Cover blown - how to handle it?

[here2play]

Ok, this is a good on. First off, we were accused being swingers (like that's a bad thing?) long before we actually were, now we are fine with it, we are happy and that's what matters.

So, a vanilla girlfriend of ours, who is unfortunately with a so called boyfriend, had expressed interest in going to a club after we told her of our experience. So, we took her.

We did not manipulate her or anything like that (but it would have been fun to seduce her!), we gave her a tour, showed her around, etc. Low and behold she ends up watching us, and playing with me (female half), just a little. It was hot!

So she got herslelf a profile on SLS and somehow, her boyfriend checks her history and flips! Of course being very childish, not wanting to see us, forbidding her to see us, etc. She attempted to remind him how he always wants threesomes, etc., and that is, in fact, a form swinging o what's the problem? She was curious and we showed her.

Clearly the relationship as a whole is utimately doomed, but that's their call. So now, she had a blast, definately wants to go back and is trying to get him to go. He is still freaking out, not wanting to see us, etc., and we were friends with him as well.

So my friends, let me have it, what would you do?

[cubnamy1995]

This is just me, but I would stay out of it until there is some sort of resolution to their issues. I would let her know that you don't want to create strain in her relationship, but you are her friends and will be there regardless of what happens with this guy. That way, if she can get him to come around, great, if not, you were not the reason for their break-up.

Others may disagree, but this is what I would do.

[here2play]

That's pretty much what we have been trying to do. She calls us occassionally, but we are likely to be invited over to their home and not sure how to go about that, with his feelings at this point.

[graygo98]

Boy, if the fact situation was a bit different you would be flamed six ways from Sunday by now.

Say that a married man had expressed the same interest in the lifestyle to you and you had taken him along to a club without his wife's knowledge and played with him " just a little"? And then were perplexed when the wife found out and didn't want him to see you again? You would be hearing loud and clear that what you did was at best ill-advised and that you should respect her wishes.

It doesn't really matter much whether they have a great relationship or not, or whether you respect her/his SO or not. You mess with one part of a couple (married or otherwise) without the other's knowledge or consent and you are playing with fire and can't complain when you get burned.

[cubnamy1995]

Originally Posted by here2play

That's pretty much what we have been trying to do. She calls us occassionally, but we are likely to be invited over to their home and not sure how to go about that, with his feelings at this point.

I would find an excuse to avoid it. Like Graygo said above, If the roles were just a little different, then this would be a big issue. I would honestly stay away. If she becomes single again down the line, then by all means, help yourself. Until then, avoid contact with the guy like the plague.

[here2play]

Well put Graygo and very true. I think that we lost sight of the two of them based on how they portray their "relationship". The both list each other as single, yet do live together, clearly stuff they need to figure out. But now that it's said, we suck!

[graygo98]

Originally Posted by here2play

we suck!

No, you don't. You just got drawn into their drama and appear to have learned a bit from it. Our third rule is "no missionary work with friends". Didn't learn it quite the way you did, but its a good one to have, I think. (Rule two is "No messing with couples, even (especially?) if they are real messed up already." You know, the "my wife doesn't like sex anymore" "my husband desn't understand my need to grow" people.)

[here2play]

Thanks, becuase that truly does help...

[BiloxiCouple]

The NO's of Swinging (at least for us)

1. Don't play with vanilla friends. (not worth a friendship)

2. Don't play with cheaters. (not worth the problems)

3. Don't play with co-workers. (not worth the job)

4. Don't play with drama. (not worth the headache)

I think ya'll covered 1, 2, and 4. It's gonna be tough.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by here2play

So, a vanilla girlfriend of ours, who is unfortunately with a so called boyfriend, had expressed interest in going to a club after we told her of our experience. So, we took her.

Was your girlfriend already dating her boyfriend at the time you took her to the club?

How long ago did this club threesome with your girlfriend happen?

How long has your girlfriend been living with her boyfriend?

LM

[here2play]

Likeminds - they have been "dating" for 7 years, they say out of convenience, her mom through her out, she couldn't live alone. Yes they were together when we took her at her request, this was last weekend and the living together for about 5 years.

[LikeMinds321]

When a couple decides to take their first step into a swinger club it is usually a huge step, one they come to after lots of discussion and mutual agreement.

Why would you assist your girlfriend in going to a swinger club with you and engaging in sexual play without discussing this idea with her boyfriend first?

You all made a bad decision.

Her boyfriend should be upset. I don't blame him for not wanting to talk with you yet, or have his girlfriend associate with you. He needs to calm down. She needs to wise up. They need to talk.

I don't think it is out of place to say she cheated on her boyfriend with you. The sting of the cheat may not be as hurtful as if his girlfriend had had sex with a man, but you still had sex, your husband was involved - even though not with the girlfriend - and it is unfortunate that you didn't first talk with the boyfriend before all of you headed to the club.

Maybe it was because you knew the boyfriend would object, so you didn't bother to ask him.

I think you owe the boyfriend an apology.

LM

[Ed & Bunny]

Originally Posted by here2play

, but we are likely to be invited over to their home and not sure how to go about that, with his feelings at this point.

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

I think you owe the boyfriend an apology.

LM

I think LM has the best idea for you. Apologize and admit that what you did was wrong. If he still values your friendship he will get over it. If not you will go your separate ways and have learned something. But unless there is already too much drama going on in the household he should calm down with a good apology.

[turnuptheheat]

You asked for opinions, so here's mine....
You screwed up along with your friend. She has some mending of her relationship to do, without you, and you have some waiting to do.
If you see him again, an aplology is in order IMO.
Good luck, hindsight is 20-20.

[junkyard38]

This post hit home very directly. Well my partner of 5 years, decided to swing behind my back while I was working. For what ever reason she was being watched. for she has a sleeping disorder and her driving is no the best. After the fact I was also told that here partner was being watched also. The friend of mine whom is a officer of the law informed me.So when I confronted her the only explanation was I need more sex. Need less to say that did not sit well with me, and when she continued her tyrate, why do I not trust her I took no more. Went into my office and bought a one way ticket back to
her home land of England, and 5 days latter deposited her body at the airport.

My feelings are if we did it together, and I never interfered with her choice of partners,to have it done behind my back the consequences in my home are very permanent.

Games with peoples lives, become and have long lasting ramifications.The real word for this type of actions is Infidelity and lack of respect.
Don