B/F cheated on me with my sister

I will try to keep this short and simply. My b/f and I have been together for three years. He was the one to bring up swinging. I had never even heard of this before. I had a very mild sexual past prior to becoming involved with him. I have played around with SEVERAL people but only participated in intercourse with a handful. At first I was very timid to the idea. However I tried it out. To date we have had two fmf threesomes and one soft swap experience with another couple. I'm not really sure how it made me feel. It was amazing to share that experience with him however at the same time in the back of my head i was wondering if she was better than me. Since the beginning I have become for open to the idea of swinging. I'm not so much into couples more threesomes. Yet another problem has arose. I have recently learned through my boyfriends confessions that in the beginning of our relationship he cheated on me with my sister. This has really pushed me to believe that if he can hurt me to that extent that he couldn't even resist my sister then this swinging is merely for his sexual gratification. Any advice it welcomed and appreciated.

[dayhiker]

That's a tough one Jayme.

I think you should express your fears to him. He may be doing this swinging thing out of a selfish desire for sex. He may be dealing with guilt about the sex he had with your sister. This all could be part of the coping mechanism. But posters here could nodoult give you a long list of possibilities. Talking with him and him being honest is the only way to really know. Even then some people don't know themselve well enough to be sure of their reasons and motives.

Good luck working thru the issues. Swinging does requite one to know oneself well and ones partner well also. Its work form that point of view and you'll reap rewards for thinking thru who you are and how you work emotionally and mentally the rest of your life.

dayhiker

[Edison Carter]

Susan here-- He fucked family ? Ewwwwwww. Okay, he's a hound dog, which is another way of saying 'sexual opportunist'. Your sister is probably the same way. She did your 'boyfriend' just like that ? What did your sister say about this ? Ewww. Ewww.

By the way, Swinging, any way that you slice it, is mostly about sexual gratification.

[sereneiders]

Run away. Run away fast!

[intuition897]

My initial reaction is the same as above: ew. But I'd like to err on the side of caution and say that I have no idea about your situation, nor his, nor your sister's. My first thought about it was for your relationship with your sister. You may have been with him for 3+ years, but you've been a sister for MUCH longer than that, correct? You don't divorce family. How could she do that to you? then again, maybe your BF was a pig and a sexual opportunist as stated above. We can't really make that call, as we don't know all the facts.

And then there's the question of his confession. Did he just blurt it out because he couldn't take the guilt anymore? Or did you have to catch him in a lie or pry it out of him? If he confessed willingly, perhaps it means that he wants to take the honesty in your relationship to a new level. This is a good thing...at least from our perspectve.

Your gut will tell you what kind of man he is. Are his intentions good? Are they focused on your happiness and fulfillment? Or just his own?

[havefuninsun]

My ex husband once made out with my sister -- but it was before we got together. He never was in appropriate with her after we got together.

As you've undoubtedly read, to successfully swing you must be in a totally trusting relationship. It doesn't sound like you're there. Jealousy will play havoc and this will turn into a nightmare.

So ... work on your relationship first. And good luck.

[couplewanting50]

Originally Posted by Jayme

I have recently learned through my boyfriends confessions that in the beginning of our relationship he cheated on me with my sister. This has really pushed me to believe that if he can hurt me to that extent that he couldn't even resist my sister then this swinging is merely for his sexual gratification. Any advice it welcomed and appreciated.

Not to trivialize your concerns here, but.... you say this occurred in the beginning. You also say he confessed. What does, beginning of relationship mean, exactly? You had just started dating, or you had each verbally expressed the commitment to be exclusive with one another sexually? What, exactly, was the nature of this beginning? It seems entirely possible to me that he was not even sure where the relationship was going with you at that point.

As far as the several who have said, eww.... I don't get that. If swinging is promoted as being based on natural instincts and pleasures, then if your sister is attractive and interested, then for him to want her makes perfect sense. There is an odd sort of moral outrage at this that just does not fit.

And, yes, swinging is for sexual gratification, that is the entire point. You would be fooling yourself if you thought otherwise, and that includes your pleasure too.

He confessed. Likely he could have concealed it, too. I am thinking that you are overreacting here.

[wetpanties]

Swinging and Cheating are two different issues and the two should NEVER mix. You have some decisions to make!

[buckaroos]

Fucked my wifes sister too ,are you upset with her too or just your boyfriend.

[twobears]

Hi there is lots of good advice here and I am sure you will work it out. I think one of the most direct one is very helpfull,how do you feel about your sister and the other one is swinging has nothing to do with cheating. Swinging is different than just getting extra sex I think,it is the fun,self express of our sexual desire,the erotic play is just as improtant to me mabye some couples less and other more in that field. I hope you for yourself will not close the door to swinging ,for I wished that I had found myself in the lifestyle much sooner. Keep looking to this board for help,it has helped me a lot,as I am still new with only a few years under our belts.

[2chase3]

OK granted this guy might stay or he might go.. What gets me is he at least had the moral obligation to come clean....when your sister did not...Hmmm...seems you just might have a deeper problem than the current guy.