Newbie Single Male Looking for Advice

[Shawn]

Ok, I still can't get into the singles board to ask questions and I can't hold them in anymore. I gotta ask someone.

I am 25 and have been curious about various aspects of the swinger culture since I was 21. I have placed ads with no luck (not even a response!)

The things I am curious about are voyuerism, exhibitionism, and BDSM. I know it's more difficult for single guys to get into the lifestyle, but geez, what does it take? I have just recently learned to use the internet and am trying to use this as a tool as well but right now I'm not interested in putting anymore ads up if I'm not gonna get any kind of response.

I write a lot and I think I'm very good with words. I don't understand why my ads don't work. What words should I be using?

Is it a matter of no one wanting to be a teacher?

And the BDSM is the part that is very sensitive. I have fantasies about being tied up and fantasies about tying a woman up. How do I approach anyone about it? How do I know someone that approaches me is trustworthy? How do I know they are experienced and are willing to help me find my limits and boundaries?

Watching a man sleep with his wife and having him watch me sleep with his wife can wait. I am very anxious to explore my BDSM fantasies but am becoming frustrated at my situation. I am paralyzed, immobile, I don't know where to start, I don't know anything. In the meantime I just get mad sitting here wanting to fulfill these fantasies and not being able to.

SOMEBODY! Please, send some advice. I would appreciate it.

[danc694u]

Well here we go again. You've asked some questions that will be split on responces and labels.

But we'll try.

We've noted a few BDSM ads in swinger sections. But the few people we know that are into BDSM, generally steer clear of swinger type ads.

There are several web sites that cater to the lifestyle. You might try those. you'd have much better luck on those sites. Than you would searching swing sites.

While some swingers may get into being tied up..etc..etc. We think you'll find they are 2 distinct and seperate lifestyles. Not all swingers are into BDSM. And vice versa.

[Shawn]

That's the whole thing, I don't even know if I'm in the right place. I am interested in the more mainstream swinger culture (threesomes, clubing, making friends, having sex with those friends, etc.,) but I'm not sure I'm totally interested in the BDSM culture. While I think it would be fun to be tied up I don't think I could enjoy getting whipped or being cut or anything. I don't think I would enjoy dishing out pain either, the thing is, I'm not entirely sure because I have never had the chance to explore this fantasy and have no idea how to go about exploring it.

Thanks for the answers though, everything helps.

[MattLisa]

Hello Shawn!
I can understand your frustration at wanting to try BDSM activities and not being able to. I also understand the frustration you are having trying to find "Swingers" who are interested as well. I too am into BDSM and a Swinger (both of us are) and I have found it very difficult to find people who fit both departments, and then when I do a lot of the times our interests in BDSM are so totally different that we don't click.

If BDSM is more important to you (at the moment at least) than actually "swinging" I would advise you to put ads out on boards that have to do soley with BDSM.
WWW.ALT.COM is a big one, and WWW.FETISHSALON.COM is coming along and I have found a great community there, but the personal ad section isn't up and running yet (check in at the forums though). Also, local munches and play parties as well as classes can help you out. Make contacts, see some playing (and maybe, just maybe get played with yourself if you're lucky), and learning different interesting concepts can really help with the urging to play and also let you meet others who might be able to help you out.
And as I have no idea anything else about you, or the area you live in, ect, I can't give a lot of specifics about where to find munches and such, but if you're in CA I might be able to give some links... and we should talk if you're close! <G>

I identify as a bedroom submissive and newbie Top, and Matt is a Dominant and newbie bottoms (we have both been playing as Dominant and submissive for 2+ years, and Top/bottom very recently). Drop me a line if you want, I can always use more friends who have similar intrests!

-Lisa

[MattLisa]

Ooopsie I just figured out how to *read* where people are from (who figured the bottom of the post?!) so I can't help much with links but I'm sure it wouldn't be too hard to find local area groups!

[youngswingers]

Shawn, if you really want to get into this lifestyle, we can tell you there is only one sure way. Find yourself a partner who shares your interests. It is so interesting that single guys are always trying to jump into swing instead of building up to it. To use a baseball analogy: If you only swing for the fences you'll spend a lot of time striking out.

[JustAskJulie]

I am 25 and have been curious about various aspects of the swinger culture since I was 21. I have placed ads with no luck (not even a response!)

Single guys rarely get any responses to their ads. Consider this... if a couple is looking for a single guy (and yes they are out there), and say they do decide to even bother reading through the ads that are already out there, they will probably find hundreds for their area. Have you tried looking for couples in your area and ANSWERING ads? Try to find swinger clubs in your area that allow single guys and go that route.

I write a lot and I think I'm very good with words. I don't understand why my ads don't work. What words should I be using?
Truthful ones.

Is it a matter of no one wanting to be a teacher?

Could very well be. Why would someone want to spend their time teaching when they could be enjoying themselves with someone who already knows the ropes?

And the BDSM is the part that is very sensitive. I have fantasies about being tied up and fantasies about tying a woman up. How do I approach anyone about it? How do I know someone that approaches me is trustworthy? How do I know they are experienced and are willing to help me find my limits and boundaries?

BDSM and swinging are very seperate. Your best bet there would be to try to find someone to fulfill these fantasies on a site dedicated to that type of alternative lifestyle. alt.com has categories for this and there are many other sites specifically dedicated to bdsm and other fetishes as well.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by Shawn:
Ok, I still can't get into the singles board to ask questions and I can't hold them in anymore. I gotta ask someone.

What sort of problem are you having with accessing the single male forum? What is happening?