Single Male on vacation with a couple, should I be committed to them?

[swingmanrc]

As I have mentioned in my previous posts, I am, or was, actively involved with a married couple, and had been for nearly two years. I spend a lot of weekends at their home, and even go on vacations with them.

Three weeks, or so, ago, the three of us travelled North and stayed at a campground. The first three days were great! Lot's of sex! Lot's of catching up! Then we met another couple. The conversation turned to how the three of us were related, and we ended up confiding in them our "secret." The other couple seemed intrigued by our lifestyle and asked a lot of questions. They directed most of their questions towards me. Probably because I'm the more talkative of the three of us. Then we all turned in for the night. Another round of great sex with my couple friends.

The next day, the other couple approached me. They wanted to try a three-some with me. They had never done anything like that before. So, I obliged them. I enjoyed breaking a new couple into the lifestyle.

Anyway, and now onto the problem. The wife asked where I had been all afternoon, and I told her. She went ballistic! She said I had no business running off with people I don't know, and besides I was there with them on "their" vacation.

I was stunned by her reaction. It put a real damper on the rest of the trip. I talked to the husband. He didn't have a problem, outside the fact that I didn't use a condom (probably a dumb move on my part. I did ask the other couple and they replied that they were d/d free). They both know that I date other single women outside of our relationship. But, as the husband reminded me, the wife is possessive of me and her husband.

I was glad we were on motorcycles, because it made the trip back a little more bearable.

While the wife and I are talking somewhat, it is not like it was before "the incident." I have not been invited back into their home. The husband told me to give her some time and she will get over it. I hope so. I even sent her flowers as an apology.

Even though I value their friendship and sexual interaction, I still think I had the right to explore a sexual relationship with another couple. The wife doesn't seem to have any problems when I have sex with one of my girlfriends. Or is that different? The husband thinks she does have a jealously problem involving me. He wants to see me come back, but apparently the wife is not ready for me to come back yet. It's been nearly a month now.

Was I wrong? Should I just be committed to the couple?

[OhioCouple]

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Originally posted by swingmanrc:
The wife asked where I had been all afternoon, and I told her. She went ballistic! She said I had no business running off with people I don't know, and besides I was there with them on "their" vacation.

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Something you didn't make mention of here. Did you stay with them? Did they pay your way, or were you in separate quarters? If they treated you to this trip, then I feel you were wrong to go off with another couple as their expectations most likey were that you remain with them. If you were paying your own way, you have every right to do as you please. Something of concern tho, It sounds to me like she has a jealousy issue where you are concerned. I think I remember in a previous post something to the effect you are co-workers and she considers you her best friend. This sort of behavior is *WAY* to clingy. That to me says that there is a strong indication that her feelings for you are much deeper than they should be.

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They both know that I date other single women outside of our relationship. But, as the husband reminded me, the wife is possessive of me and her husband.

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To me it sounds like this has stepped way over the bounds of separating swinging from romance or love.

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Even though I value their friendship and sexual interaction, I still think I had the right to explore a sexual relationship with another couple.

Was I wrong? Should I just be committed to the couple?

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In my personal opinion, I would tell them that you value their friendship far too much to let it be destroyed and that you would like to step back out of the sexual side of the relationship for a while (perhaps forever). Personally, I think if I were the husband, I would be concerned that my wife was exhibiting this sort of emotion over you. After all they are the ones who are married. You are an addition to the sexual lives. As a single you are entitled to date whom ever you please whenever you please. It is selfish on their parts to presume that you would or could not do so. They are a married couple, you are not married to them.

Lori ~ Hope all that made sense

[imsnowman]

You have two connected problems.
1. You went on vacation with one couple. It would be natural for them to expect you to spend the time with them. You probably should have consulted with them prior to committing a significant amount of time to someone else. In other words communicate your desires prior to acting on them. You're not seeking permission just stating your desires as an act of courtesy. So yes, you were wrong in the way you handled it but not necessarily wrong in your desire.

2. We agree with Ohiocouple that you MAY have future problems with the Mrs. Hoowever, it may be that her "jealousy" was simply disappointment at you lack of courtesy and her loss. (She was probably thinking: "I've got two big hunks all to myself for the whole week." You burst her bubble.)

You probably should monitor her "jealousy" and decide if its real and is something you want to deal with. So look at this incident as a "wake-up" call.

[youngswingers]

The only thing we saw that would have elicited that kind of response from almost anybody we know was the condom issue. If you guys don't use protection when you are together the couple you vacationed with has reason to have not have you participate until you can prove you are "clean". If they had you out for a swinging vacation and your actions cut those plans short we could definitely understand how people could be pissed about that. That being said, ultimately it is your life and you can make the decisions you make. Naturally, people can react to them how they may.

[4sum]

Knowing that your couples wife felt possessive of you, it seems to me that playing with the other couple showed a lack of consideration for her feelings as well as a lack of discretion.

Should you be committed to just this one couple? That's really not a question for any of us to answer. It depends on what you're looking for, and what they're looking for, and we really don't have enough information to address that.

There's a pretty broad range in what different people term an acceptable relationship. Some have physical limits, some have emotional limits, and what's somebody's nirvana, could well be someone elses' hell. I think you should decide what you want out of this relationship and then make sure that it's the same thing that they want (or at least reasonably close). Otherwise this scenario is bound to repeat (assuming you do patch things up with them).

Cheers!

[ciscosv]

I think that this could be taken both ways here.

single male's point of view: You are single and are not committed to any one person or couple and therefore have the right to do whom ever you please.

married males point of view: You were invited to join them on their vacation and should have consulted the couple first.

[Quin]

Yes, I think you were wrong. While this couple doesn't *own* you, you were on vacation with them even if it was a mutual vacation and showed them absolutely no respect by running off and being with the other couple for the afternoon. It's not something as innocent as fishing you did with this other couple, you had sex and unprotected sex at that.

Why did you not go to the couple and say something about this other couple wanting to experience a threesome, they have invited you and would it be a problem, if so why. What plans did the couple have for that afternoon (maybe they had something planned to do with you and you were a no show). Maybe mentioning a fivesome and including the couple. You should have went to them and talked to them about this since you were together on vacation as a threesome. But to just disappear for an afternoon during the vacation shows a lack of respect to the husband and wife you were on vacation with. It also appears very deceptive to just disappear and I'm gonna be quite truthful, us women can think of the most horrible things happening to people when they disappear or don't show up when we think they should. So I'm sure that this woman did do some fretting and would have fretted regardless of whether you went off fishing without telling them, ice skating without telling them or to have sex without telling them.

I think common courteous, as well as respect for the couple, would have dictated that you, at the very least, discuss this with your couple before just taking off. I suppose she will probably be upset about it for a while, for many reasons. I wouldn't necessarily classify her as *jealous* at this point...what you did was kind of wrong and yeah, she has a reason to be pretty peeved about it.

Quin

[youngswingers]

Quin, while we agree in spirit with you, what would happen if this was a single female instead of a male. In that case, your advice would look like you're suggesting that the swinging couple have certain "rights" to swing with her merely because she is on vacation with them. Needless to say, such a comment would catch some major flaming if we were to post it on this board! Are we wrong here, or is their a double standard being applied?

[Quin]

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Originally posted by youngswingers:
Quin, while we agree in spirit with you, what would happen if this was a single female instead of a male. In that case, your advice would look like you're suggesting that the swinging couple have certain "rights" to swing with her merely because she is on vacation with them. Needless to say, such a comment would catch some major flaming if we were to post it on this board! Are we wrong here, or is their a double standard being applied?

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I am a single female and while never going away for a *vacation*, I have went away for long weekends with a few couples over the course of 20 some years (last time being in January when a couple and I went to a casino/resort for a four day weekend) and would never ever disrespect them nor my friendship with the couple by disappearing to be with another couple. It borderlines deceit.

No double standard at all. The standard is across the board in my opinion...disrespect is disrespect plain and simple. And he not only disrespected the couple and his relationship with them, he crossed an apparent line of trust this couple thought they had with him, especially by him not protecting the couple by having unprotected sex with the other couple.

Why would you insinuate that I would apply a double standard in this case? We're not talking *rights* here; we're talking basic respect, common courtesy, trust and common sense.

Quin

[youngswingers]

Quin,

Not that we disagree with your post, and we really don't know if it is a true double standard. We've gone back and forth on it all night and it boils down to a (perhaps ours) perseption of power in swinging relationships. Maybe it is because we always consider the female to be in the driver seat and tend to excuse any actions as her perogative.

[JustAskJulie]

Just want to throw in something here on the current twist to the subject.

Even if a single went on vacation with a couple there is no "requirement" for a s. male or s. female that they have to have sex with that couple. That could go either way. So I don't see a double standard. There is a requirement tho that if you (anyone) go on vacation with someone (anyone else) that you are there with them. That said if you are going to go off without them for the day (for whatever reason) you should let them know.

[swingmanrc]

Thanks to everyone who responded. It helped first just by getting it down in writing. Thanks, ladies, for your perspective. Lori, I appreciate your advice about stepping back. I think it is good advice.

I have been in contact with the husband. He wants me back in their relationship, friendship and sexually. And he says his wife will probably want me back, eventually. My attempts at communication with the wife are still tense. She remains pretty silent now. I do feel bad about what I did. Especially since it hurt a good friend of mine. It was a shared expenses trip, but in retrospect, I went with them and should have committed my time solely to them. I let my hormones get the best of me...again! I agree I should have cleared it with the couple first. What's the saying, 20-20 is always hindsight.

For the time being I'm just going to let things run their course. I might just stick to the singles scene for awhile. At least until I get things figured out.

Sometimes it takes some good friends to help you see what you already know. And my good friends did that in their posts. Thanks a million.

I'll let you know how things turn out. I realize that I do value their friendship most of all. So hopefully I can at least salvage that part.

Thanks again everyone!

[Quin]

I wish you the best of luck, swingermanrc. For you, I hope your female friend is eventually able to allow you to rebuild the trust between you and herself and spouse, and her hurt subside a bit.

I hope the next time a situation such as this or anything remotely similiar that you will think about the possibly ramifications beforehand. I'm sure you're also hurt by all this as you have an unstable friendship now with a couple you appeared to be very close with. Good Luck!

Quin

[swingmanrc]

Howdy, all! I am happy to report that I am back in the fold. For those of you (especially Lori, Quin and Julie) who responded to my plight in "Was I wrong." The three of us met for a nice restaurant dinner and talked. We had the intentions of just being friends for awhile, but the conversation turned to what fun we had in the past, and that very evening I was invited back into my couple friends bedroom. I realized how much I value their friendship and companionship. We did make some ground rules for future trips. The husband and wife admitted that sex was much more enjoyable and intense with me present. Thanks again to everyone who responded to my prior E-mail.

Now to my new question. The three of us were discussing various sex enhancers. Has anyone tried out VolumZe? It's supposed to increase the amount of semen ejaculated by 581%, and increase the intensity of orgasm. It's distributed by Maximer health. Is it safe? Is it worth the money? Just wondering? I'm skeptical myself.

Thanks.

[Flori_DAMAN]

quote:

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Originally posted by swingmanrc:
Has anyone tried out VolumZe? It's supposed to increase the amount of semen ejaculated by 581%, and increase the intensity of orgasm. It's distributed by Maximer health. Is it safe? Is it worth the money? Just wondering? I'm skeptical myself.

Thanks.[/QB]

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65.567% of all statistics are misleading.

There are literally thousands of products on the market that supposedly increase sex drive, erectile function, performance, etc. The only one that I know of that is proven is Viagra. I have heard lots of great things about Yohimbe as well as a few others. The clue that tips me off that this particular product is falsely advertised is the claim of being able to increase your load by 581 per cent. Where in the world could they have come up with that figure? I could see, double, triple or 5 X's....but 581 %? The amount of ejaculate varies from one orgasm to the next....at least mine does.
Imagine the number of males that would have to be tested with the number of types of sex involved. Did they use masturbation into a test tube? Or did they possibly extract the semen from the vagina or mouth or the rectum of the sex partners after cumming. Maybe they used horses.

When a co. uses a figure that sounds so precise concerning a subject that is so variable one would have to consider that they are using it to demostrate some sort of very scientific methods of analyzing it.

Wouldn't that be like saying "you will have orgasms 234% stronger" ?

Even viagra doesn't use statistical percentages in their adverising, and being that they are FDA approved (I believe), they must have had the most exhaustive studies available in their research.

Just the figure 581% leads me to believe it is made up. But for the sake of it, why don't you buy some and measure your ejaculate for us. I would be quite interested in getting some if it works. I would use it to sell farmers for their prize bulls John.