Is married man whose wife doesn't swing a "single male"?

[Alura]

Originally posted by caprigo1756:
To whom it may concern:
I refuse to have an intellectual battle of wits with the unarmed adversaries who’ve responded to my posting.

Have you ever discussed egomania with your analyst, caprigo?

But before I leave this malicious male-bashing forum I would like to leave behind a suggestion to the hypocritical Puritans calling themselves “swingers” if their high school clique mentalities are capable of grasping it’s concept:

Oh, my! Must you leave, Caprigo?

Couldn't take a dose of your own medicine, huh Caprigo?

Alura

[ November 07, 2002, 01:04 PM: Message edited by: Alura ]

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by caprigo1756:
To whom it may concern:
I refuse to have an intellectual battle of wits with the unarmed adversaries who’ve responded to my posting. But before I leave this malicious male-bashing forum I would like to leave behind a suggestion to the hypocritical Puritans calling themselves “swingers” if their high school clique mentalities are capable of grasping it’s concept:
“Change your thoughts and Change your world”…Norman Vincent Peale

Ya know, I am going to assume you are at least 40 years of age caprigo,(seeing how you have been happily married for 25 years) and it continues to amaze me how someone that should have at least some life experience under their belt by this age, if not an education, stomps their feet and pouts when they don't hear what they want to hear. I personally got past that stage by kindergarten, but then momma always said I was pretty bright.

My grandfather never had more than an 8th grade education, but was one of the most well spoken men to ever grace this earth. The reason being that he "listened", "conversed" and "respcted" other peoples opinions. He would never have acted in the manner that you have for any given situation at even the tender age of 16, much less in his 40's.

Life is a bitch and not everyone is going to agree with you all of the time. Get over it, accept it and move on. Leave the childish activities where they belong....on the playground.

Lori

[OhioCouple]

I suppose I am on a tad of a rant here...and rather than edit my last post, I'll add a new one.

For anyone who posts anywhere on the board, you are not required to have a P.H.D, you don't even have to know how to spell or use spell check before submitting a post in fear of critisim. No one is grading you here. I for one would much rather have a go round with some one that has been there, seen it, done it, than battle with someone that thinks "they are all that." That said, back to the original topic.

I do not agree with the married swinging separate, but that is just me, I see it as cheating, pure and simple, regardless of the circumstances. Now if the wife would happen to be there front and center even tho she wasn't a participant....that isn't cheating in my eyes.

For the single men out there....true single men... you guys deserve a break. I can honestly say that we have run across as many *cheesy* couples as we have single men. I think single men get the bad end of the deal since they are more likely to be a threat to the manhood of the male spouse who fears that someone may lay claim to his most prized possession. Men do not fear this from another woman.

Lori

[Quin]

Oh, my! Must you leave, Caprigo?

Don't let the door hit ya....oh I think you know the rest.

I with Lori. It's sad that someone who's over the age of 35 can still act like a big baby when presented with the real truth. Certainly he didn't think that the masses would rally around him and his truth cheering him on...regardles of what planet his truth comes from.

Quin

[Quin]

Originally posted by caprigo1756:
To whom it may concern:
I refuse to have an intellectual battle of wits with the unarmed adversaries who've responded to my posting. But before I leave this malicious male-bashing forum I would like to leave behind a suggestion to the hypocritical Puritans calling themselves "swingers" if their high school clique mentalities are capable of grasping it's concept:
"Change your thoughts and Change your world" Norman Vincent Peale

Next time you attempt to put someone down because you think you're more intelligent, more wordly, more schooled... you might want to consider using correct grammar and punctuation. Based on the above and your other post, I hope you're not sitting around waiting for MENSA to come a knockin cause it ain't gonna happen. rofl:

Quin

[wvcouple40s]

I am neither a single male nor a married male that tries to pass myself off as single. My wife and I both play, however, she is not at all interested in playing as a couple. She does not want to see me with others, hear me with others or hear about me with others. On the other hand she has no problem if I play out of sight or earshot. She has just 1 or 2 play partners that she prefers to play with one on one. We have tried couples, mwm threesomes (I am bi), small group and after a year+ I have come to the conclusion that are tastes are never going to be the same. Places like The Cottage work out ok to some extent because we can both play separately but I've met some nice couples there that would have been fun to play with if I had a partner willing to do so. My wife and I have been discussing this dilemna lately. It obviously is very hard for a married guy playing by himself to be accepted (as you can tell from above posts). So I'm going to actively try to find a female partner out there that is just looking for someone to play with at parties, with other couples, clubs, etc. There will be no hiding the fact that I'm married, my wife will make sure that any potential female will know that she is fully aware of the situation. It probably won't be easy finding someone, but I think it will be easier to do that than trying to stay in the lifestyle as an "acting" single male. Anyone know of any "single" women out there in need of a play partner?

[OhioCouple]

wvcouple,

I am a little confused here. Have you only been swinging a year+ or have you been contemplating for that amount of time as to how you will resolve your issues on swinging with your wife?

Lori

[wvcouple40s]

Hi Lori,

We've really only been involved for a little over a year. We did some MWM threesomes before we had kids and when kids were little, then about 18 years of no playing while kids were growing up. Got involved again last September when youngest went off to school and we had a life again First time trying with another couple was almost a disaster because of other guy's over agressiveness. My wife has one play partner she meets every few weeks and another that she has met a couple of times. We have been to The Cottage 5 times, and she only played there once, but enjoys the atmosphere. That's why I'm an "acting" single guy. I'm really interested in playing with another couple buy I don't think she will ever do that.

[Jennx]

Originally posted by caprigo1756:
To whom it may concern:
I refuse to have an intellectual battle of wits with the unarmed adversaries who’ve responded to my posting. But before I leave this malicious male-bashing forum I would like to leave behind a suggestion to the hypocritical Puritans calling themselves “swingers” if their high school clique mentalities are capable of grasping it’s concept:
“Change your thoughts and Change your world”…Norman Vincent Peale

[Jennx]

Woops. (New, can you tell?) Just wanted to say BRAVO. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE has their own set of circumstances, understandings, and ideas of happiness. Good for you for sticking to your guns. Change is inevitable.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by OhioCouple:
I do not agree with the married swinging separate, but that is just me, I see it as cheating, pure and simple, regardless of the circumstances. Now if the wife would happen to be there front and center even tho she wasn't a participant....that isn't cheating in my eyes.

I have to comment here because hubby and I play as much seperately as we do together. Neither of us is going out without consent or knowledge of the other tho, and the details are divulged when we return. So, in our opinion, what we are doing is not cheating.

[DragonsLair]

Julie,

I agree completely with you. When both parties are aware of what's going on and agree to it, then playing seperately is not cheating. Cheating is when one spouse or s/o doesn't know the other one is playing around.

I think if the man in question stated that he's married, but playing single, with his wife's knowledge and support, that's not cheating either. But proving that the non-playing wife is aware and okay with it is the problem. I don't think I'd be willing to just believe him if he says so. I'd have to hear it from the wife.

We don't support cheating of any kind. And sometimes there are circumstances that are beyond our control. Like having a partner that loses all interest in sex. But that doesn't give anyone a license to cheat if the partner doesn't want them to seek out others for sexual release. Sometimes we just have to find other solutions. Wasn't that what masturbation was for before we became sexually active? Just my opinion.

DragonsLair

He is T. I am A.

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by OhioCouple:
I do not agree with the married swinging separate, but that is just me, I see it as cheating, pure and simple, regardless of the circumstances. Now if the wife would happen to be there front and center even tho she wasn't a participant....that isn't cheating in my eyes.

I have to comment here because hubby and I play as much seperately as we do together. Neither of us is going out without consent or knowledge of the other tho, and the details are divulged when we return. So, in our opinion, what we are doing is not cheating.

I was on a bit of a rant that day and did not accurately express myself. What I should have expressed is that I do not see married and swinging SEPARATELY as cheating. Both partners are enjoying swinging in ways that are comfortable for them. That is not cheating in my eyes.

caprigo in my eyes tho is a cheater. He wants sex cause the wife has no interest. While there could be medical reasons for this, maybe due to medication, there a ways to fulfill your sexual needs that don't involve leaving the little lady sitting at home. I think the fact that she had been ill, bothers me the most. And considering how he chose to slam out of here, pretty much confirms what I believe. I am no rocket scientist, but I don't think that it takes one to figure out that when you stomp your feet and attack, generally you are hiding something out of fear that someone else has uncovered your lil secret.

The wvcouple, based on what they posted, is NOT cheating. They are swinging in a way that they both find comfortable. Take into consideration also that they did swing together and he would prefer that they did, but she was not comfortable. Isn't swinging about what makes you most comfortable? She is comfortable swinging alone with a play friend that she swings with every few weeks. He prefers the interaction of a social group environment. They are doing this together in a way that allows each partner to express themselves comfortably.

To compare the wvcouple and caprigo (please take no offense here wvcouple) They posted in a section which I am sure they already had heard some of the thoughts and opinions of others. When asked a question regarding their experience, they explained their situation in a nice manner without feeling the need to overstate and try to justify their swinging separately. I feel they are pretty open and honest people...but then like I said, I am no rocket scientist, I go with my instincts.

Lori

[wvcouple40s]

Nothing to take offense at Lori. I think you stated it as well or better than what I did. We are doing what is comfortable for US. My wife just does not like seeing me with others. As to making sure that the other spouse is aware of what is going on (stated in a previous post); I would not be comfortable playing unless I was sure that my play partner knew my spouse was aware. I don't want to play with someone that thinks I am cheating. I dont think that says much for THEIR character if they are willing to play with someone that they think or know is cheating. If I find a "single" woman out there to be my play partner for parties, couple swaps, etc. (I know - good luck with THAT one), I fully expect my wife and that play partner to be in contact with each other beforehand. If not in person at The Cottage or somewhere similar, then at least by IM or over the phone. I'm not saying that my wife would have to pre-approve any play partner for me but it sure is close to that. I certainly wouldn't choose a play partner that my wife was uncomfortable with and that goes the other way for her also. What I like about the whole swinging atmosphere is that everyone finds their own comfort level in what they like to do. There are certainly prejudices out there (such as against bi men- dont get me started there), but for the most part once a couple finds their comfort level, most other people respect that. There have been exceptions, but the people we have met thus far seem to be very understanding.

[Alura]

We've been talking about this question for some time and have agreed that there is no way that swinging or anything else could ever replace our sex life if, for some reason, it went away.

We think we'd rather just cuddle up and fall asleep in each other's arms every night. Hell, we do that most nights, anyway!

Alura