Leaving After We Cum

[2good4better]

We are looking for thoughts from others as this situation has come up the last couple of times we have played with others.

The scenario:
We'll be at a club and meet a new couple. After the usual conversation and dancing we all adjourn to a bed and playtime begins. During play everything is great. Everyone in the group gets pleasured for a while and a good time is being had. For whatever reason we always seem to cum earlier than the other couple. This leads us to think more about getting on with the evening than with sex. At that point we're ready to move on but the other couple has not cum yet.

Is it rude to cut-out before the other couple is done? Are we being too selfish?
When you play, is there an expectation that the other couple will stay to see things through?

We can certainly see staying if the other couple seems like they're building up to orgasm. But if they stay at the foreplay "intensity level" should we be expected to stick around even if it takes all night?

Maybe we're just quick cummers.

[ncmd_couple]

Personally, we both take pleasing our partner as the most important part of sex. So we would stay with it until we have pleased them. I think I would feel that I had failed in some way if I made the lady cum and she just up and walked out on me.

[ShellyM]

If I'm being honest I would have to say yes...if you get yours and your wife gets hers and is like thank you, we're going now people are going to get offended. We played with a couple where the chick was like that, and we stopped playing with them for that reason. You'd better get yours before she gets hers, or your shit out of luck lol. However, for you to then do oral or use toys (her giving him oral) would be fair....just getting up and leaving though would be quite rude in my opinion.

[Darkblue]

I look at it this way if your swining with another pair then its two sided playtime, i would be pretty narked if you were to do that to us and believe me where we are such news travels fast and it wouldnt be long before you run out of play partners.
remember its give and take,i love to make sure she has fun first but i also like to have my fun as well.. so fairs fair..

Steve

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by 2good4better

Is it rude to cut-out before the other couple is done?
Are we being too selfish?
When you play, is there an expectation that the other couple will stay to see things through?
But if they stay at the foreplay "intensity level" should we be expected to stick around even if it takes all night?

Maybe we're just quick cummers.

To answer your questions in order: Yes, it's rude. Yes, it seems a bit selfish. And yes, there is some expectation that your play partner will see things thru.

And for the last question....why are you worried about how long a play session is lasting? Are you afraid of missing other opportunities? If you keep playing, (manual or oral stimulation)...that will give the male half of the OP couple to 'recover' and be able to f*ck again.

For your last comment....define quick. Quick to one is not the same as to another. I usually tell my play partners that it takes me a while to get there so they don't get a complex of some sort while we're playing (that way the guy doesn't think he's not doing anything right...it feels great, it just takes me a while).

How many of my playmates have made me have an orgasm? 1...yep, just 1. And he was determined to do it...not in the determined way that totally kills the mood....but he did what it took to get me there. It was seriously hot. *sigh* Sorry...got distracted there for a min...

For the rest of my playmates...they just don't stick around long enough. On one hand, ok...on the other hand, we're doing this for new/different/good experiences. Should I alter my view of what is a good time just because you bailout after 10 mintues of playtime? You've gotten yours, be a little considerate and try to return the favor. If I'm going to have to rely on my boyfriend to get me off at the end of the night, WTF are we doing playing anyway? Am I supposed to look at going to the club or a house party as one long session of foreplay and then wait for my sweetie to finish me off?

Now there are times that things feel great...and I'm just not getting there. In those instances I will let my partner know so that he isn't continuing with an exercise in futility....that way he isn't left to wonder 'how long do I have to keep doing this?!?'

This is probably going to sound rude...so I will apologize in advance. You aren't having sex with your wife/husband. Couples tend to get into these ruts where if I do A then that equals B and then it's over. You know how to push (or at least have pushed) your and your spouses hot buttons.

Why would you take that same mindset into a play session? Instead of rushing toward your finish line, treat it like what it is...a chance to impress. Have you ever had a partner that practically beat down your door to play because of the effort you put out? I have, because if I never get the chance to be with that person again...I want them to think, damn...i'll never forget that!

Maria

[TNT]

Originally Posted by 2good4better

When you play, is there an expectation that the other couple will stay to see things through?

For us no. We don't care about our orgasms during playtime as we know we'll get ours at home but we do care about our partners and will stay and do what we can to help them achieve one.

For us it's more about the experience and having a good time, which is not determined by an orgasm. So, if a couple/single were to get their's then leave, it wouldn't bother us at all.

Teresa

[TNT]

Originally Posted by sexcupid

Am I supposed to look at going to the club or a house party as one long session of foreplay

Well, that's pretty much the way we look at the whole package of swinging...it's all foreplay for us

Sometimes we have orgasms during foreplay and keep going, other times the foreplay will last for hours/days before the big bang.


Teresa

[fun4Ds]

we wouldn't be bumbed out that you get off first at all. we would be back to jumping each other anyhow.

just wondering, are you getting negative responses from others? or just feeling a little bad about how things usually end.

how do the couples seem when your through?

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by TNT

Well, that's pretty much the way we look at the whole package of swinging...it's all foreplay for us

Sometimes we have orgasms during foreplay and keep going, other times the foreplay will last for hours/days before the big bang.


Teresa

lol...I have basically come to the conclusion that is how I have to view it. But in that same stroke, I feel like I might be short changing my play partner by having that mindset. Does that make sense? I don't want them to get the vibe off of me that, no matter what you do, you will never get me there. Some men view that as a challenge.

One example I have of the, we're done so let's go phenomenon: a party we went to...this girl was down on me, and god is was feeling really good...I was this/close....and she stopped and said something about taking a break. Total orgasm killer (so close and then you stop and make an announcement like that...eh, it's going to take a bit to get me back to that point). And it's not like this was a marathon session...we had only been in the room maybe 10 or 15 min total (her hubby and i had played with her a bit and then she wanted to have a go at me).

Sometimes it ends up being an exercise in frustration rather than enjoyment I guess. We have a pretty good time overall and I guess that's what matters.

Maria

[ShellyM]

Maria, I hear you, I have never O'd with a play partner and I don't tell them this but I do let them know that I am in it for an enjoyable experience and not an orgasm. Theresa, I agree on the experience....in the same token though there is the idea of not being on a time clock. I don't want to feel like okay I have 10 minutes so I'd better make it good either lol. I do not cum in play and Jay does not either, so our orgasms are not what we call the goal line.

[Spoomonkey]

I think - and correct me if I am wrong - that you haven't been 100% clear with your post. You are talking about soft swing, yes?

Obviously, if you finish, roll off and walk out - yeah, that's rude as hell. But if you are playing with your SO while the other couple stays together, then it changes things a bit.

If you are in a soft swing situation, you and your SO are done, do you just lay there? Well - on one hand, if all you are going to do is lay there and talk about who is taking the kids to soccer practice tomorrow, then you should leave. You're just being distracting at that point and working against them.

On the other hand, you probably got your charge out of being watched. If they are soft swing, like you, they are getting the same charge by having you watch them. So, leaving them alone is to take away the element of play for them - so in that sense it is rude.

If you are in to soft swing, keep in mind that you are still giving something to the other couple. You may not be having sex with them and directly responsible for them "getting off", but you are a part of their play - just as they have been a part of yours. Perhaps you guys could learn to take more time with each other, slow things down knowing that you pop quick. Be considerate of the people you are playing with and improve yourselves as lovers at the same time.

Spoomonkey

[undercovercpl]

Well I am the M half of the couple and after I cum I loose all interest in the situation. (sad as that is I just cant help that) BUT that being said I never let the other couple know that and I would ALWAYS make sure everyone got what them came for. And we would be pissed if another cpl just left after getting theirs.

[TNT]

Originally Posted by sexcupid

lol...I have basically come to the conclusion that is how I have to view it. But in that same stroke, I feel like I might be short changing my play partner by having that mindset. Does that make sense?

Well, yes and no...

I can see if you're going into a situation and thinking or giving off a vibe that no matter what your partner does to you you're not going to have an orgasm it would/could be very frustrating for your partner.

But, if you're going into the situation thinking and giving off a vibe that no matter what happens it's all going to be fun, orgasm or no orgasm, would that be short changing your partner?

I guess I/we just don't equate good fun sex with having to have an orgasm...weird huh?

In the situation that you described...if I had been that close I'd have probably been screaming PLEASE DON'T STOP ... If they had, then I would have been hollering for Ted to get his butt over here and do his job ...I have been in that situation before but, it was part of the game that Ted and a friend of ours was playing with me and it is very frustrating to be brought sooooo close then stopped...however, when you know it's part of the game it's a bit different.


Teresa

[2good4better]

Hi. This is the female half giving more background:

First we are talking about club situations in a group room. We meet a couple in the social section and then adjourn together to a group room. Just to clarify, this is not a simple "Oh we are done so we're leaving now". Usually we have been at it for as long as I can hold off (which is quite a while) so I cum. Now I am all about the group experience so the effort switches back to all of the others, quite intensely I might add (I get excited after cumming). After say an hour more of soft play I now want to fuck my husband and finish up but the other couple is not headed in that direction yet. Is it wrong to switch back from group play to couple play next to them and can you excuse yourself from the environment when done?

We are soft swing only and love giving pleasure to others. But we are also exploring this lifestyle together and love to have sex with each other after soft play with other couples. I don't think I could wait until I got home to do that.



From the male half:

As my wife said, these are soft play situations. If we were full swap and it was more two-on-two, then there would be no doubt that we'd see things through with the partner we were with.

This is more of a case of group play where we all play together for a while, then go to our respective spouses for intercourse. We would still enjoy helping the other couple to orgasm even after we cum, provided we could see that things were getting reasonably close. But if we've been playing for over an hour and the other couple don't seem to be building up to an orgasm where is the light at the end of the tunnel?

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by TNT

Well, yes and no...

I can see if you're going into a situation and thinking or giving off a vibe that no matter what your partner does to you you're not going to have an orgasm it would/could be very frustrating for your partner.

But, if you're going into the situation thinking and giving off a vibe that no matter what happens it's all going to be fun, orgasm or no orgasm, would that be short changing your partner?

I guess I/we just don't equate good fun sex with having to have an orgasm...weird huh?

In the situation that you described...if I had been that close I'd have probably been screaming PLEASE DON'T STOP ... If they had, then I would have been hollering for Ted to get his butt over here and do his job ...I have been in that situation before but, it was part of the game that Ted and a friend of ours was playing with me and it is very frustrating to be brought sooooo close then stopped...however, when you know it's part of the game it's a bit different.


Teresa

I agree with you. I also agree that that man of yours has amazing hair