Is married man whose wife doesn't swing a "single male"?

[BG_Gloryhole]

Hi all! I've begun a group in Bowling Green, KY for adult swingers. A topic of interest to me is how to keep couples/gals happy but also have a nice mix of single males.

Today, I received an email from a guy who said:

"First of all let me say that i am not a single male, my wife and i used to be in the swingers circle but no longer are. I am a married guy who is looking for a ..."

My response to him is that for all purposes he IS a single male when it comes to the lifestyle because he does not come into any relationship with another.

For any gang-bang that I lend my hand to, and help supply the male participants, I require all single males to meet with me before-hand. I chat with them to see what they are like, if they are hospitable, and if the stats they quote are accurate. (Yes, I even look at their cocks.) I then post those that I've "passed" onto a list on our site, thinking that I've weeded out some of the more aggressive ones out.

Your views on the matter? As a couple, would you appreciate this type of list? Secondly, is the male above a "single male"?

Thanks for any tips and hints and insight!
BG_Gloryhole_4_U
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/bgkyswingers/

[Flori_DAMAN]

Swingers do not redefine society's terminology. Single means you do not have a spouse or S/O.

[JustAskJulie]

He's a married male swinging alone. Either way he's still married and anyone potentially swinging with him should know that and be able to base their decision on that fact. Yes he is swinging as a single male, but he is still very much married.

[JustAskJulie]

Interesting that you have posted a file on your site reprinting word for word the advice given on this site for Single Males. Yet in the file it does not credit this site but rather another swingers site.

Please correct this error.

[BG_Gloryhole]

Thanks for the responses... so are "married guys who swing alone" more apt to get with a couple who do not allow "single males"? I guess that's the crux of my question... do couples differentiate between single males and married males who swing alone? I'd think they'd be viewed the same.

Also, Julie, the file has been corrected. My idea was to gather info from several sources, but you read it before I got more in it... you had so many good items that I started with that... credit has been given to you, who deserve it.

Thanks for your responses!

[playwithme]

From our perspective, a true single male, and a married male who is swinging alone are very different. We would be much more likely to want to get to know the true single male. A whole additional element comes into play when the guy is married. Is he cheating? Does his wife know? Would we be able to talk with her? I wouldn't want to have even a small part in causing harm to a marraige.

[ September 03, 2002, 02:10 PM: Message edited by: playwithme ]

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by BG_Gloryhole:
so are "married guys who swing alone" more apt to get with a couple who do not allow "single males"? I guess that's the crux of my question... do couples differentiate between single males and married males who swing alone? I'd think they'd be viewed the same.

We personally would never have an interest in a married male who swings alone. As a matter of fact we would be very uspet to find that a married male presented himself as a single. Our opinion is that if you are married then it should be a joint venture with the man and his wife whether or not either of you participate in any activities. IMHO nothing will run you out of this lifestyle faster than mis-representation.

There are some very good past topics relating to this particular subject on this board with a lot of opinions. The vast majority do not see a married male swinging alone as a single. For the most part the only ones that do are the married male themselves, wishing to refer to themselves as "single".

Lori

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by playwithme:
From our perspective, a true single male, and a married male who is swinging alone are very different. We would be much more likely to want to get to know the true single male. A whole additional element comes into play when the guy is married. Is he cheating? Does his wife know? Would we be able to talk with her? I wouldn't want to have even a small part in causing harm to a marraige.

Ditto!!!!

Brian, thank you for updating that file to reflect the true origination of the information presented.

[Quin]

Originally posted by playwithme:
From our perspective, a true single male, and a married male who is swinging alone are very different. We would be much more likely to want to get to know the true single male. A whole additional element comes into play when the guy is married. Is he cheating? Does his wife know? Would we be able to talk with her? I wouldn't want to have even a small part in causing harm to a marraige.

Gotta side with playwithme on this one!

Does his wife know, does she care? What's important to me is that I know and I care and I won't be party, like playwithme said, to causing any harm or even just the potential of causing harm or hurting a marriage or another person. So in my book, he's married and offlimits.

Quin

[sexualhealingmn]

No ... if you are MARRIED you are NOT SINGLE by simple definition. if you want to be SINGLE -- GET A DIVORCE !!!

if we are typical (who knows what THAT means) the woman ISN'T the partner that brings up the topic of swinging ... its the MAN.

sounds like its YOU that wants to swing.

so you'll have to do what i did (and most other guys do i think) ... WORK ON IT !!!!

it took me 13 years ... and YES ...
it was worth it

[coolwetbreeze]

Well,BG_Gloryhole, I think you know the answer to this one...No,he is not a single man...He is a married man playing with out his wife,or atleast trying to...I think you should leave those men to fend for themselves. They are usually cheaters and maybe there are a few out there that do this with permission...but I wouldn't believe it if it was told to me. Why risk the chance of having them at your functions.(Irate wife shows up and shoots him in the balls) That wouldn't be fun for anyone there...

[caprigo1756]

Well,BG_Gloryhole, I think you know the answer to this one...No,he is not a single man...He is a married man playing with out his wife,or atleast trying to...I think you should leave those men to fend for themselves. They are usually cheaters and maybe there are a few out there that do this with permission...but I wouldn't believe it if it was told to me. Why risk the chance of having them at your functions.(Irate wife shows up and shoots him in the balls) That wouldn't be fun for anyone there...

Ok coolwetbreeze, let's get make this a little clearer. Are you implying that only men (single men in particular) are capable of cheating and/or causing problems at social functions? If so what evidence do you have to support this suggestion?
Just for the record, I'm a happily married (25 years) man who's swings without his wife. We used to swing as a couple, but she lost interest after her cancer surgery five years ago. I would give up swinging tomorrow if she asked me, but since she has no interest in sex anymore she encourages me to continue to participate. The couples and women who've taken the time to get to know me (and my wife) know I'm telling the truth and if you don't believe me...SO WHAT...lol.
I must say that if ALL swingers held your backward attitudes toward sexuality swinging would probably go extinct very shortly. Thank goodness your kind is only the vocal minority .

[Quin]

Ok coolwetbreeze, let's get make this a little clearer. Are you implying that only men (single men in particular) are capable of cheating and/or causing problems at social functions? If so what evidence do you have to support this suggestion?
Just for the record, I'm a happily married (25 years) man who's swings without his wife. We used to swing as a couple, but she lost interest after her cancer surgery five years ago. I would give up swinging tomorrow if she asked me, but since she has no interest in sex anymore she encourages me to continue to participate. The couples and women who've taken the time to get to know me (and my wife) know I'm telling the truth and if you don't believe me...SO WHAT...lol.
I must say that if ALL swingers held your backward attitudes toward sexuality swinging would probably go extinct very shortly. Thank goodness your kind is only the vocal minority .

I'm sure you're not going to like this but coolwetbreeze speaks more from the majority than the minority. Swinging is something that a married couple do together...the key word in that sentence being together . And in my over 20 years within the lifestyle I can say with a bit of knowledge that males swinging without a s/o, girlfriend, wife, are not readily accepted by the couples that do swing together. Males swinging or wanting to swing alone, well, they're a dime a dozen to be truthful.

While it's very unfortunate that your wife had cancer (and I'm assuming she's a cancer survivor and really considers herself blessed and lucky, which she really is) and it's even more unfortunate that this has left her with no urge for sex or sexual appetite. And while she may give you her blessings to indulge, there are many men out there who don't get that blessing and are cheaters. Many, many more than those like you. I think that anytime a married cheating person is involved, everyone is at risk from a wife that may be just a wee bit upset that her husband is cheating on her. Not only that, but a couple or a single woman such as myself would be putting theirselves in a position for legal recourse from the wife...whether it be being drug into divorce court being named as the people who have partaken in adultry with the cheating spouse or even the wife suing another couple or person for alienation of affection...it was just recently done in Michigan. An ex-wife sued the woman her husband was cheating on her with and won a $1 million dollar award from the jury. Things such as this do happen.

BTW, in your first paragraph you mention single men ...like someone else said in this thread...single men are just that, single, no ties binding you to any person legally. If you want to claim single man status, get a divorce. Otherwise you're a married man who swings without their spouse, whether you have her approval or not and everyone you indulge with should be made aware of this. If they aren't, then you're deceiving them by not being upfront and truthful with them and denying them the chance to make a decision, based upon their own morals and your honesty. Trust and being honest with others is highly valued amoung those I associate with.

Quin

[ November 04, 2002, 12:14 AM: Message edited by: Quin ]

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by caprigo1756:
I must say that if ALL swingers held your backward attitudes toward sexuality swinging would probably go extinct very shortly. Thank goodness your kind is only the vocal minority

I fully support EVERYTHING that Quin stated in her post. There are a couple of things I would like to add as a married woman who is a swinger. You are very fortunate to have others that include you in the swinging lifestyle. If you read thru the many topics in the Single Male forum, you will find that it is not typical for social acceptance. A single that is a true unattached single has a very difficult time. Add to that a married man swinging alone...you are batting about zero for acceptance, regardless of the circumstances.

If as you state, you are happily married and considering your special circumstances, do yourself and society in general a favor. Hug your wife, let her know how much you love her and keep her your first and foremost at all times. Your own sexual needs should never come before your committment in a relationship. I believe that is why God gave you two hands, in case one gets tired.

Lori

[caprigo1756]

To whom it may concern:
I refuse to have an intellectual battle of wits with the unarmed adversaries who’ve responded to my posting. But before I leave this malicious male-bashing forum I would like to leave behind a suggestion to the hypocritical Puritans calling themselves “swingers” if their high school clique mentalities are capable of grasping it’s concept:
“Change your thoughts and Change your world”…Norman Vincent Peale