what would you do if your partner said no more

forriecouple · 02-09-2008, 08:20 AM

hi all just wondering how others would handle the situation where you get together knowing you are both swingers then one day your wife says "no more and no more for you i want to be normal"would you leave her stay together and cheat stay together and deny a partt of yourself that feels right
confused

Tybee Swing · 02-09-2008, 08:27 AM

Have you tried really talking to her? Something about what y'all have been doing makes her feel "not normal". Something about it isn't making her happy. Is it too much, maybe? Is it taking over your lives, to the point that there is no other focus? What has your swinging style been? (There are so many ways to swing.) Maybe with a lot of talk and some compromise, you two can work it out.

If my husband went straight to the thoughts of cheating or leaving me, just because of us making some sort of change like this, I'd know that the swinging was more important to him than our relationship was. Is swinging more important to you than she is? You might need to give this some thought.

**BiloxiCouple** · 02-09-2008, 08:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by forriecouple

hi all just wondering how others would handle the situation where you get together knowing you are both swingers then one day your wife says "no more and no more for you i want to be normal"would you leave her stay together and cheat stay together and deny a partt of yourself that feels right
confused

Definately need a little more information.

A relationship isn't just about swinging. They evolve and change. Can you change with it? Sometimes a relationship isn't just about sex, money and lord forbid, love. Among other things.

sweet_tna · 02-09-2008, 09:09 AM

My first question to the wife would be, "what makes you feel this way?" It could be that you simply need to adjust your boundaries. But the fact that something is upsetting her this way is more important than whether you continue swinging.

That said, if my honey decided to call it quits then I'd hold his hand as we walked away from it together. He's soooooo much more important to me than this little thrill ride we're on.

Please TALK to your wife and try to get to the bottom of this situation for both your sakes.

tribbles · 02-09-2008, 09:22 AM

Quote:

hat said, if my honey decided to call it quits then I'd hold his hand as we walked away from it together. He's soooooo much more important to me than this little thrill ride we're on.

Exactly.

Tybee Swing · 02-09-2008, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweet_tna

That said, if my honey decided to call it quits then I'd hold his hand as we walked away from it together. He's soooooo much more important to me than this little thrill ride we're on.

**fun4Ds** · 02-09-2008, 10:42 AM

Hello forriecouple, How long had you each been in the swinging lifestyle prior to your marriage?

How long have you been in the lifestyle, together now?

havefuninsun · 02-09-2008, 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweet_tna

...if my honey decided to call it quits then I'd hold his hand as we walked away from it together. He's soooooo much more important to me than this little thrill ride we're on.

Right on, sister.

This is for FUN. If it's not fun, then it's not fun. Mr. Fun and I both have said, on many occasions, that we could easily be monogamous for the rest of our lives. We're just happy we don't have to right now

gatorvol64 · 02-09-2008, 11:23 AM

I agree with the others. Why does she not feel normal? And is swinging more important to you than your marriage?

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweet_tna

That said, if my honey decided to call it quits then I'd hold his hand as we walked away from it together. He's soooooo much more important to me than this little thrill ride we're on.

I can say this to be a fact for me. Gator and I are in a poly relationship with another couple. When things were first getting serious Gator and Kitten, and even Tech, didn't want us all to see anyone else. (I've always been the odd one but, I have valid reasons.) We stopped. We still aren't swinging again. Unless we all want to, or am comfortable with only some doing so, none of us will. We are all four more important to each other than swinging could ever be.

Vol

forriecouple · 02-10-2008, 07:50 AM

you may be right about thinking it thru.
we have been together on and off for 15 years she has left me at other times for various reasons. from i love my children more than her,
to because i wouldnt have a child with her till our relationship was not so up and down
tho when i did agrree to a child between us she didnt carry it thru
to that she said she wanted the same in life as me so we could get married
but then felt it was just a phase for me and not a lifestyle she really wanted
and me being a nudist and swinger was something that she would change once we where married.
then after some weeks/months apart she would come back and say that i was everything she wanted and lets try again i would agree then the cycle would start again
you may be right about the lifestyle more than her but i dont think so we have agreed to abstain from swinging at one stage and she has asked me to organise to meet other couples cos she really did enjoy swinging, to agreeing to only soft swinging.
at one stage we agreed to go to venues to socialise and enjoy the atmosphere but to not swing with other couples and just enjoy each others senuality and it was her that asked for another male to join us
and maybe after all this time of seesawing i have decided to just be who i am and she has to either stay with me or leave
i do agree sex isnt everything in a relationship but if it is fucked around so is the rtelationship

**ncmd_couple** · 02-10-2008, 01:26 PM

Forriecouple,

Something that my mother always told me, “To your own self be true.” I’m not to give you any advice, because you are going to do what you want to do anyway.

But what I have learned through my own mistakes that either member of a relationship setting their sights on changing the other is dooming both of them to unhappiness. I have learned that I am who I am, and only I can make life choices for me. And anyone that I am with I must accept for who they are, or not, but I can never change them in any way. We all change as we experience life, and we also have to accept those changes in others, or not.

Good luck to you!

S

**fun4Ds** · 02-10-2008, 01:56 PM

I guess my partner is more important than anything in the world to me. Anything material, even myself. What would I do if my partner said "no more"? Walk away with no more. I would always have my memories with the people we have met and the times we have had.

I couldn't bear the thought of my partner being, the memory... Not her.

By my partner being enough, more than I could ever desire. The choice would be an easy one.

It appears your partner has tried things your way, why wouldn't you offer the same in return? Just you and her. Is she not enough? Can you walk away?

forriecouple · 02-11-2008, 05:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

I guess my partner is more important than anything in the world to me. Anything material, even myself. What would I do if my partner said "no more"? Walk away with no more. I would always have my memories with the people we have met and the times we have had.

I couldn't bear the thought of my partner being, the memory... Not her.

By my partner being enough, more than I could ever desire. The choice would be an easy one.

It appears your partner has tried things your way, why wouldn't you offer the same in return? Just you and her. Is she not enough? Can you walk away?

i did offer to not swing and just be monogamous but she asked to start swinging again cos she really enjoyed it i at first said no but she promised she had resolved her demons so i agrreed
only for her to say during a disagreement totally unrelated to sex she only asked to start swinging again cos she thought i wasnt happy even tho she didnt want to swing I HAVE NEVER FORCED ASKED HER TO DO ANYTHING SHE DIDNT WANT
only asked her to make up her mind one way or another and not use it as some sort of tool to punish me when she was angry

**fun4Ds** · 02-11-2008, 06:30 AM

Weellll, My wife has taught me many things through our differences. I used to be set one way or the other. Black or white so to say. I hated the gray areas. But like I say her opening my mind to all the different colors in life, has been well worth the effort. We are not joined at the hip, but we have held each others hands a very long time.

We always allow each other to change our minds from time to time. Support her decisions even if they change day by day, and sometimes hour by hour or minute to minute. Even in a split second.

goindown692010 · 02-11-2008, 06:13 PM

like fun4ds answer... some friends that sort of introuduced the lifestyle to us went through the same thing... our friends that hosted the play parties that we attended...so we kinda looked to them like they were the strongest ppl alive considering how open they were and such...so when the woman of the couple wanted to back off the lifestyle..he got very upset with her and questioned the relationship... which really made me look down on him because im in a very happy relationship where having each other is more important then swinging..no matter how good it is..lol

Its all up to you what you want out of life

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02-09-2008, 08:20 AM	#1 (permalink)
forriecouple Registered Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 6 Location: perth Status: couple	what would you do if your partner said no more hi all just wondering how others would handle the situation where you get together knowing you are both swingers then one day your wife says "no more and no more for you i want to be normal"would you leave her stay together and cheat stay together and deny a partt of yourself that feels right confused

02-09-2008, 08:27 AM	#2 (permalink)
Tybee Swing wild at heart Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 1,837 Location: coastal Georgia Status: couple	Re: what would you do if your partner said no more Have you tried really talking to her? Something about what y'all have been doing makes her feel "not normal". Something about it isn't making her happy. Is it too much, maybe? Is it taking over your lives, to the point that there is no other focus? What has your swinging style been? (There are so many ways to swing.) Maybe with a lot of talk and some compromise, you two can work it out. If my husband went straight to the thoughts of cheating or leaving me, just because of us making some sort of change like this, I'd know that the swinging was more important to him than our relationship was. Is swinging more important to you than she is? You might need to give this some thought.

02-09-2008, 09:09 AM	#4 (permalink)
sweet_tna Being good is overrated Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 2,928 Location: Poconos, PA Status: The boss of Mr. Sweet SLS Name:Sweet_tna	Re: what would you do if your partner said no more My first question to the wife would be, "what makes you feel this way?" It could be that you simply need to adjust your boundaries. But the fact that something is upsetting her this way is more important than whether you continue swinging. That said, if my honey decided to call it quits then I'd hold his hand as we walked away from it together. He's soooooo much more important to me than this little thrill ride we're on. Please TALK to your wife and try to get to the bottom of this situation for both your sakes. __________________ I'd rather go to hell for doing something I enjoyed than die wondering what it's like.

02-09-2008, 10:42 AM	#7 (permalink)
fun4Ds Julie's Helper Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 2,958 Location: Indiana. Status: couple SLS Name:mrmrsfun Blog Entries: 15	Re: what would you do if your partner said no more Hello forriecouple, How long had you each been in the swinging lifestyle prior to your marriage? How long have you been in the lifestyle, together now? __________________ well... at least we are normal pervs

02-10-2008, 07:50 AM	#10 (permalink)
forriecouple Registered Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 6 Location: perth Status: couple	Re: what would you do if your partner said no more you may be right about thinking it thru. we have been together on and off for 15 years she has left me at other times for various reasons. from i love my children more than her, to because i wouldnt have a child with her till our relationship was not so up and down tho when i did agrree to a child between us she didnt carry it thru to that she said she wanted the same in life as me so we could get married but then felt it was just a phase for me and not a lifestyle she really wanted and me being a nudist and swinger was something that she would change once we where married. then after some weeks/months apart she would come back and say that i was everything she wanted and lets try again i would agree then the cycle would start again you may be right about the lifestyle more than her but i dont think so we have agreed to abstain from swinging at one stage and she has asked me to organise to meet other couples cos she really did enjoy swinging, to agreeing to only soft swinging. at one stage we agreed to go to venues to socialise and enjoy the atmosphere but to not swing with other couples and just enjoy each others senuality and it was her that asked for another male to join us and maybe after all this time of seesawing i have decided to just be who i am and she has to either stay with me or leave i do agree sex isnt everything in a relationship but if it is fucked around so is the rtelationship

02-10-2008, 01:26 PM	#11 (permalink)
ncmd_couple Julie's Helper Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 952 Location: Maryland Status: Couple SLS Name:ncmd_couple	Re: what would you do if your partner said no more Forriecouple, Something that my mother always told me, “To your own self be true.” I’m not to give you any advice, because you are going to do what you want to do anyway. But what I have learned through my own mistakes that either member of a relationship setting their sights on changing the other is dooming both of them to unhappiness. I have learned that I am who I am, and only I can make life choices for me. And anyone that I am with I must accept for who they are, or not, but I can never change them in any way. We all change as we experience life, and we also have to accept those changes in others, or not. Good luck to you! S __________________ Try anything once, twice if it is fun, three times if it is real good!

02-10-2008, 01:56 PM	#12 (permalink)
fun4Ds Julie's Helper Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 2,958 Location: Indiana. Status: couple SLS Name:mrmrsfun Blog Entries: 15	Re: what would you do if your partner said no more I guess my partner is more important than anything in the world to me. Anything material, even myself. What would I do if my partner said "no more"? Walk away with no more. I would always have my memories with the people we have met and the times we have had. I couldn't bear the thought of my partner being, the memory... Not her. By my partner being enough, more than I could ever desire. The choice would be an easy one. It appears your partner has tried things your way, why wouldn't you offer the same in return? Just you and her. Is she not enough? Can you walk away? __________________ well... at least we are normal pervs Last edited by fun4Ds : 02-10-2008 at 02:59 PM.

02-11-2008, 06:30 AM	#14 (permalink)
fun4Ds Julie's Helper Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 2,958 Location: Indiana. Status: couple SLS Name:mrmrsfun Blog Entries: 15	Re: what would you do if your partner said no more Weellll, My wife has taught me many things through our differences. I used to be set one way or the other. Black or white so to say. I hated the gray areas. But like I say her opening my mind to all the different colors in life, has been well worth the effort. We are not joined at the hip, but we have held each others hands a very long time. We always allow each other to change our minds from time to time. Support her decisions even if they change day by day, and sometimes hour by hour or minute to minute. Even in a split second. __________________ well... at least we are normal pervs

02-11-2008, 06:13 PM	#15 (permalink)
goindown692010 Here to Stay Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 14 Location: Nor Cal Status: Couple	Re: what would you do if your partner said no more like fun4ds answer... some friends that sort of introuduced the lifestyle to us went through the same thing... our friends that hosted the play parties that we attended...so we kinda looked to them like they were the strongest ppl alive considering how open they were and such...so when the woman of the couple wanted to back off the lifestyle..he got very upset with her and questioned the relationship... which really made me look down on him because im in a very happy relationship where having each other is more important then swinging..no matter how good it is..lol Its all up to you what you want out of life

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