My husband's obsession with wanting to swing has become a problem

[HotMoCpl]

Just a few years ago the wife and I went through this....though it stemed back to something said between us prior to and after getting married. For the most part I just suck it up and drive on; though on occasion I do remind her. Usually when we're having sex. Most times I get a rise out of her, in a good way. No, I don't pressure her about it. I just rimind her that if she ever wants to check it out, let me know.

[Suncouple]

This thread is several years old. I wonder how it turned out?

[Tejano]

Ageless question.

The thing is you do not get to make up those times of void (sleeping on the couch).

As a male we do not break down the fantasy to a relationship level. SHould we? Ask me later. But for now lets just move on undet that premise that we dont and women do.

So the situation does need to be communicated and that can be done very well in the act of having sex while discussing it. As a man you better verbalize to her what you are gonna see her do. You better be alright with you saying it like you are the director of a porno movie.

I think also you discuss what you are gonna do with the residual images. We plan on fueling our fantasies with that.

I am in a 20 year relationship and feel that we could both with stand the challenges of swinging. We are not naive but aside from the hot & naughty factor that is the natural lure keeping a sex life and libidos going for the long haul 50 years plus needs something like an episode.

I think of the cheating that happens and how it hurts the marriage (been there done that) and how men like me lust after our wives in a swinging fashion.

I am obsessed with us swinging also and feel that when I introduce it it will be hot, naughty, memorable and will stabilize our relationship.

I am not looking to creep. It is to exhausting and expensive. Quite frankly I am not interested in having a new spouse/partner/GF/whatever, I love my wife and she is my soul mate. I just want to see her fuck Julian Rios and she wants to fuck him also and she will orgasm wildly as I describe her threesome.

[bbarnsworth]

I'm fairly concerned here by a few things...

Originally Posted by Tejano

I am in a 20 year relationship and feel that we could both with stand the challenges of swinging. We are not naive but aside from the hot & naughty factor that is the natural lure keeping a sex life and libidos going for the long haul 50 years plus needs something like an episode.

Swinging shouldn't be viewed as something your relationship can "withstand". Swinging isn't a threat to a relationship in any sense, and if it's viewed as such it's going to cause negativity. If it IS a threat, you shouldn't be swinging. Swinging doesn't always produce positives (sometimes you have bad interactions with others) but the negatives should be sourced beyond your own couple, not within.

In my marriage, both of us are glad we're swinging, and never felt it was a challenge to our relationship but an asset.

Originally Posted by Tejano

I think of the cheating that happens and how it hurts the marriage (been there done that) and how men like me lust after our wives in a swinging fashion.

Not that you said this, but I don't think swinging should be viewed as an antidote to cheating. It isn't. You can still very much cheat while having sex with someone else, even with your spouse right there in the room and approving of you having sex with the other person.

Originally Posted by Tejano

I am obsessed with us swinging also and feel that when I introduce it it will be hot, naughty, memorable and will stabilize our relationship.

Age old rule. Do NOT go into swinging thinking it will fix your relationship. It absolutely will NOT fix or stabilize anything.

Swinging is a magnifying glass. If it finds only good in your relationship, it will magnify that, and sometimes strongly. If it finds anything bad, it will make it MUCH worse. If your relationship isn't stable, it will make your relationship even less stable.

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by DKent

...know how your husband's mind is thinking right now. The thinking processes are almost entirely being governed by the Little Head at this particular point in time, not by the big one on his shoulders. He's NOT thinking or acting rationally and he is quite capable of doing something stupid.

Reminds me of a belt buckle I saw recently. It had an arrow on it pointing down, with the words "I'm with stupid"

[Alura]

Y'know... One of the problems with swinging is that a compromise doesn't exist. A couple must either "do it" or not. Neither option could be called a "compromise."

Maybe that's why so few couples learn to do it successfully, nicht wahr?

Mr. Alura

[LingerieKarla]

This should be something you both enjoy. If you even have a the smallest concern....don't do it. I think your relationship should heal first. When your ready....you'll know.

Originally Posted by curiousilwife

I dont know what to do. This is a huge fantasy for him, but I am very reluctant. We have just come back from almost divorcing, and things have been improving for maybe 6 months. The turning point was just in early July. He brought his fantasy to my attention last November, and we have talked about it since. It does turn me on, swapping, or the MFM. But i dont think we are ready, I might never be ready.

What is bothering me is he is on the site looking at profiles every night after I go to bed. I get on the compter this morning and he was talking to a contact on IM and acting as if he were me, saying we were going to be in that town next weekend (we are) ......

I just feel as if he is obssessd with it lately, I feel that it is the only thing that turns him on. He has been sleeping on the couch, he says nothing is wrong, but that he just falls asleep watching tv, and then sleeps there. I just dont think we have the intimacy or closeness that you need before really seriously doing this.

I want him to stop. I want it all to stop. I want to know that if we never do this, he is going to still be as attracted to me and not be wishing for this lifestyle and what he never had. I need to know that he isnt going to go behind my back, looking at this stuff and not telling me, he cant do it. He is obssessed with it right now. It sounds like fun, but i can certainly live without it.

I just dont know what to do.

[GreatCoupleNY]

I say that once you have decided that you want to stay with him you need to do what you can to make him happy.
If he believes that he wants to swing and it is something that you haven't done as a couple then you need to work this out with him. Discuss what you are open to and what
you are not. If you are unsure that you are ready then tell him so and tell him that you should work together as a couple to expand your sexual horizons.
This does not mean that you should be a sheep and go along with whatever his fantasies are. You should work together and communicate. If he is sleeping on the couch
and it bothers you then TELL HIM SO. But do it with love. Tell him that you miss him.