Tips for choosing the right single male

[jandjnz]

Hi,

We're new here.... we've had a couple of soft swing experiences with another couple in the past, they were great, and we now want to try mmf.

We've placed an ad on the same website we had success with previously (with the couple), and have had a (unsurprisingly) good response from the single males out there.

Although we're both keen, we're a little nervous about the whole single male thing - mostly in regard to safety.

Does anybody have any tips for finding the right guy for a first time mmf? What's the best way to avoid any weirdos? Any red flags to look out for?

We plan to chat on phone and meet socially first.... but any other practical tips are very welcome! Should we meet in his hotel room/our hotel room etc etc....?

Anybody ever had a bad experience - and how did you deal with it?

With couples we never worried about this kind of stuff because of the woman's presence - which is silly really - but any thoughts welcome....

(We have limited time to arrange this meet - which is why we can't take the obvious route of meeting and talking lots with him beforehand)

Thanks, JandJ

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by jandjnz

Should we meet in his hotel room/our hotel room etc etc....?
Thanks, JandJ

Hi JandJ!

Welcome to the board.

I've not had any experience with swinging. But since you're online at this moment I want to answer the above question.

The people on this board have let me know that you are safest if you arrange for your own room and have the single guy come to your room for play. This way, it is your room (you've paid for it) and you have the right to ask him to leave if things get uncomfortable and you want to end the play.

It seems hotel rooms are the preferred choice, as opposed to your private home or his, again, you are both on neutral territory and where you live never has to be revealed to a new person. After developing a swing relationship with this male you may choose to later have swing dates in each other's homes if that is sensible and comfortable to both of you.

I'm sure other people will have plenty of great advice for you!

Good luck and good times!

LM

[Michael 12]

Your plan to talk on the phone and then meet socially first is sound, and LIKEMINDS suggestion to meet in YOUR room is also a good point.
As a Single Male, my perspective is this; I tend to go with my instincts as to how I feel about the COUPLE I'm meeting. If I don't feel comfortable and relaxed around them, then our experience together probably won't be as memorable as we would like it to be.
Don't be discouraged if you don't "match" with him, as in all aspects in life we meet people Swinging that we just don't click with.
I wish you luck,
_michael

[2New2it]

The main red flag I see in your post is the fact you don't have much time to decide. That's a bad deal. You might get lucky, but we always got to know our playmates before meeting them for sex. If they are unwilling to wait for us to get to know each other, we want nothing to do with them.

Our first couple of times, we met in our hotel room. Once, our playmate even offered to pay for the room and while we didn't let him, it showed he was thoughtful. Since then, we've invited a couple of men to our house, but we got to know them well and met socially before doing so.

If we are looking for someone for recreational sex, we find it extremely important that the person shares our values. As an example, we both love animals and own three dogs. We will not even consider someone who doesn't share our affection for furry critters.

If the person says they use any type of drugs, we quickly say goodbye. We also look for stable, employed professionals. During our social meetings, we expect them to be open about their employment, living conditions, etc.

We were once planning a trip to Las Vegas and began searching for someone interesting that lived in the area. We found a guy who looked promising, but despite a lot of mutual interests, something just didn't click. On a hunch, we checked the criminal records in the Las Vegas area and found he was being charged in two court cases in different jurisdictions. Neither were for violent crimes, but we dropped him quickly.

We have either been very lucky, or our caution has paid off, because we have never had a bad experience. Only a couple did not proceed beyond the social meeting stage.

[TNT]

Originally Posted by Michael 12

As a Single Male, my perspective is this; I tend to go with my instincts as to how I feel about the COUPLE I'm meeting. If I don't feel comfortable and relaxed around them, then our experience together probably won't be as memorable as we would like it to be.

This basically says it all...we play with single men probably more so than couples...some we chat with a lot and some we have met at socials/clubs, talked for just a few minutes and then invited them back to our room to play. In all instances...instincts is what led us to playing with them.

Following your "gut" feeling whether with a single or couple will never lead you wrong.

Teresa

[curiousagain]

Chemistry, chemistry, chemistry. As a single male I don't want to play with a couple that I don't like when we meet and greet. I should like both of them as a person and be sexually attracted to the female. We are here for many things but having sex with people we don't like or trust isn't one of them.

Red Flags.....

It depends what sites you are on but if we see a single male who has been on for a while (more than 6 months) who is not certified we move on. We have broken that rule once or twice because they have a "Good Story" as to why they are not certified but have been burned everytime we give them the benefit of the doubt.

Another Red Flag....

Not wanting to talk to the male half (Husband) of the MFM. Of course he is not trying to fuck the male half ( at least he better not be ). But Some look at the male half more of an obstacle to get to the female. Thats not what it is about for us. The males have to hit it off in a STRAIGHT way for the MFM to work.

As far as safety goes.....

We always arrange the MFM on our terms at a place WE are comfortable with. But we have found so far that the single males are more worried about us than we are of him. You can get a pretty good feeling after chatting and talking on the phone on wether you want to meet or not. Mrs Naughty tells the males while chatting if they have any sex questions ,how she likes it etc....., they have to ask me not her. If they continue to pry at her they are done. They have to be able to talk about everyday things with Mrs naughty. They have to show that they are at least somewhat interested in who she is as person. Not just the fact that she likes to fuck.

You are always taking a little risk but it mainly rests with your gut feeling. We always meet in a public place for dinner & drinks before heading to the motel. But we split the cost of the motel or pick up the tab for dinner.

But we NEVER have a single male at our house. That is a little much for us. Even if we hit it off great while out for dinner & drinks that doesnt mean all will be well in the bedroom and having them know where we live gives us an uneasy feeling.

Good luck in your search!! There are serious single males out there who will fit the "stunt Cock" bill but take your time finding them.

[robert]

Hi, i'm a single male here i feel that you get to know the guy 1st.,like for me i put everything on the table,what the couple want's and want the single male want's out of exp. to happen.tell it like it is ,no head game's,everything is up-front.meet for coffee or what ever,if everyone is comfronable with eachother,then u go from there.for being the single guy that's how i go as to looking for a couple i'm going to be with.good luck robert

[EternallySingle]

I found swinging with couples worked best when I made it like a weekend getaway. A little preplanning of the get together 10 days to two weeks in advance, a call two or three days before the meeting to confirm the arrangements, then off to play. If I get contacted by a couple more than three times after I've agreed to meet them, I tell them "I'm glad you called. Something came up and I can't make it after all."

Meeting a couple is not like meeting a single woman for me. And when I was part of a couple, meeting with a single man or woman was not like meeting with a couple. Lets face it. A single person with anything resembling a social life has more options for meeting people and sex than swinging. Give him a reason and he will bail and simply pick up someone from a bar on either Wednesday night or Friday night (seems like women who go to bars are easier to have sex with on Friday than on Saturday...gotta research that more LOL)

Just like couples, this is for fantasy fulfillment for single men (and women). Making it seem like I'm interviewing for a job is just going to make me act rude towards you. A few questions to find out where he's coming from and trust your instincts. That is the best way not to be disappointed by not finding anyone or testing yourself into the wrong guy.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by EternallySingle

If I get contacted by a couple more than three times after I've agreed to meet them, I tell them "I'm glad you called. Something came up and I can't make it after all."

What do you mean?

I'm confused

Are you saying that if you made arrangements with a couple--let's say three weeks prior to meeting--and they called you four times before the meeting, that's a red flag of some sort and you'd dump them on the fourth call?

Eagerly awaiting your follow-up.

LM

If I get contacted by a couple more than three times after I've agreed to meet them, I tell them "I'm glad you called. Something came up and I can't make it after all ."

And that is part of where single males get their bad rap from. Backing out.

Mrs naughty likes to talk on the phone a few times with a single guy before meeting. She likes to build a little friendship or history before meeting.

Not hours on end but 2 or 3 20 minute conversations.

[EternallySingle]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

What do you mean?

I'm confused

Are you saying that if you made arrangements with a couple--let's say three weeks prior to meeting--and they called you four times before the meeting, that's a red flag of some sort and you'd dump them on the fourth call?

Eagerly awaiting your follow-up.

LM

Surrender I understand why you are confused. I didn't say what I meant to say.

The conversations after we have all agreed to meet set the tone for the encounter. If they are normal friendly conversations, it will usually be a great encounter. If the follow up conversations after agreeing to meet are more of the testing, explaining their rules over and over again, and asking if I'm still going to show up, that says they still don't trust me. If they have agreed to meet with me but are still doing the "Are you really what you say you are" routine, I haven't convinced them I'm real. I won't back out of a meeting a couple calls me often because they want to know me as a person. But I will back out if I don't feel they trust me. That is what I was trying to say but didn't.

I hope that clears things up.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by EternallySingle

Surrender I understand why you are confused. I didn't say what I meant to say.
I won't back out of a meeting because a person wants to know me as a person. But I will back out if I don't feel they trust me. That is what I was trying to say but didn't. If I get three or four calls TESTING ME after we have agreed to meet each other, I'm going to back out because if you still have to test me, you still don't trust me. If you don't trust me, I can't enjoy myself with you.

Thanks. I knew you would come through with an explanation that would keep you on my "good swinger" list.

I totally understand the trust issue. Already we have had a similar situation through e-mail contact with a couple. I finally said to Mr LM, I've had it with this couple!

If people don't feel confident with their ability to make judgments, I have to wonder how well they know themselves and how good they are with the choices they make in life, to include their decision to swing.

LM

[EternallySingle]

I had to trim that post. I'm TRYING to make my posts shorter so it doesn't take a day and a half to read them. I found out it takes longer to write them when I do that, though. LOL