what do you do when your husband is no longer interested......

[she1015]

Hi to all....new to this site.....not sure if anyone has encountered this....my husband was swinging wayyyyyyyyyy back in the early 1990's....with his wife, and then upon divorce, with a wide number of girlfriends.....he was instrumental in introducing me to swinging....and appeared to enjoy the occasional gangbang....we even hosted a houseparty or two...Fun!.....
Even though I have had periodic issues with jealousy.....and we have been frank in discussing this as a roadblock.....My hubby now has not any interest in sex.....whatsoever!.....I cannot tell you all, how long it has been....cause you would never believe it!!
My question is this......swingers that have been at this lifestyle for some time.......did you ever just peter out???? not want to do it any longer??
let me know......and any ideas on how to re-vive his interest.....??
thanks!! she1015.

[ncmd_couple]

She,

Well, I don't have enough information to go from here, hell, there could be a thousand things that would cause him to lose interest from medication to life events. Can you give us some more information about what is going on? And maybe, talking to him will help you understand what is going on.

S

[JustAskJulie]

This sounds like a much bigger issue than just not wanting to swing... you said he's not interested in SEX whatsoever... if he's not interested in sex whatsoever then I can understand not being interested in swinging either. What I would worry about (if I were you or him) is what has caused this change. I would suggest that he talk to his doctor about this change in his libido. Is he on any medications that may cause it? Is he also depressed or having other psychological issues?

[Additude]

You didn't mention what your hubby said about not wanting to have sex.

Does he seem depressed? I'd say depression is a common cause of lack of libido and being active.

Can you remember anything that happened back around the time just before you realized he was becoming less sexual? A death in the family? The loss of a pet? Turned down for a promotion? A bad arguement between the two of you?

[wewannabebad2]

If my husband ever just "Lost" interest in sex I'd be worried. Three questions would pop into my head:

1.) Did he start a new medication?

2.) Is he depressed or overly stressed and needing a vacation?

3.) Could he be cheating?

I would sit down and talk with him and let him know that your worried.

[fun4Ds]

[quote=she1015;328298]

Hi to all....new to this site.....not sure if anyone has encountered this....my husband was swinging wayyyyyyyyyy back in the early 1990's....with his wife, and then upon divorce, with a wide number of girlfriends.....he was instrumental in introducing me to swinging....and appeared to enjoy the occasional gangbang....we even hosted a houseparty or two...Fun!.....

How long have you two been married ?

How long have you two been swinging together ?

Even though I have had periodic issues with jealousy.....and we have been frank in discussing this as a roadblock.....

How so ?

Is this a big road block now ?

I mean, that statement says you get to have fun and he don't.

My hubby now has not any interest in sex.....whatsoever!.....I cannot tell you all, how long it has been....cause you would never believe it!!

Sure I would. I'm a guy, we talk at work ya know also sometimes. I've heard a few home stories of sleeping on the couch for 6 months to two years. In all of those men I have talked to in private, there were many things in common.

What do you think it is ?

My question is this......swingers that have been at this lifestyle for some time.......did you ever just peter out???? not want to do it any longer??

Yeah, there have been a few times I just peter out. Its for many reasons. I never was some stud that could put out for sex every night, well o.k. there are some times that I'm on the hornier side of life . We chased the wind in the beginning. Now we prefer quality over quantity . I think many swingers go through stages of ups and downs. We have on occasion TAKEN BREAKS Just to catch up on ourselves. We try to hook up once a month now. I don't want to always involve other people on a weekly basis. Then sometimes we have friends over twice a week. I can't say we have just petered out on swinging. I can't help to think there is a bigger problem than just burning out because of swinging here.

let me know......and any ideas on how to re-vive his interest.....??

Have him see a doctor first.
IS that possible ?

Talk to him and listen.

What are his words ? Are they valid ?

I cant imagine with yours and his experience in the lifestyle, not being able to talk about these these things, unless someone, is not being heard !!

Ask him!! Ask him why he doesn't want sex. Tell us the answers and we would know more. It could be many things, as others have said.

[gnb4u]

It is normal for people's interest in SWINGING to wax and wane over periods of time and it is normal for people to take breaks from the lifestyle or even to enjoy the lifestyle actively for awhile and then go back to a traditional vanilla lifestyle.


It is however NOT normal for a healthy male in a healthy and happy relationship with a willing partner to not have an interest in sex!!!!!!!

As Julie said there is something wrong here. It could be one of a few things.

A. a physiological health issue (diabetis, hypertension, medications etc)

B. a psycological health issue.

C. A relationship issue.

D. He is getting all his physical and sexual needs met elsewhere.


This is not a swinging issue but an issue relating to one of the above.

[tcbnick]

I don't know your ages but when I hit 43 I thought the world had stoped, come to find outthere is a male menapause and my hormones were all out of wack. Thanks to a carring Dr. and wife I got on a patch and feel great at 50with plenty of sex drive

[thedreamyone]

I can say that from my own personal expereince that my hubby and myself has had periods of no sex..Mainly on my part really being in such pain that having sex was a huge turn off..Now I have tried other ways of having sex with my husband and things to be working out much better...
I can say that you need to set down with your husband talk to him find out what is wrong then go from there..There has to be a reason that he's not interested any longer like others have said that could be the reason's of why and don't know how to talk to you about what the problem is that he's just embaressed about it all. Just plain don't want to find out why..

[slevin]

Originally Posted by tcbnick

I don't know your ages but when I hit 43 I thought the world had stoped, come to find outthere is a male menapause and my hormones were all out of wack. Thanks to a carring Dr. and wife I got on a patch and feel great at 50with plenty of sex drive

Yes, after 40 the level of free testosterone in males decreases every year and lowered testosterone often means a lowered (or non-existent) libido. Often referred to as male menopause. There are other things that can cause lowered testosterone as well (can happen to men at any age), but there are a lot of things that can be done to counteract it and get the testosterone levels back to a normal and healthy range. There are exogenous remedies (a patch, injections) and also ways to get your body to generate more testosterone. Definitely have your husband talk with his doctor about this as low levels of testosterone can also cause more serious health problems (heart issues, increased risk of cancer). Making sure to get the right remedy (might not be low testosterone) is also important, so don't let him self medicate with the countless herbal remedies for increasing testosterone (which can also be dangerous as doing it the wrong way can also increase risk of prostate cancer).

Definitely not a normal thing to be completely uninterested in sex. Could be medical, could be mental, could be other factors (stress, cheating etc.)

Hope that it all gets worked out!

[lovinher]

I'd be interested in knowing what he has to say about this.

[petra6998]

Just like everyone else it could be a medical or mental issue. He should go talk the doctor about it. Also try to get away the 2 of you to talk about things and see what's on his mind with life. There might be something that is distracting him that you don't realize is waying so much on his mind.