Question about the whole play alone thing

[Lynn123]

So, big question here.---

My husband and I have been playing for almost a year now. Although he more than I. He plays with the same person but only twice have I been there. I dont play with anyone other than this person during those two said times.

My question is although during those two times I and her helped arrange things so it could occur. but... sometime I am ok and sometime I am not with the whole play alone thing, he goes to her house, in her and her husbands bed, and they live an hour from us. Is this mere stuipity or jealousy. As I said, the playing I do not have issues with.

any advice?

[cplnuswing]

Welcome to the Board.

It sounds like you are having mixed feelings about the initial rules you set up (i.e. playing separate or together). Rules last only as long as both agree those are the rules, they are always open to more discussion and can be amended. If the playing alone bothers you, you both need to communicate and have a serious discussion about whether it should continue, whether you should only play together, or whether it may be time to take a break and regroup and rethink.

[TemptressCarole]

My husband and I decided at the very beginning that we would never play apart from each other. I would have a problem with my husband repeatedly going over to someone else's place to play. I agree that if the playing alone bothers you even a little, you should let your husband know and sit down with him to discuss your rules.

[socolais]

Howdy and welcome, follow your gut instinct. Even if it's not perfect, it's rarely far from the mark.

[Alura]

Is her husband aware of this? Does he approve?

If not, this is a serious situation which could make you a widow.

Mr. Alura

[theboy]

Originally Posted by Lynn123

He plays with the same person but only twice have I been there. I dont play with anyone other than this person during those two said times.

sometime I am ok and sometime I am not with the whole play alone thing

Sounds like a situation that you feel is inequitable. I know such a thing wouldn't be anything that me and my wife could deal with - we play only together. Do you think that a move towards playing together only would help alleve your hurt feelings? Does your husband know you have a problem with this?

Communication with your husband is the first thing you should do.

[fun4Ds]

Good morning Lynn, Welcome to the Swingers Board .

Originally Posted by Lynn123

So, big question here.---

My husband and I have been playing for almost a year now. Although he more than I. He plays with the same person but only twice have I been there. I dont play with anyone other than this person during those two said times.

I am thinking that by this, you have been there twice in a FMF situation.

Have you played with the husband of this couple ?

My question is although during those two times I and her helped arrange things so it could occur.

This is where I have to ask again. Is the other husband involved ? Don't get me wrong it just seems there are parts missing.

but... sometime I am ok and sometime I am not with the whole play alone thing, he goes to her house, in her and her husbands bed, and they live an hour from us.

This says to me everyone is not involved and the husband of the other couple is not present. Again if I may ask, How much is everyone involved. Does your husband play with them as a couple ? Have you been involved with the other husband ?

Is this mere stuipity

Lynn, personally I just don't like the label or the name stupid. I always feel sometimes, people make poor choices. Perhaps misinformed, uninformed, misunderstood or even mislead. The thing is, it seems there is more to your situation here, that would lead me to believe you see the possibility of making a bad choice. Or at least seeing a future bad situation developing from the choices you have made so far.

Could you add more information to the situation here ?

We are not judgmental for the most part around here, and maybe some here have had similar situations

or jealousy. As I said, the playing I do not have issues with.

Like us, you seem to enjoy your partners enjoyment. We do also, but for different reasons, we never play alone. We can appreciate those who do though. It just seems from your doubt in your first post, you feel something is just not write in this situation . I feel the same here just reading it. Like I say, if you could offer a few more words, that would clear up my misunderstanding.

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by Lynn123

So, big question here.---

My husband and I have been playing for almost a year now. Although he more than I. He plays with the same person but only twice have I been there. I dont play with anyone other than this person during those two said times.

My question is although during those two times I and her helped arrange things so it could occur. but... sometime I am ok and sometime I am not with the whole play alone thing, he goes to her house, in her and her husbands bed, and they live an hour from us. Is this mere stuipity or jealousy. As I said, the playing I do not have issues with.

any advice?

First things first: Hello and

Now to answer your questions. NO it does not sound like stupidity or jealousy to me. It sounds like you're just not comfortable with hubby playing alone.

I admit I'm a bit curious . . . Is this a single female you're both playing with? If not, where is her hubby?

Basically, you and your husband need to sit down and discuss how you feel about what's going on. It may be time to reevaluate the rules you've set and readjust your boundaries. You've got to do what works for you and your hubby.

Best of luck to ya'll.

=)

[JustAskJulie]

Where does the other husband fall into this? Do you only play with the wife? Does he not play at all? Or does he even know?

I can definately understand why you would be concerned or even jealous. You are feeling left out and rightfully so.

[Bama0468]

I agree with the others here in that You may need to put things on Pause play wise, Communicate with you Hubby and let him know how you feel and to the best you can why.

[Additude]

You said you don't have issues with the playing, meaning you don't mind your hubby having sex with this woman, but that you have a problem with your husband going there and playing alone with this other woman.

Would you feel different if she came to your house and your hubby and her played alone in your bed while you were there? Or maybe you could go shopping for a couple of hours instead and leave them alone?

Remember, you have ultimate control over what you will and will not tollerate and what you will ultimately do about any situation.

Your the only one in control of you right now and this situation is happening right now because you are allowing it to happen.

If what your husband is doing is a problem for you, then you need to put a stop to it for yourself or change it's course to something your more comfortable with...for example like having her over to your house, for example having your own 1 on 1 (and not out of spite) to see if it comforts your feelings.

Your being the cuckold wife right now with that situation and hubby is the "Hot Husband". If that's not what you want, then you have the power to make it different.

Stupidity? NO

Jealousy? YES (But not overbearing)

If you want it different, then change it. I'm sure you know how to do that.

[Malachista]

I thin it could be jealousy.
I know I would be jealous to sit at home while he has fun.
So you can either demand that you only play together or you start to really search for a playpartner for yourself.
Maybe you could see another guy while he is with the other woman.
Or you could see another guy on other times if the schedules don't fit - this may help you to overcome the feeling of being left out when you are at home while he is playing, and on the other hand he also gets to see how it feels to be left out for an evening. (And note the possibility for even more hot sex when you come home from playing with the other guy and your hubby wants to make it clear that you are hiss - of course you could also start to demand attention everytime he comes home from the other woman on the same way)

[Lynn123]

Thanks for all the replies! To answer some of the questions asked...

Is her husband aware of this? Does he approve?
*Yes and Yes

I am thinking that by this, you have been there twice in a FMF situation. Yes

Have you played with the husband of this couple ? No I dont play around with the husband of the couple, or any male.

Is the other husband involved ? he was once but that was the first time the three of them played. Since then he has not been involved.

Is this a single female you're both playing with? "She is married"
If not, where is her hubby? Her hubby plays with another woman that is not married. That couple only plays seperate.

All of your words have helped a lot! I am planning on sitting down and having a really good talk!

This is just such an odd situation, nothing like I thought playing around would be.

[Additude]

Good Luck and be sure to provide feedback with your situation/outcome as it may be helpfull to others.

[WildMainePussy]

Whoa...sound like you've been sidelined by the team...
Let's see if I get this straight...
Your husband is seeing the female of a couple -- who don't play as a couple, her hubby has his own girlfriend and takes off on his own.

That's not swing as I see it....and even if you demand equal time after he's been with her that evening, I'm afraid you're going to get the short end of the penis.

Personally, I'd put a stop to it...either play as a couple and find a couple for regular play where all can be involved or quit completely.

I told my lover, if we were together, we would hunt together. No separate 'dates'. Possessive, yes...but accepting he has a wandering eye (and cock) and would accommodate that as I'd be getting some too at the same time.