Friends surprised us, I'm interested but not sure hubby is... Advice?

[Drusilla]

HI, this is my first post but I've been reading for days trying to decide what to do. Maybe the answer will be easier to find if I just ask ya'll? lol

I'll apologize in advance, this could be a bit long...

<a bit of background...skip down if you want me to just get to the point>

Hubby and I have always been open sexually but just with each other. If you ever saw the episode on "Yes Dear" where Jimmy is on the computer. His wife comes in and when he hides the screen she says, "you know I don't mind if you look at porn, just let me know if you find something good!". That's us..

My husband's best guy friend (best man at our wedding even) and I have flirted with each since college...some time ago.... I always felt it was innocent, despite the fact that I've always found him attractive, and thought he thought the same. The last couple of years, though, the vibe has changed. He has gotten more and more persistent...huggy, VERY nice to me when we've been drinking and so on. It doesn't bother me a bit and doesn't seem to bother hubby either. Honestly, I really, really, REALLY like it.

This guy friend is married too and his wife doesn't seem to mind our flirting either. At times that he's gotten a bit more than flirty, I've looked at her and she just smiles at me. Okay...I know...that was maybe a hint, huh?

<the point...>

A new strip club has recently opened on our end of town. I've never actually been to a real strip club and have repeatedly told hubby I wanted to go to this new club sometime. Last weekend, the friend called and told me that they were going to the new club and asked me to go with them. Hubby was with them and quite aware that friend was calling to ask me. Of course, jumped at the chance!.

There was another couple with us too. Another friend from college who I know very well and his girlfriend (might as well be wife).

We all went and I loved it. We all had a great time! While we were at the club, though, our friend came and sat between me and the other friends gf. He was rather touchy fealy, with his hands on both our legs, thighs, etc. I didn't mind, she didn't mind, my DH was next to me and didn't mind...all is good. Then out of the blue, our friend tapped me on the shoulder and told me to watch. He then kissed our other friends gf. Seriously, I thought they were joking and made a smart comment. He quite seriously said, "okay, not quite the reaction I was after"....oops!!!

After we watched the rotation of girls a few times....only 3...we decided to go back to our friend's house to "hang out". We were listening to music, drinking, usual stuff. Except our friend kept trying to get his hand down my shirt. Hmmm? Light bulb finally went off when I realized he was serious. It was still very playful and light though. It was absolutely not a force type thing....more like he was persueing...seducing....that feeling.

I pulled away from him most of the night until I realized what was going on. I let him...ummm....get a feel the next time he tried. OMG...zing! Everything sparked!

A few minutes later both guys and I were standing off to the side and the best friend put his arm around me and started talking real soft. Like he was trying not to scare me off. Probably a good move on his part because it totally turned me on. He started telling me that they had a some sort of a "credit" system with the wives. He didn't get much past that because we were interrupted and I took the opportunity to get away to think about it.

By the end of the night, everyone except me was in the hot tub naked. Each wife/gf was cuddling on the lap of the guy that they weren't attached too. My poor hubby was alone except I stood next to him outside. I just didn't want to get totally naked in front of everyone. It has nothing to do with being afraid to be naked but more body issues/insecurity. I would have been fine if I'd had a t-shirt or something and would have been more than happy to take it off once I got in there.

I'm not sure how it happened but I ended up getting kissed by the one friends girlfriend. VERY HOT gf, btw. I'm 100% straight...or so I thought. But will admit to admiring beautiful women and have always thought this girl was hot. Obviously, it was my first kiss with a woman....my first anything with a woman. And I really really liked it. That girl can kiss...okay, getting distracted.

Lots of other things happened along the same lines without them actually engaging in anything in front of us. When we left, though, I do know they had all retired to the very dark living room and were still naked. We had to leave early because of our son but I'm SO wondering what went on in that living room and SO bummed to have missed it.

I know that hubby was aware that his friend was being very friendly to me. He knows both guys got repeated looks down my top (since I repeatedly showed them...I had a sparkly bra that needed showing off...lol) and our friend told me that he told my hubby that he felt my breast. Hubby also saw what happened during the hot tub time. I don't think hubby is aware that they are at the very least soft swapping. Earlier in the night, I asked hubby if he thought they swapped and he said definitely not. So, I don't think he knows the extent of it.

Now, I am VERY intrigued and interested in playing with these two couples. And don't feel any misgivings about hubby playing with the other girls. Actually, hubby told me that he felt the gf's breast while me and her were kissing. I thought I would be jealous but I'm really not. Not that I don't care, more that I totally trust that I'm the one my DH loves and we're in it for the long haul.

We will be having opportunities to be with these other couples soon...in fact we are having lunch tomorrow with the best friend. Should I tell my DH the whole story because I know he missed quite a bit of it and tell him I'm interested in playing too? Or do I just not say anything and see what happens at the next get together?

DH is the type that he gets uncomfortable talking about things but will usually go with the flow when things happen. He said he had no problem with the things he was aware of about the other night. I even asked him if he'd have a problem with me kissing the friend and he said no...like he meant it. Unfortunately, we left before it happened, dang it. But we were all drinking (except DH was sober) and things were happening and it was the environment. I don't know if he'd have a problem with it in the future.

I haven't been able to sleep since this happened because I can't stop thinking
about the other guys (and the girls to a lesser extent) and how to deal with DH. DH knows that my #1 fantasy is 2 or more guys and me. 3 would be perfect! lol He also knows I am very turned on by group sex. He seeks out porn for me to watch that fits the description. But....

If you've read all this...omg, thank you!! I know it's long and confusing. I'm more than happy to clarify anything.

What do I do? Talk to him before or just see what happens? I wouldn't engage in anything past kissing the friend without talking to DH before. I kind of think that he will be more open to it if we are actually there and things are about to happen... These friends wouldn't push anything and would definitely be okay with me stopping to talk to dh. I was also thinking about asking the friend to tell DH what he told me and see what happens.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm so confused but soooooo into the idea of playing. Oh....the friend made of a point of telling me that they didn't actually have intercourse with the other's mates. They just "played". I do think they complete things in the room with the other's though.

[gandm]

The number 1 piece of advice I'd like to offer is to talk to your husband in advance and get agreement on your limits and his limits. Setting limits and not exceeding them (make sure to keep his trust) will allow you both to be comfortable with the world you're entering. You will also find that you might need a way for one to tell the other to stop without having to stand up and yell stop (setup a code word or something). Again, this helps establish trust (i.e. "Honey, if either of us becomes uncomfortable, this is how we'll handle it ...").

Try to not allow your excitement to take your eyes off the real prize. In my opinion, the real prize is having a relationship where you both have the trust and understanding so you can chase down your fantasies together.

Good Luck

[Drusilla]

I talked to a friend of mine and told her in more detail what exactly happened in order...I know, how much more could there be??? I wrote a dang book. Maybe I should condense that a bit??

Anyway...she suggested that it may be possible my husband may actually know more than he's telling me. It felt to me like the other two couples were all somehow feeling me out or leading me into it. Is it possible my husband knew about it all along? He was with them when the friend called me to ask me to go. Hubby knows I've always found his friend attractive....

As far as I know, though, my husband has never lied to me. We've been together since 1989 and always very committed and strong as a couple. Now I'm wondering if the other night was some sort of a test that he was in on?

Is he sitting around wondering how to talk to me about it? Is he thinking I'm not into it? I think I've been pretty obvious to him though, that I would be into it. Although I do remember saying once upon a time that fantasies were great but I'd never do it. Ha! I was sooo wrong!

[Drusilla]

gandm,

Thanks for the advice! It definitely made me think and I appreciate it.

[LOL_OMG]

You seriously need to talk to your husband. It sounds like things are escallating a bit with you, and most probably there is a swinging environment at hand. Your statements have alot of ? at the end. Ask him all of those questions....might be easier to do it naked. And I'm not kidding

Mrs

[Drusilla]

Do it naked? Seriously? Somehow I was thinking that wouldn't be the best time but rethinking it and you might be on to something.

[ViSexual]

Drusilla,

This should be submitted to the 'story' section! Man, was it ever hot to read!

If your husband doesn't absolutely, totally, and unequivatively appreciate having a wife like you, then he's been around a Disney Land charactor too much. (F'ing Goofy) LOL!

Have you thought about talking to the other couples, letting them know you're very game if you're husband is, then letting them see if your husband is?

I'll just bet these two ladies can seduce him.

[SouthBond]

Our very best swing couples have been people that we have known for years. They were very compatible. Interested in renewing the passion. Had a feeling of being safe. Interested in keeping the activities private. Keep in mind that the first swing session is sometimes very stressful and can lead to some awkward moments. Don't be surprised if the men have a problem getting it up. That is why we recommend getting one of those little blue pills to make sure things get and stay nice and hard. The pill will not become addictive. Nothing is more frustrating for the guy than to be unable to hold up his end of the deal. We have always found that massage parties work great. Keep the light down very low. Don't talk. Just feel.

[katcouple]

D,

Sounds like you may have been in the dark. Is it possible hubby thought you may be scared away if you knew what you were in for that evening? I am in the "he knew more" camp.

Full communication is so important. Mrs. Kat and I are new to the lifestyle, but we communicate everything....even the most mundane thing to you can be huge to your partner.

IMHO, I would suggest you open a discussion with hubby to get it all out on the table.

Most importantly, Have fun!!

Regards,
Katman

[VegasLee]

I would not talk to the other couples until you sit down and have a nice face to face talk about all this with your husband.

This is not something that should be a surprise or involve other people in until you are both on the same page and committed to doing this.

Set your limits, stick to them and do what works for the two of you. Not for others and don't let others seduce you or your husband into anything. You will regret it later if you do.

[Drusilla]

I'm not sure how many more surprised I can take!! lol

Last night after we went to bed he said something that had to do with that night. I can't even remember now what he said but I took the opportunity to get the conversation going.

And, well, well, well....hubby still maintains that he knew nothing about any of it before hand and he didn't know all the details of what I experienced. He can be pretty oblivious at times...lol.

But, I took a deep breath and told him everything. Including the fact that I really liked it. I asked him if he had a problem with any of it and he said he didn't. When I asked him what he thought...I had to kind of drag things out of him as he didn't seem to know what to say. He wanted my opinion first so I told him that I liked it and am very intrigued and want to see where it goes. He smiled and said he is intrigued as well.

YIPPEE!!!!!!!!! Dru gets to play!!!!!!! LOL

Thank you so much everyone for all your help! I know I don't seem it but I AM rather nervous and would still welcome any and all help/advice/opinions.

Hubby did make a point to say that he isn't interested in playing with anyone but these two couples and I agree...for now.

[Drusilla]

Originally Posted by ViSexual

This should be submitted to the 'story' section! Man, was it ever hot to read!

And it was indeed a rather hot evening! I even left out a few things that happened in an effort to try and shorten it a bit. It's safe to say that hubby was quite a happy man when we got home. facelick

Originally Posted by ViSexual

If your husband doesn't absolutely, totally, and unequivatively appreciate having a wife like you, then he's been around a Disney Land charactor too much. (F'ing Goofy) LOL!

Awww....that's incredibly sweet. Thank you!

Originally Posted by ViSexual

Have you thought about talking to the other couples, letting them know you're very game if you're husband is, then letting them see if your husband is?

Yep, as a matter of fact hubby is planning on talking to his friend to get more details and see if he can find out exactly what we may be getting ourselves in for. He still thinks that I might be making more of it than it is and that they don't really go as far as I think they do.

GAWD I hope he's wrong! Sheesh...they can't just leave me hanging here....

Originally Posted by ViSexual

I'll just bet these two ladies can seduce him

I have a feeling you may be correct. I hope so anyway...

[Drusilla]

Originally Posted by SouthBond

Keep in mind that the first swing session is sometimes very stressful and can lead to some awkward moments. Don't be surprised if the men have a problem getting it up.

It's interesting you said that because that actually did come up (or not) the other night.

After they all got out of the hottub, we were standing around the fire pit. I was standing between my naked hubby and our naked friend. I simply couldn't help myself and leaned over to give hubby a little taste.

( Did I mention that that is my absolutely FAVORITE thing and didn't make any secret of it that night. The friends wife and I even got into a discussion regarding spit or swallow. She spits....crazy woman. facelick)

Normally, hubby comes right to attention as soon as he even suspects that may be my intention but that night there was nothing. Not even a twitch. I assumed it was a bit of anxiety/shock since he had no problems once we got home.

Last night hubby did mention that he was surprised I did that right in front of everybody. He said he knew I'd be thinking it, be wanting to do it, but never thought I'd actually just do it. I don't really understand his surprise considering the environment we were in. He IS my husband, afterall. It's not like I leaned over to our friend...although I'm really hoping that might be on the agenda in the near future...

[Drusilla]

And thanks to everyone! I do realize that hubby and I have some more talking to do but at least the ball is rolling.

Tomorrow we are going back our friends house for a 4th bbq. It will be interesting to see how everyone acts. It's a family thing with kids so no chance anything will happen tomorrow.

Although, I can't stop trying to think of a way to get the kids out of the way...

Gosh, I'm feeling like such a naught girl. In a good way though!

[likeitalot04]

I would like to say simply....Your husband does not yet know how lucky he is to have a wife with an attitude such as yours. Enjoy Dru! Just walk before you run...