Being Outed

[rtb111]

So the Saga has now finished. We talked to the M of a couple we have played with in the past. Though it took them 2 weeks to tell us, that it had gotten out, and heard the details of what happen. I am OK and so is handsome, but hurt that this couple took so long to tell us. We knew about the situation at the same time we were all together at public vanilla parties, I am sure being whispered about while we were there. We were surprised they had not said anything. Now I am just disappointed and hurt. Seems from what he was saying they were being party of the whole thing to not draw attention, but they also did not give us a heads up for any damage control. I think this has really hurt the relationship at least for me.

[discoandvyper]

We got outed by my own mother and father. We were having a family dinner and casually my mom said that her boss saw Disco and I on a swing site (SLS).

We did the turn the tables bit, asking her what her boss was doing on a swing site. It was dropped and never brought up again.

[OZCPL]

I really don't care if our vanilla friends find out, I don't make a point of telling them but if they work it out good luck to them. I am still the same person if it offends them then they wern't sincere freinds anyway.

[ALilOEverything]

A long time ago I had feared to be outed. Then one day a co-worker of mine was in a gossip mood and told everyone that a particular co-worker used to be a swinger. I didn't bother looking shocked and just asked how he would know this. He went to parties at their house and other things etc... No one really thought that much of it and I've never seen her treated differently after everyone found out. What I didn't say was that she still was a swinger because I happened to bump into her on SLS a couple weeks before.

A similiar scenario happened a couple months later, it wasn't new information to me and no one really seemed to care. From what I can tell neither person really became affected by it in their place of employment. Either no one cared or they didn't believe the story to begin with.

[rtb111]

I am passed the being outed part. It is really that this couple, who have been with us, decided to be cowards and not come to us. They were part of the chit chat and laughing about us. They did not know we were on SLS, and then went surfing around trying to find us. We knew it had happened and they wait two weeks before they told us. I am more disappointed then anything. On top of that because we are so closed with them, they are starting to be put in a tough stop. Asking if they swing with us. I just expected more from them. If they had helped with damage control maybe they wouldn't be the ones being talked about.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by discoandvyper

We got outed by my own mother and father. We were having a family dinner and casually my mom said that her boss saw Disco and I on a swing site (SLS).

We did the turn the tables bit, asking her what her boss was doing on a swing site. It was dropped and never brought up again.

My gut tells me, it wasn't her boss who was looking

[sexychoclit]

I have told people who are close to me and my family knows. It's not easy but I find that most people don't talk about it. One of my male friends ask me if I am still dating the couple and my best friend and sister-in-law ask about them, but they have met them so they are considered part of the family.

I don't know if I would've come out on national television. I saw the episode of "Oprah" and found that it didn't show the real side of lifestyle couples. There was only one woman who I found attractive and I do believe that she was a preacher. I think that the episode made swingers look like a bunch of desperate people who can't get laid any other way. I don't even think they had any single females on there (can't remember that part anyway).

If you live in a large city then you don't have to worry about it. My only issue is that at my last job a woman was fired after she came out and said she was a swinger. Jobs are too hard to come by these days. If you own your own business and make enough to support yourself then it may not matter. But for most people, coming out would be a big deal and until people at large become more comfortable with swingers there could be a price to pay to come out.

Also, what happens to the children (under 18) of people who come out to their community? I would think that they suffer in some kind of way. Kids can be cruel and so the children should be protected. If I were a parent I don't think that I would be so quick to reveal what goes on behind my closed doors.

[likkit69]

i didn't think you could actually get fired just for being a swinger, there must have been more to it or the employer found other reasons along with that. i thought firing someone for bias reasons was illegal!!

[SAMnTINA]

Originally Posted by sexychoclit

I saw the episode of "Oprah" and found that it didn't show the real side of lifestyle couples. There was only one woman who I found attractive and I do believe that she was a preacher. I think that the episode made swingers look like a bunch of desperate people who can't get laid any other way. I don't even think they had any single females on there (can't remember that part anyway).

OUCH...but then again there is only so much you can find if you only look skin deep. Swinging is about sharing as much as it is about sex and it's hard for singles (uncommited) to understand that part of it. As for why their were no single on the show to most of the world single females or single males having sex is not new, interesting or note worthy.

Originally Posted by sexychoclit

Also, what happens to the children (under 18) of people who come out to their community? I would think that they suffer in some kind of way. Kids can be cruel and so the children should be protected. If I were a parent I don't think that I would be so quick to reveal what goes on behind my closed doors.

As for the kids we have 3 and the older ones were in high school when we did the show, we talked about it with them before we did the show and they saw no problem with us doing it. Our daughter said "It's day time TV none of my friends watch that" and our son wanted to know if he could come along and raise money for the band. Before the show kids friends allways hung out at our house (mostly because we kept the frig stocked and were busy working, not to mention the cable tv, wireless internet and cool partent). After the show this did not change. Our 19 year old daughter just graduated college, 21 year old son is still working on the college thing and the 13 year old is in middle school where as with all middle schoolers he know everything (but we know this will pass when he finaly gets to college) All the kids do well in school and are bigest problems with them were always getting them to make there beds and keep their rooms clean. Maybe honesty is a good thing after all. We never told the big kids "Don't have sex, we always said be safe, and remember sex is not love, School, College, Job, Marrage then babys...

Guess I should never of looked in on this post. But then again I still think my wife is the most beautifull woman on the planet and she seem that I am not the only man that wants her. We swing because we enjoy new experences not because we can get laid any other way.

[VegasLee]

There are many ways of protecting your children and being honest with them is the way we chose.

We have six kids. They are very aware of their parents lifestyle. Since we have been on T.V., Radio, Newspaper and magazines we felt it was best many years ago that they heard it from us rather then see us on T.V.

Not a one of them have ever had a problem with others because of our lifestyle. Our oldest son and his wife do not approve and that is fine, they don't live our life and we don't live theirs. The rest of the kids don't care either way. They are fine as long as we are fine.

Just because Oprah did not have single beauty queens on her show does not mean it was not swingers or that she shed a bad light on the subject. Swinging has always been for everyone, not just the pretty people in life. You will find many more "regular" people in this lifestyle then you will find "Barbie and Ken" types.

Each of us have our idea about what this lifestyle is about and it seems that many try to exclude those that don't fit within their idea. Just because you don't like something does not make it wrong.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by likkit69

i didn't think you could actually get fired just for being a swinger, there must have been more to it or the employer found other reasons along with that. i thought firing someone for bias reasons was illegal!!

It depends on the employment laws where you live. More and more states are going to "at will employment" where they can fire you for anything they choose to at any time (short of your race/sex). Sexual interest/ orientation has never been a protected class for anything (and doubtfully ever will be).

[Bama0468]

FYI for those that don't know, Colorado is a "at will" they need no reason.

[rdy46227]

Originally Posted by likkit69

i didn't think you could actually get fired just for being a swinger, there must have been more to it or the employer found other reasons along with that. i thought firing someone for bias reasons was illegal!!

Unfortunately, most states are "right to work" states, which actually means "right to fire". The law says that either party, employer or employee, can fire/quit at any time, subject to any existing employment contract.

Only two points govern terminations. First, the discrimination laws for race, gender, age, religion, etc. apply (to most larger employers).

Second, any terms of a published employee policy manual must be followed, which can sometimes slow things with a very large employer. But practically, the employer does what ever they want and the employee either agrees or quits.

You're right, life isn't fair.

[residentpervs]

Actually, I'm thinkin it's becoming harder and harder for employers to fire someone for their sexual orientation, providing the individual can *prove* that's why they were fired... that's the hard part. As for being fired for being a swinger, there's a lot of professions, especially "public" ones, that have a "morality clause" in their contracts... Teaching is a good example. Not long ago, I read a thread here, I believe, about a woman who worked for a school district, and only as an administrative secretary at the board building, who was fired for violating the morality clause. The fact that she had no contact with the students (not that a lifestyler would worry about that anyway) was completely ignored, even though they cited the "immoral example" she set for students, that parents didn't want a "pervert" working in the education system, etc, etc. She didn't have a leg to stand on, and lost her job. So, yeah... it might just be safer to play your cards close to the vest, so to speak.

[Ed & Bunny]

Originally Posted by rtb111

I am slightly concerned about it getting to my clients, but not really. We have made our way in this world and have done really well for ourselves.

If you are good at what you do, I think you will find that most will not leave. Oh there will always be that holier than thou one, but most if questioned by others why they still give you bussiness will most likely say " who cares what they do in their spare time, I care about their quality work".