Thought I was having "safe" sex...now I wonder?

[Rob]

Ok, here's the situation. I'm a single male and I met a couple online and we agreed to meet at a swingers club last Saturday night. Since it was a club I had never been to before, I decided to check it out on Friday night just to get the lay (no pun intended) of the land.
That Friday night, I met a single woman who I became friendly with, chatted with most of the night and eventually fooled around with.
So on Saturday night, I met the couple and we had sex. We talked before hand that we all practice safe sex. During intercourse, I used a condom. But before intercourse, I ate her out without using any protection.
Then, after we were done, I ran into the woman I had met the previous night and she asked me if I used a condom while I was with that female half of the couple. I said, yes, and she said "good because I've seen her at this club before having sex with another guy who wasn't using a condom."
That, obviously, didn't make me happy. Even though I used a condom while having sex with her, should I be concerned because I performed oral on her?
Also, would you say anything to the couple about it?
Thanks for the help.
Rob.

[good times]

I would have been pissed at the girl you met the day before for delving into something that was none of her business, but that is just me.

To answer your questions, no I wouldn't be worried, and no I wouldn't mention it to the other couple. If for no other reason than at least 90% of the time when someone has told us something similar to what she told you it is hearsay and not true at all. As I indicated above, the only thing we would do is immediately sever our relationship with the indiscreet person who told us these things.

People play without condoms all the time, in fact in our experience the majority of people we see playing at clubs play without using condoms. Their are at least as many reasons why someone might feel comfortable about playing without condoms as their are arguments as to why one should always use condoms. My simple rule is, if I suspect the person I am considering playing with poses a high enough risk that I would be worried if I played with her without a condom, I won't play with her while wearing a condom either.

[Rob]

So should I be concerned about catching something because I performed oral on a woman who may engage in unprotected sex?

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by Rob

We talked before hand that we all practice safe sex.

Hi Rob,

I understand how you're feeling. We are a condoms-only couple when we play. We only meet with other people who are the same. We talk about this beforehand. If the other couple (or single) doesn't want to use condoms or doesn't make it a practice, that's fine for them but we don't want to have sex with them. If they told us ahead of time that they DO practice safe sex (like this couple told you) and then we learned later that they often didn't - well, we really dislike liars. We wouldn't have anything to do with them after that if we knew they lied.

"Even though I used a condom while having sex with her, should I be concerned because I performed oral on her?"

I'm no expert, but from what I've read, the risk to you from performing oral on a woman is very minimal. Still, it doesn't hurt to get yourself tested regularly. It will ease your mind.

"Also, would you say anything to the couple about it?"

I don't know, it depends. Do you want to see these people again, and do they matter to you? If they did have unprotected sex at the club, but they tell new people they meet that they only practice safe sex, they're liars to start with and would probably lie if you asked about what you heard. Or, maybe they used to sometimes play bareback, but then changed their minds and now play only with condoms. There could be all kinds of explanations.

[graygo98]

Rob, there is a risk you may have been exposed to something. But as Tybee and goodtimes said, its likely pretty small. Probably not much higher than engaging in unprotected kissing with people who may engage in unprotected oral, don't you think? If a bug can pass from genital to oral and survive it can go from oral to oral I would think.

And as far as questioning your former playmates based on gossip .... probably won't be well received. They might also be miffed that you discussed your experience with them with someone else... we would be. Better worry instead who your new "friend" is going to tell that you engaged in sex with someone she "knows" engages in unprotected sex.

[lookingfornow]

If I understand your initial posting, you need to be careful what you assume. Just because a couple asks you to use a condom with them dosen't mean that they ask all people with whom they play to use a condom.

Many, many couples adopt something of a middle ground regarding their approach to safe sex. This middle ground consists of using a condom for intercourse but refraining from using condoms or dental dams for any type of oral play. This reflects the statistically lower chance of catching certain STD through oral play.

Other couples insist upon condoms not so much because of STDs, but as an additional means of birth control.

But, many couples whom we have met occassionally bend their rules with couples whom they feel they know or whom they feel they can trust.

Bottom line....You cannot assure yourself that your playing partners are disease free simply because they insist that you use a condom to play with them. If this concerns you, you had better re-think your rules regarding the protection necessary for oral sex and playing in general.

[cataryna]

Most websites claim the chance of getting an STD through cunnilingus is less than 10%. It doesn't hurt to be safe though. You can purchase vaginal condoms. I've never seen one at a pharmacy so maybe at an adult store or I'm sure there's websites out there that sell them. I saw one once at a club and it was explained to me that the latex is thin enough to not interfere with sensation to the female, but thick enough to offer enough protection. If you're that concerned about this couple not being safe then get tested as soon as possible and explain to your doctor that you think you might have been exposed. You'll more than likely have to be retested again in 6 months to a year.

As for the couple in question, if you believe the single female, then make sure you use protection each and every time you're with this couple and get that vaginal condom. As for telling then...it's best to not get caught in the middle of the He said/She said situation...simply protect yourself.

Renee

[Rob]

I didn't discuss being with the couple to that first female, Greygo. She simply saw me go into a private room with them, and obviously it doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened.
I didn't discuss with the couple what their sex practices were but when I met the online on a swingers website, their profile said they practice safe sex ALWAYS and are drug/disease free. Perhaps I was wrong to assume their profile was accurate.
Also, there sure is the chance that the first female was jealous that I was with the couple and therefore made up a like about them. Either way, I think Im going to avoid that club and all of them all together.

[do_lei_me]

Rob have you thought that maybe the single gal saw the female half of your cpl having unprotected sex with her husband? You cant believe gossip all the time. Or perhaps they played with someone so regularly theyve chosen to not use condoms with that particular person.
When you sleep with someone you take on risks. If this situation is too much risk for you to accept, sever ties with your couple. Chances are slim that everyone of the people you played with used a condom with every single person theyve ever slept with. Personally I wouldn't run for the hills screaming.