Summary of Last Ten Years and Wife's Evolution

[JoeCentralNY]

When my wife I were dating, she was very conservative sexually. She had one other partner that she had intercourse with, and had fooled around with a couple other guys. No oral, handjobs were the furthest.

Eight and a half years ago we got married. She enjoyed sex and would give me oral sex often enough.

A couple years into our marriage we started watching porn together occasionally. Still, same sexual activities. Sex was great, but nothing wild or crazy. I remember once we had conversation and the word dildo came up and she was completely turned off. Actually, I didn't know why women would use them either.


About 4 yrs ago, as time went on, I wanted to do more stuff with her sexually. She started enjoying me cumming on her chest at times. She also enjoyed me rubbing near (but not in) her asshole during foreplay.


I developed the desire, a strong desire, to have a mfm with my wife around a year and a half ago. I noticed that when we watched porn the MFM scenes got her very, very wet. I asked her how she could watch DP when she hates anal and fast forward thru all the things she doesn't like , such as anal sex or lesbian scenes. She said that when a girl is having sex with two guys its the girls reaction that she likes. She also liked watching scenes where one guy is getting a bj and the other is having sex with the girl at the same time.

Over the past year, there's been more changes. She was having difficult pregnancy with our second child (everything turned out great )but we were unable to have sex for a while do to the circumstances. I thought using a dildo instead of having a real life third party may help. I told her how I'd love to see a dildo inside her while she gives me a blowjob. Within a day or two she had a dream about just that! During the next week or so, she had several similar dreams, one where the dildo was on the bed "near her butt" as she said, she was lying on her back, and I was having sex with her. During this time, she also let me cum on her face a few times. She didn't totally love it, but was ok with it. Although she has NEVER let me cum in her mouth, EVER, she now gives me oral virtually every time we have foreplay and she says giving me oral puts her in the mood.

Just this past July, after looking together online we bought a dildo and used it on her for sex while she gives me oral sex. We used it probably a dozen times and she really enjoys it.

All of these changes are really exciting. I know she's made a lot of progress but most important is our relationship and family. I want to be open and honest....BUT......If I had told her I wanted to use a dildo on her, or her to use one, and I said this to her 5 yrs ago she would have thought me to be insane. She's gotten so much more relaxed but i dont want to push my luck, either.

I guess I've evolved a lot too. 10 yrs ago I would have gotten SO mad if say she went and saw male strippers. Now, I'd be totally cool with it. Physically, I'm in very muscular shape so the body is no threat.

Is their any mfm potential here?

If so, how do I proceed?

Thanks for your help and advice.

Joe

[Chicup]

Ask her.

[redgirlwithfrec]

I agree, definately ask her as communication is key. If you want to ease it in to the conversation slowly over time you can use fantasy to do that by discussing fantisies together and if she is into it for a while then ask if she wants (start diring sex and then move it to real world conversations) to do this for real. At least thats how it worked for us.

[BradAndJanet]

Maybe.

It might take about as long as it's taken you to get this far, so be patient.

Next time you're watching threesome porn, casually ask her if she could ever see the two of you doing that and let her know you're cool with it.

-B

[JoeCentralNY]

Originally Posted by Chicup

Ask her. .

Great thought but if I asked her about including a toy in our sexual activity a mere few years ago she would have been completely turned off. Facials were also out of the question in the past. So I don't want to rush things too much. I agree, asking would make sense at the right time and in the right context/way.

Originally Posted by redgirlwithfrec

I agree, definately ask her as communication is key. If you want to ease it in to the conversation slowly over time you can use fantasy to do that by discussing fantisies together and if she is into it for a while then ask if she wants (start diring sex and then move it to real world conversations) to do this for real. At least thats how it worked for us.

Great thoughts....lately she's been anti-porn...she goes through these times....I'm thinking next time we see some mfm scenes on porn. Usually, we view the porn during foreplay and are no longer looking at the screen when we start having sex. Once it was still on during sex and she was watching the mfm on video while having sex. She had crazy, WILD, strong orgasm....stronger than usual by far....so I think somethings there...it's just getting it out.

Originally Posted by BradAndJanet

Maybe.

It might take about as long as it's taken you to get this far, so be patient.

Next time you're watching threesome porn, casually ask her if she could ever see the two of you doing that and let her know you're cool with it.

-B

I'm willing to wait that long. I don't want to screw things up regarding our relationship or mfm/swinging. She is not into playing with other women, at least that's how it seems. She always skips those scenes by fast forwarding.
I'll try asking in a round about way...somehow...I guess....she admitted that she imagines the dildo is a "real penis" but didn't want to buy one that was modeled after a porn star. She said just having the name on the package bothered her. She wanted a realistic dildo, which we bought. Although she orginally wanted a natural colored one, she changed her mind and then went with a translucent pinkish one. With a condom on it, the way we use it, she said it looks real. She liked when I warmed it up in hot water a couple times...said it felt much better.
Ahh...time will telll.....i suppose.

All the best folks and I truly appreciate your advice and thoughts.
Joe

[rndydebind]

Originally Posted by JoeCentralNY

Great thoughts....lately she's been anti-porn...she goes through these times....I'm thinking next time we see some mfm scenes on porn. Usually, we view the porn during foreplay and are no longer looking at the screen when we start having sex. Once it was still on during sex and she was watching the mfm on video while having sex. She had crazy, WILD, strong orgasm....stronger than usual by far....so I think somethings there...it's just getting it out.


I'm willing to wait that long. I don't want to screw things up regarding our relationship or mfm/swinging. She is not into playing with other women, at least that's how it seems. She always skips those scenes by fast forwarding.
I'll try asking in a round about way...somehow...I guess....she admitted that she imagines the dildo is a "real penis" but didn't want to buy one that was modeled after a porn star. She said just having the name on the package bothered her. She wanted a realistic dildo, which we bought. Although she orginally wanted a natural colored one, she changed her mind and then went with a translucent pinkish one. With a condom on it, the way we use it, she said it looks real. She liked when I warmed it up in hot water a couple times...said it felt much better.
Ahh...time will telll.....i suppose.

All the best folks and I truly appreciate your advice and thoughts.
Joe

This sounds a lot like the way my wife and I progressed over about 3 years. What happened next was while we were having sex and using a vibrator, I started describing an MFM encounter, playing both men with my hands, mouth, dick and the vibrator. I whispered into her ear things like: "imagine if there were two mouths on your breasts, sucking and nibbling on your nipples at the same time" and "suck my cock while he puts his cock in your pussy" (which all of course sounds silly, but it really turned her on). I talked to her about how good it would feel, and how turned on it would make me. She had what was probably the biggest orgasm of her life (up to that point, at least ).

It wasn't long after that before I suggested that we go check out a local swing club, where I had gone a few times way back when I was single. While we were there, I asked if she had seen a any guys she thought she might be interested in playing out our fantasy with in real life. She said "maaaaybe", and I didn't push it past that. The next time that we went to that club (a couple of months later, it was at her suggestion that we go there .

The end of the story is that eventually we did fulfill that fantasy, and many more!

As with anything else, your mileage may vary.

[Sico_tiko]

ell, ur problem is an easy one, u just have to talk with her and make her change her mind just try to know why she refuses the issue and try to solve what she object on, and before having the MFM try to get the third partner someone who is close to you so she wouldn't by shy or stressed also try to meet the three of u a couple of time and hang out together before having the intercourse. thats all

[iapr]

What is the important part here is not so much that you are doing more things but that you are enjoying yourselves more and sharing an adventure to through the process. Don't try and make any quantum leaps just continue to share together and things will go down a natural path that may or may not lead to swinging.

If you two like toys go with that and explore and experiment. If you like porn explore and experiment with that. What finally cracked the ice for us was renting homemade swinger tapes that show real people doing actual things with each other and not hardbodied Hollywood actors following lame scripts and dubbed dialog.

Keep in mind that many "conservative" females have been raised from day one to believe that sex is bad and something to suppressed and kept only for procreation. That indoctrination goes very deep and is very hard to unseat. What works best is just to treat and view and discuss sex in positive terms as much as possible and treat it as something that is good and healthy, pleasurable and bonding.

What is the real importance here is that you maintain your sexuality as something that is pleasurable and benificial and not to focus on "how do I get my wife to swing?" Keep doing what you are doing and enjoy each other and things will go down the path they are meant to.

[LFM2]

Mrs. LFM here. I'm impressed that you have been so patient with your wife. I have to agree with the other posters as well. Communication is the real key to a healthy relationship, whether you swing or not. I'm a firm believer that sitting down over a cup of coffee makes a big difference. However, as Mr. rndydebind's example of whispering in her ear during hot sex is not a bad idea. Before we started swinging, Mr. LFM used to do that with me and yes, they turned into hot, hot moments. It got my brain to really thinking what it would really feel like, what positions I could get into, what options I'd have with each man, which in turn got me hotter which made my brain think more about it... A vicious circle.

It might take a while, and I believe you have the patience to wait, but I think you're doing well, regarding what I've already read. We often watch porn, which we both like. We like the amateur videos the best. Some have MFM's going on as well as straight sex which is great. It got us talking about fantasies and thoughts.

She is not into playing with other women, at least that's how it seems. She always skips those scenes by fast forwarding.

I do this too, but I like playing with girls. Go figure.

[BiloxiCouple]

Give her a couple of more years. She seems slow to change.

[realcplub2]

Originally Posted by Sico_tiko

ell, ur problem is an easy one, u just have to talk with her and make her change her mind just try to know why she refuses the issue and try to solve what she object on, and before having the MFM try to get the third partner someone who is close to you so she wouldn't by shy or stressed also try to meet the three of u a couple of time and hang out together before having the intercourse. thats all

Good luck with that..

"make her change her mind.."

The first part I agree with.. the latter, Well, its sort of the whole thing like trying to change lead into gold.. Good in theory, but hasnt happend yet..

You are on the right track, Take your time, and allow her the time to either get warmed up to the idea, or finally say no.. It may happen it may not..

But the fastest way to ruin your marriage, is to rush her into something she isnt ready for, wanting, or willing to participate in, at this time, give her time, talk to her in and out of the bedroom..

Ultimately, if you can get her to open up about her fantasies, and what turns her on, then you need to discuss how to make the leap from fantasy to reality..

[lovinher]

Originally Posted by BiloxiCouple

Give her a couple of more years. She seems slow to change.

I agree. Patience is the answer here. She is already slowly changing her way of thinking. So give it time and don't push her as it may have the opposite effect. Be glad you have a woman who is willing to change with you and be thankful to have her. Some guys never get that chance.
Myself and others have said many times here...get her to read this site. It really is amazing how discussing threads and situations opens up the lines of communication. Even if you don't "swing" you will learn a lot about each other.

With in two years I'll bet you are back here telling us how great things are...unless you blow it.

[roandronni]

Originally Posted by rndydebind

This sounds a lot like the way my wife and I progressed over about 3 years. What happened next was while we were having sex and using a vibrator, I started describing an MFM encounter, playing both men with my hands, mouth, dick and the vibrator. I whispered into her ear things like: "imagine if there were two mouths on your breasts, sucking and nibbling on your nipples at the same time" and "suck my cock while he puts his cock in your pussy" (which all of course sounds silly, but it really turned her on). I talked to her about how good it would feel, and how turned on it would make me. She had what was probably the biggest orgasm of her life (up to that point, at least ).

And your story sounds a lot like ours. Only our time period is closer to JoeCentral's. hmmm... come to think of it, it's actually closer to 23+ years. We married as virginal young religious folks and gradually moved away from religion and more and more towards accepting and relishing our sexuality. It took us 5 years of marriage before we gave ourselves permission to wear sexy lingerie and loungewear. God, were we uptight!

Now we have a trunk full of sexy shoes, lingerie, toys, videos... etc. LOL

Swinging was first brought up around 8 years ago when we came across a website on human sexuality that discussed it. Being your typical horny male I was curious beyond belief. But knowing the wife like I do I knew I couldn’t push her into it. She’d immediately dig in her heels if I ever pushed too hard. Slowly we introduced more exotic practices to our sex play, such as toys, fantasy, porn, etc. I say we because it wasn’t just me, when she was feeling extra frisky she’d suggest things also. For instance, in the last year and a half I discovered wifey has a real MFM fantasy. I had NO idea.

Finally it led to last weekend when we met our first Lifestyle couple over dinner and drinks. It went well. It looks like we’re probably going to go over to their place in a couple of weeks.

Joe, I agree with the advice you’re getting here. Patience is key. Women are really given a head fuck by our society. We males have it easy. We’re expected to be horny little bastards who want to poke anything in sight and we get called studs if we succeed. Women who admit to having the same sex drive and desires are labeled sluts. And the mindfuck is so complete that they’ll self-label themselves. Wifey has really had to work through that programming.

Hopefully it won’t be a 23 year process for you, sounds like you’re heading in the right direction. Good luck.

[sweet_tna]

I've had a similar evolution, except for the timing. I had very little experience (only one other guy) before my hubby, and was pretty much only into vanilla sex. And if you'd told me a year ago I'd be swinging, I'd have laughed my arse off at you. A lot of it was that good ole' social conditioning. A lot of it was that it never occurred to me that I *could* try certain things (like MFM----mmmmmm!)

So as wonderfully patient as you've been w/your wife, try to remain so. Give her encouragement and support as she explores her sexual boundaries, and most of all TALK to her. Good luck!

Mrs. Sweet

"Give a man free hands, and you'll know where to find them." (Mae West)

[shymxcpl]

One thing you don't want to do is rush it. My wife and I have enjoyed the pleasure of our company (iykwim) for over 17 years. We went from teenage sex (the one that ends in about 30 seconds) and being extremely jealous and possesive to wmw threesomes in this time. At times we do think about MWM 3ways but to us, much of the fun comes in the form of fantasy.

I don't remember but I think we fantasized about our WMW for almost 2 years before actually doing it... and I really can't tell you which was best, the thinking about it/discusing it/fantasizing or the actual threesome...

We've had a couple of experiences now at SWClubs, some better than others, but the trip has been the funnest part.

Take it slow, talk a lot, get horny and overall enjoy yourselves