Is married man whose wife doesn't swing a "single male"?

[coolwetbreeze]

Wow...I haven't been back to this topic till just now and didn't realize all the fuss going on from my little opinion...Too funny. I hope there never comes a time that I wouldn't be interested in sex with my partner but if that time ever came I would hope that I picked the kind of man that loved me more than he loved his penis....I agree...cuddling is just as wonderful with the one you love

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by wvcouple40s:
I'm not saying that my wife would have to pre-approve any play partner for me but it sure is close to that. I certainly wouldn't choose a play partner that my wife was uncomfortable with and that goes the other way for her also.

wvcouple, this portion of your post explains exactly what I have been trying to convey. This is something that you are doing "Together" Granted it is some what different from the norm and no doubt you are going to have difficulties on your end. Single males have enough problems without adding to the fact that you are married and have no real possibility of swinging with your wife involved in the same "arena" (for lack of better words).

The fact that you attend functions together should make a statement to those that you are a couple at the club that you visit. I believe you said that most are understanding, try hanging around those couples more. It is rare for a single male to find a single female looking to swing, you may be better off finding a couple in which the wife prefers the same as yours. It is hard enough for couples to find those that they click with, let alone single males.

Lori

[Quin]

Your husband and yourself have decided that the both of you couple play seperately and that's fine, Julie. I'm sure you or your husband don't take offense if someone was to bow out of play because the other spouse is not present. Which is what I would do, espeically moreso because I am single. This could potentially lead to a LOT of problems and headaches that, quite truthfully, I don't need or want.

Outside of one particular circumstance (and the two single males within my circle), I don't play with anyone but couples who are both present. I don't care what kind of line a person could give me, I would never deviate from that rule of mine.

Quin

[L&K]

here is a prespective from a married man whos wife recently said " you swing alone " she was sincer in her statment , she would prefer that i swing alone as she wants to step away from the life style at this time . There was no anger , no reason to not believe her as 100 % honest in her statment .

My side was this Why would i want to swing alone ? we looked at swinging and became envolved for the same reasons , to enrich our sex lifes , to experience fantasies together .. Key word is " together " why would i want to swing alone ! If a married man is swinging alone i will gurantee there is a under lying problem in the marriage , the wife does not want to swing but is willing to let the husband swing to save problems in the marriage . Check with any head shrink you can find , find one that is swinger freindly and you will still find there is a underlying problem in that marriage some where . He , the man that swings with out his wife is a self centered person that is not looking at a long term marriage .

Ya i will hear some bad mouthing for this post but i stick by my guns here . That sort of" what about me attitude" is the making of a divorce .

go ahead get out your sticks and hit me

M of swinging i know little , of life i know much

[OhioCouple]

I agree with the fact if one person swings without the other because their s/o just says go ahead, when in a committed relationship it is a receipe for disaster. Should that person do so, go ahead that is, they obviously hold more importance on the genitals than their relationship. In my opinion there are more problems front and center that need to be addressed which are non-sexually related in this situation.

Lori

[L&K]

M&S S&M tell the truth Ohio couple we did nearly have it as S&M then the wife mentioned that didnt sound so good

either way it is our intials M&S Oh we do have a good sense of humor and even laugh at our selfs often .

I learned a long time ago ,,,,,, do somthing stupid , laugh at your self first , that dosn't leave any one else much to laugh at

M of S&M , or M&S or M&M of swinging i no little , of life i know much

M & S :

Just because my wife and I swing in different rooms, or even at different times does not make me "a self centered person that is not looking at a long term marriage", as you put it. Our marriage has lasted 22 years and is going strong. I'm glad that you think you can " guarantee there is a under lying problem in the marriage" from afar, but you are way off base. We love the socializing aspect of swinging and socialize with other swingers on almost a weekly basis, the only time we are separate is during sex itself. And we never are out playing without the other knowing who, where, etc. My wife simply does not like to see me engaging in sex with others. I, on the other hand, do enjoy watching her, but that is something I simply don't get to do, out of respect for her. There is plenty to swinging (sexually and otherwise) other than just having sex with others in the same room.

[wvcouple40s]

The above message was posted by us, not an unregistered guest. Guess that the defaults changed with the switch to the new format. Sorry about that.

[MrMuse]

This has been a very interesting thread to say the least! I've been able to digest the different opinions and have come up with my own, which I'd like to share.

I'm a single male (recently separated after 22 years). Before my separation July of this year, my wife and I had been active swingers for 4 years. Through the last 4 years we (at least myself...the reson for the divorce) abidied by some stringent rules. I would not swing with someone who cheats! This even went as far as if we were with a couple and the wife/or husband passed out from too much partying, it was NOT ok to grab a piece of ass! That was just our rule. Many of you have different views on this I'm sure.

As for the single male status, I agree with the fact that married/swinging separate is not "single". SINGLE = "single"!!!

If the married/single person is swinging without consent, then IT'S CHEATING! plain and sinple. And I have a big problem with that. For one, if they are deceiving their spouse on this "one" thing, what ELSE are they hiding from you???

Let me exlpain...A very close friend of mine hired a "married" gentleman to run a chain of health/fitness centers for him in Florida while he stayed with his daughter here in Michigan. He eventually found out that this "married" guy was having an affair with one of the staff in Florida. He was quickly fired, "If your wife can't trust you, neither can I!" Come to find out this guy had been embezzling money and tainting the books. My friend lost his fitness centers, was sued by his partners and the IRS and he lost almost $20 million as a result of this one man. Now you may have something to say about the owner's ability to manage employees. I know, my friend and I have already been through THAT conversation a million times! The truth is this...the swinging lifestyle is a pleasurable one. It's not for everyone, because of the extra pressures it places on the marriage/relationship. In order to overcome that additional stress, complete and honest communication must take place between partners. Trust has to be complete. Your partners have to be completely trustworthy.

This brings me back to my statement: If their spouse can't trust them...can you?

[timm]

I am currently separated (geographically & otherwise) from my spouse.When we were together, we were totally together,esp.in swinging.Since we are apart,but still haven't decided to divorce, I simply tell the truth: although legally married I am at the moment alone.I let others worry about it.There is not a lot to be damaged as far as a non-existant marriage goes

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by timm
I am currently separated (geographically & otherwise) from my spouse.When we were together, we were totally together,esp.in swinging.Since we are apart,but still haven't decided to divorce, I simply tell the truth: although legally married I am at the moment alone.I let others worry about it.There is not a lot to be damaged as far as a non-existant marriage goes

I am curious although you are geographically separated, are you legally separated? Although divorce and legally separated are two different things, a legal separation pretty much protects all in involved in legal matters.

I commend you though for being upfront and honest. This gives the option for those that you meet to make a decision based on their own personal morals.

Lori

[timm]

As far as it goes,since she is in Germany & I am hereI see no point to involve lawyers.When a decision is reached then most likely I will instigate it from here.Having once been through a foreign divorce,I have no burning desire to wait another 2 yrs. before the issue is resolved.However,since the situation has not been finalised I reiterate that being upfront cuts to the heart of the matter & people can react to it as they see fit.I don't want to induce "guilt " in anyone.

[OhioCouple]

timm,

If curiosity killed the cat, then I have outlived my nine lives.

I am curious, what sort of reactions do you get when you relay your marital status to others?

Lori

[yhungry]

If as you state, you are happily married and considering your special circumstances, do yourself and society in general a favor. Hug your wife, let her know how much you love her and keep her your first and foremost at all times. Your own sexual needs should never come before your committment in a relationship. I believe that is why God gave you two hands, in case one gets tired.

Lori

This is one topic that I do not agree with you at all Lori. Still friends

Rich

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by yhungry
This is one topic that I do not agree with you at all Lori. Still friends

Hey Rich,

Do you mind giving us your point of view? I am always open to opinions and suggestions. And yep, still friends, we can always agree to disagree if it comes to that, in a respectful manner.

Lori