FB issue

[mosmis84]

I need some help with a fuck buddy issue. FB and I have been having sex every so often for a year now. The sex is great-physically. There are so many pros to maintaining this aspect of our friendship. The big con is, he won't ejaculate. I end up mentally let down.

I need to change my mental attachment to his ejaculating because I am pretty sure it is never going to happen. We've talk about it some, we're pretty sure there is some guilt stuff on his part. There is a religious issue, plus, he knows my ex-husband (but they haven't seen each other in a few years).

At this point, I don't want to continue the sexual realtionship becuase of the mental letdown, but I would prefer to change my mental attitude so I can continue having this great sex. I have tried to tell myself how great it is to have this guy who will "service" me to my heart's content and convince myself that this is a great set-up-but alas, I still have that anti-climatic blah.

I get off as many times as I want, so that is not the issue. I am sure he is attracted to me as I am what he thinks about as he gets off when I am not around. Apparently, my ex-husband is still screwing with my sex life

I can't change my FB so any suggestions on how I can be OK with the current situation? (Oh, and FB does admit, if the situation were reversed and I never got off, he would have stopped having sex with me a long time ago).

[sweet_tna]

So your FB knows this is and issue, and admits that he woulda' called it quits if you didn't get off with him . . . That should tell you something. But it's up to YOU to decide whether the "great sex" you have with him is worth the letdown afterwards.

Best of luck to ya',

=)

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by mosmis84

I get off as many times as I want, so that is not the issue. I am sure he is attracted to me as I am what he thinks about as he gets off when I am not around.

What does he do with other women ? Can he climax then ?

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by mosmis84

The big con is, he won't ejaculate. I end up mentally let down.

Not sure any of here can tell you what you can do. I think you have to work this one out on your own. Do you feel like you can mentally keep up the sex without satisfaction?

[mosmis84]

I appreciate the comments to my situation. So I am not crazy that I feel bummed afterwards?

I have asked about his relationships with other people, he usually ejaculates. He did say that it is not a requirement for him, he says it is more about the giving aspect, he can get himself of anytime. I feel like saying, "well if it is all about giving, then give me this!".

And then I wonder why it is so important to me and if I have a warped sense of goal oriented sex.

I remember many years ago, I had a friend whose SO had a medical condition that prevented ejaculation. I had never heard of such a thing and recall thinking that it would suck having a guy just waiting for you to tell him when you had had enough.

One thing that FB did say was that anytime he gets close to "finishing", I tend to clamp down with my muscles (I get excited thinking he is going to cum), and when I clamp down it throws him off. He loves the clamp, he just loses his rhythm.

Any tips on how I can just learn to not care and take the pressure of everything?

[TNT]

Originally Posted by mosmis84

Any tips on how I can just learn to not care and take the pressure of everything?

Would it be possible to just have him jack off while you watch? Maybe just lying beside him, whispering whatever it is that he would enjoy hearing in his ear, and letting him set the pace to his climax...I know for me, I enjoy watching a man beat off so I wouldn't feel jilted in the least if this is what it took for him to reach his orgasm.


Teresa

[WillieWonders]

I can't tell you how to make it not matter, but I *can* tell you you're not alone. My partner does not ejaculate, but does orgasm (due to a medical condition). And we've also played with a male who doesn't orgasm - with us anyway. I have no issues with my partner, I know when he's satisfied. And our playmates aren't put off by it either.

A male playmate -- a very generous lover and an all around good guy -- presents a problem for me. The first time we played and played and played. I enjoyed myself completely and it wasn't til the end when he told us that he most likely wouldn't orgasm. At the time, I was spent and chalked it up to jitters. We tried a second time and he made no pretense that an orgasm wasn't in the picture for him. Although I like him and we remain in contact, we haven't invited him to play again. While I enjoy being the center of attention occasionally, I haven't been able to make it right in my mind. I feel like I should hurry up and finish because he's not getting out of it what I am. He has said, and I believe him, that the 'finish' isn't what he's into. But I still can't relax enough to enjoy sex with him the way I would like to.

I don't think you want to find a way to 'not care', more like you are looking for a way to make it acceptable. When you find that, please let me know how! Good playmates are hard to find.

[mosmis84]

Teresa,
Thanks so much for your suggestion. It sounded so simple, why hadn't I thought of that before. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, in this situation, I think there is an intimacy line that we are afraid of crossing. Being old friends, knowing there is no "romantic" future, there needs to be a barrier and that is ours.

Willie,
Thanks for reassuring me that my reaction is not abnormal.

Thanks all.

[Additude]

I think you feel let down as a lover because you feel that you were not able to satisfy your lover to climax.

It's difficult to give you advise on how to handle that emotion. Matter of fact, it's probably impossible to give that advise.

As TNT said earlier, and I agree 100%, that you should do things out side of vaginal climax to make him ejaculate. Masturbate him (use a lube, slickens the shaft and pretty much makes it impossible not to cum), suck him, tell him you want to see what his cum looks like, know what it tastes like, use some toys, maybe even having a vibrating toy in your anus while he is in your vagina would be stimulus to make him climax. Have him watch a porn movie while your suck him off....letting him watch a porn movie while he is screwing you may offset his mental picture so he concentrates more on the movie.

The goal is to get him to ejaculate in your presence.

A few of the techniques men use to prolong climax and not cum quickly are to think about other things not associated with sex at the moment i.e. pussy/cock, or to close their eyes to eliminate the visual stimulus, stroke differently to lower the anticipation of cuming.....

I think your friends mind is apparently caught up in thinking other things that are not conducive with sex at the moment. His thoughts are of a nature that creates a situation of the moment with you preventing him from going all the way.

My advice is for you to discover new ways to stimulate your partner and make him cum with you one way or another. Just get him to ejaculate in your presence no matter what. Show his brain that it is OK to cum with you, no matter how that may be and then in you. He needs to over-cum his mental block and he needs to cum in your presence anyway possible. He needs to create a new mental channel that will bypass, or a mental detour if you will, that he can use to stimulate his sexual mind to arousal.

And do tell him that's your plan.....that's your goal.....and make it fun....not a chore or an obsession.

[JustAskJulie]

Get a new FB. There are plenty more where that one came from. Hate to be cold but in the end you aren't going to change him and you probably won't change your reaction either, because your reaction is completely normal. The only likely way your reaction would change would be to cross some boundaries that would change your relationship with him and since he knows your Ex (and that seems to be a cause of the current issue) I doubt that would happen anyway.

[yuvaraja]

I learned to train my PC muscle to have multiple orgasms but now with condoms, I have difficulty ejaculating.

If he didn't like it, he wouldn't be there. If the sex is great for you, keep it going. If you enjoy the gratification of him ejaculating, ask him to masturbate on you. I've had many FB's over the last 3 years since this erupted with whom I've shared many intimate moments ejaculating from oral and masturbating where they want it.

Also, if this means he can maintain the erection for a long time, you should be high-fiving yourself.

Question: Are you using condoms? If not, the new KY 2-in-1 is fun for everyone. (And I've never been a KY fan.)

[ncmd_couple]

Mosmis,

We are friends with a couple who the male half does not cum easily. We have known them for a while and they are the only couple that we play with without condums. D loves him very much and they are a great couple, but I also know that she craves feeling herself filled. So I understand how you feel from a male perspective.

Ejaculation is more difficult when wearing a condum. Or, at least it is prolonged, which I don't find to be a problem because the lady gets a better ride. A man's penis will "swell" as he approaches orgasm, so you feel more full and that triggers reactions in you as well. I don't know why your "clamping down" throws him off his stride, each of us are unique individuals. So you might want to talk to him. For me, I have a hard time cumming during oral sex. Ok, shock, a guy that doesn't crave a blow job! But L gives the best I have had and I'm 50. But I prefer being burried in a nice wet pussy. We all have our preferences. So find out what his are and have fun!

S

[mosmis84]

Thanks for the additional input. I think I am just going to take a break from FB for awhile (sexually, anyway).

I think it is just the intimacy issue, the exhusband issue, the blurry lines between friends and lovers etc. (We realized that he had a group photo on his bedroom wall that had exhubby in it-talk about a mood killer!)

So I hit the club this weekend, met a new couple and had a nice time. Time to network and broaden my social circle!

Thanks again.

[kandoo]

I can relate to this problem. Years ago when I was younger I had a girlfriend that would stop just before she would orgasm. It was very frustrating.
Earlier in the relationship she did once, and I felt her squirt a bit. Looking back on it, I think she was embarrassed by it. She would never do it again no matter how much I wanted her to orgasm. I also felt unsatisfied because she would hold back..

[Ellyanne77]

When I first met my wife she never would allow herself to finish. It used to really bother me. I was 19 and cocky and it was and ego thing. I would ask her why she would stop and she said it embarrassed her. She would also very rarely let me go down on her. Then one day I just told myself I was going to restrain her physically until she finished and see what happened. Either she was going to press charges or love me forever. We are married now and I don't have a criminal record so I guess it all worked out..