Is there such a thing as swingers' Etiquette?

So we met this couple a while back and did a soft swap with them. They were our first couple and it was an interesting experience. Hubby enjoyed himself but I didn't so much because they couldn't follow "guidelines" we set before we played (and these were stated on NUMEROUS occasions to which they agreed). They said they would never do anything to make us uncomfortable because it was our first time. Well they violated those guidelines not just once but a few times. So needless to say I told hubby that although they seem like nice people that we wouldn't play with them anymore. Anyhow so some months had passed and we found another couple to play with that we really like...come to find out couple #1 saw our new couple on our "friends list" on this website and proceeded to contact them if they wanted to play. Well our new couple told us this because not only are we playing together but we've become good friends in the process (a HUGE plus for me). Well our couple showed no interest only asking couple #1 how did they find them...couple #1 (the wife...the one who tried fucking my hubby even though we said we weren't ready for a full swap at that time we played) said she can't remember. It's CLEAR as day that she found them from OUR page because our couple has no other friends listed on their page. Well suddenly the wife of couple #1 starts emailing us asking about if we've had any luck lately....which I found funny after ALL these months of no contact that NOW she'd suddenly ask. Well we said yes we've met a few people...and she asked if we hooked up with anyone on our friends list. We got the idea that she was fishing for information about our new couple (whether they are fake or real) cause it wasn't until she messaged our couple did she want to talk to us since that couple won't reply to her messages. So she kept asking what our "secrets" were in hooking up with couples...and that they haven't found anyone. I felt like telling her that they probably can't find anyone cause they are so freakin pushy and puts on this "fake" persona....I don't care so much that she wants to hook up with our couple, but it pisses me off that this lady is trying to USE us to get to other couples...what would be the polite thing to do here? We don't want to be RUDE but I don't want to tell her our "secrets" (there really isn't...it's just chemistry between people, you know?).

[LikeMinds321]

Hi and welcome to the Swingers Board. I hope you will register so that you can continue to post in this thread and anywhere else on the Board.

How couple #1 found out about couple #2 is not really signifigant. What the problem seems to be is that C1 wrote to you asking for more information than you want to share. There is no etiquette rule that says you have to provide that information, or ever continue a conversation with a couple who you do not want anything further to do with.

The solution is simple, just let her know that you don't discuss those things. The shorter your reply the better, don't send a note with anything that prompts them to write again since you don't want to hear from them again. You can be direct without being rude.

Because someone writes you and asks questions, it doesn't mean you have to answer those questions, the ball is always in your court, you are in control of what you do. Once you realize this, you'll feel less frustrated by the situations you come upon while swinging.

There is always the chance of running across people/situations that you don't care for, how you handle them makes all the difference in whether you let it aggravate you. People will snoop for info, and most swingers feel it's best to say less than more, but each situation is unique and I feel deciding what to share depends on who you are talking to (what kind of relationship you have with them) and what the subject is.

LM

[JustAskJulie]

Hi & Welcome. Like LM said you'll probably get some questions here that will be difficult to answer if you don't register. That doesn't mean you can't answer though, but you may end up having to start a new thead to answer (which is ok, we'll just merge them).

To your issue. Drama. Sounds like probably Myspace or Yahoo 360 (based on the visible friends list). I'm surprised you still have couple #1 on your friends list, if you do, after they tried to violate your boundaries multiple times. I know I would be pissed if I were you and probably would have told her off by now, letting her know exactly why they haven't heard more from you AND why they "aren't having any luck". Although whether that last bit is true or not is hard to say. It might be, but I think it's just more of their fishing and trying to get you to open up.

I would just tell her that you don't discuss your playmates with others, just as you did not discuss your encounter with them with any new friends you may have made, you are not going to discuss others you have played with with them - it's called discretion. Leave it at that and say buh-bye.