Signals-That you're not Ok

[socolais]

I think it's easy to "monday morning quarterback" this event and say that Pet missed an opportunity to establish his rank in the alpha male hierarchy - and for some folks, that's VERY important. I also respect a man that carefully chooses his battles. This was the swinger's equivilent of a Kobiashi Marou - a no win scenario. I think Julie's response was appropriate.

[shymxcpl]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Actually, I answered what the Mrs was doing in this post: Signals-That you're not Ok

Hadn't time to read through the whole post and I didn't know you guys were a thing...

gawd, I feel like a n00b

Then again, what happened to you guys sucks even worse...
what a complete ass!

You know, most of the time you let your insecurities out this way. Now you know where his Achilles Heel is. If you play it smart and careful, you could get him back...

I'm usually peaceful, but when pissed off I'm very Machiavellian.

[ktimephoenix]

I would lean towards the "out alpha" idea. you see it heaps in the Vanilla dating world, Swinging just adds a new dimension. heck i've even watched my dogs use Mrs P's. or my affection for the same reason, trying to prove dominance by garnishing affection.

personally i'd be uncomfortable around someone that Mrs P. had played with that i didn't know...i think it could get confusing as to where the line sits.

I agree that you need to call them on the behaviour tho. there have been a number of good suggestions on how to do that here. the best way to "practice" getting into that mindset is to never take crap from anyone. demanding your money back when a product fails, demanding to be acknowleged for the good idea you had at work etc all gets you into the mindset that your life goes your way, so the other guy better back off.

confidence is key. you need to make the other guy wonder what it is that you know that he doesn't. if you don't appear concerned that things could escalate into a fight, either verbal, physical, or for your wifes attention, he's less likely to escalate... because he doesn't want to find out the surprise is that you are a black belt who can kill a man with chopsticks.

[Gordo]

Originally Posted by socolais

I think it's easy to "monday morning quarterback" this event and say that Pet missed an opportunity to establish his rank in the alpha male hierarchy - and for some folks, that's VERY important. I also respect a man that carefully chooses his battles. This was the swinger's equivilent of a Kobiashi Marou - a no win scenario. I think Julie's response was appropriate.

It's not about establishing your place in the pecking order. He's trying to do that for you. It's about you acting in such an unusual manner as to establish that you're not a victim and not going to be slotted anywhere by him.

I don't advocate violence by any means but I think he'll find that this guy will try to push him again.


What does he do. Leave his wife to tell the guy off????

[funcpl4life]

Originally Posted by socolais

I think it's easy to "monday morning quarterback" this event and say that Pet missed an opportunity to establish his rank in the alpha male hierarchy - and for some folks, that's VERY important. I also respect a man that carefully chooses his battles. This was the swinger's equivilent of a Kobiashi Marou - a no win scenario. I think Julie's response was appropriate.

Forty Quatloos as a prize for the Star Trek TOS reference.

I'll see and raise with a War Games reference: The only way to win is not to play.

Mr FC4L, geek

[DarkenFreaky]

We have rarely been in a situation to use this but when we started dating we discussed all possibilities we might find ourselves in. We use a safe word. Something that is not extra strange but not used in everyday conversation to know that something is wrong and that the other should step in and excuse us both to discuss what is going on.

[tittietwister]

Agree with the comments on testing. Since you didn't say otherwise I assume your wife was enjoying the attention despite his obvious disrespect to you. That I would have a major problem with - as in all stop until that is thoroughly discussed.

To answer the question on how do we communicate this when the other is too dense to see - a codeword. For me she calls me by my full given name. Regardless of the context of the statement it is used in that's the signal for aborting an meeting.