Do swinging and dating mix?

Tellya Later · 06-30-2002, 02:41 AM

Granted I have a great friendship with the couple I meet for some fun I have never stopped looking for a girlfriend. Then I got to thinking: How do you broach the subject of a history of group sex with a girlfriend?

I realize at some point sexual histories will come up, but how do you react to her reaction of "I've met couples and had group sex" or something along those lines.

What would her response be? Disgust. Intrigue. Amazement. Shock. Nothing.

I guess my question to the group is, do you think swinging puts a negative light on the single guys who date single women? Are they somehow tainted? Have they degraded themselves by swinging?

***JustAskJulie*** · 06-30-2002, 10:42 AM

It really depends on the women you date. But you never know until you "broach the subject". Just make sure that when looking for women to date that you look for women who are open-minded in general. Before you broach the subject of your current swinging life, make sure to talk about sex in general and see what her thoughts/views are. If she's open-minded in regards to sex then you can bring up swinging. Just don't bring it up in a way that makes her think you are pushing it on her. If it's obvious from discussions about sex that you've had with her that she's not very open-minded you'll probably want to move on to a different woman.

ddrewd · 07-01-2002, 12:40 AM

As a single guy looking for a GF, I don't think it's going to be easy to find a compatible lady who's already in the lifestyle. So I've decided that dating takes precedence over swinging. Which means that if I fall in with a lady who doesn't want to swing, I have a tough decision to make. But the sex had better be awesome...
<img border="0" alt="[Smiley_sex]" title="" src="graemlins/smilysex.gif" />

Drew
On the Road in Cincy
Next stop San Antonio

Tellya Later · 07-01-2002, 09:11 PM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by ddrewd:
As a single guy looking for a GF, I don't think it's going to be easy to find a compatible lady who's already in the lifestyle. So I've decided that dating takes precedence over swinging. Which means that if I fall in with a lady who doesn't want to swing, I have a tough decision to make. But the sex had better be awesome...
<img border="0" alt="[Smiley_sex]" title="" src="graemlins/smilysex.gif" />

Drew
On the Road in Cincy
Next stop San Antonio<hr /></blockquote>I completely agree. I'm not looking for a girl who wants to swing, just one that'll accept what I've done and doesn't see it as wrong or naughty...well naughty in a bad way <img border="0" alt="[Angel or Devil]" title="" src="graemlins/devil.gif" />

***JustAskJulie*** · 07-01-2002, 10:10 PM

I think you'll find that women in general are more open minded than you think. When you get around to discussing sexual histories I don't think she'll freak too much about past swinging experiences... unless you are meeting your girls at church.

What I can see happening tho if you aren't careful about how you approach the situation is a woman automatically thinking when you bring up swinging that you are bringing it up in hopes of getting her to do it. So if that's really not an issue with you, then make sure you bring it up as to let her know that this is your "past sexual history" and just that.

If she's open minded enough to accept your past you never know what she might be willing to do with you in the future.

One thing to be careful of tho also is the women who look at your past and think "so long as it's just his past and he never does or thinks about such things again". I have a friend that I grew up with that is a fairly normal guy. He likes porn, and he's bi (ok I realize some of you may say that's not normal but that's beside the point). He got married and his wife was very adament that what had happened in his past was ok so long as it stayed in the past. That included his enjoyment of porn. Well like that's gonna happen. He stayed faithful to her but hey the guy liked his porn. She ended up leaving him over it. The moral of the story? Be careful of women who want to change who you are.

md_hot_cpl · 07-02-2002, 07:06 AM

My personal opinion... If a girl can't accept you for what you have done you don't want her!!!!

The past is the past and it wasn't part of her life. It's almost like you expecting to marry a virgin, and we all know in this day that there is only a 10% chance of that happening.

Just my view

Sam (the wife)

ciscosv · 07-03-2002, 12:47 PM

Since you are asking, I will give you my (male in this marriage) opinion. I would say that a single male could not be classified as a swinger but is just that, "a single male". Feel free to correct me if I am wrong here. The single male is just a pawn in some couples fantasies. You are single! Date away. You can tell your partners that you have been with swinging couples. That is your choice and will have to deal with their choice to date you. Maybe I am bias a little because we dont and would not swing with single guys.

Remember - Honesty is the best policy!

See Julie's post, "Single males just don't get it". What does that imply?

Just my 2 pesos...

***JustAskJulie*** · 07-03-2002, 12:54 PM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by ciscosv:
Since you are asking, I will give you my (male in this marriage) opinion. I would say that a single male could not be classified as a swinger but is just that, "a single male". <hr /></blockquote>The question of whether or not single males are swingers is one that started <a href="http://www.swingersboard.com/cgi-bin//ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=4;t=000018" target="_blank">THIS THREAD</a>. It strayed a little here and there, but the topic still lives. Feel free to breath some life into it.

curious24 · 07-03-2002, 02:35 PM

well being a single male here.. i really think that you have to find the right woman. i've met a woman who is the good church girl.. but you get to know her and get her to open up to you it's amazing what she wants to do.. but the first impression i got was that she was a good girl and would never want to try things that are considered "swinging" ... anyway i would be honest with the person i'm with about my past and to tell you the truth if i really loved my partner and she wanted me to be with only her i wouldn't have a problem with that at all..

swingmanrc · 07-04-2002, 12:58 AM

While I am actively involved with a couple, I still date. But, I haven't found that one girl, yet, with whom I feel comfortable about explaining my swinging with. I have introduced a couple of my girlfriends to my couple-friends, but it did not involve into a swinging episode. I have broached the subject of bringing a girlfriend into our three-some relationship, and while they both indicated that it would be okay with them, I did detect a bit of jealously in the wife. While the wife understands that I do date other single women outside of our life-style, I think she is somewhat possessive of me, as well as her husband. I think it would take a very special woman to make the wife accepting of a four-some. So my dating life is separate from my swinging life. At least for the time being. By the way, we don't swing with other people. We have an exclusive three-some. Maybe that defies the defination of "swinging?" Although I am open to the option of swinging with other couples.

AttentionGetter · 11-05-2002, 08:17 AM

Sticky situation. Here's what recently happened to us....my husband and I were discussing threesomes and the fact that we always considered single females, never a single male. This is a huge fantasy of mine. About the same time an old friend of ours got in touch with us...and guess what...he's recently divorced. Since we already had a prior history with him it was decided that it would be alright to pursue a threesome with him.
In making our plans to meet up, he asked me if I knew any nice single girls. I have one really good girlfriend, who is not in the lifestyle, but likes to have innocent fun. SO...we all end up going out dancing one night. I never thought the two would hit it off but they DID!
I feel like I have opened a can of worms here! She knows about the lifestyle now and what we do, but isn't sold on it. He has told me he is looking for a girlfriend in the lifestyle. What to do now?! And by the way...NO...I never did get my threesome that night. :-(

***JustAskJulie*** · 11-05-2002, 02:39 PM

I don't think it's really up to you to do anything. If they hit it off then it's up to them to see where it goes from there. They both know what the other is interested in and if they want to pursue the relationship based on that, then good for them (and great for you as you will have these two friends who will probably be even better friends).

Are you just upset because your female friend got in the way of the 3some you wanted to have with the male friend?

AttentionGetter · 11-07-2002, 11:04 PM

Thanks Julie,
For me to be upset over missing out on one little 3 some would be wrong. We will move on and try to fullfill fantasies in other ways. They are our friends and that's what's important here. We have brought together 2 wonderful people.

OhioCouple · 11-08-2002, 11:19 AM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by AttentionGetter:
... This is a huge fantasy of mine.<hr /></blockquote>I share your fantasy. I guess if I got as close to having it fulfilled as you did, I'd have been sorely disappointed. Sadly, <img border="0" alt="[sad]" title="" src="graemlins/sad.gif" /> I will probably never get to have that one fulfilled, but what the heck, I've sure enjoyed quite a few others so I am not complaining!

Lori

**Alura** · 11-08-2002, 05:38 PM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by OhioCouple:
[QUOTE] I will probably never get to have that one fulfilled...<hr /></blockquote>Since y'all play with couples, Lori, I would think your MFM threesome should be very easy to make happen. Just ask your favorite couple to help. You may have to agree that the other lady can have both guys to herself, too, but that should be no problem.

Now, if you know TWO other couples, how about arranging for two of the husbands to entertain you while the two other wives entertain your husband? Then each person could have his/her turn at being "it"...

Go for it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />

Mr. Alura

[ November 08, 2002, 05:41 PM: Message edited by: Alura ]

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06-30-2002, 02:41 AM	#1 (permalink)
Tellya Later Here to Stay Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 73 Location: Chicago, IL Status: Single Male	Do swinging and dating mix? Granted I have a great friendship with the couple I meet for some fun I have never stopped looking for a girlfriend. Then I got to thinking: How do you broach the subject of a history of group sex with a girlfriend? I realize at some point sexual histories will come up, but how do you react to her reaction of "I've met couples and had group sex" or something along those lines. What would her response be? Disgust. Intrigue. Amazement. Shock. Nothing. I guess my question to the group is, do you think swinging puts a negative light on the single guys who date single women? Are they somehow tainted? Have they degraded themselves by swinging?

06-30-2002, 10:42 AM	#2 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,294 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	It really depends on the women you date. But you never know until you "broach the subject". Just make sure that when looking for women to date that you look for women who are open-minded in general. Before you broach the subject of your current swinging life, make sure to talk about sex in general and see what her thoughts/views are. If she's open-minded in regards to sex then you can bring up swinging. Just don't bring it up in a way that makes her think you are pushing it on her. If it's obvious from discussions about sex that you've had with her that she's not very open-minded you'll probably want to move on to a different woman.
	__________________ Julie - your hostess The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

07-01-2002, 12:40 AM	#3 (permalink)
ddrewd Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 123 Location: On the road in Oklahoma Status: Single Male	As a single guy looking for a GF, I don't think it's going to be easy to find a compatible lady who's already in the lifestyle. So I've decided that dating takes precedence over swinging. Which means that if I fall in with a lady who doesn't want to swing, I have a tough decision to make. But the sex had better be awesome... <img border="0" alt="[Smiley_sex]" title="" src="graemlins/smilysex.gif" /> Drew On the Road in Cincy Next stop San Antonio
	__________________ Drew Coming to a theatre near you!

07-01-2002, 09:11 PM	#4 (permalink)
Tellya Later Here to Stay Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 73 Location: Chicago, IL Status: Single Male	</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by ddrewd: <strong>As a single guy looking for a GF, I don't think it's going to be easy to find a compatible lady who's already in the lifestyle. So I've decided that dating takes precedence over swinging. Which means that if I fall in with a lady who doesn't want to swing, I have a tough decision to make. But the sex had better be awesome... <img border="0" alt="[Smiley_sex]" title="" src="graemlins/smilysex.gif" /> Drew On the Road in Cincy Next stop San Antonio</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">I completely agree. I'm not looking for a girl who wants to swing, just one that'll accept what I've done and doesn't see it as wrong or naughty...well naughty in a bad way <img border="0" alt="[Angel or Devil]" title="" src="graemlins/devil.gif" />

07-01-2002, 10:10 PM	#5 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,294 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	I think you'll find that women in general are more open minded than you think. When you get around to discussing sexual histories I don't think she'll freak too much about past swinging experiences... unless you are meeting your girls at church. What I can see happening tho if you aren't careful about how you approach the situation is a woman automatically thinking when you bring up swinging that you are bringing it up in hopes of getting her to do it. So if that's really not an issue with you, then make sure you bring it up as to let her know that this is your "past sexual history" and just that. If she's open minded enough to accept your past you never know what she might be willing to do with you in the future. One thing to be careful of tho also is the women who look at your past and think "so long as it's just his past and he never does or thinks about such things again". I have a friend that I grew up with that is a fairly normal guy. He likes porn, and he's bi (ok I realize some of you may say that's not normal but that's beside the point). He got married and his wife was very adament that what had happened in his past was ok so long as it stayed in the past. That included his enjoyment of porn. Well like that's gonna happen. He stayed faithful to her but hey the guy liked his porn. She ended up leaving him over it. The moral of the story? Be careful of women who want to change who you are.
	__________________ Julie - your hostess The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

07-02-2002, 07:06 AM	#6 (permalink)
md_hot_cpl Active Member Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 34 Location: Maryland	My personal opinion... If a girl can't accept you for what you have done you don't want her!!!! The past is the past and it wasn't part of her life. It's almost like you expecting to marry a virgin, and we all know in this day that there is only a 10% chance of that happening. Just my view Sam (the wife)

07-03-2002, 12:47 PM	#7 (permalink)
ciscosv Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 755 Location: Redford, Michigan Status: Married Couple	Since you are asking, I will give you my (male in this marriage) opinion. I would say that a single male could not be classified as a swinger but is just that, "a single male". Feel free to correct me if I am wrong here. The single male is just a pawn in some couples fantasies. You are single! Date away. You can tell your partners that you have been with swinging couples. That is your choice and will have to deal with their choice to date you. Maybe I am bias a little because we dont and would not swing with single guys. Remember - Honesty is the best policy! See Julie's post, "Single males just don't get it". What does that imply? Just my 2 pesos...
	__________________ M&M Melts in your mouth, not in your hand

07-03-2002, 12:54 PM	#8 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,294 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by ciscosv: <strong>Since you are asking, I will give you my (male in this marriage) opinion. I would say that a single male could not be classified as a swinger but is just that, "a single male". </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">The question of whether or not single males are swingers is one that started <a href="http://www.swingersboard.com/cgi-bin//ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=4;t=000018" target="_blank">THIS THREAD</a>. It strayed a little here and there, but the topic still lives. Feel free to breath some life into it.
	__________________ Julie - your hostess The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

07-03-2002, 02:35 PM	#9 (permalink)
curious24 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 696 Location: austin, tx Status: Single Male	well being a single male here.. i really think that you have to find the right woman. i've met a woman who is the good church girl.. but you get to know her and get her to open up to you it's amazing what she wants to do.. but the first impression i got was that she was a good girl and would never want to try things that are considered "swinging" ... anyway i would be honest with the person i'm with about my past and to tell you the truth if i really loved my partner and she wanted me to be with only her i wouldn't have a problem with that at all..
	__________________ Rules for swinging By curiousagain. My Interview

07-04-2002, 12:58 AM	#10 (permalink)
swingmanrc Active Member Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 10 Location: Midwest Status: Single Male	While I am actively involved with a couple, I still date. But, I haven't found that one girl, yet, with whom I feel comfortable about explaining my swinging with. I have introduced a couple of my girlfriends to my couple-friends, but it did not involve into a swinging episode. I have broached the subject of bringing a girlfriend into our three-some relationship, and while they both indicated that it would be okay with them, I did detect a bit of jealously in the wife. While the wife understands that I do date other single women outside of our life-style, I think she is somewhat possessive of me, as well as her husband. I think it would take a very special woman to make the wife accepting of a four-some. So my dating life is separate from my swinging life. At least for the time being. By the way, we don't swing with other people. We have an exclusive three-some. Maybe that defies the defination of "swinging?" Although I am open to the option of swinging with other couples.

11-05-2002, 08:17 AM	#11 (permalink)
AttentionGetter Registered Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 8 Location: MS Gulf Coast	Sticky situation. Here's what recently happened to us....my husband and I were discussing threesomes and the fact that we always considered single females, never a single male. This is a huge fantasy of mine. About the same time an old friend of ours got in touch with us...and guess what...he's recently divorced. Since we already had a prior history with him it was decided that it would be alright to pursue a threesome with him. In making our plans to meet up, he asked me if I knew any nice single girls. I have one really good girlfriend, who is not in the lifestyle, but likes to have innocent fun. SO...we all end up going out dancing one night. I never thought the two would hit it off but they DID! I feel like I have opened a can of worms here! She knows about the lifestyle now and what we do, but isn't sold on it. He has told me he is looking for a girlfriend in the lifestyle. What to do now?! And by the way...NO...I never did get my threesome that night. :-(

11-05-2002, 02:39 PM	#12 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,294 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	I don't think it's really up to you to do anything. If they hit it off then it's up to them to see where it goes from there. They both know what the other is interested in and if they want to pursue the relationship based on that, then good for them (and great for you as you will have these two friends who will probably be even better friends). Are you just upset because your female friend got in the way of the 3some you wanted to have with the male friend?
	__________________ Julie - your hostess The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

11-07-2002, 11:04 PM	#13 (permalink)
AttentionGetter Registered Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 8 Location: MS Gulf Coast	Thanks Julie, For me to be upset over missing out on one little 3 some would be wrong. We will move on and try to fullfill fantasies in other ways. They are our friends and that's what's important here. We have brought together 2 wonderful people.

11-08-2002, 11:19 AM	#14 (permalink)
OhioCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 6,619 Location: Ohio Status: Married Female	</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by AttentionGetter: <strong>... This is a huge fantasy of mine.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">I share your fantasy. I guess if I got as close to having it fulfilled as you did, I'd have been sorely disappointed. Sadly, <img border="0" alt="[sad]" title="" src="graemlins/sad.gif" /> I will probably never get to have that one fulfilled, but what the heck, I've sure enjoyed quite a few others so I am not complaining! Lori
	__________________ Remember that human beings are complicated creatures. We like our bedtime routines but dislike routine in our bed times. - Sallie Foley, M.S.W.

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11-08-2002, 05:38 PM	#15 (permalink)
Alura Just a hick Okie Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 8,144 Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma Status: Widower	</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by OhioCouple: <strong>[QUOTE] I will probably never get to have that one fulfilled...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Since y'all play with couples, Lori, I would think your MFM threesome should be very easy to make happen. Just ask your favorite couple to help. You may have to agree that the other lady can have both guys to herself, too, but that should be no problem. Now, if you know TWO other couples, how about arranging for two of the husbands to entertain you while the two other wives entertain your husband? Then each person could have his/her turn at being "it"... Go for it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" /> Mr. Alura <small>[ November 08, 2002, 05:41 PM: Message edited by: Alura ]</small>
	__________________ "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it." —Will Rogers

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