these to lovely women, went to each other house for evenings WITHOUT you.. And your GF expected you to be OK with this right?

Since there werent any rules that said you couldnt enjoy the OTHER F, being upset over missing that part, because she was asleep is normal, but beyond that, whats good for the goose is good for the gander.. Unspoken rules are the easiest to break..

heres the current issue....my GF has really strong feelings for her friend...not the type that she'll break up w/me and leave me for her...but more like this strong infatuation that she cant get over...i know her friend likes her too...but she doesnt want any of our friends to find out whats happend. We had a chat last nite the 3 of us...but i feel like nothing got resolved or not a clear solution was made...they both admitted having feelings for each other, but the only thing that was said was for them not to talk as often.

I think what happened is that things might have moved to quickly as well as feelings...the only thing i could think of now is for her friend not to come around as much or fool around either...they both said yesterday they wouldnt fool around anymore with eachother...but have both openly admitted that they still want to...so im just frustrated at the fact that they put themselves through this and i have to hear it.

First, sitting and talking.. Great Idea... doing it ONLINE.. not so great

The simplest answer is also the most complex..

continue the way you are going, with everyone, the both of them wanting but not getting/doing and you as the chief reason why not..

OR get them in the same room, and talk it out.. Still want to continue.. come up with basic rules.. Who can fuck who, and when.. but BE CLEAR.. and make sure each of them are on the same page..

Beyond that, look up the TRIAD concept..

[bryanlee]

It sounds to me that this is something that happened without any planning or preparation. Even though the first night was probably out of the blue, the following encounters were not. You should have all sat down and discussed how to best proceed from there.

This may not be the case, but it just seems like there was a severe lack of communication between the three of you, which in turn has led to your current problems.

That's all behind you now so the best thing you can do now is keep the communication going.

If you decide to move forward then you should set some boundaries and stick to them.

Good luck with everything.

Bryan & Sharon